Author: Mary Ann Johnson

Time is My Friend. Well, I Am Working On It!

I’ve been journaling for decades. I don’t write every day or even every week. Some years I am more consistent than others. But I have recorded many experiences over the years, that were meaningful and taught me something valuable.

Several years ago, I began reading entries and if things had changed, I didn’t feel the same, or I had learned more, I made notes on a Post-It and stuck it on the journal page. In years to come, when my family reads what I recorded, the Post-It notes will make it even more meaningful.

Recently, I read an entry from Feb. 2023 that contained information I thought would be useful to some of you. It isn’t new. I’ve written on the power of story, the importance of perspective, and the value of controlling our thoughts often. But when you attach powerful ideas to an event, they become more relatable and easier to institute into one’s life.

In February 2023, I was taking an Emotional Resilience class. At the same time, I was endeavoring to come to terms with time because my story wasn’t helpful and I knew it. I wrote an article about my journey in March 2023.  Coming to terms with time is something I have been working on for years and I bet some of you are in that boat with me.

After class, at home, I reread the lesson. As I did, I had major insights. I knew they would help me with my negative story about time and I would move closer to becoming friends with time.

Here are some of the thoughts from 2023 that were recorded in my journal.

“I work hard by choice. I like working. It’s satisfying, helps me when I’m stressed, and it often feels restful. I know, it’s weird. But at the end of the day, when I have done more than most 30-year-olds, I feel let down. It doesn’t matter how much I did. You can never get everything on the list done, but if you do as much as you can, if you have prayed about what matters most and have moved through your day in that order, isn’t that enough? Often, not for me.

I’ve had a photo of me and time on my wall for over ten years and I’m smiling. The caption says, “Time is my friend.” I have changed the look a few times but there it is, still on my wall after all this time. Sigh! The lesson in my Emotional Resilience class was ‘Managing Stress and Anxiety’. The foundation principle was – Use time wisely. This lesson was for me! LOL

During the class, I realized I had allowed a negative time story to plague my mind for all of 2022 and into 2023. Here it is – No matter what I do, between noon and two my day shreds apart!” Since the class, I have observed myself. This story isn’t true.

However, I accepted it, and so at noon every day, I began feeling stress and anxiety. It’s true I have much to do, and there are many interruptions. That’s life, but I could see that the day didn’t shred and run away from me if I was paying attention. This one thing made last week much better.

As I moved through the week, this question came into my mind – What are your expectations about time? I had to think and become very honest with myself. The answer was embarrassing because I know better, but I’m human, and life is all about continuing to learn and refine. So here it is – “I should be able to get everything on my list done and there shouldn’t be any big interruptions. If I plan, then it should go the way I plan.” So NOT life!

What to do about that?

As I reread the lesson, I thought of things I could do to rewrite the story. I made some changes to my daily worksheet so that it was simpler to manage and there was less chance of overscheduling myself. I have made other changes to my daily worksheet that have simplified things.

Under the picture of me and time on my wall I added “It is a matter of perception and not time itself!” Then at the top of the items on my wall, I put – “If you do your best, it will all work out.” At any rate, I feel great excitement and hope for change.”

We are coming to the end of 2024.

I have made real progress. I have more days when I accept that I have done my best and am satisfied, than days I feel I didn’t do enough. My worksheet is still busy, but I am clear that all I need to do is carefully ponder what is most important, do them first, and then fit in whatever else I can. 

But here is the crux of this journal entry.

I had a story about time that wasn’t based on fact. It was based on a perception, and I wasn’t taking responsibility for my days. I was blaming others or circumstances for the choices I was making. I can’t control everything. There are many interruptions. Some things come up that aren’t on my list because I care for two people full-time, my special needs granddaughter, and three other teens, part-time. Life can become jumbled. Ultimately, I must make choices about where to spend my time and it isn’t always what I had in mind or on my worksheet. How my day feels are based on accepting my choices and not blaming others or circumstances. I have the power to choose.

If I choose to drive kids to school, to a friend, or to the gas station I make that choice. If I cook a more challenging meal, I choose to expend that time. If I work in the garden, sit, and write, or help a neighbor, these are choices. If I put my writing on the back burner and then find myself doing it all on Saturday, that is also a choice. I can say no, but If I choose to say yes, it’s a choice. No one is to blame but me and how I decided to use my time.

When it comes to the stories, we tell ourselves I like this thought from Buddha – All that we are is the result of what we have thought. For me, the challenges of 2022 and into 2023 came from a thought I held on to that was incorrect.

Taking responsibility for the choices I make, regarding how I choose to use my time, has changed my perception of time. There is time to do what matters even with interruptions and unplanned events if I am clear about what matters most today. It’s OK if everything doesn’t get done if the things that impact my relationships do.

I have made HUGE progress in my relationship with time. It’s all about perception and not time itself.

How Can We Consitently Say – You Are in My Thoughts, You Matter to Me?

I have a short list of thoughts/ideas I’m pondering. This list keeps important objectives at the front of my mind lest I forget. : )

In October I wrote this on the list – “How can I strengthen my relationship with each grandchild and great-grandchild despite age, technology, or distance.” There are impediments of time, finances, the ability to travel, different lifestyles, and beliefs, kids who are adults or teens, and technology, which often gets in the way of real connection.

With the grands I live with, I have been consistently doing things I taught parents over a decade ago – random touch, active listening, smiling, stopping, and looking at them when they’re talking to me. They’re all teens now and crafts, reading aloud, or chasing through the house have ended. Bummer!

Technology, despite texting, can get in the way of real connection. Recently, when I picked her up from school, my 14-year-old granddaughter asked me how I felt about the election, and we had a good conversation. SCORE! Today when I picked her up from school, she shared something that’s coming up in her life that she’s excited about. SCORE! My ten-year-old advice is making a difference in our relationship!

I’ve lived with these grands for over fourteen years, and I miss the fun we had when they were little, and despite their being teens, I want to do something fun with them now. I had an idea last week that I have been mulling over – “This Nov. throw a cookie party. Invite the kids and their friends. Send an invitation and ask them to RSVP. Then set them up to bake and decorate a few kinds of cookies that they take home.” I have decided to follow through on this idea. Their mom, Jodie, when asked, said they might not RSVP. It may be just me. : ) It will be an experiment. However, if it goes off well, it will be a connection moment, a memory maker, and fun. I will let you know how it goes.

Most of my grands live far away and I see them once every two years at our family reunion, which is always a huge success and so much fun. But once every two years isn’t much. I text those with phones and they respond. I ask questions and they answer, but texting isn’t all that fun or meaningful. Phone calls with the adult grands occasionally work, but they’re busy and often on the run. So am I! Nevertheless, I have each name on a list and reach out in one way or another each month. 

