Author: Mary Ann Johnson

How Being Inspired Transforms the Quality and Effectiveness of Our Education

Inspiration To Become A Cake Decorator

When I was in ninth grade, I moved to Salt Lake City. I was intimidated by the size of the building, the number of students, and how challenging the work was. My grades dropped into the bucket. It was a long year!

At Easter, I noticed a beautiful sugar egg in the home economics room. It was the upcoming project. I asked if the ninth graders were going to do it, only to find that it was reserved for the Juniors and Seniors. I knew I would never get to make one because we moved too often.

I wanted to make that egg. I asked the teacher if I could please have a copy of the directions. She gave them to me. I had been INSPIRED, and the teacher had responded.

I had none of the hard materials needed for the project. So, I improvised. Instead of a plastic egg mold, I used an empty Leggs nylon container. Instead of pastry bags, I used bread sacks with a hole cut in a corner. Instead of plastic bunnies and chicks, I used hand-drawn figures. My mom had those eggs for years. They were terrible! I was happy with them and thought they were beautiful. This initial inspiration and desire began a 50+ year love affair with cake decorating.

One of the most enjoyable things I did with this decorating spark was teach thousands of children and adults to make gingerbread houses. My family and I gave hundreds away to homeless shelters and community centers. I taught all my children and grandchildren to make them. Every year, I helped my kids help their friends make gingerbread houses in their school classes. I’ll bet you can tell this became a family tradition. In fact, just this Saturday, Jodie went to Maggie’s special needs class, and they all made a gingerbread house.

Just Before Christmas Essay Competition

I am sharing this story of my fascination with decorating because in 2010, I hosted a Just Before Christmas Essay Competition. The prize was a kit so the family could do this wonderful activity.

The topic was The Inspiration Connection: How Being Inspired Transforms the Quality and Effectiveness of Our Education. The winner was a friend of mine who lived in Nevada. Her boys were older teens. I sent the kit, and they all had a fabulous time making their houses.

Jody Jarvis was a homeschool mom. However, her beautiful essay applies to all families regardless of how you choose to educate your kids. It applies to school subjects and anything we want to inspire our kids to learn or participate in. When decorating came into my life, I was inspired. Jody shares a great example of how inspiring her kids and being an example increased their desire to learn and participate in a family activity.

All these years later, Jody lives just a couple of miles from my home. I have visited her and recently attended a big family event. It was fun, and one of the things that got me to reread her winning essay. Enjoy.

The Inspiration Connection: How Being Inspired Transforms the Quality and Effectiveness of Our Education

by Jody Jarvis

When educational experiences are required, the result is bored students, who daydream, who memorize the minimum required, and forget it the next day. For the student, the learning experience seems to drag on forever (“Are we done yet?”), and minutes seem like an eternity. For the teacher, it seems like pulling teeth just to get the student to participate.

When educational experiences are inspired, the result is excited students who focus on the activity with zeal, who go above and beyond the expected, and remember it the rest of their lives. For the student, the learning experience seems to fly by (Are we done already?!), hours seem like mere minutes. For the teacher, it feels as if the student is pulling them along instead of the other way around, or that the student is hot on their heels and the race to the finish could be won by either participant – them or the student.

Recently, I had an experience in both scenarios. My kids and I participated in an online class and had to read several classic books. Two stood out. One was called Mythology by Hamilton. While the stories themselves can be considered classic, our family’s opinion of this rendition was not great. It was dry reading, and we had to push ourselves to even try. None of us finished the book, with me having read the least of the three of us. We did it only because it was part of the class, but it seemed to drag on “FOREVER!!” We tried to read the minimum required, but couldn’t even pull that off. Our attention, as we read, was on other things, and so, for the most part, I do not think we will remember much of what we read.

The other story was a different experience altogether. It was called Elantris by Brandon Sanderson. We couldn’t read it fast enough. We couldn’t put it down. Since we read separately to mark our books with our personal ah-ha’s and underline our favorite lines, I was ahead of the boys in the story. When I got to the exciting parts, I would exclaim over the storyline or hint that something amazing was coming up. But I wouldn’t tell them what it was. “You have to read it yourself!” I would say. I didn’t want to spoil it for them. They tried their best to catch up to where I was. There came a time when none of us could put the book down; we just had to see how it turned out.

To get my kids (and me) to read the first book, we had to remind each other, set aside time each day, remind each other that it was part of a class assignment, and remind each other again of our need to read it. In other words – require. To get them to read the second book, all I had to do was give them a taste of how much I was enjoying it, to add a little mystery and suspense, and be the example. In other words – inspire!

What did we learn from the first book? Not much, really. Maybe a tiny bit about the Greek Gods and how depraved they were, but not much else, and I am sure we will forget whatever it was we did get out of it in a matter of weeks, perhaps.

What did we learn from the second book? Tons! We learned about different leadership styles, we learned that a leader must continue even when it gets hard, and we learned about compassion, strategy, love, and loyalty.

