Category: Technology

Switiching From Windows 10 to Windows 11. My Take Away!

I Don’t Like Change.

This has caused me some consternation as I have moved along life’s highway. Do you realize how much has changed since I was born in 1950!! It wasn’t such a big issue until I became an adult and technology exploded.

I can still recall our first computer. I was in my forties. It practically filled the small desk we had. I helped a friend with a project and sometimes I would sit in my chair so stumped I wanted to cry.

 

Now I am seventy-four and technology has taken wings. One thing that bugs me more than I can say is when I finally learn how to use a program or platform it changes. I know they do this for marketing and to stay relevant, but it throws me for a loop every time.

 

Even when using technology I’m reasonably familiar with, I occasionally have to stop and do some research. I google how to do this or that. Then I work to follow the directions which are often in Greek. I am not kidding here; it seems like Greek. Often I can work it out and feel a sense of relief and pride that I didn’t give up and can move forward with my project.

 

Sometimes I need to find someone who knows how to do what I don’t know how to do. Rarely, do I go to a store and get help. More often, I reach out to someone in my circle of friends or acquaintances that I know is good with tech. Almost always they can show me what I am missing and guide me to success. I’m always grateful.

 

Occasionally, no matter how diligently I try to follow directions or figure something out by myself I need to stop and pray because no matter how I have tried it isn’t clear to me. “God, what am I not seeing because I have clicked every button there is and it still isn’t working,” or something to that effect. Guess what. Almost always I have a thought to do this or that which resolves the problem. Sometimes I don’t know what I did and couldn’t repeat the process. LOL I need this help from outside of myself and it is a relief to know I am not on my own all the time.

 

A few weeks ago, I was forced to switch from Windows 10 to Windows 11. I know, you can’t believe I was still using Windows 10. I wasn’t willing to change because I didn’t want to have to figure out a new system. I was content with what I knew. But Windows 10 wasn’t going to be supported after a certain date. I had to move! I wasn’t happy about it. Weren’t things going just fine as they were? The whole idea freaked me out.

 

After the change, I did have problems. Some pages looked different. Menus were not the same. A couple of things required that I get my daughter involved and once a grandson. : ) But after a week I noticed how well I had adjusted and it felt as comfortable as the old 10 did. There were perks I didn’t know I was missing. I’m glad I made that scary change. Sometimes we have to be forced into that place. : )

 

This is how it is in parenting and life. We have to learn new ways as we go along, and it can feel hard and scary. But if we don’t panic or refuse to grow, we can do it. It is better to choose to make progress than to be forced into progress. : )

 

You can’t work with an eight-year-old as you did when they were two. It takes a new set of skills to talk to and direct an eleven-year-old than it does a sixteen-year-old. How you manage chores often stops working and you need to experiment with something new. Awesome relationships may suddenly be strained, and you aren’t sure what happened, when did the train go off the rails? We lose jobs and must find new ones. Maybe our current skill set needs a reboot. Possibly one of our children has taken a different path than we have designed for our family. Now what?

 

Sometimes our past surfaces and we find ourselves triggered, but we don’t know what triggered us or what to do about it. Has a child turned their back on you or the family? Are they suddenly distant? As our children grow, we might find we are unable to maintain our position with them. How do you work that out? Maybe a family member begins to show signs of anxiety or mental health issues. What, I am not prepared for that!

 

Life and parenting are not a straight and smooth road. I have walked both for decades always thinking it would get easier. It hasn’t. I returned to school when I was in my forties, with a seventh baby. My husband changed his profession a couple of times. I’m always called on to make personal changes, improve my way of being, and take responsibility for my responses. I must keep reevaluating relationships as my children grow and become parents and now, grandparents. No, the road never became straight or smooth, but by using what I learned as I went along, I didn’t just manage but thrived.

 

You can do the same. It will require work, purpose, and intention.

 

Here are a few things that have helped me along the way.

 

1. When you recognize that something isn’t working know it will require change and possibly information/resources you don’t yet have. Don’t panic. 

2.  You will need to take responsibility for your part of whatever the issue is and lay blame aside.    Blame is usually an indicator that our perspective is off, or our story is incorrect. 

3. When something has been working in your life or family and suddenly isn’t working, STOP. Be willing to look carefully at what has changed and experiment with something new. Ask yourself good questions and give yourself honest answers. It can feel aggravating, but nothing stays the same, things change. This will happen even if what was working was wonderful. Let your aggravation go and move forward.

4. Even when things are still working, you may need a reboot, so it continues to work well. If it feels like something is off, it probably is. Seek information and adjust.