Phone calls with the younger grands have been a bust even when we use apps that let us see one another. They only connect for a few minutes and then are off. It doesn’t hold their attention long, so we quit doing it a few years ago.

Despite that, my youngest daughter and I have decided to have a face-to-face conversation with her three kids once a month, ages 12, 8, and 5. We know it will be short, but once a month, for five/ten minutes, beats once every two years. 

Gifts, although loved by kids, are not the same as connecting no matter how amazing or expensive. I know this from experience. My mom’s parents divorced when she was three. She rarely got to see her biological mom and by the time she was an adult, didn’t want to. However, Grandma Walker sent us gifts every birthday and Christmas. I loved her for it but never saw her until I was an adult, and then only twice. I missed having a relationship. I wish we had talked on the phone or been able to see each other, even if only once every two years. I should have made more effort, but you don’t know what you don’t know.

A few weeks ago, I made a call to my WA. Grands, Grandma Liesl, to see how they make it work. Her husband is a pilot, so they are lucky and can visit a few times a year. She had great reminders for me.

The First Reminder

When I am in WA, I do bed duty. I read a chapter in a book to my three grands and ask two questions – what is the best thing that happened today and what was hard? That leads to interesting if short, conversations. As I thought about it, I realized I could do this on the monthly call we’re instituting. Talking to Liesl got me to visit with Kate about the possibility. As I mentioned, we are returning to a call a month and will take whatever we can get from it, short or long.

The Second Reminder

When I was a mom of seven, I would occasionally write letters to my kids, even when they lived at home. Some of them kept the letters for years. I could say how much and why I loved them, and they could read and reread. I continued to do this when they were grown, until recently.

Since my first grandchild was born, I have sent cards with notes and real letters to all my grands. I would stick a piece of gum inside and became known as the Gum Grandma. Then one of my peers  told me nobody cares about cards and letters anymore and I wasted my time and money. I reached out to my readers and got a far different story from them. I kept it up for a few more years.

But technology kept advancing and I worried that this way of connecting had become outdated. For the last year or so I stopped doing it. Liesl reminded me that our mutual grands LOVE my letters and cards. She reminded me that they hang them on their walls. She said, “When I am there, they tell me you’re the Gum Grandma.” I had to laugh because they told me she was the Dancing Grandma. They put on music and dance. : )

Then Liesl shared what one of her adult kids, Curtis, said recently. “When you only send cards and not letters, I can’t reread them.” What, this from a grown man who uses all the available tech? He wants letters from his mom so he can reread them!

I am returning to my retro ways. I’m going to send cards and letters to my CA. Grands, and my CO. Grands and Great-grands. They, like my WA. Grands, care about them, even those who are teens or adults. (P.S. My daughter Kate reminded me to keep the letters short. LOL)

As I pondered this idea of connecting, I had a splendid idea on one of my daily walks. The idea was to include an anecdote from my life, Don’s, or my mother’s life in each card or letter. I know that hearing my stories will bond us over time. This will be meaningful to my family. When I share a school experience I had, some will relate, whether it was happy or sad. If I share a change I made, something scary I dealt with, or how I grew, it will plant a seed for them.

As I mentioned in an article called My Magnificent Birthday Gift on 2-28-21, if we give it all we’ve got as parents or grandparents, learn a little here and a bit more there, and then implement; if we remain consistent and speak kindly to ourselves as we change and grow, then it will be enough. As our children and grands watch us and observe our progress, we will give them a legacy to follow. There isn’t much that we can provide that is more powerful.

As my granddaughter Mary, who is almost 15, said a few years ago and repeated just this month, “Grandma, you and I are alike.” She was telling me about middle school. Then she said, “You were like that too, right grandma.” She remembered a story I told her when she first entered these hard years. Knowing that we are alike has given her heart. As she watches me, it is confirmed to her that if Grandma could manage middle school and remain herself, so can I.

Whether you’re a parent or grandparent, other relative, or friend/neighbor, we all have children we want to connect with. Some are close and others are far away. Some are small, some are teens, and some are adults, but as we saw in Curtis’s comment to his mom, they want to connect with us because they learn from us and feel our love. If you are close or far away from your children or grands find a way to connect consistently, whether the method is old-fashioned or more mainstream. What they take away from your efforts is an example of growth and that they mean something to you!

It will matter. It will say, you are in my thoughts, you are loved, you matter to me!

 

How to Determine a Successful Activity? Story 2

Let’s pick up where we left off last week. I shared a cookie-baking experience I had with some neighbor children, who were my buddies. Today, I share the second baking experience, one I had with two of my grandchildren. Watch for the connections as we explore how to determine a successful activity.

Story 2

The second cookie bake occurred some months after the first one. Maggie was four, and Jack was two. One day I called Jack and asked him what he was interested in. We were not living in the same home but close enough to meet weekly. He replied without hesitation, “Making cookies.” The Spark!

I put some thought into how we could do this. After all, it hadn’t been long since Story 1, and Maggie had severe cerebral palsy. How could I make this a fun learning experience without breaking my patience bank? LOL

I turned the written recipe into a picture recipe. I learned from my Story 1 experience that when you can’t read, a recipe is hard to manage. I wasn’t all that techy, but with a Word doc. and some pictures, I figured it out. It only took about 15 minutes. : )

Because they were 2 and 4, I didn’t differentiate measurements, just how many cups or spoons we needed to use. If there was more than one teaspoon, I would show two spoons in the recipe. Another thing I had learned from the Story 1 experience. If I had been working with older children, we would have discussed different cup measurements and found the cup or spoon that matched the fraction in the recipe. I have done this with my older grands for years. They don’t get bored, and cookie baking has become a tradition, a true bonding experience.

I had all the ingredients on the table when they came over to bake. Another thing I learned from Story 1, no time to fight while I got organized. LOL Since these two were calmer than the first and larger group, we were able to talk about what each ingredient did. Salt, for example, isn’t used to make cookies saltier; it enhances the taste. Hmmm, new word! Sugar makes cookies sweet. Flour and eggs are the structural ingredients in baking; they give cookies substance. Two more new words. Baking soda is for fluffiness, and you can clean your dog with it too! This fluffiness is called leaven, another new word. This was a new word day and they loved it.

We looked through the picture recipe and talked about what we needed to do. At the bottom, it told us to set the oven to 375 degrees. Jack helped me find the number 375 on the oven. Each of us took a turn measuring an ingredient. After each addition, we stirred. It takes a lot of stirring for children to get it all mixed, so stirring after each addition is very helpful. Besides, stirring was the most fun part for them. : )

The recipe said to roll the dough into balls. Maggie couldn’t use her hands well enough to do this, even with help, and Jack was totally disinterested. They took a break in the living room while I rolled the balls. However, they loved rolling them in sugar and putting them on the pan.