The difference was partly the books we read (one was very dry, the other exciting and thrilling). But I also believe that my example as a parent played a huge part. I lost interest in the Mythology book. I decided I needed to work on other things (convincing myself that since I wasn’t a true member of the class, I didn’t need to finish the reading). How might this have played out differently if I had put more effort into learning about Mythology with my kids? How might it have been different if I were excited to read the book, read it ahead of them, and enticed them with hints of what was to come in the next chapters? I was excited by Elantris, and my enthusiasm pulled my kids along. When they were asked which was their favorite book in the class, they both said Elantris. Least favorite? I’ll leave it to you to guess, but I bet you already know.

Now, what should I inspire them

about next…?

A Children’s Christmas Play – Enjoying Kids Being Kids

Maggie’s stander.

A fun Christmas season activity is watching children perform Christmas plays. When Maggie was five and Jack was three, they had the opportunity to be in a play depicting the First Christmas. All the actors were under eleven, and many were under five years old. Maggie has severe cerebral palsy, which posed challenges; fortunately for her, Cindie Walker, her best friend, was the director. Maggie needed to be placed in a stander to participate in an upright position, without her wheelchair. Cindy had spent a great deal of time with Maggie and wasn’t put off by what was required to work with her. In fact, the beauty of this director was that she wasn’t put off by working with any of the children, no matter how young. She had a vision that I loved. It wasn’t about the outcome, but about how everyone would feel when it was over.

I know you’ll get a kick out of how this play went, what it took to bring it about, the outcome of everyone’s efforts, and the blessing it was for those who performed and watched. I know you’ll love the photos. I also know that it will prompt you to reflect on how you interact with children when things get messy. Enjoy every delightful minute of my long-ago experience. Merry Christmas! As always, there will be a lesson at the end. : )

The First Practice

One of the angels wanted to look like a pirate. He was desperate to look like a pirate and was insistent! All the angels were taking off their halos because they itched. The angel who was supposed to say, “Follow the star”, felt it was more important to say, “Point to the star.” That was his plan come play night.

The Roman soldier kept pulling on his robe and saying, “I look silly.” Mary kept losing her headpiece. Maggie, my granddaughter with cerebral palsy, was supposed to wear a headpiece. That was not going to work at all. She was supposed to say, “We are afraid”. She said it the best she could, as her ability to speak was minimal, and she said it with a huge smile. She couldn’t find it in herself to look afraid. Many small shepherds were wandering about, trying to figure out where they were supposed to be.

This is what it’s like working with children, especially young or special needs children. You can pull out your hair or feel joy at the experience you’re giving them.

These children were in luck. Cindy Walker smiled through the chaos. She gently called the small children back into place. She helped with lines that would never be memorized. She replaced halos, headpieces, and robes, and kept smiling. She didn’t laugh out loud at the silly things the children said and did, even though she wanted to.

She told me it didn’t matter how the play went. No matter what, she wanted parents to smile, children to feel good, and hearts to be touched. For her, perfection wasn’t what mattered. Even reasonably well run wasn’t at the top of her list. She wasn’t worried about what others would think about the result. She wanted every child to have a wonderful time, to feel proud and happy about their efforts, and for the spirit of the season to be abundant and warm.

The Second Practice/Dress Rehearsal

None of the angels, all 3 and under, would wear their costumes. This did not bode well! Joseph and Mary weren’t sure they liked their parts, especially saying, “I’m going to have a baby!” The soldier still felt silly. Headpieces were still falling off, belts were missing, halos still itched, no one remembered where they were supposed to stand, many parts were not memorized, and the little shepherd still smiled when saying, “We are afraid.”

Cindy, bless her heart, was still smiling. She replaced headpieces, reminded children of their lines, and gently called small angels and shepherds into place. Her concern for the children and how they felt was still her top priority. She reminded herself and other adults that this play was about having an experience, learning to do something new, feeling good, and having fun. It wasn’t about perfection.

The Performance

Behind the scenes, chaos reigned; there was noise, lots of it. There were many moms and even more children moving around. Cindy was running madly from one crisis to another, hoping everything would fall reasonably into place.

BEGIN!!!

All the angels wore their costumes. WOW!! All the headpieces stayed on, except for our happy little shepherd, who still smiled broadly as she said, “We are afraid!” Joseph and Mary were still not thrilled.

The little angel who wanted to say “Point to the star” wouldn’t leave his dad’s side and come on stage until all the other angels left the stage, and the shepherds were on their way in. Then he went and sat by the baby Jesus and made happy boy sounds with his plastic cup! (This was my grandson, Jack, age 3.) As the shepherds, wise men, and angels gathered around the baby Jesus, it was a mob, juggling each other for a space, mostly with their backs to the audience.

The audience sang loudly as each carol was introduced. Parents smiled, children felt good, and hearts were touched. Eyes were wet. The play was reasonably well run. Cindie was happy, despite being tired. What mattered had gone perfectly. Every child had a wonderful time. They each experienced something new. They felt proud and happy. The spirit of the season was abundant. Ah, success!

When we work with children, whether in a play, doing a craft, or baking, etc., we need to be prepared for childlike behavior. The more open we are to letting kids be kids and working gently and joyfully with them, the better the outcome will be. We will walk away happy and fulfilled, rather than drained. We won’t mind the mess, the silliness, or what doesn’t go as planned. That was the brilliance of Cindie’s vision. This is what being present with kids looks like.

This is what success looks like.