5. Be open to whatever resources/information are required. I cannot tell you how many classes and books I have taken/read in the last forty years. It took me ten years to realize that I needed to grow and change how I viewed the world, children, and relationships, but once I jumped that hurdle, I ran down the track. I have used what I learned. I have grown as a person. I have become better. I have adjusted my way of being. It has all mattered!

 

I reached out to women and a few men when I needed guidance. I picked people who were where I felt I needed to be, whether how they managed chores or a relationship, how they worked through disappointment or grief, or how they upgraded their skills or managed their money.

 

Be willing to accept mentoring or counseling if needed. Last year I had to work on something in my relationship with Don. We had been married 52 years! I visited with a counselor three times. She helped me consider questions I hadn’t thought to ask myself. It made all the difference.

 

As you know I am a praying woman. This is not my last resort. I begin and end with it and use it often in the middle. Frankly, this has been the most reliable and useful tool in my ‘life’ toolbox, and I recommend it to you when you don’t know where else to turn or what else to do. It has never failed me.

 

If you are looking for help/resources, you will find them.

 

Making changes can be challenging just like using new technology, but if you trust yourself and avoid panic or blame, if you ask honest questions and give honest answers, stay the course, and seek reliable resources and information, you will get the help you need. You will be able to travel this road of life and parenting with greater success even if you are imperfect, and you are.

 

Remember that it took me ten years after I began living as an adult and parent to realize I needed to grow and change. Despite my slow start and the years it took to change, I did. My family suffered bumps and bruises, while I grew and became better. However, my children took my less-than-stellar example and have moved forward. They are growing and becoming better and have done it faster than I did. We are still here.

 

So, embrace change. Be willing to accept that you need to learn and grow. Manage the frustration that comes with change. Seek the help you need.

 

Don’t stay stuck in Windows 10 when you could have the perks of Windows 11! And don’t remain stuck in life or parenting. Be unafraid and willing to do the work to move forward.

Why Take a Technology Break and Is It Even Possible?

In our world, we’re so used to having technology always with us that it’s challenging to be without it for even a short time. Technology, as wonderful as it is, can be a two-edged sword. 

I have written several articles on using, abusing, and letting go of technology. I have experimented with this myself.  A recent email I received has me thinking about it again.

Before I share the email, I want to share some of my experiences with technology, managing it, and not being managed by it. This has required that I commit to taking technology breaks.

When I suggest technology breaks, I realize the difficulty I am asking. The younger you are, the more difficult it seems, because you grew up with it. It came to me later in life. Nevertheless, it hasn’t been easy to learn to manage technology and take breaks. But because of my own experience and witnessing that of others, I know that when people take technology breaks, they feel more in control and rested.  They remain more attentive to their children. They are less prone to angry responses. Parenting, running a business, or caregiving for others all require focus and presence. We need to pay attention and technology can distract us from what matters most. 

I dislike getting behind, so daily I check and clean my email. I quickly go through my Instagram and Facebook messages when I make my daily post. I don’t scroll unless I am waiting in a doctor’s office, I don’t have the time. But I, like all of you, must manage myself very carefully.  It’s easy to get caught up in scrolling, game-playing, texting, etc. Taking an occasional break from my phone, the computer, television, etc. helps me not give up too much time to technology, especially social media.

Another thing that can be hard when taking technology breaks is the feeling that you’ll miss something or be out of the loop. This isn’t as hard for me now as when I was teaching and speaking before my caregiving days. Whew, it was tough. What if someone wanted me to come and speak? What if a mentee reached out? What if a question was asked about an article I had published? I didn’t want to miss anything. But I made myself do the hard thing and took breaks.

Some years ago, after beginning the caregiving phase of my life, I put technology away on Sunday, except for studying the scriptures, journaling, writing letters, and checking in with family and friends. No budgeting, writing articles or posts, no posting, no Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. No googling for information that would help with doctors’ appointments, etc.  

Caregiving is challenging, and frankly, I needed rest, and technology for all its promises doesn’t give you that. It is only a distraction that stops you from nurturing yourself and others in ways that matter. I chose Sunday because it was a day where there wouldn’t be constant interruptions, appointments, driving kids to school, shopping, and so forth. I would be home most of the time without appointments and commitments. It seemed to be a fairly easy day to lay my technology down.

Honestly, I confess I have fallen off that wagon a bit. I still don’t post, write articles, or google for information on this one day, but I have worked on my budget. I have determined to return to my original decision and only participate in technology that helps me keep the Sabbath as a rest and service day. On Sundays when I break my commitment it isn’t as restful and peaceful.

When you have been on both sides of a fence you can make informed decisions because you know what it feels like on either side. I know that my Sundays are more restful, peaceful, and enjoyable when I keep my commitment and put my technology away.