We learned to read the recipe and figure out what went into cookies, as well as lots of counting as we determined how many spoons and cups, we needed. They heard new words. The children liked being able to figure out which ingredient was next. It was more fun than having Grandma say, “OK, now we need flour.”

This activity took lots of time. Because Maggie had no control of her arms and hands, there was a mess as I helped her measure and stir. I live with these grands now. They are 16 and 18. The bond we made back then is helping us navigate them being teens. The time was well spent, and the mess was worth it!

Each cookie-baking experience was different but notice that the outcome was the same. The children learned a few things and had a great time. They were pleased with the outcome because I remained pleased, even though it took lots of time, there was a mess, and things didn’t always go as planned. When we pay attention to what is sparking our kids or we use something we’re interested in to spark them, the outcome can be a fun-filled learning activity.

When we let our adult expectations go and remember that structure, consistency, and presence trump everything else, we will have powerful activities, even if they don’t go as planned. Those neighbor kids are still connected with me, and it’s been over thirteen years since we lived in the same town. My grands, who now live in the same home as I do, come to me for help with all kinds of things because they trust me, know I care, and I love them. So, take the time to structure family activities, be consistent, and be present.  Then use Sparks, yours, or theirs.

You will see a strong connection grow that will last.

 

How to Determine a Successful Activity – Story 1

In the article published on Oct. 13, I told you I LOVE using sparks and that in the coming months, I would share experiences I have had with them that can Spark you with bonding activities for your family.

As promised, here is a spark I followed with two groups of children. However, I want you to notice something else as important as following a spark or igniting one. Often, we let our expectations get in the way of learning and fun. As I said in my book, Becoming A Present Parent, “Keep expectations from getting in the way of enjoying your family…Keep the perfect from becoming the enemy of the good. The point is not what you teach, or how well it looks, but being together while you’re Present.”

Because this article would have been excessively long with both experiences, I have created two articles. Each tells one story, and next week I will tie them together.

Story 1

I befriended a woman in my neighborhood with three daughters and a live-in nephew. The children and I became buddies. I took them to church, visited often, and we had a weekly activity night. They loved it, and I learned things about working with children as we played together.

When I moved away, I stayed connected with the family. Eventually, we were on social media together. They hadn’t forgotten the bond we forged when they were little. In the last couple of years, I have made a graduation cake for Kyle and a quinceañera cake for Daniela.

At the time this activity took place, the kids had been begging to make cookies, the spark. Because these little guys were 7, 4, 4, and 2 and could be a handful, I had been putting it off. Fortunately, I didn’t wait long enough for the spark to die.

During the cookie activity, nothing went as planned. The kids began fighting from the get-go. I sat them down and told them the few rules I have when I cook – no fighting, take turns, and don’t criticize each other. They didn’t hear a word I said, and as we began again, the fighting renewed. I retired to the living room, and as I went, I said, “Call me when you’re ready to cook.” After a good five minutes, they saw I was serious about the fighting and came and got me.

We talked about measuring ingredients – how many ½’s are needed for one cup, etc. We talked about teaspoons and tablespoons. They began measuring, as I reminded them frequently that they were in charge of themselves and not each other. We learned about baking and how to work as a team and get along. : )

By the time we finished, the two-year-old had tasted the shortening, one of the 4-year-olds had been in the flour to her elbow, oatmeal was all over the table, and the other 4-year-old was eating the sugar. Patience! I mentally reminded myself that kids and adults don’t think alike and that fun and learning were the objects here.

Eventually, we rolled balls of dough and flattened them on the pan, except for one of the 4-year-olds. She was creating sculptures. I eventually parceled her dough to everyone else so we could finish baking them. She was not a happy camper.

While the first batch was in the oven, they all deserted me for the living room and their mom, who had company. As I cleaned up the gigantic mess, I kept repeating, “Kids and adults don’t think alike, and it is OK. Kids aren’t concerned with the outcome; the experience is what counts. Adults feel frustrated when they enter a project with adult expectations, and it doesn’t meet those expectations. What kids really want is your time and to know you cared enough to plan.” I felt the frustration going down.

When the first batch finished baking, the kids were back in the kitchen, ready to take them off the pan. Very few made it off in one piece. By the time they were all baked, we had a plate of large crumbs and a kitchen full of happy children. We sang a bunch of songs and ate the crumbs, which they were delighted with. They were excited about the next activity. It was going to be Play-Doh! Yup, the spark I saw as we rolled the cookie balls.

They had tons of messy fun, learned a few things about measuring cups and spoons, and how to work as a team, and felt our bond increase.

The fact that we stuck with the project made it a success for them.


Tune in next week and I will share story 2 and tie them together for you – how can you tell if an activity is successful? : ) 

Solidify Family Relationships with Structure, Consistency, and Presence

Thirteen years ago, I had a wonderful evening with my eight-year-old friend, Hailey. It was successful because time had been set apart for the activity, it happened consistently so Hailey could count on it, and I was present. When we want to solidify relationships in our family these three ingredients make all the difference. I was 61 when I had this experience. Hailey was eight.

Here is the story.

In 2011, every Monday, for nine months, three young girls came to my home and spent the evening. Their mother was a busy nursing student, and I was helping her out. I read the girls a couple of chapters from a classic, while they did quiet activities on the floor, surrounded by a pile of pillows. Then we had a snack, whatever I had on hand, nothing fancy, and I read them the scriptures. We shared the same faith. That’s pretty much it, no bells, and whistles. It was a quiet and unhurried evening enjoying each other’s company. You wouldn’t think three children under twelve would find this enticing, but they did. They looked forward to it.

Sometimes their mom would forget because she had an online test or something like that. Her girls would scold her because they counted on coming over. On the night I am sharing, Vicky had a final and had forgotten to tell me or her girls. It wouldn’t have been a problem but Hailey, who lived downstairs and was in school with one of Vicky’s girls, had begun joining us. She had come twice. I thought both times that she would get bored and not come anymore, but she kept coming.

On this Monday night Hailey was at my door at 6:30 – “Are you having it tonight?” “Yes, we are. I talked to the girls yesterday and we are on. I will send one of them to get you at about 7:30”.

My friend, Hailey.

At 7:35 Hailey was at my door again. “Did they come?” “Gosh, it is time. I don’t know where they are. Let’s give them a call and see.” As I said, Vicky was taking a final and forgot. I looked at Haley and her disappointed face. I had been shampooing my carpets all day preparing for a parenting event in my home on Saturday. I wasn’t sorry to have the night off. I had a lot to do! Then I looked again at Hailey’s disappointed face.

“Well Hailey, they aren’t coming so let’s have an evening ourselves.” She enthusiastically nodded her head. We sat at the table and made paper Christmas chains. I thought as soon as we ran out of strips she would head home. While we worked, we talked about school, her friends, and the upcoming Christmas holiday. Actually, I listened and Hailey talked. : ) Then she said, “Well, aren’t you going to read?”

