Category: featured

My Mother Wrestles Roosters!

My mom and dad weren’t perfect parents. They had a bagful of stuff which leads to parenting mistakes and I carried the effects of those mistakes in my own bag for many years. I had to work to throw out the junk and distill out the gold. Can I say that it has been worth the work and self-discovery and frankly, I have come to really appreciate my parents, their mistakes and how the process of distilling out the gold has impacted my life for good?

So today, on Mother’s Day, I want to honor my mom. She has lived a magnificent life and if I can do as well with my own messiness and imperfections then it will be enough.

I want to share a story that happened when my mom was 80 years old or maybe 79. We aren’t really sure. She never had a birth certificate until many years after she was born. When my mother came into the world she was premature. They lived in a small town named Etna in Wyoming. Although my grandmother had a doctor with her, he was drunk. When he cut my mother free of the umbilical cord he plopped her on top of the dresser and said, “She won’t live.” He never made out a birth certificate for the doomed baby.

I can tell you that made my great-grandmother bristle up. “We’ll see about that”, was her response. She took that tiny little girl and put her in the warming drawer of the old wood-burning stove. They laid my mother on newspapers and changed them when they were soiled. Her skin was so fragile that it would rub right off so she stayed naked on the paper for weeks.

It took constant watching to keep the stove going night and day for a couple of months so that the warming drawer didn’t get too hot or too cold. It’s a testament to my mother’s indomitable spirit that she lived and thrived and to my grandmother who believed she would.

Now, back to the story, I want to share. Our whole family had just returned home from our annual family reunion. My Arizona sister spent a couple of days with mom before going home.

Now it’s important to the story that you know this about my mother, she LOVES birds. She has canaries, doves, quail, lovebirds, cockatiels, finches and more. Someone is always giving my mother a bird or two. Her backroom is a bird Mecca.

She also had chickens. Yup, right off of Main Street in Logan, Utah she had a flock of hens. One day someone asked her to take a BIG red rooster. She was glad to have him until she discovered that he crowed all the time. Not just in the AM but all the time. So she had to keep him in the garage to keep her neighbors happy until she could find him a “farm” home. My mom named the big red bird Trumpet because he constantly trumpeted the fact that he was here and alive! While my sister was there he got out.

My sister and my mom began chasing him around the yard and finally cornered him behind a bunch of bushes. They could just see him back there pacing back and forth, head bobbing on his long neck. My sister yelled, “Get him mom” and our 80-year-old mother dove, I mean dove, into the bushes. She hit the ground on her knees and the bushes began shaking violently as my sister watched the bottoms of my mom’s shoes open-mouthed.

Then my mom emerged with that huge red rooster by the neck. She was grinning ear to ear. She tipped the bird over and grabbed him by the feet until he hung limply in her hands. Then she swung him up to her chest and hugged him like a small child, putting her cheek on his beak. He closed his eyes and nestled in. “We’re friends,” my mom said.

Can you visualize the scene, my 80-year-old mom diving to her knees into a bunch of bushes and wrestling that big red rooster down? It’s hysterical to think about and amazing at the same time. Here is that tiny baby, destined to die, who didn’t; who at 80 is an accomplished rooster wrestler!

After seeing my mom do what she did my sister went out and bought a beautiful carved wooden rooster. “I’m going to put it in my kitchen,” she said. “Whenever I think I can’t do something or handle something, I’m going to remember my 80-year-old mother wrestling that rooster down. If she can do that I can do anything too.”

That’s the golden nugget I got from my mother. She demonstrated to me that you can do whatever you put your mind to no matter what it takes or how long, or how many mistakes you make.

Mom has been a wonder of resilience and persistence. She used her brain all the time to figure things out. When the dog chewed up the front of my new ballet costume mom figured out how to repair it with orange fish gravel. Amazing. The show must go on.

She ironed men’s shirts, one at a time, for 15 cents each to pay for bread, milk and ice cream. She figured out how to get kids to church, lessons, school, the doctor and the dentist, for the most part without a car. She figured out how to make a pot of rice and a package of hot dogs stretch for nine kids.

When she was in her fifties she began teaching other women how to do amazing things. In her sixties, she took voice lessons for the first time although she had been singing at weddings and funerals for many years. She went back to college, joined a sorority and learned more new things.

She got a job at the university bakery in Logan, UT and worked there for many years. Eventually, she made doughnuts in a little store in Paradise, Utah and made history – people drove for miles on the one day a week that she baked.

Then she went to work for Linn’s grocery in her late sixty’s and worked full time right into her eighties. Now she rests – except when she is walking the dogs, feeding the chickens, taking eggs to her neighbors…My mom, she isn’t just a survivor but a striver!! A mother extraordinaire!

There aren’t any perfect parents. There aren’t any parents without a bag of stuff. There aren’t any parents who won’t make a good many mistakes and because of that, their kids will have a bag of stuff. But in the end what we do will be enough if we do our best, love our families, and keep on keeping on when it is tough. That is a beautiful legacy to leave our children.