I mentored a family that took a month off from all technology, even the parents, once a year. Courtney told me, “It isn’t the kids who struggle the most, it’s the parents. They really do have to commit.” She said the hard part for her was at lunch. She usually had lunch when the big kids were at school and her little one was napping. She liked to read Facebook, watch a show, catch up on the news, whatever, as she ate lunch. It was a challenge to read or call a friend instead. 

It was also challenging for her and her husband when everyone was in bed. They usually vegged out in front of the TV, just the two of them but it’s their screen-free month. She told me they have learned to play games together or read to each other. It’s become fun.

The one adult caveat she shared was, that they occasionally check email, pay bills online, or prepare church lessons. Just no screens (phone, computer, TV) for entertainment purposes.

I was mentoring a mom challenged to stay on top of her home and spend time with her children. As we talked it became clear that technology – phone, social media, gaming, computer, television – was an issue. I invited her to track her tech use for one week.

On our next call, she was appalled at the results. She hadn’t realized how much time she spent on her phone or saying to her children, “Wait a minute.” because she was in the middle of a game.

It wasn’t easy but she began working on parameters for herself and her family. Over time it made a BIG difference in her ability to manage all a mother must juggle.

As I said earlier, I am revisiting this topic because of an email I received from my sister. She lost her phone and was phoneless for a week. Imagine. No surfing. No talking to anyone. No ring tones. No disruptions with notification pings. Oh man, how would you do in that situation? Would this make you afraid? LOL

I will let her email speak for itself.

“Still off the grid. Good morning, MaryAnn. My Phone should be ready for pickup, today. It has been a glorious week of no unnecessary obligations, and definite adjustments, both emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.

Being ‘forced off the grid,’ opened a plethora of unrealized options for the use of my Time:

  • Enjoying early, early Mornings
  • Rethinking Priorities

Addressing Relationships of all types:

  • Myself
  • Food
  • Money
  • Jesus
  • Daryl (her husband)
  • Scripture Study
  • Research
  • Journaling
  • Quiet 
  • Nature

It has been delicious but required adjusting my Mindset.”

A technology break can be as simple as putting all phones on mute during dinner. It can be as challenging as taking off a day a week or a month a year. Wherever you are, pick a place and begin. Do a test run and see how it feels.

When you are brave enough to set limits for your tech use, however much or little you commit to, I am sure you will find what I have learned, what my mentee found, what Courtney experienced, and what my sister discovered. There are benefits to taking control of when and how you use technology.

Being an example to your kids of how to manage technology and not be managed by it sets them up for the future when they need a break.

Take control of your technology use. Take breaks. Give yourself a rest.

You and your family will be glad you did.

 

The Two-edged Sword of Innovation

I like Kerry Patterson. He is a great writer and from my era, so I relate to everything he writes. Back in September 2012, Kerry wrote an article about unplugging from the workplace, the difficulty and the benefits. I saw amazing parallels for a family. In the ensuing eleven years, I have seen what Kerry shared become even more challenging.

Kerry talked about the nuclear tests that America engaged in 1951, and all the craziness that went along with that. Students were sent flying to the floor to cover the backs of their necks in case of a nuclear attack from the Soviet Union. They saw American soldiers in newsreels, dressed in green fatigues, toting rifles, and holding their helmets tight to their heads, walking resolutely into a cloud of nuclear dust as the latest blast rolled across the desert. It was all craziness because in 1951 we all knew about radiation, the danger, and yet the tests went on. Kerry then asked the question “What similarly insane things are we doing today?” What modern inventions have we wholly embraced, which appear to have made our lives better, but are slowly killing us? In short, what “nuclear walk” are we taking today?

Kerry and I agree on one crazy thing that is happening – our inability to unplug! Let me give you an example that I witnessed back in 2012 and still see happening today. When I first moved to Utah, I lived on the second floor of a two-story apartment building. Below us lived a wonderful family with two daughters. In front of their apartment was a large hedge that hid their patio from view. As I came up the walk one day, I saw Lisa and Patrick’s heads above the hedge. I saw no children. I called out to them, “Hey are you guys having a date?” They both looked up and answered “yes”. As I rounded the hedge to the stairway, I saw that they were playing separate games on their individual cell phones but…they were on a date.

I have mentored moms who had a hard time gathering their families together. Reading as a family was out. Watching a movie together was a struggle. Meals together were rare. They struggled to find time to be present and listen to their children. When I had these moms track how they used their time they were amazed at how much of it they spent answering emails, checking Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, and dealing with other social networking sites, as well as online games they played. There were texts to respond to, videos from friends, and a plethora of things to Google. There were podcasts and audiobooks to listen to. None of these activities were bad but the time used led to a sense of dissatisfaction in their performance as mothers. They couldn’t seem to keep up. This applied to the dads I worked with as well. They not only had the social networking issues their wives had, but they also brought work home with them on laptops and cell phones. These good parents then wondered why they couldn’t connect more regularly with their children or avoid becoming angry and frustrated with them.