When Things Go Wrong

The article I had prepared to post on November 30, 2025, had been published in 2017. My Excel sheet wasn’t as in order as it needed to be. Instead of getting another article ready at the last minute, I wrote a note to my readers and sent it out via the Sunday newsletter. It made an impact, and I got emails. I realized that I had written an article with an important message without even knowing it. So, I’m posting it on the website and recording it. If it helped last Sunday, then it may be of help in the future. So here you go:

When Things Go Wrong

I mentioned last spring that I was in the process of speeding up the transfer of articles from my old website, Home School Coach, to this newer, more universal site. Not all the articles will be rewritten, but most will be. I’ve been working on this project since the new site went up in August of 2017, but I had over 600 articles on the old site. There were always new things to write about, so only a few rewrites made it to the new site. You can see the enormity of the project. : )

I have an Excel sheet that has a link for every article posted from April 2010 until March 2017. When an article has been rewritten, I put the date it was published on the new site, Relationship Transformations for Busy Parents.

A month and a half ago, I sat down to determine what articles I might want to rewrite in November and December. I put them in my blog file with the date I planned to publish them. I was happy about the one I had planned for November 30. It had been published on December 8, 2011, and was titled Easy Christmas Crafts and Gifts for Kids to Make.

Last week, I spent time doing a fabulous rewrite. I knew it would come in handy for busy moms who wanted to help their kids give gifts from the heart. In fact, that was the new title, Giving Gifts From the Heart.

So, What Went Wrong

Last Friday, I did the final edit and put it on the website. I finished the formatting and was ready to do the newsletter. I wanted to see if there were any articles related to the topic that I could link to the article for the 30th. I opened a second window in my current website and searched. WHAT!!! The very article I had spent hours rewriting was already on the new site. It was titled Help Kids Give Christmas From the Heart and had been published on 12/8/19.

I sat there in shock! How did that happen? I knew I had probably been interrupted and never got the date that it was rewritten and published, added to the Excel sheet. Here’s the problem. I work very hard to NOT have any writing to do on Saturday. I never really have a free day, but I try to do my cleaning on Thursday and have my writing finished by Friday, so I don’t have any deadlines on Saturday. Such a bummer.

I am very consistent, and I always do what I say. These are part of my way of being. So what was I going to do? I perused my list of upcoming articles, and there was another great Christmas one I could rewrite on Saturday and keep my commitment. That was my plan.

However, I have been tutored by God this year on several additional ways of being. One is looking at a situation, deciding what matters most, and determining how best to problem-solve. As I worked through my morning routine Saturday, I kept feeling like there was something just as valuable as rewriting an article. Hmmmm. What could that be? After all, I have committed to publishing an article every Sunday at 9 am, and consistency matters.

Here is what ultimately came to my mind. “People want to hear from you, Mary Ann. Sometimes you say something that impacts their lives in a big way. At other times, they smile and are just glad to hear from you. Let this Sunday be one of those days.”

So there it is. You will read the fun Christmas article I had planned for next week, next week. This week, you are hearing from me that I am OK, life is manageable, and that when things go wrong, there is always a solution that is a win-win.

I hope your Thanksgiving was happy and fulfilling. Mine was. I hope that as we enter the coming holiday season, we remember that everything won’t go as planned. Things will go awry, but we don’t need to fall apart. There are workable solutions if we remain calm and think it through. : )

I’ll be back next week,

and the article will be fun!

Reasons for my Thanksgiving Celebration

I am Grateful for:

I’m grateful for my seven children, all of whom are different and amazing. Raising them was a learning experience for me. With their help and forgiveness, I was able to understand what I didn’t know and grow in ways I wasn’t aware I needed to. Then, despite the challenges my growth made for them, they loved me and still do to this day. Amazing!

I’m grateful for sixteen wonderful, funny, busy, and occasionally annoying grandchildren. LOL I am also grateful for four great-grandchildren and one on the way. There is learning that happens with grands and greats, but it is less intense, and the opportunities for fun are increased. : )

I’m grateful for the additions to our family via marriage. I have kind and gentle daughters-in-law and loving, generous sons-in-law. They add much to my life and our whole family. I’ve also been blessed with more grands and greats. Awesome!

I am grateful for our family reunions. We had one this year. What a marvelous opportunity to hug and play with my grands and greats, and to watch my children in action. It makes me proud and grateful.

This is all of us at our July reunion, except for our grandson Kane and his wife Lauren, our grandson Michael, and three of our great-grandchildren, Spencer, Angelina, and Jaidon. They were sorely missed. Hopefully, they can join us for the next one.

I’m grateful for Don and 54 years of being together through thick and thin! Sometimes it seemed as if we might not make it because it could be really thick and then darn thin, but make it we have. Thank goodness! He has been the safest person in my life and my true friend. Today, I love him even more because now, I know him!

I’m grateful for parents and grandparents who did their very best in some trying times and raised me to be a productive, loving, learning, growing, and happy person. It has been a blessing to have my mother living with us for the last eight years. You never know when the opportunity to do some more growing is going to come. I embrace them all, even when they are stretching.