Today I have a big rooster on my kitchen wall, my bag weighs less, and I believe I can do anything.

 

A Tribute To Our Mother

I mentor mothers and one of the things we always have to work on is their tendency to believe that they are falling short, they are never going to measure up and that they are ruining their kids.

If you have read the introduction to my new book Becoming a Present Parent then you know that I was not a perfect parent. I came into it with lots of baggage, few skills, and a lot to learn. Our family wasn’t perfect either. We had some really tough times.

That was one reason I used to hate Mother’s Day because I knew I didn’t measure up.

A few years ago my daughters hijacked my website for a surprise gift for me on Mother’s Day. Here is what they said – “We wanted to share with all of you, her dear readers and friends, how honored we are to be her daughters and what she means to us. We are grateful for your joining with us to celebrate our mother and yours. We hope you enjoy this song, in celebration of our mothers as you read.”

I enjoyed reading their words again this year, they made me cry. I am astonished at how they see me. They see what I haven’t always been able to see in myself. It takes a lifetime to find out just what a good job you have done. I was in my sixties when I read these words from my daughters for the first time and knew that although I was imperfect, it had been enough.

We really are doing better than we think – despite any mistakes we may be making. Take heart this Mother’s Day and know that you are doing better than you think.

Kate Housten

I remember one of my favorite things when I was living at home was sitting in our “library” with you talking about our love for books. You taught me to hunger for knowledge.

When I was young you showed me how to make a meal out of almost nothing, how to grow a beautiful garden, and how to REALLY clean. You taught me how to be a homemaker.

The summer I wanted to study abroad in Europe and we had no money, you spent the whole summer baking cakes and selling water bottles with me. You taught me how to work for what I want and be creative doing it.

When I wanted to be a varsity cheerleader my senior year of high school, even though I had NEVER cheered before, you were right there the day of tryouts to make sure I stuck it out until the end. You taught me how to dream, and dream big.

Growing up you loved to teach us how to make sugar eggs, gingerbread houses, and frosting flowers for cakes. You taught me the importance of cultivating my talents.
When you were in your 40’s, you had seven children, an incredibly busy life and yet you finished your master’s degree. You taught me the value of education.

When times were tough and family life was especially hard I’d walk past your open bedroom door and ALWAYS see you on your knees. You taught me how to have a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Mom, it’s easy for us to look back on our time as a mother and wonder if anything we did gave our children what they needed to be successful in their lives. Sometimes we look back and feel discouraged because as far as we can see, what we did wasn’t enough. But it’s the little things, the daily things you taught me that made all the difference. Because you were the person that you were, I am the person that I am today. Through your service to others, you taught me how to serve. Through your example of forgiving and being patient, you taught me how to forgive and be patient. Because you grew and blossomed, like the flowers out back in our garden, you taught me how to grow and blossom.

Now I’m getting ready to take my first steps into motherhood and because of you, I am not afraid. You have already walked the path down this unfamiliar road and through the wisdom you have gained, you will teach me what it truly means to be a mother.

Thank you, mom,
Kate

Marie Henry

There are so many things that I have learned from you but there are two things in particular that have forever changed me and how things have gone in my life. The first one was prayer. I remember always walking in on you praying. I knew Heavenly Father was your friend and that you trusted him.

When I decided to come back to the church I knew what to do. I knew I could talk to him about everything. That is was okay if I was angry, even at him, as long as I talked to him about it. That even if I sat their and said nothing at least I was in the right place. I knew I had to build up trusting him but I trusted you so I knew I would get there and that it would be okay.

The second thing was to never ever give up, that change is possible and that it is very real; that you need not give up hope. There is a way to return to happiness, and it is through Jesus Christ.

The past 13 years have been quite the journey for me and my family. There were times I didn’t think things would ever turn around or feel differently, but then I would pray and get through the day. I knew from watching you that no matter what, you don’t ever, ever give up. You continue to fight even if the answer takes years to come.

Now, look where I am at. I finally love being a mother, I feel content and peaceful with me and how things are going in my life, and I have the greatest man as my husband.

There are many things I get to pass on to my children but the two things I continue to tell them about is to always pray no matter how you feel and to never ever give up, that Heavenly Father is there for us and no matter what you fight to stay on his side.

I know that one day you were praying, in the kitchen I believe, and you said to Heavenly Father that we would have all been better off if he had just sent us to someone else. He said to you that may be true but he sent us to you. Well, I am proud that he did. I am very grateful to have you as my mother.

Our lives here on earth are meant to have trials in them. I left your home knowing how to make it through and come out the other side being a better me and closer to the Lord. Having fewer trials really doesn’t matter. That I know how to make it back home to Heavenly Father is what I came here to learn and learn it I did. I am grateful for the family I have and PROUD I get to say you are my mother. I love you.

Love,
Marie

Jenny Johnson
I really love my mother. And it is one of those interesting loves; the bigger the love gets, the bigger my heart gets, and the more it makes me love the entire world. Amazing!