After our tracking exercise, I would ask “What would happen if you unplugged occasionally? What if you turned the cell phones off just during dinner? What if you didn’t check your email or Facebook until the afternoon? Would disconnecting for even an hour make your life better?” They answered yes, but I could hear the worry in their voices. They didn’t want to be out of the loop and miss something. And frankly, for some, being thus engaged felt better than doing all the jobs that parents face every day. But what would happen if we unplugged for even an hour a day? Would it make a difference in our feelings of satisfaction, in our health, in our ability to focus on the connection we want in our family? The answer is a resounding YES.

Here is a fact that Kerry shared:

Every time you stop your current task to take a text, etc., or deal with an interruption, and then return, you place the original task from short- to long-term memory, put the new job into short-term memory, and then reverse the entire process to get back on task. Completing this conceptual lifting dozens of times a day creates stress, which can lead to distress and all its attendant health problems.

Frequent interruptions can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction. Instead of working continuously for periods of an hour or more on a task that’s challenging and solvable, we purposely interrupt our flow, add stress, and make our job as a parent far less doable or enjoyable. Take listening to a fretting child or trying to soothe an ill youngster for example.

When we use our time to stay digitally connected, we often extend our day beyond healthy limits. Instead of going to bed at 10, we go at midnight because we want to finish those chores that we didn’t get done earlier. This leads to a lack of energy and eventual grouchiness and dissatisfaction with our children and life.

I worked with a mom who played three online games daily and was a prolific Facebook reader and writer. Often her Facebook messages said things like “I just can’t keep up” or “I am too busy, and my kids are so messy!” She had too many tech interruptions and let too much time pass in these activities which left her always feeling rushed and out of sorts. This didn’t help her parent well.

With the release of each innovation, there’s much to think about. As we invent and embrace new devices, we may not know the toll they’re taking on our mental, emotional, and physical health. What can we do?

  • Take control of how you spend your time.
  • Take control of your outside interruptions.
  • Make the use of technology part of your family dialogue.

When will you, your spouse, or the kids be on the computer? How much TV will any of you watch? What family times call for silencing cell phones? How many Wii or other electronic games will you play?

As Kerry suggests, “Talk openly about the two-edged sword of innovation”. Decide how and when you want to be connected and where and when you want to be interrupted. Make it a choice, not the natural extension of embracing what appears to be a helpful tool. And remember, it’s not an all-or-nothing proposition. You’re not required to take a vow of digital celibacy. You don’t have to chuck your devices and neither do your kids; you just need to control them, so they don’t control you.

Have a plan and then work your plan.

I know a mom who realized that checking her computer first thing in the morning was messing up her day. She decided to turn the computer OFF each evening and then NOT turn it on again until after 12 P.M. This one thing made a world of difference. She felt more productive in the A.M. and was able to help her kids get going on their day. When you make decisions about technology you make more time for your family.

Managing technology with children especially youth, can be daunting. There are dozens of books out there on the subject because it is tough. But what if you decided to turn off all phones during one meal each day? What if computers and phones were silenced just one evening a week for one hour while you held a family council on what was coming up that week? Or what if once a month you had a family movie night and phones were not allowed? Challenging I know, but even one small thing that opens space for family conversation is valuable and will make a difference.

What is one small thing you are willing and ready to talk to your family about? What is one small change you will make?

Decide as a family and then do it!

Technology is a Two-edged Sword

Technology has been a boon in so many ways. I am amazed at how well versed my nine-year-old grandson is in the use of technology. I watch other kids, and I am equally impressed. But technology, for kids, also has downsides. Here is one that I regularly see with the children that I interact with often; they have a more challenging time filling their time when technology isn’t available.

Because her kids are still relatively small, one of my daughters has some very consistent technology rules. Her kids must fill many hours of their day with ordinary play. This need to play is valuable because when kids play without adults, they develop their executive function skills, which are vital to becoming successful adults.

But children who have access to technology for many hours a day have a more challenging time engaging in inventive play with other kids. And this doesn’t just impact small children. I remember watching a group of teens sitting on the steps by my apartment. They were all together, but they were talking to each other on their phones. For over ten minutes, not a single word was spoken. No one looked up from their phones to even look at each other.

I watch my grands play video games with their friends. They aren’t in the same house. They are yelling and laughing with each other, but they cannot see each other’s body language and reactions in real-time. The way many kids play and interact with other kids has changed.

However, if we are wise, we will manage the technology use of our younger children. Of course, as they move into their teens, the time does come when you must let go more, but you can help them practice managing this two-edged sword for a while.