I’m grateful to have been a part-time caregiver to my granddaughter Maggie, who brings joy to my heart; to Don, who still lifts my spirits and heart, despite his health challenges; and to my mom, age 95, with whom I have been able to have a deeper relationship. They have all taught me life lessons that have helped me improve my way of being and become a more understanding person.

I’m also so grateful to have had Maggie, who has cerebral palsy, and Clark, who has autism, in my life. Once you deal with the challenges of special needs with those you love, you’re more understanding. You’re free from fear and can reach out to those outside your family circle who struggle with special needs. And although it can be hard, I am grateful all my grands have had the opportunity to be around special needs, too. They are not afraid of those who are different from them. It’s been a blessing to our entire family.

I’m grateful for five sisters and three brothers. The brothers have all gone home, but we feel them with us, helping us out. We hear Boe’s jokes from where he is. : ) As for the sisters, we love and enjoy one another. It’s nice to have a ready ear to run something by. It’s also nice when they share their clothes because then I don’t have to go shopping. Happened again just this week. LOL Thanks sistas!

I’m grateful for the wonderful friends who read what I write, let me know that it helped them, and that it mattered. This gives great meaning and purpose to my life. They do not know how much it means to me, but I want you all to know. It matters, so I hope you keep reading and sharing.

I’m grateful to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for daily lessons in charity, kindness, and service. They honor me with their trust, and even on the days that I don’t measure up, I know I am loved and watched over. This has been the most valuable thing in my life. I felt this love and trust in that long-ago time when I felt suicidal, and I feel it now, when the days can be chaotic and challenging. This knowledge has saved me. It has blessed me, and it’s what gives me the strength and wisdom to keep going.

I’m grateful for every experience I have had up to this point, both good and bad, because I know that God has made them for my good and that he will continue to do so.

I could go on and on. At this point, I have so many dear friends that I don’t dare name any, lest I forget someone. But I regularly connect with them, and it lifts my spirit and feeds my soul. I value the phone calls, visits, and lunches. I’m strengthened by seeing your faces, hearing about your life, and in turn sharing mine. This is a gift that keeps me going.

I hope you have a restful, peaceful, and thoughtful Thanksgiving. May we all be blessed with love, opportunities to serve, share, learn, and grow, and moments of joy, in the coming year.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

The Value of Expressing Gratitude

Several years ago, I wrote an article about the importance of gratitude. I’m posting it again because this is the season when we think about expressing gratitude. However, I hope it helps you take some daily actions that move you to think about what you are grateful for every day.

The Turbo Pickle

When I had seven children, I had a green car the kids dubbed “The Turbo Pickle”. It had several dents and was very old. When we drove around a corner, someone had to hold the door, or it would fly open. My teenagers made me let them out a block from school. I had gone several years without a car, while Don was an over-the-road salesman. This car seemed like a gift, and I felt real joy in owning it. It was a blessing to us that my children didn’t always recognise. My life felt very abundant because we had it. I like to think that I was living the words of Frank A. Clark. “If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get.”

I was able to feel this abundance because early in the year, I had gone on a quest to find prosperity. I had read about it in the scriptures, and I knew that it was a gift of the heart, not a manifestation that came from outward circumstances. I had prayed that, despite our challenging financial circumstances, I would understand and experience prosperity. A miracle occurred. Although our income didn’t change at all, I felt very prosperous for several years. I never worried about having bread or milk. I knew it would come, and it always did. This was a magnificent experience that I cherish to this day. My experiment with the idea of prosperity made some very lean years feel abundant and comfortable.

Some things are an inside job – prosperity, happiness, peace, and gratitude, to name a few. They happen in the heart and are not ruled by what happens in life; these gifts of the heart make life wonderful and worth living. We must want them, ask for them, and do what is required to change ourselves, to receive them. If we’re sincere in our desire, this magnificent change of heart will come, and we will see with new eyes.

Lately, I’ve been seeking a greater sense of gratitude. I’ve asked for more of this gift of the heart. I’ve been reading about gratitude and practicing expressing it. I write in my gratitude journal, I express gratitude to others, and in prayer, say “Thank You” when I receive. I want gratitude to be a more natural part of how I am.

Gratitude dispels fear. It can lessen sorrow, worry, depression, grief, anger, and loss. This quote rings true to me: “There is no such thing as gratitude unexpressed. If it’s unexpressed, it’s plain, old-fashioned ingratitude.” Robert Brault

This Sunday I am grateful for:

1. Those who read what I write and let me know that it matters to them.
2. Seven remarkable children who grew into amazing adults, despite the inadequacies of their parents, and gifted us sixteen grandchildren.
3. An unexpected mission in life (caregiving for my mother, husband, and helping with my granddaughter) and for the challenges that it brings. Because of them, I am becoming more.
4. My sweetheart, who, despite his health issues, still hugs me and tells me I am beautiful
5. My Savior Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father. They make ALL the difference in my life.

As you prepare for Thanksgiving Week, think about all the ways you have been blessed, despite any challenges you face. When you do this, you will find that you have experienced miracles, grace, friendship, and found ways to serve.

Rejoice over these gifts.

We Can’t Stop Our Lives, But We Can Invite Others In

In an article I wrote in September 2024, titled The Five-Year Lesson, I detailed how I transitioned from not nurturing relationships to consistently engaging in them. In the latter half of 2025, I’ve experienced the wisdom of that five-year lesson. I’m glad I listened to God and myself and took some challenging steps, even though it seemed like just another thing on my very full plate.