I remember being a child and mom would take all of her 7 children with her to the nursing home on Sundays just to visit the patients who weren’t getting usual visitors. It was the family’s volunteer work. That is how I now kind of define my life. I prioritize (highly) having volunteer work in my life that serves the geriatric population.

Also, I just finished the endeavor of earning my Master’s degree. I will now start working as a professional to serve the geriatric population with different modes of therapy. I feel so happy and grateful because I know that working in this environment and serving this population is really going to feed my life, daily! She has taught me that despite possibly never bearing children, there is a viable way for me to mother this world! I serve…and it makes me happy. It is how I run my life. This is the legacy my mother has left in my life. An ocean of thanks to you, my sweet mother.

A handful of years ago, when I was in a severe car accident and wasn’t walking, my mother flew to California and took care of me for 4 months. I mean REALLY was taking care of me, as if her 30-year-old daughter was 3 again. Feeding me, cleaning me, helping me move from point A to point B, etc. That was such a wonderful blessing given to each of our lives because what came out of that intimate tragedy was that my mother became one of my dearest friends. I feel so supported, loved and valued and that, again, strengthens and augments my desire to serve and support this entire world, and it makes me love this world even more. A canyon of thanks to you, my sweet mother and friend.

What my wonderful, beautiful, vibrant mother is teaching me now about being a woman is that personal evolution never stops and it is never too late to become 10 times more than you have ever been. Beauty, wisdom, self-love, personal manifestation, grand service – these are things I am learning from her and really beginning to value because she is performing these things and becoming these things and mastering these things and it is all so amazing to watch! She is painting such a colorful masterpiece across the canvas of her life. She is leaving such a mark, and I feel so honored and blessed to be apart of it. I love you mom, to the moon and back! A universe of thanks to you for everything.

Jenny Rebecca

Jodie Palmer
I turned 40 years old a few weeks ago. It’s sort of a surreal experience for me because it’s the only age that I distinctly remember my mother being. She gave birth to her last child at 40, and so have I. I am now where my mother once was, a place I remember her being.

A fascinating thing has happened now that I’m standing in the shoes I remember my mother wearing. She has suddenly transformed into something more than my mother. I’m connecting with her as a woman.

It’s been hard to try to put this transformation into words or describe what it means to finally see my mother as a woman.

I hate to admit it, but my mother has never been a “real” woman to me. She’s been . . . my Mother. Something different than, “a woman.”

Through my life, I’ve been walking these antipodal paths of both discovering who I am as a woman, and consciously putting myself together into who I want to be. But the change that has happened for me is that I am beginning to see my mother in the context of who I am as a woman—this complicated mixture of contradictions and messiness, grace and beauty, vices and flaws, backbone and tenacity, soft and tender places, guarded and hidden places, confusion and wisdom, fullness and emptiness and so much more all wrapped up in one heart.

I find myself feeling so tender towards her, not in a reminiscent way, as is usual for Mother’s Day, but in this current, primal, female, connected, Red Tent sort of way.

As I was attempting to write this tribute to her I came up with my usual celebrations of memories, the ones that have informed my whole worldview and way of being with the world. Like the time she packed us all into the car to return something that had recently been purchased because we needed the money. On the way out of the parking lot, there was a man holding a sign asking for help. She rolled down the window and gave the man part of the change we had just received. She shared and gave, even when it hurt.

Or the time when she washed the body of a woman who had died who had no one in her life to give her that one last loving honor. She is a rememberer of the forgotten.

There are so many other memories that have served as the elements taken up as food by the beautiful garden of my life.

But, today I want to honor my mother differently than I have ever been able to before. I want to honor her as a woman. I want to honor her complicated, contradictory, messy, deeply beautiful, wise, lovely self. All of it is beautiful to me, and so needed by me, as a woman. All of her is so needed by the world. And the world is better for it—the little worlds of her children and grandchildren, the little worlds of her client families, the little worlds of her neighbors, and the strangers that cross her path. All these little worlds collide together in one big bang of goodness and beauty for all the rest of us.

That’s the beauty of women, we are wombs and birthers of beauty and goodness in the world through the complicated mixture of who we are. We are good for the world . . . And the Lord God looked and said, “It is good.”

I am honored to a woman born and grown from this woman. I am honored to have her blood and her bone, her spirit and her heart living in me.

I am grateful for these new eyes that have allowed me to not only see her differently but see my daughters differently. I newly see, and feel, that we are sisters, we are friends.

Love,
Jodie

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

I Hated Mother’s Day!!

Mother’s Day is almost here and for the next few weeks, I want to talk about it. Let’s begin the conversation with me telling you that I used to HATE Mother’s Day. Really, I hated it. I would sit in church or with groups of other mothers and hear stories about mom’s who never yelled, always said the right things, attended every baseball game, loved camping, liked playing with their kids, were affectionate and nurturing, didn’t yell if someone threw up in the car…I was not that mom.

I wanted to be that mom but I wasn’t. I frequently said or did the wrong thing. I wasn’t always nurturing, comforting or there and I didn’t like to play. I had already yelled so I was out of that competition. And baseball, yuck, I hated baseball.

