Category: Family Culture

Stillness = Rest and Rejuvenation

My husband was watching the show The Irrational. It’s about a behavioral science professor who solves tough police cases. I was in the kitchen and could hear it. The main character had an appendix surgery. He tried to rise from his bed a few times because there was a case he wanted to get going on. His sister had to nag at him to remain in bed and heal. At one point the professor spoke with a priest, while still in the hospital. The priest said, “St. Stillness has visited you.” Then he smiled and the professor replied, “Oh, stillness. I’m not very good at it.”

This intrigued me because one of my favorite scriptures is “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10, from the Christian Bible. However, I, like the professor, must work to be still.

Recently, I got a call from a friend. We have both had challenging things happen in the last few years and talked about how we’ve managed. At some point in the conversation, I said, “God has put me in Rest and Rejuvenation 101 so I can learn to manage better.” She began laughing, and so did I. She knew exactly what I was talking about.

This topic of Stillness, Rest, and Rejuvenation is tied to the article I wrote on Peaceful Intensity. Not only must we manage busy and often chaotic days with a sense of peace and calmness, but we also need to learn to be still so that we find moments of rest and are rejuvenated. As we do, we manage better.

Getting things done is my nature but it isn’t healthy to think, move, and manage stuff all the time. It leads to weariness, grumpiness, and resentment even though we choose to bypass stillness, receive rest, and be rejuvenated. I have been in this class for a few years. Some tests I pass and others I fail. But I keep receiving resources and information, practicing, and growing. I’m doing what I have done dozens of times in the past seventy-five years, I’m working on getting better at a skill that will help me remain healthy and happy.

My current mission is to care for my mother, who has dementia, my husband who has several illnesses, and help my daughter care for her four children, one with severe cerebral palsy. When I stop and think about it, I realize this is not random. I had determined previously, that I needed to learn to live my favorite scripture, be still, and know God. He, being wise and loving, put me in this class by giving me this current assignment.

In the last couple of years, I have begun to see the connection between stillness and the rest it brings leading to rejuvenation. I haven’t always enjoyed the object lessons in this class. They have been trying at times. However, I have begun to pass a few more tests.

Like many of you, I have a lot on my plate. Whether those we care for are old or young it is the same work. So, learning to be still in small increments, so that we rest and rejuvenate multiple times daily, is vital to our health and well-being.

My Commitment/Affirmations for 2025 are beautiful, and when I read them, I’m astonished at how well they hit the mark. It was worth the effort I put into creating them. Some of them focus on stillness, rest, and rejuvenation because I knew going into this year that I needed to make more progress.

Here are a few things that I have in my current stillness arsenal.

•I have found a way of meditation that works for me. I have a list of meditations that take 8 minutes or less. To meditate, you must get still and focus. I listen to one most nights before I go to bed. It helps me fall asleep quickly.
•Before I begin praying, I stop and get quiet. I am still for a few minutes before I utter a word whether that prayer is being said in my nightly shower, kneeling at the side of my bed, or while washing a sink full of dishes.
•My husband says when I wake up, I move like a fireman. He’s right. Now I am making myself lie still for just a few minutes and feel the goodness of the day before I allow my feet to touch the ground.
I’m making a diligent effort to remember to breathe deeply three or four times whenever I feel frustration, annoyance, or irritation coming into my body.
•When I must solve a problem or make a decision, I sit down and remain still for a couple of minutes to clear my mind and prepare myself.
When I face an old story or a new negative one, rather than feeling bothered, I still my mind and then redirect my thoughts.
If I find myself unsure because of a setback or a very chaotic day I stop where I am, standing or sitting, and listen. What voice do I hear? One that is harsh and critical or gentle and kind. Then I calmly choose to accept the latter.
•I am continuing my gratitude journal. I have been writing three things each day for several years. Before I write a word, I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and then begin. The whole process takes less than 4 or 5 minutes, and frequently that is all I get before someone needs me. : )

A Simple Example

Let me give you an example of a stillness moment that occurred today, Friday. It had been an overly busy day with errands and caregiving. As I served dinner, I felt a deep need to be done. However, my mom needed help with her teeth. My husband needed help to change clothes and food still needed to be put away. I didn’t want to face dishes in the morning, so despite wanting to be done, I began working on cleaning up.

I don’t know about you but when I’m overly tired even inanimate objects seem determined to cause me trouble. LOL As I washed the silverware a knife slipped from my hand back into the water. I made a face and felt the irritation rise. I began to say, “You dumb knife.” Then I stopped, closed my eyes, and took a few deep breaths. I stood still for maybe 30 seconds. It didn’t remove my tiredness. I still had a few dishes to wash. However, the irritation died out and I felt calm, rested, and rejuvenated. I was able to finish the kitchen and help Mom and my husband with a couple more things before heading to my desk to write.

I know that many would scoff at my list. If you look online the advice is to go to lunch or shopping with friends, take a trip, or get away. These are not practical for my current life. They wouldn’t have worked well when I was raising our seven children. I couldn’t do these things consistently, and surely not every day.  It’s been necessary to find simple ways to add stillness, quiet, and space to my life numerous times a day, right where I am.

Friends, I have learned much and I am wise in many ways. I have lived a long life. I have changed, grown, matured, overcome weaknesses, and have blessed others. I have been in more 101-level classes than I care to admit. But here I am again, in class, Stillness = Rest and Rejuvenation 101, and the resources I need to progress are showing up because I ask for them. I know I can become very good at creating moments of stillness in my busy days that lead to rest and rejuvenation.

Stillness = rest and rejuvenation. I am sure of this, and I am learning to increase all three in my life. I know it will bless me, my family, and all those I connect with.

If you are determined to do what it takes to learn and grow it will bless your life. Be open to those 101 classes!

Serving and Receiving – Two Sides of the Same Coin

Let me tell you a moving story about my grandpa. My grandmother had passed away, and my grandfather who was in his late eighties, was living with his daughter and fading. I visited him and he was happy to see me. We talked for a while and then I visited with my Aunt Carol Lynn.

Later, I made a trip down the hall to the bathroom. As I got close to the door of the room where my grandpa slept, I heard him crying. I stepped in, laid on the bed beside him, and asked, “Grandpa, what’s the matter?” He looked at me with tear-filled eyes and replied, “Time goes by so fast, I can’t catch it.” Grandpa told me how grateful he was for his life and family, how much the time with them had meant to him. He talked about those he had served and those who had served him. Hence the tears, it was all going by so fast.

His answer surprised me because I always thought that as you grow older time would slow down. Now, I’m almost 75 and I know the truth of his words. I never suspected this when I was young. You can’t know until you get there! This story of my grandfather reminds me of two great gifts life offers, serving and receiving.

In 2012, because of an experience, I decided to be more open to receiving help from others. Trust me when I say my progress has been slow! I’ve always prided myself on my independence, ingenuity, and ability to do whatever needs to be done. I have always felt confident in “doing it myself.” However, it’s a challenge to do everything by yourself, all the time, and you miss out on the other side of the coin, the value that comes from receiving. I’ve had to learn this the hard way.