There are some good reasons for managing your childrens technology as well as your own:

1. Technology makes you grouchy – A study done by the Boston Medical Center revealed that parents who get absorbed by email, games, or other apps have more negative interactions with their children.

The Boston Medical Center study was conducted by Dr. Jenny Radesky, a fellow in developmental and behavioral pediatrics. Because she’s an expert on children’s behavior, she was curious as to how the allure of smartphones might affect the quality of time parents and their children spend together. What did they find? Radesky and her team reported there were “a lot of instances where there was very little interaction, harsh interaction or negative interaction” between the adults and the children.

2. Technology contributes to losing the ability to relate to others – remember those teens I observed? Dr. Wendy Sue Swanson of Seattle Children’s Hospital commented, “My concern is that if the device use becomes really excessive, and it replaces our day-to-day interactions, then kids won’t get much practice with having conversations, reading social cues, and responding sensitively to something that the other person expresses.” (“Don’t Text While Parenting—It Will Make You Cranky”).

A Wall Street Journal article describes “silent fluency” as “the ability to read cues like tone, body language, and facial expressions. Email and texts don’t convey empathy, tone, or subtext the way face-to-face or phone conversations do. We have to learn those things by interacting with real people.” (Bauerlein, “Why Gen-Y Johnny Can’t Read Nonverbal Cues”).

Larry Rosen, a well-known psychologist who has studied the psychology of Facebook interaction, wrote, “Our study showed that real-world empathy is more important for feeling as though you have solid social support.” (Larry Rosen, “Why Would Kids Who Spend More Time On Facebook Display More Empathy Online and In Real Life?”).

Isn’t that what we want in our families? Don’t we want our children to feel solidly supported? Don’t we want them to be able to support each other? Of course, we do. Most of us want this feeling in our family culture, but we won’t move as efficiently or effectively in the correct direction unless we model interactions between real people more often than we model interactions with technology.

3. Technology creates emotional distance and loneliness – Steiner-Adair interviewed 1,000 children between the ages of 4 and 18 to learn about their parents’ use of their mobile devices and how the kids felt about it. The words they used over and over again were “sad, mad, angry and lonely.” (Neighmond, “For the Children’s Sake, Put Down That Smartphone”).

In short, kids and parents begin to experience an emotional disconnect. This can prove problematic as children grow and experience more challenging things because who can they talk to? It won’t be those with whom they feel little connection or trust. There’s a sense of isolation and loneliness when technology is too prevalent in a home.

Turning away from technology and getting Present with your children will pay huge dividends when they become youth and young adults. It will impact your long-term adult relationship as well.

4. Technology gives the illusion of naughty children and makes for weary parents – Technology can make kids act out. Review #1 above. It can make kids cranky, and if you are too involved in your tech, they will act out to get your attention.

There are many books out there on how technology can affect your children’s brains for good and ill. There are also a ton of books on how to help not just your kids, but your family manage technology. Here is the thing that I think will help you the most – remember your summers. Those lazy days were filled with running and jumping and laughing and playing. And when you remember, you will want that a bit more of that for your kids.

So how do you manage technology?

As I said, there are lots of books on the subject but here are three tips to get you started:

1. Have set times when you and your children will use technology. I know a mom
who realized checking her computer first thing in the morning was messing up her day. She decided to turn the computer off each night before bed and leave it off until afternoon the next day. It’s made a world of difference

2. Try unplugging. Have a day, a few times a week, each month, or each year when you completely unplug. A few years ago, I shared how one family goes screen-free once a month each year. Yup, a whole month! Unplugging gives your mind a break. It re-energizes you. It puts you back in control.

Sunday is my day to unplug. I don’t scroll through social media, look things up online, write or answer emails, send texts, etc. Instead, I use my phone to visit with friends in real, live conversations. It is refreshing and rejuvenates my spirit.

3. Decide on technology-free times for your family. Which regular family activities will be technology-free? During those times, turn off all technology, including landline phones as well as cell phones. There are many possibilities—mealtime, family reading time, car time, bedtime, and family meeting/activity nights, to name a few.

When we take control of our use of technology and help our family members learn to control theirs, it is easier to feel connected and supported as a family; it is easier to create a family culture of Presence.

Take the time to make a technology plan for your family. Then share it with your friends.

Screen Free for a Month! WHAT?

What if you went Screen-Free, as a family, for a WHOLE MONTH!! Do you think you could do it? Would your family go nuts? Would everyone crack up? Would the fighting increase? Yikes!! A whole month!!

One of the main tips I give to help families connect better and more often, is to manage technology better. Turn off your digital devices, ditch technology – just for a while. Have technology free moments every day. For example, you could have a TV, computer and no phone hour just before bed. When you’re willing to let go of technology for even short amounts of time you will be surprised at how much time you can open up for your family. Finding a few moments each day to turn technology off is a good idea.