It took me many years to learn how to stop yelling; to learn to hug more often, to go to sporting events, and to just be quiet and listen. I had to learn a lot of skills that I didn’t have when I started out. Sometimes coming to a realization that there was a skill I lacked was the challenge.

As far as parenting goes, I thought it was as simple as picking a good man and having a passel of kids. It never occurred to me that it would be useful to have some type of plan, to learn new skills, to be clear that things don’t always work out the way you think they should and that people, even kids, get to decide how they want their lives to look and feel. It was sometimes a jolting and unnerving experience.

I have frequently joked with my family that NOTHING turned out how I thought it would. That happens to be more truth and less joke.

However, I do not hate Mother’s Day anymore. I embrace it! I love Mother’s Day. It’s a day on which I celebrate the fact that I am a mom. I have a family and we are OK. My children love me very much, despite all my mistakes and lack. My husband is happy with how things turned out and so am I.

I may not be the mom that gets talked about in church or at the ladies luncheon, but I am the mom who raised this family of seven happy, healthy, kind, and good people. I am the mom who learned a great deal and made some valuable changes. I am content with that.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all you mom’s who sit in church or at lunch with other mom’s and feel less than. NOW STOP IT. Stop comparing yourself to other mothers. Stop judging yourself harshly. Stop believing that somehow you are failing your family.

Take my word for it, that it is wasted energy. Instead, celebrate the fact that you are a mother, that you are doing the best you can, and that you do have good desires in your heart for your family. Then get more education. Learn something new. Practice a skill you need and don’t quit till you are reasonably good at it. Be proactive. Mentor with a mom who is where you want to be. Keep working on yourself. Keep loving your family. Keep going!

What you will learn is what I learned while actively parenting children in my home for 39 years – you will learn you can grow and change, your children will love you despite your weaknesses and lack and, yes, in the end, it will all be OK.

What thoughts can you adjust for a more satisfying Mother’s Day?

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

 

Teach, Practice, Be Present

Ben, the new music reader

You know, it’s so easy to teach things to children. Every day there are ordinary opportunities to teach. This last Sunday, Ben, who is six, picked up the hymn book and was trying to sing. He’s in kindergarten and is a fabulous reader. But he couldn’t figure out how to follow the words. So I took my finger and I began pointing to each word. I watched him read and sing. It was thrilling for him because he loves to read, likes music and was fascinated by how the sentences move from line to line, each verse underneath the one before. It was the world of music that he got to step into on Sunday and he was so happy about it.

I was reminded how wonderful it is to learn something new, to have the fogginess of not knowing lifted. That’s especially poignant for me right now because I am working on learning some new things – what a hashtag is and how to use one, how Instagram works and what can be done on the phone besides make a call. : )

Getting on the other side of something that you don’t know how to do is a wonderful process and when you help someone else do it, it’s rewarding.

Roxy, Danni, Gabby and Victoria

Many Sundays ago I had the same wonderful experience I had with Ben with four other young children. I took these neighborhood children to church with me each week – Gaby, 6, Roxy, 5, Danni, 2 and Kyle, 4.

They, like Ben, wanted to understand how to read the music and sing along. I showed them where the hymn numbers for the day were posted. Then each Sunday one of them would ask just as we sat down in the pew, “So the first hymn is 1-2-6?” “Yes, and that is said page one hundred and twenty-six.”

Next, I showed them how to find a page higher than 30 when that was as high as they knew how to count. “First find a page with a 1 as the first number. Good. Now you need to find a page with a one and a two at the beginning. See this page has a one and a three. Oops, you have gone too far. Go back some pages. Look this page has a 1 and a 2 and an 8. You’re almost there. Good job!” Isn’t it wonderful all of the learning that was going on – naming numbers, counting, sequencing, patterns, as well as learning something spiritual as we sang together?

For the next 100+ Sundays, I would go through this ritual three times each Sunday morning – opening song, rest song, and closing song. That gave us a lot of time to practice learning the names of larger numbers, remembering what they look like and how to find a hymn in the hymnal.

Gabby, Roxy, Kyle

By the time Gabby was 8, she could find any hymn in the book and could say the number correctly. Roxy at seven could find any hymn in the book given enough time and she could say most of the numbers correctly. Kyle at 6 was just starting to find the numbers, that is when he was motivated to do so. : ) Danny at four was beginning to notice that everyone else seemed to know something she didn’t. She had begun to pick up a hymnal and ask for help. By this time I didn’t really need to help her because the bigs were capable of doing it. I watched them help her find the page and then point out where on the page we were singing.

This wasn’t just a valuable exercise in learning how to find a page and sing a song. Gabby had to work extra hard with reading and it was challenging to get her to read at home. However, on Sunday she would move her finger along with each word, staying right where she should be for the most part. I could see her lips moving as she tried to read the words. She missed many because music moves quickly but she got more of them each Sunday. There are a lot of strategies to teach reading but making it part of life was working for Gabby.

For Roxy reading came more easily and she missed only the really big words. However, I noticed that although she was singing all the words she couldn’t stay with the music. She was singing each line as you would read a sentence so she was always ahead.