I read and we talked about the story, what was happening, and what we thought about it. Then she asked if we were going to read the scriptures. She knew right where we had left off. We ate Jordan almonds I had in the cupboard. I kept thinking she would get bored any time and want to go home. After all, I was 61 and the other girls weren’t there. She never did!

Let me reiterate the point of sharing this long-ago story.

Children, in fact, families, need structured together time, that happens consistently, where the adults are present.

Children like and need structure. And by the way, so do teens, even if they complain! They want to be able to count on family time. They want it to be consistent. They want you, your presence. That drew Hailey to my door, the structure of something she could look forward to, the consistency of having it happen, and me, listening, hearing, and responding. It was an evening I am glad I didn’t miss.

Create structured time for your family and then be consistent. Give your children something to count on. Maybe you can have a family activity night once a week or every other week. Possibly it’s a Sunday drive you take together. It might be your weekly family council. What about a game of football in the backyard on Saturday mornings? Maybe it’s skating or biking and occurs once a month. Possibly you go to the movie every other month. What and how often isn’t what matters. What matters is that it’s structured, happens consistently, and you are there, both body and spirit.

Don’t let school, work, or carpet cleaning come between you and getting to know and enjoy your children. Make a plan that can be counted on, then be present and solidify your most important relationships.

When your children are grown you will be glad you made the effort!

 

Why Not Have Some Fun Learning? It is Possible. Part 2

Two weeks ago, I shared a few examples of how useful and fun seeing and responding to your children’s Sparks can be. I explained sparks and how they can help you and your kids connect.

Last week I illustrated how you can Spark your kids and give them interesting and fun opportunities for learning. This week is more of the same. : )

I have written about sparks, kids, and the connection between the two for almost fifteen years. I’ve watched for and used sparks with my grands all that time.

When I switched from the homeschool community to the broader parenting community, I didn’t share this information as often. However, I LOVE using sparks and in the coming weeks, I will share more because the better you are at seeing your kids sparks and sparking them, the more fun, learning, and connection you will have in your home. It’s important to remember that what we think of as play can be, and is, learning for children and sometimes teens. : )

Last week I talked about doing a treasure hunt of my home and shared two activities we did from what I found in my kitchen. Today’s ideas are also from that kitchen list.

The first item on the kitchen list was cornstarch. I’ve used this medium with children for over 45 years. My kids, who are adults, LOVE this activity when we get together. We all pretend it’s for their kids, but we know the truth. LOL Unfortunately, when my children were small, I didn’t understand that learning could accompany fun. I didn’t know why cornstarch behaves the way it does, and the internet didn’t exist. Gaining information was more challenging. Now, the good Spark-seeing person I have become does internet sleuthing and you can too.

Corn Starch Quicksand, a Non-Newtonian Fluid. : )

Mix a box of cornstarch with water. When you mix cornstarch and water you want it to have the consistency of honey. One box of cornstarch takes approximately 1 to 2 cups of water. You will have to work a bit to get the consistency right.

When mixed you can teach your kids a few things. Have them sink their hands into the bowl of “cornstarch quicksand” and notice its unusual consistency. Compare what it feels like to move your hand around slowly and quickly. You can’t move your hand very fast! The faster you move your hand, the more solid the cornstarch becomes.

Sink your entire hand into the goo and try to grab the fluid and pull it up. That’s the sensation of sinking in quicksand! Skim your finger on top of the cornstarch mixture. What do you notice? Grab a fist full and squeeze. What happens? Release the pressure on the concoction in your hand. Now what happens? Roll the fluid between your palms to make a ball.

The cornstarch and water mixture acts like both a solid and a liquid. This concoction is an example of a suspension – a mixture of two substances, one of which is finely divided and dispersed in the other. In the case of the cornstarch quicksand, it’s a solid, cornstarch,  dispersed in a liquid, water.

Viscosity is how easily a liquid will flow. Water and honey are both liquids, but they flow differently. Sir Isaac Newton said that viscosity is a function of temperature. If you heat honey, it flows better than when it’s cold. The cornstarch and water mixture is an example of a non-Newtonian fluid because the viscosity changes when force is applied, not when heat is applied. Don’t you feel smart now? LOL

How To Use This Project With Your Family

Let’s say you have children ages, 2, 5, 9, and 15. Put a box of cornstarch unopened in a bowl. Put an index card with a link for information in the bowl. Place a children’s book about Sir Isaac Newton next to the bowl. Add a book on quicksand or swamps. Have a bag of small plastic animals, including those that live in swampy areas. Provide the recipe for how to make “cornstarch quicksand”.

When your family gathers for the activity, someone may ask “Mom what is this”? The best answer is “Cornstarch, check it out”. Then wait! Let them look at the recipe. Some will grab the books. Explain that they are going to make some cornstarch quicksand. Direct them when they need help. Let them experiment with it. Don’t stress over the outcome. Have fun.

When you are done making a delightful mess with the cornstarch, they may look at the books, ask you to read them, or not be interested till the next day, when they find them on the coffee table. Share your thoughts right then or have a dinner conversation later. You have been a student yourself and so when they ask you why or how it does what it does you can share what you have learned, or you can take them on a journey and help them discover the answers.

Have a conversation. Let it go where it goes without a preplanned agenda. They may want to take the cornstarch to the sandbox and make a swamp with plants and animals. Let them. (Add a few drops of food color for more fun)

While the older kids are making quicksand and experimenting with it, pour some liquid cornstarch on the table and let your 2-year-old and 5-year-old play. Because of the viscosity issue, you can add a spoon, plastic knife, fork, etc. because they can be used to harden the mixture.

For another family activity use pudding or a cookie recipe. As before, play, and don’t forget to lick your fingers. Talk about why the pudding doesn’t act like the cornstarch. It is, after all a more Newtonian fluid.

Another time make cornstarch play dough or use pre-made play dough depending on the ages and interests of your children. See the recipes below. On the website you will find recipes. 

Clean-up Is Easy

Cornstarch dries and can be vacuumed up like any powder and if some is left take a damp cloth to it. The cornstarch and water will separate so don’t pour it in your sink, as it can cause a clog. If saved for later play, put it into a zip lock bag. That’s also how to dispose of it. When using pudding and some of the other ideas prepare for some mess. As you know, sparks are usually the thing that is bugging you or making a mess. LOL There are many ways to use cornstarch over a few days, weeks, or months.

More Cornstarch Uses For Interest and Fun.