A few years ago, I met a family that goes screen-free for a whole month, once a year. I got all the details from the mom, Courtney, and I want to share them with you because I think you will be so impressed that you might consider making this a tradition in your home.

So, what is screen-free you ask? No TV, no movies on TV, no computer time, no games on the phone or TV, no screens!

HOW TO MAKE GOING SCREEN-FREE WORK

Here is how the Smith family makes it work:
1. Prepare your kids ahead of time. This family goes screen free in June, every year. However, one year they didn’t begin talking about it early enough. They usually begin talking about it and making plans about a month in advance. So, for the sake of having a successful Screen-Free Month, they moved it to July that year.

2. Presentation is everything. That’s my phrase and you’ve probably heard me say it before, but it is what they do. They talk it up. They talk about all the great things they’re going to be able to do as a family, how much fun they’re going to have together, and the family reward at the end of the month.

3. Get everyone to buy in. As Courtney was telling me how they get their kids to cooperate I said, “Oh you get them to buy in.” She smiled and said, “Well I didn’t have a term for it but yup, that’s what we do.” They get their kids to buy in by allowing them to pick a reward they would like to have at the end of the month. It could be swimming, camping, eating out, going to the movie theater, visiting grandparents, a road trip, whatever the parents want to throw out there. When the kids pick it, plan it and talk about it – they are IN.

Here is their families one caveat concerning rewards – They don’t use screen time as the reward. They don’t want to reward ‘no screen’ time with ‘screen’ time. : )

4. Parent’s have to be honest! It isn’t the kids who struggle the most, it’s the parents. They really do have to commit. Courtney told me that the hard part for her is at lunch. She usually has lunch when the big kids are at school and her little one is taking a nap. She likes to read Facebook, watch a show, catch up on the news, whatever, as she eats lunch. It’s a challenge to read instead or call a friend.

It is also challenging for her and her husband in the evening when everyone is in bed. They usually veg out a bit in front of the TV, just the two of them but – YIKES – it’s their screen-free month. She told me that they have learned to play games together or read to each other. It’s become really fun.

The one adult caveat – They do occasionally check email, pay bills online or prepare church lessons. Just no screens for entertainment purposes.

5. Plan ahead. Get the games out. Check some great books out of the library. Stock up on popcorn. Know in your mind what you’re going to say to your kids, how are you going to direct them when they come and ask to watch a movie or use technology. Get mentally and physically prepared.

This family goes screen free in the summer months because they feel that in the winter you’re shut in and it’s more difficult to disengage from TV, videos, games, etc. In the summer you can get out, walk, go swimming, go to the mountains, etc.

THE RESULTS

Courtney said that it’s challenging the first few days because it’s a serious transition, but then they settle right in. They have a lot of fun. They play together, they talk, and they laugh. She said that it’s something they all really look forward to each year.

They feel more connected at the end of their Screen-Free Month. It takes a while for screen time to become important to them again. The break feels good – after the first few days. : )

In fact, Courtney shared this with me, “Last time we did it our kids wanted to continue for more than a month! And they hardly ever asked when it would be over.”

So why not consider it and give it a try. You just might find out how much your family likes to read, play games, hike or swim.

Who else out there goes screen free for a day, a week, a month? What is your experience?

Your shares are the best compliment!

The Big Epidemic

The idea that we should be careful to keep our priorities right in terms of not letting lesser concerns get in the way of greater ones so that we find ourselves “in the thick of thin things,” is good advice.

The Big Epidemic

However, getting stuck in the thick of thin things seems to be epidemic in today’s world. It can be a challenge to discern what the thin things are and sidestep them. This is a problem for every parent. There are so many things we need to do to manage our home, make a living, and frankly, get some time to ourselves. And then there are the expectations of the world; what parents are supposed to do to really give their kids a good life, to be great parents.

Let me give you two very different examples of the difficulty of staying out of thin things from two very different moms. One is middle aged and is schooling her children at home and one is older with five grown children. And just for fun, I’ll share how the issue was solved.

Phones, Screens, Frustration!

I was working with a mom who happened to be homeschooling. She really wanted to be Present with her kids during the time they were learning together but she kept getting sucked into thin things.

If the phone rang it had to be answered – it might be important. The computer and other screens were also a siren’s song. Just glancing at the screen for a few minutes couldn’t be harmful, right!

As this mom put it to me, “during our learning time are a tool of Satan!” Pretty strong words! That tells you the level of frustration this mom felt at her willingness to let the unimportant intrude on the important.

This mom, like all the parents I work with, really does want her children to know that they come first, that she loves being with them, and values her time with them. But she was struggling to not walk away from being present with her kids to take care of what was coming in from the world. It was making her feel terrible.