“Roxy, do you see that little black dot? It means the word is sung for a short time. Do you see that little white circle? Well, that means you sing the word for a longer time. I demonstrated what I meant. Love vs. loooove. As we sang I pointed to each word or syllable and said long, short, short, short, short, long, and so forth.

Those 100+ Sunday singing, reading, and pre-math lessons were fun for me and the kids. This last Sunday it was fun watching Ben go through the same process.

Every day we do many ordinary things but they are opportunities to teach children what they may find difficult to learn in more formal settings – reading labels at the store and looking for pricing, buying gas and counting as the meter turns, counting out tithing for Sunday, reading a newspaper headline along with dad.

But this isn’t just about teaching kids important skills such as counting, reading or singing. It’s about parents practicing being Present. All those Sundays I had to be Present during singing time. I had to see what was happening. Who was lost, who didn’t understand, who was successful? I had to pay attention. Using ordinary moments of daily living to teach is valuable practice for us as we learn to be more Present parents.

As you pay attention to teaching your children in the everyday moments you will begin to learn how to be a more Present Parent despite the busy-ness of life. The fogginess will lift and you will experience more and more success. And that extra practice will pay huge dividends in your relationship with your kids. It’s wonderful to learn something new, to have the fogginess of not knowing lifted.

What have you been able to begin teaching your children in this new year?

 

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Words Are Powerful!

 

Words are powerful. They can make us feel worthy or worthless, beautiful or ugly, they can empower or destroy. Words can move people to action or cause resistance.

Yesterday morning when I woke up I said to myself, “Ugh, I am so tired. I just want to sleep. All I have waiting for me is work.” It was difficult to get myself out of bed.

This morning I woke up at the same early hour but my first words were,” Man, I need to get hopping. I have a ton of projects I want to do today.” Before I knew it I was up and in the bathroom brushing my teeth. Can I say that the projects I had waiting for me were the very same ones that hadn’t gotten finished from the day before, the same work.

What we say and how we say it impacts ourselves and others.

Last week I talked about getting kids to buy in to what we want them to do by making the mundane and everyday special. Another way to get kids to buy in is to use words well.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner Alicia Eaton says that by understanding the power of language parents can get their children do almost anything without yelling, bribing, or threatening. In her book How To Get Kids To Do Almost Anything, she reminds readers that the words we use matter and so does the structure of what we say. “We use negative talk and then we’re surprised when our children don’t do what we want them to,” Eaton says.

Here are a few tips for using words and phrases that will get your kids to buy in more often.

 

1. Say what you want and not what you don’t want

A friend of mine, Bob Nicoll, wrote about the power of words in getting people to take certain actions in his book Remember The Ice. His passion was reminding people to say what you want and not what you don’t want.

• Don’t leave a mess. vs Clean up when you’re done, please.
• You have to stop being late for school vs Let’s get our bikes and see if we can be early for school today.

2. Allow choice

• Put your shirt on, were late for church. vs Which shirt will you wear today, the blue or the red.
• What do you want to do first, put away the blocks or pick up the books?

3. Make words and phrases positive

• Let’s leave the room tidy and put all the Lego away. vs You guys clean up this mess and put those Lego’s away.
• Keep the paint on your paper, OK. Vs Don’t make a mess.

Recently a mom said to me, “When I want my children to clean up after themselves I say, “Put away your project rather than put away your mess.” Isn’t that brilliant! I mean, who wants to clean up a mess. But putting away an important project, well now, that’s a horse of a different color.

4. Speak as if they have already bought in.

• When you get your room done we will have a snack.
• When we get done picking up the living room we’ll go for a walk.

5. Try saying thanks at the beginning rather than at the end.

• Please put your shoes in the closet. Thanks for helping.
• Can you help me sweep the walk? I appreciate your help.

Using words well generates positive energy and feelings. The more positive the words the better chance for the outcome we want. Using words positively and well is a skill. Skills can be learned. We do it by practicing and remembering that simple things, done consistently over time, bring BIG results.

Have an experience using the power of words? Please share. We would all love to know!

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Can Chores Ever Be Fun?

Spring is here and one of the things that we may want our family to buy into is ‘Spring Cleaning’. That begs the question, can cleaning ever be fun?

I love the principle “Make it Special” because it adds more joy to the ordinary and mundane things in life. It works at bedtime, family night, family dates, vacations, bath time, having a meaningful conversation with a spouse, in many ways. If you want your family to buy into a system, activity or even chores, then make it special. When something is special, meaning it doesn’t happen every day, or when the everyday is managed in an extraordinary way, people want to be involved.

When our family members  ‘buy-in’ to an activity or family project they feel ownership and they tend to give more of themselves to it. As a parent, when it comes to getting kids to help with chores, that can be very valuable.

Let’s face it, most of life is mundane. So if we can add some fun and build some enthusiasm, then it’s a win-win. Our kids have fun, and we get a bit more of what we want, in this case, chores done.

Six Ways to Make Chores Seem Like Family FUN!