1. You can let children sprinkle cornstarch all over the carpets. For easy sprinkling pour
the cornstarch into an old parmesan cheese container or a large spice shaker. Let it sit
for thirty minutes while you read a story to them and then let them help vacuum it up.
They will have fun and you will have fresh-smelling carpets.
2. If you have a dog your kids will love this. Use the same shakers. Let the kids sprinkle
Fido and then brush it out for a fresh-smelling pooch.
3. Mix it with water for glue.
4. Make finger paint by boiling ¼ c. cornstarch in 2 cups of water. Add a few drops of food
color. Cool.
5. Make face paint by mixing 2 parts cornstarch with one part vegetable shortening and then
add some food color. Get a book on face painting from the library. You could also add a
book on the History of Clowns with great pictures. Maybe you can find someone in your area
who is a part-time clown or juggler and invite them to your home to share with your
children. When my son was eleven, he took clowning lessons from a neighbor and did
little shows at nursing homes. He learned to juggle and had a ball.

Can you see how much fun your children will have learning about a new substance, all from utilizing a spark that you light a fire under? So, treasure hunt your house. You may find a spark worth lighting for exceptional family fun.

RECIPES

Cornstarch Playdough
2 c. white flour
1 c. salt
½ c. cornstarch
1 Tb. Alum
1 Tb. Oil
2 c. colored water

Put all dry ingredients in a large pan and stir together well. Add all liquid ingredients and stir well. Place on low heat stirring constantly until it looks like clay. You will be able to tell. Take it out of the pan and knead. Keep the playdough in a closed container. Alum is a must-have ingredient. Buy it in any grocery store in the spice aisle. It is a drying agent and keeps the dough from becoming sticky. This will keep a long time if kept in an air-tight container. You can use baby oil, cooking oil, or glycerin. Eventually, the cooking oil will go rancid but usually, the clay has been played into oblivion long before that. Baby oil will scent the clay.

Edible Playdough
1 ¼ c. dry powdered milk
1 c. peanut butter
1 c. cornstarch
1 ¼ c. powdered sugar

Mix dry milk and peanut butter. Add sugar and cornstarch. Knead till smooth.
Store in an airtight container until all gone, and that shouldn’t take too many days!

Mexican Wedding Cookies
1 ½ c. cornstarch
1 ½ c. powdered sugar
3 c. flour
3 sticks of butter, softened
½ to 1 c. finely chopped walnuts or pecans

Mix ingredients. I use my hands as that works best. This is right up your child’s alley! The dough will appear to be dry and crumbly sometimes. Just remember the cool aspects of cornstarch. Take some in your hand, squeeze, and press it until you have a ball about the size of a walnut. Place it on a cookie sheet and bake at 400 degrees for 10-12 minutes. Roll warm cookies in powdered sugar. Let them cool just enough so they don’t fall apart. These are very tender cookies when they are hot. This is one of my favorite cookies!

One thing we don’t do enough is play as a family.
As you learn to utilize Sparks they will help you create family fun.

Why Not Have Some Fun While Learning? It is Possible. Part 1

Last week I shared a few examples of how useful and fun seeing and responding to your children’s Sparks can be.

Let’s quickly review what a Spark is.

What Is a Spark

A Spark is anything that a child says or does that lets you know they’re interested in something right now.

But to engage our kids and help them learn new things we don’t need to wait for their Sparks. When it comes to learning, we can spark them and then watch a fire of interest take hold. It’s a fine way to engage as a family and to show our children that learning can be fun.

As a reminder, we see Sparks best when we’re Present with our kids. Being Present is hard to do when we’re stuck in family management or technology.

In 2020, during COVID-19, school resumed in August for two days a week. Some online school happened but this left a lot of unstructured time. It was difficult for parents and children. I wrote an article about The Spark Station, a tool I had taught to homeschool families years before. The article illustrated how getting kids interested in learning something new would work for any parent, regardless of how their children were educated. At the time, the Spark Station was a closet shelf or container with interesting items inside.

After that article, time passed and the Spark Station grew to include the whole house, not just a closet shelf. I showed parents how to treasure hunt their homes because our homes are filled with items that interest children. With a bit of thought and new eyes, as you tour each room in your home, you will see what you haven’t seen before. That knowledge prepares you for cool family nights and a child’s boring Saturday afternoon.

With only what you find in your home, you can give your children experiences that teach them that learning doesn’t need to be boring but can happen in fun and exciting ways, anywhere. This is useful for children to experience and internalize so they won’t become stagnant in their desire to learn as they become busy adults.

When I did a treasure hunt of my home, I found exciting items in my kitchen. I used them with my grands and we had a ball connecting and learning together.

From My Kitchen List

As I opened every cupboard and closet, I noticed items I had seen used in interesting ways and I wrote them on my list. The fourth item was assorted macaroni, peas, dried beans, and lentils. I had helped my children create wonderful collages and works of art back in the day. The collage photo at the top of this article was created by my youngest daughter Kate when she was a pre-teen. Yes, she was that old. She spent a lot of time on it. This piece hangs in my kitchen today and is over twenty years old. It often surprises me what a preteen or teen will engage in when it’s part of a family event. A few years ago, we did this activity at our family reunion. You would have been surprised to see how many children, youth, and adults became involved.

A collage could include newspaper clippings, ribbon, bits of colored paper, portions of other artwork, photographs, a piece of moss, and other found objects, glued to a piece of paper or canvas. Here is how the learning part works: While everyone is engaged you share information like this – You know, a collage is a work of formal art, made by assembling different things to create something new. You could then show some works of art by famous people on your computer or phone. Here are some artists that have done collages; Pablo Picasso, Georges Braque, Juan Gris, Henri Matisse, and Cecil Touchon.

When I googled “children’s collages” a magnificent array of great work by children came up. It would be worth printing some in color to show your children what wonderful things they could make.

Remember the admonition to let children “do”. We are often invested in how it looks when finished so we help our kids too much. We want the pictures on the walls so that they are aesthetically pleasing. Your child may not care about that. Maybe they want it at their eye level or in an odd place. If it is in their room, why not let that go? Are you interested in being in “House Beautiful” or allowing your children to think, decide, and experience, in other words, learn?

More Items On My Kitchen List

The second and third items on my kitchen list were soda and vinegar. Most of you have probably seen or heard of making a volcano by mixing soda and vinegar. One family I know made a wonderful bubbling swamp. They had a great time but when the kids asked why it did what it did no one was prepared to answer. Parents need to be students too. You can find information on just about anything on the internet.

If part of our purpose in family activities is to engender learning while having fun, then we need to be able to answer questions or lead our kids to find the answers for themselves. If we’re in a project and there aren’t any questions, we can engage in conversation. Ask questions – Do you know what I discovered…Can you believe…How do you think that happened…What do you think would happen if…and so forth. That’s why we need to stay present; that is what makes a family activity a learning activity.

I helped some of my grands make a volcano and I had to do some homework, so I knew what caused the reaction. I was able to give them interesting bits of information. Not only was the project fun, but they also liked knowing the whys.