For Example

In 2024 and the first half of 2025, I walked three days a week with my friends Livia and Alysia. At that time, we were able to select specific days and a time that worked for all of us. Then we consistently showed up. I was surprised to find it so uplifting to my spirits. Then, at the end of July, Livia crashed on her bike. We walked a couple of times after that, but she discovered she had fractured her ankle and had bad sprains in her legs and hands. She had to take a break. Alysia and I walked a few times, but Don had hand surgery and then hip surgery, and Alysia’s child with type 1 diabetes needed more night and morning care. We found it difficult to maintain our routine. Then, on Sept 3, I had a hip replacement. The walking was done for all of us.

As Livia and I healed, and Alysia’s son’s diabetes became more manageable, school began again. Livia and Alysia were caught in a huge pile of kid stuff that hadn’t been a consideration the year before. For example, Livia’s son is a drummer in the marching band. She drove him to practice every weekday and then spent from early morning until late Saturday evening at competitions. We realized that to connect consistently (not just texting), we would have to manage in a new way. What could we do?

Here’s What Happened

Two weeks ago, Livia contacted me. She had an appointment cancellation and wondered if she could walk (yes, walk) to my home for a short 30-minute visit. Then she had another appointment. We wouldn’t be home from Don’s doctor’s appointment till noon, and the hospice nurse was coming at 1:30. I said, “Yes, come. We’ll fit it in.”

When Livia arrived, I was preparing a quick lunch before the nurse came. She stepped in and helped me fix the food. We talked and laughed. I invited her to eat. She confessed she had quickly downed some salad before hightailing it to my house, was still hungry, and would love to. As we sat at the table eating together, it was wonderful. We laughed. It felt like old times, and even though we had crammed it into a small space in our day, we ENJOYED it. We stepped outside and took a photo to remember the day.

Two days later, I was walking in the aisles of Smith’s Market Place, laughing and talking with Alysia. We had 30 minutes together. It was fun, there was plenty of light, the bakery smelled delicious, and it was warm. No wind. LOL We were able to catch up. It was a relief for both of us to talk with someone who listened, smiled, and let us hold our feelings. We began the walk with a big hug and ended it the same way. We stopped in front of a popcorn display and took a photo, again, to remember the day. Then I finished shopping.

In both cases, it wasn’t what we were used to. No path, trees, birds, sun, privacy, and we had to squeeze it in between other appointments. However, as Alysia said at one point, “We can’t stop our lives, but we can invite others in.” These encounters make a difference in our mental, emotional, and physical health. So, we’re fitting each other into our daily stuff the best we can. Nurtured friendships are worth the time and effort they take.

When Livia left after lunch, she said, “Let’s set another time, or you know we won’t do it.” How right she is, and as Alysia said, while we walked the grocery store aisles, “We can’t stop our lives, but we can invite others in.” Today, Saturday, Alysia and I walked at 2. I almost cancelled becuase of family stuff. I’m glad I didn’t, as it was her birthday. Next week, band competitions will be finished, and Livia will join us at 9 or 10. We’re still working it out. We will continue to connect in these simple and still consistent ways.

For now, this is where we are, and it’s working.

What it Looks Like to ‘See’ Another and Why It Matters

This week, I had an experience that brought to mind the importance of letting our kids know, daily, that we see them and that they matter. It brought back many memories of families I have worked with, parents I have mentored, and the huge impact I’ve seen when moms and dads learn to ‘see’ their kids during the mundane moments of every day.

A universal human need is to matter, especially to those we love. We can all satisfy this need for others, especially in our families, in simple ways. When our children or others we cross paths with feel seen, it builds confidence and strengthens a sense of self-worth. It brings moments of joy. But what does it mean to see someone? I experienced this kind of ‘seeing’ this week.

MY EXPERIENCE

Don takes radiation treatments, and so for almost six weeks, we will be at the hospital every weekday morning. When we arrive, we pull into the valet parking lane, I get Don’s walker out, help my mom, and then we make our way into the hospital while someone parks our car. When we’re finished, we get our keys, and a sweet valet volunteer takes them and heads out to retrieve our car.

The night before this experience, we had our first frost. The next morning, leaves were falling like rain from all the trees. When we returned for our car, the valet lane was filled with leaves, and a young man was blowing them out of the road onto the lawn. However, there were so many cars that he had to keep stopping and waiting. They parked our car in the lane that is usually reserved for those who are loaded and ready to leave. Again, he had to stop. He didn’t seem frustrated, which amazed me. When we got to our car, I turned towards him, smiled, and said, “I’m sorry you have to wait for us.” He returned my smile and responded with, “That’s Ok. Not a problem.” Then I busied myself getting Mom and the walker into the car. As I prepared to enter our vehicle, I heard this young man holler, “You have a good day!” What? I turned, smiled, and told him to do the same. He had kept us in his sight for a few extra minutes so he could wish us well as we drove off. I can tell you, I felt seen.