1. Plan to have snacks and drinks on hand. Play some up-tempo music to keep everyone’s energy level up. Let everyone in on the fun. Preschoolers enjoy helping with cleanup and can easily dust lampshades, books, and tabletops, or line up CDs. Let an older child help a younger child for more difficult tasks.

2. What about those messy dresser drawers? Give children badges marked Clothes Drawer Inspector. Have the children sort all the clothes looking for anything too small, out of season or in poor shape or torn. Have ice cream on the way to donate anything you aren’t keeping. (You will see this ice cream reward being used more than once. I LOVE ice cream)

3. Do your bookshelves need a good dusting? Give everyone a shelf and a time limit. Now race to see who can remove the books, dust the shelves and put the books back on the shelf within the time limit. Whoever makes it gets a cool summer activity page. (I did this game with my grandchildren. I had a pile of about 60 activity sheets of all kinds printed free from the internet. They loved it and couldn’t wait to choose one. We did a number of jobs with the timer, and they got a page after each job. They kept them in a colored file until we were done working and then they were free to work on their sheets. Can you imagine that on a non-school day a worksheet can be used as a reward!!)

4. Make a “to-do” list that’s clever and inspiring. Try a tongue-in-cheek menu of spring-cleaning tasks, and let your child decide which jobs to tackle by ordering from it. Put the list on your refrigerator.

  • For example, Surf and Turf: Clean the garage, organize sports equipment, hose off boogie boards and surfboards, inflate basketballs and beach balls, and rake the lawn.
  • Hot Tamales: Clean the stovetop, dust the radiators and empty the crumbs from the toaster.
  • High Tea: Banish cobwebs from the ceilings, replace burned-out light bulbs, and dust the chandeliers.

5. If there is a lot of laundry to fold, hide a prize in a sock and see who finds it. You can also do this with a room by hiding a prize in a hard to clean spot. These can be inexpensive items from the dollar store or even small amounts of money. You can also use coupons for a trip to the park, etc.

6. What about those everyday chores that each person is assigned to do? As a family, determine how much time you think it will take everyone to get their assigned chore done, 30 minutes, an hour. Now set the timer and play “Beat the Clock”. If someone finishes early, they can help someone else. They will want to do this because you have designed a reward for the family if they can “Beat the Clock”. Maybe it’s their favorite pie for dessert, maybe a trip to get ice cream, or a family movie, a walk to the park or a drive to see grandma.

You won’t do this every day or every time your family has work to do but I can guarantee that if you throw in a bit of fun every now and then your family will be more willing to participate. In fact, just the other day I was in charge of my grandchildren and decided that we ought to clean the living room. There were groans all around and then Jack said, “Grandma put on the music.” They have this fun thing down!

What do you do to make chores and family work special at your house? We would all love to know!

 

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Words Carry Enormous Weight

Who Wears Shoes TOO Big?

My daughter Kate wore shoes that were a size too big for many years after she became a teenager. I didn’t realize she was doing that. In fact, she was married before I found out. Her husband found out first and he called her on it.

“Why do you buy shoes that are a size too big”, he asked her. She replied that she had big feet and needed a bigger size. Well, eventually the whole story came out.

She doesn’t really have big feet. She wears the same size that I do, a respectable eight. But one day when she was a child her dad said something that impacted her for years.

We were hiking and she had climbed a tree. Kate was about eight or nine. She lifted her foot and set it on a branch. Her dad made what seemed like an innocent comment, “Hey Big Foot”. The rest is history. She computed that to mean that she had big feet.

I Believed I WAS Fat!

When I was about eight my grandma said something that impacted me for all of my childhood and many years into my adulthood. She owned a Sweet Shop in Afton, Wyoming. I loved going there and she would let me work the candy counter and bag popcorn.

We grandkids could have lots of nickel and penny candy but we were never allowed to have chocolate bars because they cost a quarter. One day, before I had all the unspoken rules down, I asked her if I could have a Twix bar. I had never had one and they seemed so wonderful up on the highest shelf. She said, “No, do you want to get fat.” Another pretty innocent comment but here is what I heard and believed for many years…”You are fat”.

The TRUTH is I Have Beautiful Eyes!!!

Not only did I begin believing I was fat, I believed that I must be really unattractive because I was fat. But when I was seventeen I was at the home of a woman who was doing some alterations on a dress for me. Her husband told me that I had the most beautiful brown eyes. I know that it seems incredible because I didn’t even know the man, but I believed him. I had beautiful eyes! Even now at 65, when I look into the mirror I think to myself, “Man, you have beautiful eyes.”

Pigs or Pigsty…That Was the Question

When I was a middle-aged mom, with six of my seven children, I came down the stairs one day to the sight of a totally cluttered living room. As I gazed out over the room and the many children playing there I said, “This room is a pigsty”. Many years later, when my oldest child was in her late thirties we were having a conversation about moms and how they should talk to their children. I made the comment that although I wasn’t perfect I at least never called anyone names. My daughter looked at me in astonishment and said, “yes you did”. I, equally astonished, asked her to tell me when. She replied, “Well, one day you came down the stairs and you said, “You are such pigs!”