My inspiration to work on allowing others to share in my burdens came because of two people in my life that I loved, both with significant special needs. One was my unofficially adopted daughter, Michelle, in her thirties, and my granddaughter, Maggie. They both had cerebral palsy. Here is their story and how it affected me.

Two Girls Who Understood Both Sides of the Coin

For my adopted daughter, Michelle, time, and her condition took their toll. She was in a wheelchair, had lost many of her former abilities, and lived in a nursing home. She needed help with most daily activities. She passed away a few years ago and has been missed. Maggie, my granddaughter, who is eighteen, was six in 2012. Maggie can’t use her legs and using her hands is a challenge. She cannot feed herself and does not speak. My special needs girls could do virtually nothing on their own.

At Christmastime I had the privilege of spending a full day with Michelle, in the nursing home, helping her make her Christmas presents. With help, Michelle frosted and decorated the cookies and cupcakes I had baked. I held the item and turned it slowly while she did the frosting. Then I would hold and turn it while she sprinkled the decorations. We then bagged the items.

She made a couple of pies for special friends. Michelle did her best to roll out the pie dough, but pressure was an issue. So, I helped her press down while she rolled. Then I assisted her in grabbing hold of the circle of dough and plopping it into the pan. I cut off the excess and Michelle crimped the edges. We baked them in the nursing home oven. She painted pictures for others. I got water, handed her brushes, and turned the paper to the correct angle periodically.

When Michelle gave out her presents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day she was pleased. She commented to everyone that she had made them all by herself and was proud. She felt the full joy of having done this project. My helping had not diminished her joy or made her feel less than.

I had observed these same feelings while working with Maggie when she was 6 and now when she is eighteen. It doesn’t seem to matter how much help she needs, when it’s done it belongs to her. She takes complete pride and ownership in a job well done. Both Maggie and Michelle love doing it ‘all by themselves.’

I found myself judging this behavior to some degree, back then. After all, they hadn’t really done it all by themselves. All the while, despite my love for these girls, I was massaging my own pride in my many accomplishments and my ability to be so independent. What I had yet to learn was that help from others doesn’t diminish our part or our success in the result. These two beautiful souls understood both sides of the coin perfectly!

Later, as we entered the new year, 2013, I thought deeply about that holiday season and a scripture came to my mind. “Are we not all beggars”? Mo 4:19 Do we not all need a great deal of help every day to both receive and give good gifts to those around us; serving and receiving – two gifts that go hand in hand. Are we not all beggars? I decided then to practice receiving. As I said, it’s been a journey and not an easy one.

As we enter the new year, it’s valuable to stop and evaluate our lives, the opportunity to raise wonderful families and serve others, neighbors, friends, family, and strangers. But we also need to contemplate the value and necessity of receiving from those same people, our family, neighbors, friends, and sometimes strangers. We can lift, teach, and help, but we can also be taught, served, and have our burdens lightened as long we are open to both gifts – serving and receiving.

For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have…Mo 4:19 Receiving help in any form is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of our humanness and an acknowledgment that serving and receiving are two sides of the same blessed coin.

A Real Life Example

As I finalize this message, it is the last day of January 2025. Yesterday, I came face to face with what I have shared with you today. Since August of 2024, I have had some medical issues. I had an appointment in May, but the situation required help sooner. Next week I will be seeing the specialist. My daughter planned to go with me because I need an advocate, so I am listened to and not seen as just another old lady. However, when we took the only earlier appointment they had, it was a date when Jodie was not available. What to do?

I want you to know this wasn’t the article I planned for today. I had worked on a different article earlier in the week. However, on Thursday, as I sat at the computer and looked at the articles I felt drawn to this piece. I read it and decided to use it. That evening my youngest sister stopped by with two of her grands. They wanted a picture with my mom, the great-grandmother. It came out Jodie couldn’t be with me at my appointment. Nanette said, “Hey, I’ll drive down and go with you. I want that doctor to know you’re a writer, smart, and totally organized!” Then she gave me a big smile.

My immediate reaction was to say, “No, you can’t. You live over an hour away. That’s more than two hours on the road. I’ll be Ok.” My sister replied that she would make a trip out of it. One of her sons and his family live just twenty minutes from me, in fact, in the town where the doctor’s appointment is. I was again going to protest. This was my younger sister and I am fully capable of going alone, asking questions, and advocating for myself. Then I had a thought, “Mary Ann, isn’t it interesting that this is the article you chose to work on for this Sunday?” That took me by surprise. I knew I had been reminded of the goal set back in 2012. Needless to say, Nanette is coming and will be helping me out at this important appointment.

This may be something you need to work on, as I have had to. There’s no glory in doing everything by yourself. There is only a heavier burden and oftentimes, loneliness, as you struggle on. It’s a choice! Learn to receive as well as serve. This is a practice, and you can learn to do it with grace, as did my beautiful girls.

It will bless you, your family, those you serve, and those whom you

allow to serve you.

Peaceful Intensity?

My friend Livia read a book about Neal A. Maxwell. In the book, they used the phrase ‘peaceful intensity’ to describe how he managed his busy life. It’s a way of being that can be cultivated. It involves how we perceive what is happening in the moment. Maxwell said you can be busy but still function from a place of peace. As Livia and I talked I wondered, “How can those two words even go together?” I was intrigued by the idea and this unique phrase.

This is becuase I’ve been experiencing this place of busy peace in the last few years. It happens when I have this thought, STOP and TURN. In other words, shift how you see what is happening. When I listen and follow the thought I manage better. Even if the pace doesn’t slow down, my heart does. Imagine how life would be if this was our way of being most of the time.

This experience comes and goes in spurts, but it happens. It has felt as if I’m being taught from on high. As I have learned how it feels I can now consciously choose peaceful intensity. In the last year, I have experienced it more than ever before.

Most of you know I shower at night, not because I need to get clean but because it’s my quiet, ‘talk to God’ place. As I step into the shower on a day where nothing went as planned, but I STOPPED and TURNED, I have recognized a flow, a feeling of moving along without rapids in the river. I could honestly tell God I had done my best and felt satisfied that all that was needful had been done. These shower moments are precious because I go to sleep feeling peaceful despite the actual makeup of the day.

Let me share how it felt just two years ago. I sensed that around 3 pm my day shredded apart. I lost the sense of flow and struggled to stay centered. During my shower time, I felt distracted, disorganized, and dissatisfied. I remember watching the clock, racing it to that 3 pm moment while feeling a sense of panic. During my shower, I would plead with God to be shown how to get control. Funny how God answers prayers.

It isn’t about control, lack of distractions, or getting things ticked off the list. It’s about remaining calm with what is, in other words, peaceful intensity.

Do you know that while writing this I realized I haven’t looked at the clock during the day for some time? I haven’t thought about that 3 pm moment. Why? Has any physical thing changed? No, it hasn’t. Caregiving is filled with interruptions, added tasks, irritations, etc. It’s part of the calling. Doctor appointments haven’t gone away. Managing a home and helping with my granddaughter remains. Dementia is still in my life 24/7. All that changed is that I have worked to let go of the 3 p.m. story and have begun experiencing something new in my heart, peaceful intensity. I know it was an answer to my prayer about control. : ) I’ve been shown that control won’t solve the dilemma of overly busy days. However, how we approach those days, can.