If this activity Sparks one of your children, there are other ways that you can see this chemical reaction happen. You can help them chase their new spark. 

1. Vinegar & Baking Soda Foam Fight
2. Build a Volcano 
3. Propelling a Rocket
4. Make a Bubble Bomb 

In the volcano project, as an example, we could increase learning by having a book on Pompeii handy, maybe some pictures and articles on the Mount St. Helens eruption, or the eruption in Iceland in 2010.

If you have older children, they might be interested in seeing a Periodic Table. Help them write out what the chemical reaction would look like using the table. I couldn’t remember what the Periodic Table was called so I typed “chemistry chart” in the search bar and voila! Let me also say that I never took chemistry, but that didn’t stop me from introducing my grands to it. I can learn what I need via the Internet!

Do you see how a few simple items and a bit of thought and time can give your children opportunities for wonder, fun, and learning?

This photo is of my grands making their volcano on the patio. Their ages ranged from four to around nine. However, I also helped a grand over twelve do something similar for a school project and another for a science fair event. Age isn’t the indicator of whether children or youth will engage. It’s more about who is joining them, the level of Presence of the adults involved, and fun in the learning.

Use your family time or a boring Saturday afternoon to help your children experience the joy of learning by responding to or creating a Spark.

It will pay dividends in their adult lives.

Listening and Responding to Children and Their Sparks

My hairdresser, Emily, works out of her home. Most of the kids are in school but she has one little guy who is four and still at home during the day. We have fun conversations.

The last time I was there he brought me two green balloons which he held close together in his hands. He asked me if I knew what they were. I said, “Sure, they’re green balloons.” He laughed and replied, “No they are butt cheeks.” His mom was a bit mortified, but I grinned and told her about a friend of mine and her experience with the whole poop, snot, blood, and butt cheeks thing.

Hana had heard me speak about Sparks and remembered that when we recognize them, we teach, bond, and are Present with our kids, rather than frustrated, embarrassed, or angry at whatever they are doing. Here is the fun email I received from Hana years ago when her boys were still small.

Hi MaryAnn, I just picked up my five books at the library last night. One of the books I picked up is about the human body and burps (lol! yes, two boys in my family) and I was following a spark! Their obsession with bodily functions is hilarious and they are wondering why these things happen! What fun! (funny! is more like it!) Anyways, I will keep you posted! Thanks so much for your wisdom…really and truly. Luvs, Hana

As time went on Hana shared with me what recognizing this spark accomplished in her home with her sons.

  • She returned to the library and checked out all the interesting books she found on urine, blood, gas, snot, etc.
  • For a month, her boys were deeply interested and pored over the books with her and with each other.
  • They talked with her and her husband. They wanted to know how their bodies worked.
  • They had interesting dinner conversations. LOL
  • They drew bodies and tracked bodily functions in them. How does a burp go from the top of you to the bottom of you?

When our kids are burping, most of us say, “Stop that, it’s rude,” because we are in a box, so to speak. We can only see the need to teach manners and help our kids not be rude. But once we begin to see differently, we say to ourselves, “Oh my gosh, this is a terrific opportunity.” Isn’t that what you’re looking for as a parent, an opportunity to have joy with your children and to connect with them in fun and interesting ways?

When I told Emily about Hana and her boys she said, “Man, that’s what I need.” LOL I am sure it will help her deal with the green butt cheeks. Gotta love kids!

I have written, spoken, and taught this concept of Sparks to hundreds of parents. Today, I want to review two other enlightening and very different Spark experiences that my friend Leah had with her children. Before going there, let me answer the question, what is a spark?

A Spark is anything a child says or does that lets you know they’re interested in something right now. Often they are the things that bug us or make a mess. : )

EXPERIENCE 1

Leah had dug some dirt in her yard to plant flowers. Before she could get that done the family took a short trip. When they got home, her kids discovered the dirt. They began to play in this spot daily and called it the water game.

They made mud, built cities, created a mine, dug for artifacts, and had a blast all summer. Eventually, there was a four-foot hole in their front yard. You and I might have had a fit and put a stop to all the messy foolishness, but Leah had learned a lot about Presence and Sparks. She went with the flow.

At dinner, they would talk about the water game and all they had done and learned during the day. Mom, Dad, and neighbors would come out and ask what was happening, and the children and their friends were happy to share.

Leah’s family had amazing Present moments together in a situation that could have created serious contention. Instead, the parents saw a Spark and used it to have mini-conversations and a lot of fun with their kids. They valued the relationship over a perfect front yard.

Here’s what Leah had to say:

“I’m so grateful for the shift in my thought process or I would have missed out on an incredibly magical summer (and fall). Now I have a hole so deep they can stand in it to their chests. The crater in my yard will last a few months whereas the memories will last forever.”

STORY 2

Leah had another advantageous Spark moment with her oldest son. He was eight at the time. Miles was in love with rocks and left them all over the house. They were in the dryer, on the floor, in his pockets, everywhere. It was very annoying and frustrating and had become a point of contention between mother and son.

One day Leah realized this was a Spark and an opportunity to get Present with Miles. She asked him, “Miles will you tell me all about your rocks?” He did for the next hour. Leah, like you, had a million other things to do, but she cleared her mind and actively listened.

Later, she helped Miles design a simple system for displaying his precious rocks. The result was that Miles, Leah, and the whole family had many activities and conversations in the following year, all based on Miles’s love of rocks. It was fun and afforded his parents many opportunities to be Present and enjoy their children.

As you can see knowing what interests your kids now, what is sparking them, is powerful!

Here is quick review of how to see and respond to your children’s Sparks.

HOW TO SEE SPARKS

A. Be Present. Do you want to know the number one way to see and hear your child’s Sparks? BE PRESENT. When we’re Present in all the mundane moments of a family’s day, we will see and hear what we’ve missed up until now.

It’s hard to see a Spark if your head is filled with another agenda or you’re totally engrossed in your technology. It’s hard to see if you’re trying to avoid becoming involved or prevent a mess.

You can’t see if you’re so busy working that the Spark appears to be an irritation or problem.

B. Ask good questions. You can jump-start your ability to see your children’s Sparks by asking yourself questions:

  • What activity do you have to make them stop doing to get them to eat or go to sleep?
  • What activity are they doing when they seem most engaged and alive?
  • When they choose what to do on a free afternoon, what activity do they choose?
  • What did they love to do when they were three years old? Five years old?
  • What are they currently doing that bugs you?
  • What do they do that’s making a mess?
  • What do they collect?

C. Have mini-conversations.

  • Share your Sparks and they may share theirs
  • Say “You’re very good at this…”
  • Say “You seem interested in this…”
  • Say “This appears to make you happy/excited…”
  • Ask “Have you ever thought of….”
  • Say “I had a great day today…”
  • At dinner ask, “What was the best part of your day?” and have each person share

Notice what comes up over and over again in their answers and their conversations. Pay attention to what interests your children even if it doesn’t interest you. When you do it bonds your family, strengthens your relationships, assists in great conversations and family activities, and helps your kids learn.