Wow, talk about two different views of the same experience. We talked about it. What we both realized is that children hear what they hear and we just need to be careful what we say, because children don’t always hear the words…they hear the feeling.

It is not just children that hear a comment and then believe it. It isn’t just the young that are affected by what is said to them. Let me illustrate. I will have to tell on myself a bit, but for the sake of emphasis, I will do it. : )

The SATISFYING Laugh, Ahhh!

My youngest daughter is married to a really wonderful man. We like him a lot and frankly, he thinks we are great too. Recently I was talking to my daughter on the phone and she said something that made me laugh.

I have to stop here and say something about my laugh. It is distinctive and it can be loud. I have a witch laugh that is legendary and on Halloween I am called upon to do it a lot. Frequently, during the year, a grandchild will say, “Grandma do the witch laugh.” Now all of my laughter isn’t witchy but that just lets you know it is distinctive and sometimes loud. I have always been a bit self conscious about it.

Back to the phone conversation. I laughed and I heard my son in law say something in the back ground. “Mom, Brady said he likes your laugh.” That was such an odd comment that I asked her “Why?” She asked him and then came back on line and said, “He said it is satisfying.” Isn’t that the most amazing thing to have someone say?

Here is what has happened from that chance comment. Every time I laugh I think to myself, “That is so satisfying.” I am no longer self conscious, but pleased.

Our words can be very powerful for both good and bad. We need to be thoughtful in how we talk to our children and others, about their strengths and their weaknesses, because sometimes what we say can impact them for decades.

In all of our teaching and interactions with our children, we should be kind.

In all of our teaching and interactions with our children, we should be kind. Kind words not only lift our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the years. The same is true of the off hand or unkind chance remark. We would do well to ask ourselves questions such as these:  “Is what I am about to say going to uplift the hearer? Will it inspire, motivate, and create forward momentum for them? Will it dissolve fear and create safety and trust? Will I create a positive or negative ripple effect by speaking out these words?” Harness the Power of Words By Barbara White

What has been said that has lifted you, buoyed you up, helped you learn or made you feel good about yourself? I, for one, would like to know. I encourage you to leave a comment. : ) 

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Read to your Children this Easter

I recall an Easter when I was a girl. There were nine of us children and my mom and dad lived on a shoestring. This particular year my mom couldn’t afford baskets and so she made a nest of Easter Grass (very cheap) for each of us. To make it more exciting she hid the nests all over the house. I recall mine was in the bathroom shower. I had a very creative mother. : )

I have another memory of Easter. I remember reading a great Easter book for kids, The Country Bunny by Du Bose Heyward. My mom never took us to the library. I just learned to use it by myself and for the most part, I walked. So although this is a book for younger children I was probably in third or fourth grade when I read it. I didn’t care. I loved the book.

I remember that I really liked the pictures. They were just plain interesting.

I also loved the story. I really wanted to be that mother bunny. I love that little mother bunny; her wonderful helping children, her outwitting of the swift-footed, pompous hares, and her tender perseverance. I did grow up to have 7 children! (Heaven forbid 21!)

I was intrigued by the golden shoes. I wanted some. I knew that someday I was going to make one of those fabulous sugar eggs that she delivered with the help of the golden shoes.

I also had a question which has never been answered: How did they decide which children got regular eggs, chocolate eggs or those beautiful sugar eggs? Hmmmmmm!

Your kids will like this book and they might like making some beautiful sugar eggs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is another very readable Easter book, Henri, Egg Artiste by Marcus Pfister. I like it because it’s about art!

Henri is a true artist who has grown tired of decorating his eggs in the same old way. Your children will be led on an exploration of the art world as Henri creates beautiful works in the styles of celebrated painters of the past, Vincent van Gogh, Leonardo da Vinci, and Claude Monet are just a few of the geniuses who inspire Henri, Egg Artiste. This is a delightful way to introduce children to a world of masterpieces.

What are your favorite Easter books and traditions? We would love to have you share!

 

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Reinstating Play for Healthy Kids

Spring is on the way! In my day that meant playing outdoors but things have changed.

I’ve noticed that with all the advances in technology kids don’t play like they used to. In today’s world, I wonder if we haven’t lost many opportunities for children to exercise their thinking, problem-solving and creative skills. There’s also tremendous pressure to cut children’s play hours short to make room for more clubs, classes and school time. This pressure has even reached into our preschool population.

What I have been doing to help my grandchildren play without using the computer, TV, or electronic games, etc. is to introduce them to what I liked to do as a child. These more antiquated types of play are engaging because they encourage thought, imagination and observation.

My mother lived on a farm and she had a favorite past time. She would collect empty bottles that had pretty shapes; empty perfume bottles or small jars that pickles, olives and the like come in. Then she would head down to the creek with a box full of crepe paper scraps and make colored water. She kept her jars down there as a hidden treasure. When mom told my sisters and me about doing that we tried it. It was fun watching the small bits of paper color the water. Then we lined our jars up on a sunny windowsill. They were beautiful in the sun.