TWO EXAMPLES OF PEACEFUL INTENSITY

I work diligently to write during the week. I want the article uploaded, edited, and formatted before Saturday. I need the podcast recorded. I want the newsletter to be ready to go. I want Saturday to be free. By free I don’t mean ‘no work or interruptions’, that never happens, but at least no writing deadlines. : )

However, one week in November I left it all until Sat. I began writing at 10 and didn’t finish until 4 because writing takes time and there were the usual interruptions. As I finished, I sat in awe and couldn’t believe how peaceful I felt and how smoothly it had gone despite all I had to manage along with the writing. This is what I have been experiencing more and more often.

Let me share what happened today. It’s January 4, 2025. I was able to have a few days away from home. My goal was to do lots of writing and move into the new year ahead. However, Don had surgery the day after Christmas and my mom had been ill and in great pain for over half the month. I felt I couldn’t go even though I would only be a mile from home. However, my daughter wouldn’t let me change plans.

Every day, from Monday through Thursday, I drove home to make sure all was well. I also had Don’s incision to care for. Tuesday was New Year’s so I spent most of the day and all that night at home. Wednesday, Mom was still ill and Don’s incision needed attending, so I was home for a few hours. That cut into my writing time. On Thursday Don was better and his incision looked great. Mom was up and dressed, crocheting for the first time in two weeks.

Friday, I didn’t go home. I wrote all day and made great progress. I did the same today until around 3 pm. I had enough posts to last a couple of weeks. I was happy and relieved. I planned to write a few articles during the remainder of the day.

Then out of nowhere, I got scammed. I was posting on one of my business pages and received a notification my site was being suspended. You know the rest of the story. They changed my password, and all three sites went down as if they never existed. I couldn’t access our church site which I post on for my calling. I can’t even open a new account.

I spent an hour trying everything that Facebook said to do. Nothing worked. I called my daughter, and she didn’t know what to do. So there I was, two days of writing and no way to use it. I had a moment where I thought I would go home because what was the use? The whole getaway had been a waste. I felt completely discouraged.

Then I had that feeling, STOP and TURN. I went back to my computer and began this article. I felt at peace. We would work it out or not and I could still write for you. All was not lost. That sense of peace moved in and the sense of desperation and hurry that the situation had stirred up, left. As I have written this I’ve been enveloped in peaceful intensity. The trouble isn’t gone. I don’t know what it will take to repair it if it can be repaired. But I’m OK. I went on to write two more articles.

These are two examples of real-life peaceful intensity. In both situations, I had to allow peace to enter my crazy day intentionally.

I’m a novice in this process, so why am I even writing about it? I hope to encourage you to think about practicing peaceful intensity, regardless of what’s happening. I can only share what I have learned so far. I know there’s more, and I will be taught. Then, I will share more.

WHAT I HAVE DONE

  • I became aware that there was a new way I could think.
  • I prayed for guidance and help. It’s always wise to ask someone who knows more than you. : )
  • I continue to be aware of my stories and control them. I am pretty good at this part. I’ve been practicing for a decade and a half.
  • I intentionally decided to incorporate peaceful intensity into my way of being.
  • I am practicing, practicing, practicing.
  • Finally, I don’t berate myself on those days when I don’t do well. It is counterproductive.

I haven’t read A Disciple’s Life: The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell by Bruce C. Hafen. I may never get to it. But God can and is teaching me about rest and rejuvenation, as it relates to peaceful intensity.

He can teach you too.  

Nurture Your Child’s Love for Learning: Practical Tips for Parents

This week’s article was written by an online friend of mine, Laura Pearson, who shared it with me via email. When I read her article, I realized that my daughter Jodie has incorporated many of these tips into her home and family life. They’ve been useful to my grands. Although they are all teens now, they have been using tools like these since they were in grade school.

These tips will assist parents using regular school options, as well as those who homeschool. In both cases we want our children to be able to love and feel comfortable learning. Take a look, there may be resources you have missed that would help your children. You may also expand those resources you currently use.

Nurture Your Child’s Love for Learning: Practical Tips for Parents

Parents uniquely influence how children view learning and approach new challenges. Creating an environment where curiosity thrives can deeply impact a child’s enthusiasm for exploring new ideas. Engaging in open conversations and sharing their discoveries can inspire children to see learning as an exciting, ongoing journey. Encouragement and gentle guidance allow them to build confidence and resilience in tackling unfamiliar subjects. The warmth of shared experiences makes learning feel both rewarding and natural, laying a foundation for an enduring connection with education.

Inspire Lifelong Learning by Pursuing Your Education

Pursuing an online degree offers the perfect blend of flexibility and opportunity, allowing you to dive deeper into subjects that fuel your curiosity. If you’ve been putting off getting a degree, this option enables you to pursue your dream while managing other responsibilities. For instance, by choosing a degree in accounting, you can build expertise in managerial accounting, estate taxation, and accounting research through the many available programs. Most importantly, your commitment to higher education sets a valuable example for your children, inspiring them to embrace lifelong learning.

P.S. From Mary Ann – My adult children have commented that my continuing learning has helped them do the same. I finished my undergraduate degree in my 40s with my seventh child on my hip. My son returned to school in his thirties and received a degree in Philosophy. My 50+ daughter Jodie, is currently getting more education in counseling despite being a single mom with four teens, one with cerebral palsy. And so it has gone. Our investment in our education is a powerful example for our kids.

Crafting a Focused Learning Environment for Your Child

Creating a dedicated space for learning at home can significantly enhance your child’s ability to concentrate and be creative. Consider setting up a study area free from distractions, with a desk positioned near a window to take advantage of natural light. This setup not only improves focus but also reduces eye strain. Incorporate ergonomic furniture and organized storage solutions to maintain a clutter-free environment and ensure a reliable internet connection to access online resources. These elements create a conducive atmosphere for learning.

Enhancing Learning with Digital Tools

Digital tools can transform your child’s educational experience by making learning more interactive and engaging. Start by introducing one or two educational apps or online resources to avoid overwhelming them. Interactive quizzes can make review sessions fun, while digital simulations offer hands-on experiences in subjects like science. This approach caters to different learning styles and encourages collaboration and critical thinking, keeping your child motivated and curious.

Enhancing Children’s Reading Experience with Interactive Books

Integrating interactive e-books and audiobooks into your child’s reading routine can make reading more engaging and accessible. These tools cater to various reading abilities and can significantly boost reading test scores. Interactive features in e-books help direct attention to key information, enhancing comprehension. By providing a diverse range of reading materials, you can make reading both educational and entertaining for your child.

P.S. From Mary Ann – My youngest daughter, Kate, has used this extensively with her three children. Audiobooks were part of their daily experience since they were very small. One of her children was diagnosed with ADHD last year. She is twelve, but an excellent reader. I think that is, in part, due to her constant immersion in this type of learning.