Wisely, she pondered the situation, did a bit of knee time and came up with a solution. She decided to turn off the screens when she wanted to be present with her kids during their learning time. She turned the computer off at night, so it wouldn’t be a temptation in the morning and then when she got down to business with her children, she put her phone on silent.

The outcome is that she’s been able to be truer to her family and herself. She can be present for small amounts of time and accomplish her goal of teaching her kids, but more importantly of sending the message that they matter to her and are at the top of her list.

Expectations, Stuff, and Guilt!

I have another friend who has raised five children. In a recent conversation, she mentioned her dismay at all the stuff that she still had from when her kids were living at home. You know the kind of stuff we save – school photos, childhood drawings, old school papers, awards, etc. She felt that somehow, she had let her kids down because they didn’t have all this stuff in beautiful scrapbooks. I mean, all her friends had made beautiful scrapbooks for their kids, she was sure of it. She felt guilty. It weighed on her mind.

This is what she said to me “I guess I was too busy helping kids with lessons, sitting through games, playing, supporting plays,” … her voice trailed off.”

When I called her on this she smiled and said, “Your right. All that stuff I did with my kids was really more important, wasn’t it?”

Seth and his treasures : )

Now there isn’t anything wrong with a beautiful scrapbook or looking at a screen if they don’t take us away from time we should be connecting with our family. I made a few scrapbooks for some of my older kids, but they didn’t have any fancy pages. I just paper punched the sheets and put them in the binders. My son, Seth, who is on the downside of forty, still has his and thinks it’s the best. He never missed beautifully crafted pages. Andrew doesn’t even have a scrapbook, he was farther down the line but he loved the box of his stuff.

And if you feel pressed about all that stuff you seem to be collecting for

Andrew and his box of ‘stuff’.

your kids here is a thought. A couple of Christmases ago I bought some pretty storage boxes. Then I sorted all the stuff, and after seven kids there was a bunch of it! I put each child’s treasures in a separate box and that’s what Don and I gave them for Christmas.

How did that go? They LOVED them. It was so fun to watch them sorting through the contents. You could hear, “Do you remember this.” “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I did that.” They sat and reminisced for a couple of hours. Since then they have discarded most of what I thought needed to be saved all those years ago.

Funny how we downplay the time we spend with our family, connecting with one another. We rarely give it the kudos it deserves. Funny how we sometimes elevate the value of things that matter far less.

As the world gets busier and noisier and the expectations increase, it becomes critical for us to carve out time for those things that are of greatest importance, our children, our family, our time together.

“We become so caught up in the busyness of our lives. Were we to step back, however, and take a good look at what we’re doing, we may find that we have immersed ourselves in the ‘thick of thin things?’ In other words, too often we spend most of our time taking care of the things which do not really matter much at all in the grand scheme of things, neglecting those more important causes.” (“What Have I Done for Someone Today?” Pres. Thomas S Monson, Oct. 2009)

Being present doesn’t require a lot of time. It does require letting go of outside influences and focusing on those who matter most. When we look someone in the eye and listen, we send a very clear message: I see you. I hear you. You matter to me.

Your shares are the best compliment. : ) 

NOT the Greatest Grandmother!

https://pixabay.com/en/blackboard-technology-board-school-573023/

Sometimes I’m the greatest grandma in the world – and sometimes I am NOT. This week, when I was babysitting the grandkids I was a NOT the greatest grandma. You may ask what accounted for my fall from the pedestal. Well, it all had to do with technology. I turned it off for three hours!

In my new book Becoming a Present Parent, Connecting With Your Children in Five Minutes or Less, there is an entire chapter on this one topic – how technology impacts families and how to take control.

Recently my daughter’s family moved – three times. The entire move spanned a few months and involved living in two homes while they were being remodeled, as well as moving into temporary quarters while one home sold and the other was bought. Whew! It was an ordeal. This experience led to a lot of technology time for the kids. However, they are a bit more settled now and my daughter decided that it was time to get back on track. So at breakfast the other morning I heard her having a conversation with the children. She reminded them of  the family rules concerning their technology use.

Rule 1 – No technology in bedrooms, only at your desks
Rule 2 – No technology at the table
Rule 3 – No technology before the families morning routine is done
Rule 4 – No technology before church on Sunday mornings
Rule 5 – No technology after 7pm. That’s family time.

In 1971 C.P. Snow of the New York Times said “Technology . . . is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other.”

This is true and it is especially true in families. There are positives and negatives to the use of technology in the family setting. Let’s take a brief look at some of the negatives when technology in families isn’t managed well.