My favorite pastime when I was between eight and ten was making mud cakes. My sisters and I would find very large stones.Then we made a big pan of mud which we frosted the stones with. As soon as our “cakes” were frosted we decorated them with bits of leaves, grass, twigs, and flowers. Then we set them in the sun to dry. We got pretty creative. We played that game over and over all summer long.

At my grandma’s house, in the back, was an old set of shelves. We played store out there every time we visited in the summer. We would name the store and make a sign. We made play money and took turns being the shopkeeper. We picked weeds and flowers, priced them and then went shopping.

Queen Ann’s lace was cauliflower, yellow flowers were butter and we collected seeds and berries from plants, like her honeysuckle bush. We just picked whatever was available. It was really fun.

In school during 4th through 7th grade, there were many tall trees in the schoolyard. That translated into tons of leaves in the fall. During lunch hour we would use the leaves to design floor plans for a house. We would shape the leaves into rows along the ground to designate the living room, kitchen, bedroom etc. By the time school was over the “house plans” would be blown away but we didn’t care because we knew we would just create them again the next day.

I had a friend who had small children. Her eight-year-old son loved to dig in our large sandbox. So one day I took some broken jewelry and assorted beads and buried them in the sand. You should have seen the delight as the children unearthed the treasure. Most of the children only dug for treasure occasionally after that first time but the eight-year-old dug every time he came until he was well over ten. Even after all that time, he would occasionally find a bead or two.

When I was a girl I enjoyed taking junk and creating something. I have a drawer that I collect junk in – toilet paper tubes, cardboard corners off the frames I bought, old keys, pieces of plastic, – you know junk. Today Ben and Mary made leprechaun traps using the junk from the drawer. They had a wonderful two hours of creating. No technology, just themselves, their imagination and fun.

Put on your thinking cap and remember what you and your friends did when you were five, seven, eight, and ten. Ask your parents and grandparents what they liked to do. What was it you or they liked about that activity? What materials were needed and did you put those materials together your self or did you need adult help. Then help your children recreate the experience.

Don’t do for them what they can do for themselves. Tell them your stories and how much fun you had and get them excited about having the same type of experience. Then stay present. Let them use the materials freely. Help when asked. Oh and ah. You’ll all have a great time.

 

I’d love to hear what you and your friends did for fun on long summer days. Why not share?

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Set Yourself Up For Success

Choosing one ‘best’ thing to work on right now makes ALL the difference in how much success you will have in making changes in your life.

“I fight the 100% Devil constantly, daily, every minute of every day. In my head, I have a To Do list a mile long, and that doesn’t include the things I need to do that I forget are even on the list! I said to my husband the other night that I felt like I was drowning and that I just wanted to give in and sink to the bottom and find some peace.

‘I am still working on the same problems from over 20 years ago… I now know it is because I try to do too much at once and set myself up for failure.” Jody

“I keep saying to my husband that this can’t be the way it is supposed to be. Life shouldn’t always feel like you are always behind, always disappointing yourself and others, always with more to do. I feel like I spend my days just getting through the day, and that’s REALLY far from my larger view of what life is for. I deal with whatever is urgent right at that moment.” Shannon

I’ll bet this sounds familiar to you, this feeling of drowning and sometimes just wanting to give up and sink. I’ve been there, I mentor hundreds of parents who have been there and I’ll bet you’ve been there.

Life can feel as if we are spinning too many plates at the same time. There is a limit to how many plates we can spin at once. If we have too many plates spinning many end up falling to the floor and breaking.

It’s important that we decide which plates are vital and which are not. Some plates may be important but not at this time. We can spin them later when we take off some of the others that can only be spun now. Why not stop spinning plates and choose in, to the 1% principle. What one thing could you begin today or this week that would make a BIG difference in how you feel, how your family feels and in your overall sense of success and happiness?

How do you determine what the best 1% might be? Here are a couple of things you can do. There are others but this will get you started.

1. Personally, I pray. I ask, “What one thing could I do right now that will make the biggest difference in the quality of my life and my family. Then I pray that prayer until I have a very clear thought come into my mind. I have had to pray for as long as three months and as short as a few seconds. It all depends on how ready I am to hear the answer and respond to it.

2. Make a list of all the things that you think you need to work on or change. Then ask your self this question – What feels like it could wait. Then cross that item off your list. Repeat this process until you only have 2 items left on your list. Now take a day or two and see how each of those is manifesting in your life and how they make you feel. Then ask the questions again – Which feels like it could wait. This will leave you with the one thing that ‘feels’ as if it would make the biggest difference. Now do something to change it. Remember the steps to making lasting change and begin working on your best 1%.
REMEMBER – It’s by simple things, done consistently over time that BIG changes are brought to pass.

What is your current 1%? Mine is tracking daily successes. Every day I write down at least one thing that I did well. What we track we do longer, more consistently and get better at. I’m making good progress and I feel better about myself and my progress every day.

If you’re interested in learning more about the 1% Principle, I recommend Raving Fans, by Ken Blanchard.

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