Celebrate Reading Achievements to Foster Lifelong Learning

Encourage your child’s love for reading by marking their achievements with rewards that feel meaningful to them. Incentives can inspire children to read more and foster a sense of pride in their accomplishments. When reading feels rewarding, it can become a source of joy rather than a task. This approach helps cultivate a lifelong appreciation for books and storytelling. Celebrating each milestone adds a positive layer to their reading journey, making it something they look forward to.

Harnessing Real-World Scenarios for Effective Problem-Solving Skills

Incorporate real-world scenarios into your child’s problem-solving exercises to enhance their critical thinking skills. Present them with practical challenges, such as deciding what to wear on a rainy day or resolving a disagreement with a friend. This approach helps them develop the ability to make informed decisions and think creatively, equipping them with essential life skills.

Empowering Children Through Community Service Projects

Getting children involved in community service can nurture essential life skills and strengthen their social bonds. Participating in projects that involve teamwork, empathy, and leadership brings these qualities into practice, creating a meaningful space for personal growth. Such experiences introduce children to real-world settings where they can actively apply their interests. When activities connect to what they naturally enjoy, their commitment grows stronger.

Creating an environment that fosters curiosity helps your child feel confident in exploring new ideas and discovering their interests. When children sense genuine interest and encouragement, they feel safe to question and challenge what they see. This atmosphere nurtures a love for learning that can deepen over time, becoming part of how they view the world. As they grow, this foundation supports their natural curiosity and motivation to seek knowledge. Your presence and support can make learning an exciting, ongoing journey rather than just a requirement.

Discover practical tips for strengthening family bonds at Mary Ann Johnson Coach – your go-to resource for relationship transformations for busy parents! (Thank you for adding this, Laura.) : )

Be thoughtful about ways you can help your child love learning. 

Solidify Family Relationships with Structure, Consistency, and Presence

Thirteen years ago, I had a wonderful evening with my eight-year-old friend, Hailey. It was successful because time had been set apart for the activity, it happened consistently so Hailey could count on it, and I was present. When we want to solidify relationships in our family these three ingredients make all the difference. I was 61 when I had this experience. Hailey was eight.

Here is the story.

In 2011, every Monday, for nine months, three young girls came to my home and spent the evening. Their mother was a busy nursing student, and I was helping her out. I read the girls a couple of chapters from a classic, while they did quiet activities on the floor, surrounded by a pile of pillows. Then we had a snack, whatever I had on hand, nothing fancy, and I read them the scriptures. We shared the same faith. That’s pretty much it, no bells, and whistles. It was a quiet and unhurried evening enjoying each other’s company. You wouldn’t think three children under twelve would find this enticing, but they did. They looked forward to it.

Sometimes their mom would forget because she had an online test or something like that. Her girls would scold her because they counted on coming over. On the night I am sharing, Vicky had a final and had forgotten to tell me or her girls. It wouldn’t have been a problem but Hailey, who lived downstairs and was in school with one of Vicky’s girls, had begun joining us. She had come twice. I thought both times that she would get bored and not come anymore, but she kept coming.

On this Monday night Hailey was at my door at 6:30 – “Are you having it tonight?” “Yes, we are. I talked to the girls yesterday and we are on. I will send one of them to get you at about 7:30”.

My friend, Hailey.

At 7:35 Hailey was at my door again. “Did they come?” “Gosh, it is time. I don’t know where they are. Let’s give them a call and see.” As I said, Vicky was taking a final and forgot. I looked at Haley and her disappointed face. I had been shampooing my carpets all day preparing for a parenting event in my home on Saturday. I wasn’t sorry to have the night off. I had a lot to do! Then I looked again at Hailey’s disappointed face.

“Well Hailey, they aren’t coming so let’s have an evening ourselves.” She enthusiastically nodded her head. We sat at the table and made paper Christmas chains. I thought as soon as we ran out of strips she would head home. While we worked, we talked about school, her friends, and the upcoming Christmas holiday. Actually, I listened and Hailey talked. : ) Then she said, “Well, aren’t you going to read?”

I read and we talked about the story, what was happening, and what we thought about it. Then she asked if we were going to read the scriptures. She knew right where we had left off. We ate Jordan almonds I had in the cupboard. I kept thinking she would get bored any time and want to go home. After all, I was 61 and the other girls weren’t there. She never did!

Let me reiterate the point of sharing this long-ago story.

Children, in fact, families, need structured together time, that happens consistently, where the adults are present.

Children like and need structure. And by the way, so do teens, even if they complain! They want to be able to count on family time. They want it to be consistent. They want you, your presence. That drew Hailey to my door, the structure of something she could look forward to, the consistency of having it happen, and me, listening, hearing, and responding. It was an evening I am glad I didn’t miss.

Create structured time for your family and then be consistent. Give your children something to count on. Maybe you can have a family activity night once a week or every other week. Possibly it’s a Sunday drive you take together. It might be your weekly family council. What about a game of football in the backyard on Saturday mornings? Maybe it’s skating or biking and occurs once a month. Possibly you go to the movie every other month. What and how often isn’t what matters. What matters is that it’s structured, happens consistently, and you are there, both body and spirit.

Don’t let school, work, or carpet cleaning come between you and getting to know and enjoy your children. Make a plan that can be counted on, then be present and solidify your most important relationships.

When your children are grown you will be glad you made the effort!

 

Why Not Have Some Fun Learning? It is Possible. Part 2

Two weeks ago, I shared a few examples of how useful and fun seeing and responding to your children’s Sparks can be. I explained sparks and how they can help you and your kids connect.

Last week I illustrated how you can Spark your kids and give them interesting and fun opportunities for learning. This week is more of the same. : )

I have written about sparks, kids, and the connection between the two for almost fifteen years. I’ve watched for and used sparks with my grands all that time.

When I switched from the homeschool community to the broader parenting community, I didn’t share this information as often. However, I LOVE using sparks and in the coming weeks, I will share more because the better you are at seeing your kids sparks and sparking them, the more fun, learning, and connection you will have in your home. It’s important to remember that what we think of as play can be, and is, learning for children and sometimes teens. : )

Last week I talked about doing a treasure hunt of my home and shared two activities we did from what I found in my kitchen. Today’s ideas are also from that kitchen list.

The first item on the kitchen list was cornstarch. I’ve used this medium with children for over 45 years. My kids, who are adults, LOVE this activity when we get together. We all pretend it’s for their kids, but we know the truth. LOL Unfortunately, when my children were small, I didn’t understand that learning could accompany fun. I didn’t know why cornstarch behaves the way it does, and the internet didn’t exist. Gaining information was more challenging. Now, the good Spark-seeing person I have become does internet sleuthing and you can too.

Corn Starch Quicksand, a Non-Newtonian Fluid. : )

Mix a box of cornstarch with water. When you mix cornstarch and water you want it to have the consistency of honey. One box of cornstarch takes approximately 1 to 2 cups of water. You will have to work a bit to get the consistency right.