This experience touched me so much that I did a U-turn and went back. I parked and walked to where he was. I told him that I appreciated his taking notice. I told him I was a writer and wanted to share this experience with my readers because when we ‘see’ each other, it matters. He was willing to let me take a picture of us. He was all smiles and told me I was special. I could tell from his face that he felt special, too.

Can you see the simplicity of this moment and its value? This is what can and needs to happen in families multiple times a day. 

How can that be done?

It requires that we take time as we move through our day to ‘see’ our children. If possible, say goodbye at the door when they leave. Smile and say, “Glad you’re home,” when they return. Touch an arm and smile as you pass in the hall. No words needed. Pat the back of a child doing the dishes or folding laundry, then go on your way. Give a word of encouragement and a smile to someone doing their homework. Look in a bedroom door of someone cleaning their room and smile encouragement or say, “You’re doing a good job.” If your child is sitting on the couch watching TV, sit by them, pat a knee, and smile. Then get up and go. Rub a back while sitting at church or while waiting at an appointment. The list goes on. This works even with teens.

IT’S A PRACTICE

Each of these interactions takes less than a minute and can be done all day long if we understand their value. It isn’t just about being nice. It isn’t about being a parent. It’s about letting another person know that they’re seen and that they matter.

This is a practice. The more you do it, the better you get and the more seen your kids feel.

Five Principles of Power – Principle 5

Today, let’s look at the fifth Principle of Power. I love all five principles; they all matter, but this seems to be the most challenging to implement. Many of us fly by the seat of our pants. Don and I did that in our marriage and family life for many years, and we paid a price; our family paid a price. Things go better, even if they don’t go exactly as we envisioned, when we have a plan. This is true in our goals, family discipline, maintaining loving relationships, having workable family systems, engaging in family activities, managing school, meals, chores, and so forth.

Principle 5

Plan ahead. Taking time to think about your family, your children’s needs, your personal goals, and all the things I listed above is one of the keys to success. It doesn’t take hours. What it takes is thinking and pondering regularly, making decisions, and then following through. If you’re thinking about a road trip, vacation, or a career, then planning is an obvious necessity. However, this applies just as well in our families. Whenever we engage as a family, it requires some planning. The principle of regular planning helps families manage better.

Part of planning is observing how your family operates. What interests your kids? What holidays are coming up? How’s school going, whether you use the public or private system, or homeschool? What’s happening in the world, and how is it impacting your family? As we think and observe, we come up with ideas on how to engage with our family. Then we plan, so we have success.

Try this:

Have a thirty-minute brainstorming session with your husband once a week or even once a month. What do you want your children to be exposed to, to know about? What have you heard them talk about in the last week, or what have they seemed to enjoy or struggle with? How are you doing with your current plan of discipline? What’s coming up that you might want your family to participate in? As you focus on watching and thinking, ideas will come about ways you can help your children manage what’s happening around them and ways your family can learn together, work together, and enjoy being together.

Another idea:

Have a weekly family council. See what your kids are worried about or interested in. What ideas do they have? What plans would they like to see developed in your family? What’s working in your home systems and what isn’t? How can that be adjusted?

Can a Simple Family Activity Trump Disneyland?

I worked with families daily for over a decade. I talked to children and their parents. I learned from these interactions that structured time, consistency, simplicity, planning, and parents remaining present make everything more special. This specialness trumps whatever the activity is.

When I was writing my book Becoming a Present Parent, I asked my children, their spouses, and some of their friends what the most meaningful things were they did in their family when they were growing up; what captured their hearts and remained with them into adulthood. I discovered that when we observe these five principles, even the most ordinary events become special. A daily family walk, playing together on the beach, or a camping trip can be as meaningful as a trip to Disneyland. What? You don’t believe me, do you? Check out the note I received from my daughter-in-law.

Kendra said, “Another thing I’ll always cherish from my childhood was the time my parents spent with me outdoors, going to the beach, hiking, fishing, swimming, and letting me be a kid. It was something we often did because it didn’t cost much, but to me it was the greatest thing ever. In fact, one time my dad took me to Disneyland, and I asked him if we could leave and go to the beach. I look back on that now and think that must have both surprised him and probably made him wish he had saved all that money. I’m so grateful my parents taught me to cherish experiences and nature over money and things.”

Kendra’s parents thought about what they wanted for their family. They planned how they could afford time together and how to make it happen consistently. They set aside time and kept their activities simple. They were present during these activities. Wise planning made the activity happen, and their children feel special!

These five principles are non-negotiable if you want consistent success in your family work and activities. In my experience, with all types of children and families, when you plan for what you want, structure time together, keep your plan simple and consistent, make the ordinary special, and remain emotionally and mentally present, you will be successful every time, even if all doesn’t go as planned.

Healthy family relationships and meaningful experiences are created when we set aside time, remain present, plan regularly, and keep things simple so consistency is maintained, and it feels special.

Five Principles of Power – Principles 3 and 4

Recently, I wrote about principles that I consider powerful for a healthier and happier family life. Last week, we delved into principles one and two. Today, I will share information and examples on principles three and four.

As I said last week, as you internalize these principles, you will see greater success in all parts of your life. This is a promise I can make based on my own experience.

Principle 3

Make it special. When we want someone to look forward to something, we make it special. We do this at weddings, birthdays, and on holidays. But it’s just as important in our daily family activities. Let me share an example from my own life.