So, pay attention. What is sparking your child right now?

A Five-Year Lesson

When I lived in Montana with seven children, I was a busy mother. You’re smiling because you know exactly what I mean. A family, regardless of its size, is a handful; lots of cooking, laundry, cleaning, driving people here and there, and so forth. I look back and wonder how in the world I did it all.

I have also pondered how I managed with so little connection to other women. I had my church friends. I had my school band club friends. I had friends when I was a Girl Scout Leader. I had friends that I taught community classes with.

What I had very little of were face-to-face, heart-to-heart connections, where you sit down, breathe together, and confide in each other. There are reasons for this. I am a leader, but I am also a loner. I like to get in there, get it done, and then I want to be alone. I made the choice to work and manage on my own because I felt I could. I didn’t think about how to fit these types of connections into my life because I didn’t think they were important, and I was busy!

These facts matter because they triggered the Five-Year Lesson. I am being upfront when I tell you the lesson is not finished. I know there are more levels, but I am less wary of what may come than when the lesson first began. I wondered if I should share this unfinished story with you, but then decided that it isn’t imperative to have traveled the whole road to share the sights along the way.

I know intellectually that face-to-face, heart-to-heart friendships matter, but as I said, I felt I didn’t need that. I should have known better because I had a couple of experiences in the early years of my parenting that illustrated otherwise; that I wasn’t going to manage my whole life on my own. I was going to need a real connection to others.

EXPERIENCE 1

In Colorado, in the early years of parenting, I had the kind of friends I mentioned above. At that time, I was deep in postpartum depression. I had a 3-year-old and a nine-month-old.

At some point, I recall kneeling and pleading for a friend, someone I could tell how I felt and the dark thoughts I was having, someone I could trust and who would help me turn on the light. That same week, as I mingled with my church friends, I saw a woman I knew and liked. I had the feeling she was the friend I had prayed for. I went home and pondered the situation. It took me over two months to call and invite her to my home.

We had a simple lunch with kids running all over the place. We talked and laughed. I felt lighter and happy. It was an amazing experience. We began to get together once a week. Our association made a difference for me, and I started to get a handle on my thoughts and feelings. She didn’t judge me, just loved me.

EXPERIENCE 2

We then moved to Montana. After a couple of years, one of my church friends began reaching out to me. She was persistent. She dropped by. She called. I wasn’t reaching back. I had five kids by then and as I mentioned, I was a busy person. But Linda never gave up. Maybe she needed what I had needed in Colorado.

One day I had a strong feeling to stop at her home as I returned from an errand. It was out of the way, but the feeling was strong, so I did. The rest is history, as they say. We became dear friends and spoke on the phone regularly for almost twenty years. We supported one another as we discussed books, the scriptures, values, our marriages, community happenings, and raising our children.

Despite being shown the value and necessity of face-to-face and heart-to-heart relationships, the kind that requires space and time, I did not take the lesson to heart. When I left Montana and moved to Utah I carried on as before. For context, know that I have been in Utah for over twenty years.

Five years ago, I began feeling I needed to form a few of these relationships. This was the thought, “Mary, you need a few friends. You need to make time for them and yourself. You can’t wait until life slows down. Do it now!”

I wasn’t interested. My husband’s health was poor and my mother, in her late eighties, with dementia, had come to live with us. I had given up my profession as a mentor and speaker because I lived in a four-generation home, helping to care for my special needs granddaughter, and was far too busy for that type of friend. I was content with my church friends and an occasional talk over the garden fence. So, despite the clear feelings, I ignored them for two years.

The feeling persisted. I would pull up the story I had been telling myself for years, that when Don was gone, and I was old and alone I would have time for those kinds of friends. Frankly, this was the story I had been telling myself since I began parenting. It was one reason I felt God gave me those two experiences, so I would put that story down. But I hadn’t.

Eventually, a new thought emerged, “If you wait it will be too late.” What did that mean? I had no idea. I pondered the idea for months. Then I began to get a glimpse of what I was being taught. The two experiences I have shared came back to my mind. I remembered how much those women had helped me, and I had helped them. I began to see, to have clarity.

Caregiving, whether it is for the ill, those with dementia, or raising children, is stressful. Being with someone you can trust, who listens, and to whom you can listen, mitigate that stress. It can lift a spirit and heart. It makes a difference.

Did you know that 30-40% of those who care for an ill family member or someone with dementia die before those they care for? I knew these statistics and they concerned me. I wasn’t ignorant of the fact that if I continued to wait to implement time to relax, breathe, laugh, and rejuvenate I could become one of those.

Most of you are not full-time caregivers, but you are caring for kids, a spouse, etc. I know from my research that the stress from parenting takes a toll on your mental and physical health, maybe not in the short term but in the long term, in the loss of memory, health, etc.

Finding a way to fit a few consistently practiced heart-to-heart and face-to-face connections into your life, at whatever stage you are in, matters.

With this new clarity, I wondered how I could make it work. I still didn’t want to do it, but I knew my health and happiness were at stake, and I was grateful that God would reach out to me a second time. I am sure he knew I had grown and was finally ready to learn.

I cast my thoughts to the last place we had lived before moving to our current home in West Point. It was about an hour away, in Kearns. I had a church friend, Anne, who I enjoyed talking with. We had things in common. She taught special needs kids and I have a special needs granddaughter. We had connected a few times via Facebook in the years since I moved. I got brave, overcame my loner mentality, and asked her if she would like to meet with me. She suggested lunch. Yikes, the dreaded lunch, too much time and money! LOL I said OK. We each drive 30 minutes to meet in a central place.

I hadn’t planned on a second lunch, but while eating I thought this was the place to begin following the prompting I had been having for over two years. We scheduled a lunch for every 3 months. We have both enjoyed it!

Then I began thinking about my friend, Linda, in Montana. She doesn’t do Facebook or text, so I called. We now have a phone conversation once every three months.

Over the last three years, I have set up calls every three months with several other friends who I met in different arenas of my life. This may not seem like much for over five years, but remember it took me two years to understand why I felt the need to make this change.  I needed to add them one at a time to test the waters.

Recently, I added two more friends. It began with Alysia, a younger mom from my speaking days. She reached out last year, and we had a great conversation. It ended with her saying, “Let’s do this again.” Months passed. I had it on my daily worksheet to call her back. It didn’t happen. Finally, I reached out and we decided to walk together one morning. After the walk, we decided to walk together once a month. Wow, I had gone from once every three months to once a month. Progress. : )

Then a second young mother that I love, Livia, was in a class I had decided to attend with my husband and my mom. After the class, she and I talked and laughed. It was wonderful. In that conversation, she discovered that Alysia and I were walking once a month. They are also friends. She suggested that we all walk together a few days a week. What! But it seemed like a good thing, so we have given it a try. It has been good for me!