When mixed you can teach your kids a few things. Have them sink their hands into the bowl of “cornstarch quicksand” and notice its unusual consistency. Compare what it feels like to move your hand around slowly and quickly. You can’t move your hand very fast! The faster you move your hand, the more solid the cornstarch becomes.

Sink your entire hand into the goo and try to grab the fluid and pull it up. That’s the sensation of sinking in quicksand! Skim your finger on top of the cornstarch mixture. What do you notice? Grab a fist full and squeeze. What happens? Release the pressure on the concoction in your hand. Now what happens? Roll the fluid between your palms to make a ball.

The cornstarch and water mixture acts like both a solid and a liquid. This concoction is an example of a suspension – a mixture of two substances, one of which is finely divided and dispersed in the other. In the case of the cornstarch quicksand, it’s a solid, cornstarch,  dispersed in a liquid, water.

Viscosity is how easily a liquid will flow. Water and honey are both liquids, but they flow differently. Sir Isaac Newton said that viscosity is a function of temperature. If you heat honey, it flows better than when it’s cold. The cornstarch and water mixture is an example of a non-Newtonian fluid because the viscosity changes when force is applied, not when heat is applied. Don’t you feel smart now? LOL

How To Use This Project With Your Family

Let’s say you have children ages, 2, 5, 9, and 15. Put a box of cornstarch unopened in a bowl. Put an index card with a link for information in the bowl. Place a children’s book about Sir Isaac Newton next to the bowl. Add a book on quicksand or swamps. Have a bag of small plastic animals, including those that live in swampy areas. Provide the recipe for how to make “cornstarch quicksand”.

When your family gathers for the activity, someone may ask “Mom what is this”? The best answer is “Cornstarch, check it out”. Then wait! Let them look at the recipe. Some will grab the books. Explain that they are going to make some cornstarch quicksand. Direct them when they need help. Let them experiment with it. Don’t stress over the outcome. Have fun.

When you are done making a delightful mess with the cornstarch, they may look at the books, ask you to read them, or not be interested till the next day, when they find them on the coffee table. Share your thoughts right then or have a dinner conversation later. You have been a student yourself and so when they ask you why or how it does what it does you can share what you have learned, or you can take them on a journey and help them discover the answers.

Have a conversation. Let it go where it goes without a preplanned agenda. They may want to take the cornstarch to the sandbox and make a swamp with plants and animals. Let them. (Add a few drops of food color for more fun)

While the older kids are making quicksand and experimenting with it, pour some liquid cornstarch on the table and let your 2-year-old and 5-year-old play. Because of the viscosity issue, you can add a spoon, plastic knife, fork, etc. because they can be used to harden the mixture.

For another family activity use pudding or a cookie recipe. As before, play, and don’t forget to lick your fingers. Talk about why the pudding doesn’t act like the cornstarch. It is, after all a more Newtonian fluid.

Another time make cornstarch play dough or use pre-made play dough depending on the ages and interests of your children. See the recipes below. On the website you will find recipes. 

Clean-up Is Easy

Cornstarch dries and can be vacuumed up like any powder and if some is left take a damp cloth to it. The cornstarch and water will separate so don’t pour it in your sink, as it can cause a clog. If saved for later play, put it into a zip lock bag. That’s also how to dispose of it. When using pudding and some of the other ideas prepare for some mess. As you know, sparks are usually the thing that is bugging you or making a mess. LOL There are many ways to use cornstarch over a few days, weeks, or months.

More Cornstarch Uses For Interest and Fun.

1. You can let children sprinkle cornstarch all over the carpets. For easy sprinkling pour
the cornstarch into an old parmesan cheese container or a large spice shaker. Let it sit
for thirty minutes while you read a story to them and then let them help vacuum it up.
They will have fun and you will have fresh-smelling carpets.
2. If you have a dog your kids will love this. Use the same shakers. Let the kids sprinkle
Fido and then brush it out for a fresh-smelling pooch.
3. Mix it with water for glue.
4. Make finger paint by boiling ¼ c. cornstarch in 2 cups of water. Add a few drops of food
color. Cool.
5. Make face paint by mixing 2 parts cornstarch with one part vegetable shortening and then
add some food color. Get a book on face painting from the library. You could also add a
book on the History of Clowns with great pictures. Maybe you can find someone in your area
who is a part-time clown or juggler and invite them to your home to share with your
children. When my son was eleven, he took clowning lessons from a neighbor and did
little shows at nursing homes. He learned to juggle and had a ball.

Can you see how much fun your children will have learning about a new substance, all from utilizing a spark that you light a fire under? So, treasure hunt your house. You may find a spark worth lighting for exceptional family fun.

RECIPES

Cornstarch Playdough
2 c. white flour
1 c. salt
½ c. cornstarch
1 Tb. Alum
1 Tb. Oil
2 c. colored water

Put all dry ingredients in a large pan and stir together well. Add all liquid ingredients and stir well. Place on low heat stirring constantly until it looks like clay. You will be able to tell. Take it out of the pan and knead. Keep the playdough in a closed container. Alum is a must-have ingredient. Buy it in any grocery store in the spice aisle. It is a drying agent and keeps the dough from becoming sticky. This will keep a long time if kept in an air-tight container. You can use baby oil, cooking oil, or glycerin. Eventually, the cooking oil will go rancid but usually, the clay has been played into oblivion long before that. Baby oil will scent the clay.

Edible Playdough
1 ¼ c. dry powdered milk
1 c. peanut butter
1 c. cornstarch
1 ¼ c. powdered sugar

Mix dry milk and peanut butter. Add sugar and cornstarch. Knead till smooth.
Store in an airtight container until all gone, and that shouldn’t take too many days!

Mexican Wedding Cookies
1 ½ c. cornstarch
1 ½ c. powdered sugar
3 c. flour
3 sticks of butter, softened
½ to 1 c. finely chopped walnuts or pecans

Mix ingredients. I use my hands as that works best. This is right up your child’s alley! The dough will appear to be dry and crumbly sometimes. Just remember the cool aspects of cornstarch. Take some in your hand, squeeze, and press it until you have a ball about the size of a walnut. Place it on a cookie sheet and bake at 400 degrees for 10-12 minutes. Roll warm cookies in powdered sugar. Let them cool just enough so they don’t fall apart. These are very tender cookies when they are hot. This is one of my favorite cookies!

One thing we don’t do enough is play as a family.
As you learn to utilize Sparks they will help you create family fun.

Listening and Responding to Children and Their Sparks

My hairdresser, Emily, works out of her home. Most of the kids are in school but she has one little guy who is four and still at home during the day. We have fun conversations.

The last time I was there he brought me two green balloons which he held close together in his hands. He asked me if I knew what they were. I said, “Sure, they’re green balloons.” He laughed and replied, “No they are butt cheeks.” His mom was a bit mortified, but I grinned and told her about a friend of mine and her experience with the whole poop, snot, blood, and butt cheeks thing.

Hana had heard me speak about Sparks and remembered that when we recognize them, we teach, bond, and are Present with our kids, rather than frustrated, embarrassed, or angry at whatever they are doing. Here is the fun email I received from Hana years ago when her boys were still small.