I recall a trip we made from Idaho to Utah. We were moving, and Mom was driving us to meet our dad at the new home. She had all nine of her kids in the car. My two sisters and I were in the very back of our station wagon. (No seatbelts in those days.). I was fourteen, Cindy was 13, and Shirley was twelve. Old enough to behave, right? At one point, we were so bored that we began fighting. My mom yelled repeatedly from the driver’s seat for us to stop because we were riling up the other kids. After a lengthy time, Mom pulled over, raced to the back of the car, popped the window open, and reached for us. We, however, were scrunched up at the back of the middle seat, and she couldn’t reach us. She told us in no uncertain terms to stop fighting and remain calm, that we were almost there. Then she got back in the driver’s seat. I will never forget what happened next. I looked at my sisters, they looked at me, we smiled mischievously, and went at it again. I know, we were being naughty on purpose, but we were bored!

I learned something from that experience that helped me when I traveled with our seven kids: make it special! I learned even more as I watched my husband. Don knew how to do this well. On any trip he planned, he would insert one or two stops at city parks. Everyone got out for fifteen minutes, and then we hit the road. At first, this drove me nuts. I mean, we needed to get where we were going. Over time, I saw how helpful this was for our children. They loved our trips and looked forward to the short stops. Don knew how to make it special.

I had a different way of accomplishing this. I would make goodie bags and hand them out at the beginning of the trip. They contained homemade treats and cheap toys or books from the dollar store. In our day, that was the town drug store. : ) Sometimes, rather than a goodie bag, I would have a bin of books, games, cards, coloring materials, etc. that I kept just for road trips. They weren’t brought out at any other time. We also had a few car games, and we often sang as a family. Yes, my kids liked that. Here is the key – what isn’t always available is special when it is available.

This idea of making it special applies to many things, such as going to church, doing chores, or bedtime. Really? Yes. I have a special bag that goes to church with me. When the grands are reverent, they get to pick a treat out of the bag. I’ve been using this bag for over ten years, and although all the grands are now teens and don’t need the bag to be reverent, they enjoy getting it anyway. It’s become a once-a-week tradition. : ) Maybe you have special books that are only used at church. Whatever isn’t always available feels special.

Even chores can be made special. After Saturday chores, have a simple treat. As each child or teen finishes their assigned items, they can have a treat, no waiting on others. You could have a ten-minute dance party just before everyone goes off to do chores or even gather when everyone is done. Laughter, smiles, and treats can make even the most arduous or mundane thing special.

And what about bedtime? I’ve learned that even bedtime can be more stress-free when it’s special. My grands in Washington were notorious for not going to bed, and when in bed, calling out over and over again. When I visited, I instituted something special. I would sit by the bed and ask two questions: What was the hardest thing that happened today? What was the best thing that happened today? They would each get to answer the question, and we talked about it. They loved this. When we were done, each was to lie still, close their eyes, and breathe. I would sit there for another ten minutes while they complied. By then, they were usually asleep.

Another simple way to make bedtime special is by giving each child just three minutes to hug, cuddle, or talk. Then say goodnight and move to the next bed or room. I’ve had parents tell me that doing this one simple thing has made a difference for their kids because it makes bedtime special.

Principle 4

Keep it simple. As in the above examples, while working on making things special, we need to remember to keep it simple. When we make things hard, expensive, time-consuming, or too costly, the activity usually dies a slow death. We had a weekly family night. There was prayer, a story, and a simple activity. We ended with a treat of some kind. This was a family activity suggested by our church. As we went along, many members of our congregation began making this simple family home evening a big deal. Bigger treats. More challenging activities. More resources were required. I found myself letting it slide because I didn’t have the time or energy for all the preparation. I felt that if I wasn’t doing all the ‘stuff’ other families were doing, my kids would feel ours was lame. What was lame was that we stopped doing a fun thing that brought our family together. Eventually, we returned to simpler content, and it returned to a weekly event.

Here is a cool idea a friend had for her children’s bookshelves. She would periodically remove books and add in books that had been removed months earlier. This kept her children’s interest in the books because they felt new. She wasn’t constantly having to buy books or go to the library. This also got her kids to engage with books that they ordinarily wouldn’t have read. It helped make their family reading time more exciting.

Sometimes you’ll have an activity that you think is special, but your kids don’t, and it isn’t as successful as you hoped. That is OK. Get your ego out of the way. Try another activity next week or new items in the car for the next long drive. Be willing to experiment.

I did some work for a woman who taught me a profound lesson. Her closet was so neat, and I asked her how she managed it. She replied that if she bought something, then she had to give something away. This simple ‘rule’ that she had for herself kept her whole home in far better order. She had learned to keep it simple.

We can expand this idea to many areas of our lives. Take a vacation, for example. Don’t overload it. A few activities, well thought out and engaged in, beat a schedule that wears everyone out and leads to misbehaving, irritation, and contention.

When we add a new commitment to our calendar, we should remove something else. One of the great tragedies for families is that we are so “booked” that we do not have time for one another; we cannot enjoy one another. Running from one thing to the next until we are totally worn out is a good way to miss our family life, which is really the life we want. When we keep things simple and consistent, our results skyrocket.