Let me be transparent and honest here. It matters to the lesson.

I have a daily schedule I use to manage my busy, people-filled days. In the beginning, when one of these scheduled events showed up on my calendar, I would feel bugged. I don’t have time for this! I sometimes struggled not to cancel. I didn’t look forward to the event with anticipation or excitement. It was just another thing on my list. During the event, I had a great time, but these feelings would surface the next time around. I know this seems lame, but this is truly where I was. However, I persisted.

The New Twist

On our first walk together Livia and I talked about the feelings around adding things to an already weighty daily list. She said, “What if you considered it a ‘joyful anticipation’?” I have taken that to heart. I have spent time rewriting my story about the value of face-to-face friends in my days and when I should make that happen.

In fact, I had to drive one hour today to have lunch with my old high school friends. I have been up to my neck in canning this week. I still have pears and apples to do. But when I saw it on the schedule, I didn’t feel that old worry that this was going to take the better part of my day, which it did,  and I had so much to do. I looked forward to it. I felt joyful anticipation.

This also happened today with my morning walk, which was a bit delayed because when you walk with others you sometimes need to be flexible. Another perk of this five-year lesson. : )

How is it working out?

I have learned what “If you wait it will be too late,” means. I have good self-care practices that I have been using daily for years. However, the stress in my life as a caregiver has increased. They aren’t always enough. It has felt like parenting seven kids with a husband on the road, again. LOL So having relationships that help relieve stress is a must.

What I have put into place in the last three years is making a huge difference and I am proud of myself for staying the course, doing the hard thing, and seeing the results!

So, what have I taken away from this Five-Year Lesson?

My Five-Year Lesson Take Aways

1. Wherever we are in life, we need heart-to-heart and face-to-face connections. We need them NOW, not later when we have more time, fewer kids at home, less hours at work, or are old and alone, etc.
2. These types of relationships need to be worked into our lives. They happen when we are intentional and consistent. We must plan or it won’t happen.
3. Feel joyful anticipation. This is a choice. Remind yourself why you are doing this.
4. These planned and consistent encounters can and will make a difference in our mental, emotional, and physical health, both now and long term.
5. You do not need a lot of these types of friends. One can be enough if you connect consistently. However, having a few is always good.
6. These kinds of friendships take time and effort. Begin. Don’t wait. Put your safety net in place now.
7. It will be worth the effort!

If I can learn this lesson, so can you! We will all be healthier and happier for it.

An Enlightening Response to ‘Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books?’

On March 3, 2024, I published an article titled Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books?  While preparing today’s article I reread it and thought, “How did you write this.” Go ahead and laugh. It happens all the time. But when you feel passionate about something, thoughts and words come. It is an amazing thing.

This is one reason I encourage people to journal. I have reread things in my journal that blew my mind. Not only because they may have been well written, but the things that have happened in my life have been astonishing, when looked at later. But I digress. LOL

After that article was published, I got a wonderful email from one of my readers, who is also a dear friend. We have counseled together in the past and I appreciate her so much.

I get emails regularly telling me how good an article was or how helpful it was to the reader. This email contained some of that. What struck me though was another thing that happens now and then. Someone takes what I have written, and they build upon it! This is massively motivating for me.

I asked Joy if I could share her thoughts with you because what she has done with family reading is magnificent. I think that some of you will want to follow suit, in some fashion.

I have written several articles on the value of family reading. I read to my children, but I lacked consistency back then. Nevertheless, one of my adult daughters said one of her fondest memories was of me reading to our family.

What I love about Joy’s take on family reading, it encourages everyone to read, not just listen.

Here is her email:

Mary Ann, thanks for emphasizing the importance and power of communicating with others about what you’re reading. We discuss this all the time in Leadership Education circles–the importance of discussion and good mentoring for great literature, like the kind you were talking about. This is demonstrated in your examples of how discussing those books with other people changed your experience.

Another great way to gain more from what we read is to process it through writing. (You demonstrate this principle very well too!) As you mentioned, we can write notes and underline in our books, but we can also journal and write essays or blog posts that we can share with others. It’s another way of processing and internalizing the principles and lessons we learn in the books we read. This tool applies to reading scriptures as well. When we process and record our thoughts, questions, and insights through writing, we learn more and internalize and remember it better!

Audrey Rindlisbacher has a great podcast about the power of book clubs,  or discussion groups, like the one Benjamin Franklin organized. I shared it with my grown children, and it inspired many of them to join me in starting an online family book club where we discuss a book about once a month. Our first book was the Screwtape Letters, and our discussion was great and I’m excited to see how well we can keep it up. I can’t think of many things better than discussing great books with my family! Joy Petty

It never occurred to me to have a family book club. I mean, that is an outstanding idea. At first, I thought, “Oh man, our family would never do that.” Then I chastised myself for jumping to that conclusion and reached out to my children to see if there was any interest. I probably won’t have many responses before this article is published, but we will see.

Maybe you, like me, dismiss the whole idea. But don’t. If you have teens or grown children, ask them if they would like to read a book individually or as a family and discuss it. At the very least begin reading together, even if you do the reading.

Depending on the ages of your children, you can read to them or each person in your family can take a turn reading. At the end of each session ask for input. I didn’t do that, and I know now that it would have made the reading I did with my children even more powerful.

If you have older teens and adult children why not explore the option of a family book club? Who knows, it may be a big hit. Even if it only lasts through one or two books, and that could happen, the whole experience will bond you even more as a family.

And by the way, when you read and study yourself, you will be a powerful example for your family. It will have an impact. If not now, then in the future.

Now for the postscript:

After I asked Joy if I could share this email and she consented, we talked some more. I replied to Joy and shared my concerns about a book club and why I read to my husband and Mom rather than us all reading.

“This was so awesome. Can I share it in a newsletter? Great thoughts and I love that you have begun a family book club. I wish that were possible in my family. Lots of kids who do not read, mostly boys and my husband. I read to him, but it can’t be too deep, or he sleeps. LOL Anyway, I would love to share your thoughts.”

Joy replied with this, and it was so heartening. I suspect that is one reason I contacted my family to see what they think. : )

“I have several kids who don’t (or won’t) read either :-). We’re encouraging them to listen to the audiobook so they can participate. The book club is totally voluntary, and fewer than half of my 10 kids participated in our first discussion, but that’s okay. It’s a start, right? :-)”

Joy is correct, it is a start. Even if it doesn’t last for months or years, it will bless her family. If we make the effort to read in our family, in some fashion, it will bless our families too. I have seen this happen in my choppy, inconsistent past in my family.

I know it is true. : )