Hi MaryAnn, I just picked up my five books at the library last night. One of the books I picked up is about the human body and burps (lol! yes, two boys in my family) and I was following a spark! Their obsession with bodily functions is hilarious and they are wondering why these things happen! What fun! (funny! is more like it!) Anyways, I will keep you posted! Thanks so much for your wisdom…really and truly. Luvs, Hana

As time went on Hana shared with me what recognizing this spark accomplished in her home with her sons.

  • She returned to the library and checked out all the interesting books she found on urine, blood, gas, snot, etc.
  • For a month, her boys were deeply interested and pored over the books with her and with each other.
  • They talked with her and her husband. They wanted to know how their bodies worked.
  • They had interesting dinner conversations. LOL
  • They drew bodies and tracked bodily functions in them. How does a burp go from the top of you to the bottom of you?

When our kids are burping, most of us say, “Stop that, it’s rude,” because we are in a box, so to speak. We can only see the need to teach manners and help our kids not be rude. But once we begin to see differently, we say to ourselves, “Oh my gosh, this is a terrific opportunity.” Isn’t that what you’re looking for as a parent, an opportunity to have joy with your children and to connect with them in fun and interesting ways?

When I told Emily about Hana and her boys she said, “Man, that’s what I need.” LOL I am sure it will help her deal with the green butt cheeks. Gotta love kids!

I have written, spoken, and taught this concept of Sparks to hundreds of parents. Today, I want to review two other enlightening and very different Spark experiences that my friend Leah had with her children. Before going there, let me answer the question, what is a spark?

A Spark is anything a child says or does that lets you know they’re interested in something right now. Often they are the things that bug us or make a mess. : )

EXPERIENCE 1

Leah had dug some dirt in her yard to plant flowers. Before she could get that done the family took a short trip. When they got home, her kids discovered the dirt. They began to play in this spot daily and called it the water game.

They made mud, built cities, created a mine, dug for artifacts, and had a blast all summer. Eventually, there was a four-foot hole in their front yard. You and I might have had a fit and put a stop to all the messy foolishness, but Leah had learned a lot about Presence and Sparks. She went with the flow.

At dinner, they would talk about the water game and all they had done and learned during the day. Mom, Dad, and neighbors would come out and ask what was happening, and the children and their friends were happy to share.

Leah’s family had amazing Present moments together in a situation that could have created serious contention. Instead, the parents saw a Spark and used it to have mini-conversations and a lot of fun with their kids. They valued the relationship over a perfect front yard.

Here’s what Leah had to say:

“I’m so grateful for the shift in my thought process or I would have missed out on an incredibly magical summer (and fall). Now I have a hole so deep they can stand in it to their chests. The crater in my yard will last a few months whereas the memories will last forever.”

STORY 2

Leah had another advantageous Spark moment with her oldest son. He was eight at the time. Miles was in love with rocks and left them all over the house. They were in the dryer, on the floor, in his pockets, everywhere. It was very annoying and frustrating and had become a point of contention between mother and son.

One day Leah realized this was a Spark and an opportunity to get Present with Miles. She asked him, “Miles will you tell me all about your rocks?” He did for the next hour. Leah, like you, had a million other things to do, but she cleared her mind and actively listened.

Later, she helped Miles design a simple system for displaying his precious rocks. The result was that Miles, Leah, and the whole family had many activities and conversations in the following year, all based on Miles’s love of rocks. It was fun and afforded his parents many opportunities to be Present and enjoy their children.

As you can see knowing what interests your kids now, what is sparking them, is powerful!

Here is quick review of how to see and respond to your children’s Sparks.

HOW TO SEE SPARKS

A. Be Present. Do you want to know the number one way to see and hear your child’s Sparks? BE PRESENT. When we’re Present in all the mundane moments of a family’s day, we will see and hear what we’ve missed up until now.

It’s hard to see a Spark if your head is filled with another agenda or you’re totally engrossed in your technology. It’s hard to see if you’re trying to avoid becoming involved or prevent a mess.

You can’t see if you’re so busy working that the Spark appears to be an irritation or problem.

B. Ask good questions. You can jump-start your ability to see your children’s Sparks by asking yourself questions:

  • What activity do you have to make them stop doing to get them to eat or go to sleep?
  • What activity are they doing when they seem most engaged and alive?
  • When they choose what to do on a free afternoon, what activity do they choose?
  • What did they love to do when they were three years old? Five years old?
  • What are they currently doing that bugs you?
  • What do they do that’s making a mess?
  • What do they collect?

C. Have mini-conversations.

  • Share your Sparks and they may share theirs
  • Say “You’re very good at this…”
  • Say “You seem interested in this…”
  • Say “This appears to make you happy/excited…”
  • Ask “Have you ever thought of….”
  • Say “I had a great day today…”
  • At dinner ask, “What was the best part of your day?” and have each person share

Notice what comes up over and over again in their answers and their conversations. Pay attention to what interests your children even if it doesn’t interest you. When you do it bonds your family, strengthens your relationships, assists in great conversations and family activities, and helps your kids learn.

So, pay attention. What is sparking your child right now?

An Enlightening Response to ‘Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books?’

On March 3, 2024, I published an article titled Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books?  While preparing today’s article I reread it and thought, “How did you write this.” Go ahead and laugh. It happens all the time. But when you feel passionate about something, thoughts and words come. It is an amazing thing.

This is one reason I encourage people to journal. I have reread things in my journal that blew my mind. Not only because they may have been well written, but the things that have happened in my life have been astonishing, when looked at later. But I digress. LOL

After that article was published, I got a wonderful email from one of my readers, who is also a dear friend. We have counseled together in the past and I appreciate her so much.

I get emails regularly telling me how good an article was or how helpful it was to the reader. This email contained some of that. What struck me though was another thing that happens now and then. Someone takes what I have written, and they build upon it! This is massively motivating for me.

I asked Joy if I could share her thoughts with you because what she has done with family reading is magnificent. I think that some of you will want to follow suit, in some fashion.

I have written several articles on the value of family reading. I read to my children, but I lacked consistency back then. Nevertheless, one of my adult daughters said one of her fondest memories was of me reading to our family.

What I love about Joy’s take on family reading, it encourages everyone to read, not just listen.

Here is her email:

Mary Ann, thanks for emphasizing the importance and power of communicating with others about what you’re reading. We discuss this all the time in Leadership Education circles–the importance of discussion and good mentoring for great literature, like the kind you were talking about. This is demonstrated in your examples of how discussing those books with other people changed your experience.

Another great way to gain more from what we read is to process it through writing. (You demonstrate this principle very well too!) As you mentioned, we can write notes and underline in our books, but we can also journal and write essays or blog posts that we can share with others. It’s another way of processing and internalizing the principles and lessons we learn in the books we read. This tool applies to reading scriptures as well. When we process and record our thoughts, questions, and insights through writing, we learn more and internalize and remember it better!