  • It makes you grouchy. It’s a fact; too much technology use makes kids and adults grouchy. A study done by the Boston Medical Center revealed that parents who get absorbed by email, games, or other apps have more negative interactions with their children. And I have observed that if there is too much technology time for kids there seems to be more contention among siblings, there is a lower sense of cooperation when someone is asked to do something and there is a tendency to more disobedience.
  • Too much technology use contributes to a loss in the ability to relate to others. I recall watching five teens have a thirty-minute conversation with each other, all on their cell phones. Not a word was actually spoken and they were all right there together. Amazing!
  • It contributes to emotional distance and loneliness. When someone is responding to email or scanning Facebook while you or your kids are trying to get their attention it says loud and clear that you or they are not as important as the device.
  • It contributes to what appears to be naughty children and heightens the feeling of weariness for parents. If parents are on their devices too much, kids will act out to get their parents attention. I have some of my own private research to back this up, as well as wonderful studies done by scientists. And when kids are acting out it can be wearing for parents.

So what can we do to minimize the downside of technology in our families and maximize the positives?

1. Have a set time for technology use for your kids.

2, Manage your own technology use. Have a time limit when you use email and
social media sites at home.

3. Unplug! Have some times during the day when you just don’t use technology, dinner for example.

4. Make the effort to connect on a personal level. Occasionally, instead of texting, make a phone call. Instead of email, write a letter. Have a real face to face conversation with another family member.

I thought you might be interested in how our three hours of tech free time went – you know those three hours when I was the worst grandma on the planet. Well, Mary and Jack both made progress on the books they are currently reading and Ben reconnected with the joy of playing engineer. There are tremendous benefits for families when there are clear boundaries for technology use. Why not make it the topic of your next family meeting. It can change your family!

I’d love to hear how you manage technology in your home. I am also interested in your technology challenges. Visit the blog, leave a comment and let me know.

PS. I invite you to visit becomingapresentparent.com and get a FREE chapter of my new book. It’s called Utilizing Touchpoints and it can be life changing for your family. I promise!

Top 10 Educational Apps for Kids

Summer is almost here and that means lots of kids with lots of time on their hands. For the most part, we want our kids outside playing and having fun but there’s no getting around the fact that they will spend time on their digital devices. Here are some great apps that are safe, fun and can be educational.

Tons of educational apps are now available for download but this doesn’t mean that all of them are good for your kids. Bad educational apps can provide distractions instead of learning, and if you aren’t careful, there are even apps that shouldn’t be on your kid’s phone.

As a parent, you want to ensure your kids are learning from good sources and here are 10 of the best educational apps for your kids:

1. Kids ABC Letters Lite

This app will help your child become familiar with his ABCs. It includes fun games, such as creating letters through colorful puzzle pieces. This version, however, isn’t complete. As it’s a lite version, you may have to pay to get the complete app.

2. Marble Math Junior

Marble Math Junior mixes marble maze games with math problems. It’s best for children who are still learning to read as it includes a voice that reads the problems to your child.

3. Endless Alphabet

This is a monster-themed app that teaches kids how to spell. It doesn’t have a time limit and it doesn’t even keep scores. This helps assure that your child can work on spelling skills without feeling pressured or stressed out.

4. Superhero Comic Book Maker

If you want to enhance your child’s creativity, then this app is a must. It lets children write their own stories, just like a comic book. There are different scenes your child can choose from, and there’s also the option to move the character the way they want.

5. WriteReader Pro

WriterReader Pro is suitable for children age 5 and up. It allows kids to write their own stories while making sure their parents are able to monitor their progress.

6. Read Me Stories

Reading stories to your children is one of the precious moments you share with them. You can download this app which enables you to read a new book to your child every day or let them read a new story by themselves. It’s a good app for practicing, whether at the park or school.

7. Barefoot World Atlas

This app will familiarize your child with animals, people and everything about the world. It has a 3D rendition of the globe and children can zoom in or rotate the viewing angle to get a closer look at the descriptions and photos. It also has BBC presenter Nick Carter to guide your child. What’s great about the app is that it shows your child landmarks and distinct natural features from the comfort of their bedroom.

8. Poptropica

Poptropica is a role-playing app that adds a fun twist to mystery solving. It’s particularly geared towards children ages 6 to 15. In this app, kids create their own avatars which are used to conquer quests. They can change not only the avatars’ facial features but their attributes as well. The game can be saved for future gaming sessions.

9. The Robot Factory

The Robot Factory is created for school age children. It encourages kids to explore, design and create robots. After designing the robot, children can test their creation and then redesign the robot.

10. Duolingo

If you’re looking for a way to help your child learn more than one language, then Duolingo is one of the best educational language apps you can find. It’s great for visual learners and kids can earn badges every time they are successful with a new level.

Author Bio:

Rose Cabrera is the lead content writer for Top Security Review. She’s passionate about sharing security tips and tricks to help keep the whole family safe.