We want to have a real connection in our family. We want peace and calm as often as we can manage it. We want activities that bond us together.

This all happens best as we make things special in simple and sustainable ways.

Five Principles of Power – Principles 1 and 2

I love the Five Principles of Power (formerly the Five Rules of Engagement). I didn’t have them fully formed in my mind when I began working with parents and helping them connect with their children. I just knew what children needed: to learn well, connect, and thrive.

In the beginning, I connected the principles with education, as I worked with families who homeschooled. As I have transitioned to working with all families, regardless of how they educate, I have witnessed the power these principles have in not only learning, but in family systems, relationships, communities, etc. They are powerful when planning and executing activities, cooking together, sharing new ideas, adjusting family systems, doing chores, yard work, gardening, etc. When you utilize these principles, children will engage better in whatever you are doing.

The Five Principles of Power

1. Structure time and be consistent
2. Be present
3. Make it special
4. Keep it simple
5. Plan ahead

Last week, I shared how principles 1 and 2 helped me commit to and become successful in learning to meditate. Today, we will dive deeper. Then, in the next few weeks, we will learn more about the other principles. As you internalize these principles, you will see greater success in all parts of your life. This is a promise I can make based on my own experience. 

Principle 1

Structure time and be consistent. In other words, show up regularly. For anything to happen in life,  we must carve out time for it and then make a commitment to that time; we have to be consistent. It’s also helpful to understand that although we structure time so that the things that matter happen, we need to be flexible with what happens during that time.

  • If you homeschool, you structure a time for learning.
  • You might structure how Sundays are spent in your home.
  • It could be family time on a given day or evening.
  • You might structure what you want to see happen in the car while on a long trip.
  • It might be a plan for the days of a vacation.
  • It’s important to structure time and be consistent anytime your family comes together for a specific purpose.

Be Flexible With Content

On a vacation, you may all be doing the same thing, but there’s still flexibility. One child may choose to record the family trip in a journal, another may choose to take photographs, and another may not record anything at all. On a long car trip, parents may have audiobooks for the family to choose from. The family may sing songs together, but not chide the one who just listens. The point is the trip was planned, and then happened. The time was honored, but the content was flexible.

What If Something Goes Wrong

I received an email from a mom who took one of my classes, where I introduced the five principles. She returned home and structured time for family activities, but everyone came down with colds. She shelved the family time for a week, hoping all would soon be well and they could start again.

I raised seven children, and I know what it’s like when everyone feels poorly. However, when creating a truly magical and amazing family culture, structured time and consistency matter. So how do we keep to that structure when things aren’t going well, as in the case of a family with a cold?

My suggestion is to hold true to the time. If you have a once-a-week family evening activity, do it, but modify it. Gather your children around you. Have pillows and blankets, and people resting on the carpet. Give everyone a glass of juice or hot chocolate. Smile while drinking. Have a few moments of small talk or a prayer. Then call it good. The point is to be consistent, to honor the time. It allows your children to depend on it, to understand that family activities matter.

Illness isn’t the only thing that will challenge you as you work to honor time set aside for family. There will be days when you have made more commitments than you can manage. We all do it occasionally. When that happens, gather your children together, have everyone share a joke, eat a treat, and call it good. The kids may not like ending early, as they tend to come to love and depend on family time, but something is better than nothing, and they know it. Consistency counts.

Whatever you do as a family, honor it. Consider it sacred time with your children, so they know you can be counted on to follow through.

Principle 2

Be present. Being present means you’re engaged with your children; you’re in the same space with them physically, mentally, and emotionally. It doesn’t mean getting them settled and then going off to do your own thing. It means being together. You learn together, play together, work together, and have fun together. When you’re present, it helps with management and order. It does not, however, mean micromanaging everyone’s activity or efforts.

Being present is a gift to whomever we give it to. It’s listening without texting, answering the phone, checking email, or watching the TV out of the corner of our eye. Being present is being all ears and eyes for what’s happening now. Children and teens feel more secure and happy when parents are present.

Who Will This Work For

These principles apply whether you have toddlers, young children, teens, older adults, or even if your family consists of three older people. : ) Each day at lunch, we have a family activity – we listen to something that will enlighten and lift us. It’s easy to become distracted and miss most of the audio. It’s also easy to forget to do it. However, when we allow this to happen, after a day or two, one of us will say, “Hey, shouldn’t we listen to something?” Doing this as a family matters, and understanding the power of consistency helps it happen more regularly.

We also have an activity we do every Tuesday. It isn’t always easy to get up, dressed, and into the car, but we have been very consistent for over three years.

Then hip surgeries happened. We stopped doing the activity because we physically couldn’t get in the car or drive. Now we have healed enough to resume this activity, but it’s been hard to get back on the wagon. This is another reason that structuring time and then honoring that time, consistently, matters; picking it up again can be hard, and often you won’t.

When we set aside time to be with our family, whether it’s daily, weekly, or even monthly, and then make it happen consistently, it builds a sense of trust that blesses us far beyond the activity itself. When children can trust that we care and they matter, they are freer to come to us when they’re in need.

So, structure time and then show up consistently. It will bless your family.