Audrey Rindlisbacher has a great podcast about the power of book clubs,  or discussion groups, like the one Benjamin Franklin organized. I shared it with my grown children, and it inspired many of them to join me in starting an online family book club where we discuss a book about once a month. Our first book was the Screwtape Letters, and our discussion was great and I’m excited to see how well we can keep it up. I can’t think of many things better than discussing great books with my family! Joy Petty

It never occurred to me to have a family book club. I mean, that is an outstanding idea. At first, I thought, “Oh man, our family would never do that.” Then I chastised myself for jumping to that conclusion and reached out to my children to see if there was any interest. I probably won’t have many responses before this article is published, but we will see.

Maybe you, like me, dismiss the whole idea. But don’t. If you have teens or grown children, ask them if they would like to read a book individually or as a family and discuss it. At the very least begin reading together, even if you do the reading.

Depending on the ages of your children, you can read to them or each person in your family can take a turn reading. At the end of each session ask for input. I didn’t do that, and I know now that it would have made the reading I did with my children even more powerful.

If you have older teens and adult children why not explore the option of a family book club? Who knows, it may be a big hit. Even if it only lasts through one or two books, and that could happen, the whole experience will bond you even more as a family.

And by the way, when you read and study yourself, you will be a powerful example for your family. It will have an impact. If not now, then in the future.

Now for the postscript:

After I asked Joy if I could share this email and she consented, we talked some more. I replied to Joy and shared my concerns about a book club and why I read to my husband and Mom rather than us all reading.

“This was so awesome. Can I share it in a newsletter? Great thoughts and I love that you have begun a family book club. I wish that were possible in my family. Lots of kids who do not read, mostly boys and my husband. I read to him, but it can’t be too deep, or he sleeps. LOL Anyway, I would love to share your thoughts.”

Joy replied with this, and it was so heartening. I suspect that is one reason I contacted my family to see what they think. : )

“I have several kids who don’t (or won’t) read either :-). We’re encouraging them to listen to the audiobook so they can participate. The book club is totally voluntary, and fewer than half of my 10 kids participated in our first discussion, but that’s okay. It’s a start, right? :-)”

Joy is correct, it is a start. Even if it doesn’t last for months or years, it will bless her family. If we make the effort to read in our family, in some fashion, it will bless our families too. I have seen this happen in my choppy, inconsistent past in my family.

I know it is true. : )

Switiching From Windows 10 to Windows 11. My Take Away!

I Don’t Like Change.

This has caused me some consternation as I have moved along life’s highway. Do you realize how much has changed since I was born in 1950!! It wasn’t such a big issue until I became an adult and technology exploded.

I can still recall our first computer. I was in my forties. It practically filled the small desk we had. I helped a friend with a project and sometimes I would sit in my chair so stumped I wanted to cry.

 

Now I am seventy-four and technology has taken wings. One thing that bugs me more than I can say is when I finally learn how to use a program or platform it changes. I know they do this for marketing and to stay relevant, but it throws me for a loop every time.

 

Even when using technology I’m reasonably familiar with, I occasionally have to stop and do some research. I google how to do this or that. Then I work to follow the directions which are often in Greek. I am not kidding here; it seems like Greek. Often I can work it out and feel a sense of relief and pride that I didn’t give up and can move forward with my project.

 

Sometimes I need to find someone who knows how to do what I don’t know how to do. Rarely, do I go to a store and get help. More often, I reach out to someone in my circle of friends or acquaintances that I know is good with tech. Almost always they can show me what I am missing and guide me to success. I’m always grateful.

 

Occasionally, no matter how diligently I try to follow directions or figure something out by myself I need to stop and pray because no matter how I have tried it isn’t clear to me. “God, what am I not seeing because I have clicked every button there is and it still isn’t working,” or something to that effect. Guess what. Almost always I have a thought to do this or that which resolves the problem. Sometimes I don’t know what I did and couldn’t repeat the process. LOL I need this help from outside of myself and it is a relief to know I am not on my own all the time.

 

A few weeks ago, I was forced to switch from Windows 10 to Windows 11. I know, you can’t believe I was still using Windows 10. I wasn’t willing to change because I didn’t want to have to figure out a new system. I was content with what I knew. But Windows 10 wasn’t going to be supported after a certain date. I had to move! I wasn’t happy about it. Weren’t things going just fine as they were? The whole idea freaked me out.

 

After the change, I did have problems. Some pages looked different. Menus were not the same. A couple of things required that I get my daughter involved and once a grandson. : ) But after a week I noticed how well I had adjusted and it felt as comfortable as the old 10 did. There were perks I didn’t know I was missing. I’m glad I made that scary change. Sometimes we have to be forced into that place. : )

 

This is how it is in parenting and life. We have to learn new ways as we go along, and it can feel hard and scary. But if we don’t panic or refuse to grow, we can do it. It is better to choose to make progress than to be forced into progress. : )

 

You can’t work with an eight-year-old as you did when they were two. It takes a new set of skills to talk to and direct an eleven-year-old than it does a sixteen-year-old. How you manage chores often stops working and you need to experiment with something new. Awesome relationships may suddenly be strained, and you aren’t sure what happened, when did the train go off the rails? We lose jobs and must find new ones. Maybe our current skill set needs a reboot. Possibly one of our children has taken a different path than we have designed for our family. Now what?

 

Sometimes our past surfaces and we find ourselves triggered, but we don’t know what triggered us or what to do about it. Has a child turned their back on you or the family? Are they suddenly distant? As our children grow, we might find we are unable to maintain our position with them. How do you work that out? Maybe a family member begins to show signs of anxiety or mental health issues. What, I am not prepared for that!

 

Life and parenting are not a straight and smooth road. I have walked both for decades always thinking it would get easier. It hasn’t. I returned to school when I was in my forties, with a seventh baby. My husband changed his profession a couple of times. I’m always called on to make personal changes, improve my way of being, and take responsibility for my responses. I must keep reevaluating relationships as my children grow and become parents and now, grandparents. No, the road never became straight or smooth, but by using what I learned as I went along, I didn’t just manage but thrived.

 

You can do the same. It will require work, purpose, and intention.

 

Here are a few things that have helped me along the way.

 

1. When you recognize that something isn’t working know it will require change and possibly information/resources you don’t yet have. Don’t panic. 

2.  You will need to take responsibility for your part of whatever the issue is and lay blame aside.    Blame is usually an indicator that our perspective is off, or our story is incorrect. 

3. When something has been working in your life or family and suddenly isn’t working, STOP. Be willing to look carefully at what has changed and experiment with something new. Ask yourself good questions and give yourself honest answers. It can feel aggravating, but nothing stays the same, things change. This will happen even if what was working was wonderful. Let your aggravation go and move forward.

4. Even when things are still working, you may need a reboot, so it continues to work well. If it feels like something is off, it probably is. Seek information and adjust.

5. Be open to whatever resources/information are required. I cannot tell you how many classes and books I have taken/read in the last forty years. It took me ten years to realize that I needed to grow and change how I viewed the world, children, and relationships, but once I jumped that hurdle, I ran down the track. I have used what I learned. I have grown as a person. I have become better. I have adjusted my way of being. It has all mattered!

 

I reached out to women and a few men when I needed guidance. I picked people who were where I felt I needed to be, whether how they managed chores or a relationship, how they worked through disappointment or grief, or how they upgraded their skills or managed their money.

 

Be willing to accept mentoring or counseling if needed. Last year I had to work on something in my relationship with Don. We had been married 52 years! I visited with a counselor three times. She helped me consider questions I hadn’t thought to ask myself. It made all the difference.

 

As you know I am a praying woman. This is not my last resort. I begin and end with it and use it often in the middle. Frankly, this has been the most reliable and useful tool in my ‘life’ toolbox, and I recommend it to you when you don’t know where else to turn or what else to do. It has never failed me.

 

If you are looking for help/resources, you will find them.

 

Making changes can be challenging just like using new technology, but if you trust yourself and avoid panic or blame, if you ask honest questions and give honest answers, stay the course, and seek reliable resources and information, you will get the help you need. You will be able to travel this road of life and parenting with greater success even if you are imperfect, and you are.

 

Remember that it took me ten years after I began living as an adult and parent to realize I needed to grow and change. Despite my slow start and the years it took to change, I did. My family suffered bumps and bruises, while I grew and became better. However, my children took my less-than-stellar example and have moved forward. They are growing and becoming better and have done it faster than I did. We are still here.

 

So, embrace change. Be willing to accept that you need to learn and grow. Manage the frustration that comes with change. Seek the help you need.

 

Don’t stay stuck in Windows 10 when you could have the perks of Windows 11! And don’t remain stuck in life or parenting. Be unafraid and willing to do the work to move forward.

Why Take a Technology Break and Is It Even Possible?

In our world, we’re so used to having technology always with us that it’s challenging to be without it for even a short time. Technology, as wonderful as it is, can be a two-edged sword. 

I have written several articles on using, abusing, and letting go of technology. I have experimented with this myself.  A recent email I received has me thinking about it again.

Before I share the email, I want to share some of my experiences with technology, managing it, and not being managed by it. This has required that I commit to taking technology breaks.

When I suggest technology breaks, I realize the difficulty I am asking. The younger you are, the more difficult it seems, because you grew up with it. It came to me later in life. Nevertheless, it hasn’t been easy to learn to manage technology and take breaks. But because of my own experience and witnessing that of others, I know that when people take technology breaks, they feel more in control and rested.  They remain more attentive to their children. They are less prone to angry responses. Parenting, running a business, or caregiving for others all require focus and presence. We need to pay attention and technology can distract us from what matters most. 

I dislike getting behind, so daily I check and clean my email. I quickly go through my Instagram and Facebook messages when I make my daily post. I don’t scroll unless I am waiting in a doctor’s office, I don’t have the time. But I, like all of you, must manage myself very carefully.  It’s easy to get caught up in scrolling, game-playing, texting, etc. Taking an occasional break from my phone, the computer, television, etc. helps me not give up too much time to technology, especially social media.

Another thing that can be hard when taking technology breaks is the feeling that you’ll miss something or be out of the loop. This isn’t as hard for me now as when I was teaching and speaking before my caregiving days. Whew, it was tough. What if someone wanted me to come and speak? What if a mentee reached out? What if a question was asked about an article I had published? I didn’t want to miss anything. But I made myself do the hard thing and took breaks.

Some years ago, after beginning the caregiving phase of my life, I put technology away on Sunday, except for studying the scriptures, journaling, writing letters, and checking in with family and friends. No budgeting, writing articles or posts, no posting, no Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. No googling for information that would help with doctors’ appointments, etc.  

Caregiving is challenging, and frankly, I needed rest, and technology for all its promises doesn’t give you that. It is only a distraction that stops you from nurturing yourself and others in ways that matter. I chose Sunday because it was a day where there wouldn’t be constant interruptions, appointments, driving kids to school, shopping, and so forth. I would be home most of the time without appointments and commitments. It seemed to be a fairly easy day to lay my technology down.

Honestly, I confess I have fallen off that wagon a bit. I still don’t post, write articles, or google for information on this one day, but I have worked on my budget. I have determined to return to my original decision and only participate in technology that helps me keep the Sabbath as a rest and service day. On Sundays when I break my commitment it isn’t as restful and peaceful.

When you have been on both sides of a fence you can make informed decisions because you know what it feels like on either side. I know that my Sundays are more restful, peaceful, and enjoyable when I keep my commitment and put my technology away.

I mentored a family that took a month off from all technology, even the parents, once a year. Courtney told me, “It isn’t the kids who struggle the most, it’s the parents. They really do have to commit.” She said the hard part for her was at lunch. She usually had lunch when the big kids were at school and her little one was napping. She liked to read Facebook, watch a show, catch up on the news, whatever, as she ate lunch. It was a challenge to read or call a friend instead. 

It was also challenging for her and her husband when everyone was in bed. They usually vegged out in front of the TV, just the two of them but it’s their screen-free month. She told me they have learned to play games together or read to each other. It’s become fun.

The one adult caveat she shared was, that they occasionally check email, pay bills online, or prepare church lessons. Just no screens (phone, computer, TV) for entertainment purposes.

I was mentoring a mom challenged to stay on top of her home and spend time with her children. As we talked it became clear that technology – phone, social media, gaming, computer, television – was an issue. I invited her to track her tech use for one week.

On our next call, she was appalled at the results. She hadn’t realized how much time she spent on her phone or saying to her children, “Wait a minute.” because she was in the middle of a game.

It wasn’t easy but she began working on parameters for herself and her family. Over time it made a BIG difference in her ability to manage all a mother must juggle.

As I said earlier, I am revisiting this topic because of an email I received from my sister. She lost her phone and was phoneless for a week. Imagine. No surfing. No talking to anyone. No ring tones. No disruptions with notification pings. Oh man, how would you do in that situation? Would this make you afraid? LOL

I will let her email speak for itself.

“Still off the grid. Good morning, MaryAnn. My Phone should be ready for pickup, today. It has been a glorious week of no unnecessary obligations, and definite adjustments, both emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.

Being ‘forced off the grid,’ opened a plethora of unrealized options for the use of my Time:

  • Enjoying early, early Mornings
  • Rethinking Priorities

Addressing Relationships of all types:

  • Myself
  • Food
  • Money
  • Jesus
  • Daryl (her husband)
  • Scripture Study
  • Research
  • Journaling
  • Quiet 
  • Nature

It has been delicious but required adjusting my Mindset.”

A technology break can be as simple as putting all phones on mute during dinner. It can be as challenging as taking off a day a week or a month a year. Wherever you are, pick a place and begin. Do a test run and see how it feels.

When you are brave enough to set limits for your tech use, however much or little you commit to, I am sure you will find what I have learned, what my mentee found, what Courtney experienced, and what my sister discovered. There are benefits to taking control of when and how you use technology.

Being an example to your kids of how to manage technology and not be managed by it sets them up for the future when they need a break.

Take control of your technology use. Take breaks. Give yourself a rest.

You and your family will be glad you did.