Category: Making changes

Our Perception is Vital to Our Sense of Wellbeing Part 2

One evening, my husband Don was watching Sci-Fi on TV. I was cooking and could hear it. A man said to a woman, “To heal your wounds, you must see the past clearly.”

This woman had been mad at her mother her whole life. Her mother was killed in the jungle while trying to catch a spider known for its miraculous healing properties. Before dying, the mother delivered her child, who lived. The woman believed her mother went because of the wealth the spider would bring. She wondered why her mother had cared so little about her unborn child.

The man sent the woman into the past, to the jungle. She saw her mother’s excitement when they caught the spider. She saw her mother being attacked, then deliver her baby, and die. Those helping the mother used the spider venom on the baby’s tiny body. The woman had not known that her life was in danger, and her mother had gone into the jungle to save her.

When the woman returned to the present, she said to the man, “I didn’t know she was trying to save me. I didn’t have all the information and assumed she didn’t love me enough to keep herself out of harm’s way.” This woman physically returned to the past to get facts and clarity about something she didn’t understand, and it was life-changing.

I have heard all my life that you can’t change the past. You can’t go back. You have to let it go and move on. I no longer accept this counsel. I have experienced that we can change the past, at least in our minds, how it affects our present and future, and you don’t need to go there physically to do it.

The second perception experience was with my 50+ year old son, Seth. He has lived on Jodie’s property, where I live in our four-generation home, for over a year. It’s been nice to have his presence and help. We have all benefited, including Seth. His reason for coming here, from Montana, which he loves, was to take a series of classes to help him do some healing work. You see, no one’s past is trauma-free. It is the bag thing. : )

After Seth finished his classes, he began working as staff/support for others on the same path. That fulfilling way to spend time is what has anchored him here. A few weeks ago, after working at a session, he had the opportunity to share an experience, to illustrate to those in the session that yes, you can change the past. The listeners were moved. Since then, he has been asked to share with others.

I asked Seth to write his experience so I could share it with you.

The Fundamentals of Changing Your Past by Seth Johnson

I am sure many of us, at different points in our lives, have said, “If I could just go back in the past and change that one thing, my life would be so different”. That sentiment is something I have said to myself hundreds of times.

Is it possible to change your past?

Yes, it is. You may be asking yourself, “How is that possible?” Well, it’s possible through rewriting the story and changing your perception of the memory you acquired through that experience. What does that mean?

What are the fundamentals of our past?

The fundamental aspect of our past is not the actual experience but the perception we create in our memory of that experience, which can either be good or bad in relation to how it affects our life. So, by rewriting our perception of the past, we then change our past.

A Real-life Example

“I spent 20 years hating my ex-wife. I told myself that she was a terrible person, that she destroyed my life, and the self-confidence I had, that I would never forgive her for stealing my dog, etc. etc. I have spent the last year and a half going through some personal development training and although what I am speaking of here was not necessarily one of the topics in class, I found this knowledge along the way.

The answer to changing my past was through rewriting the story, thus changing my perception of how I feel about her. I do not hate her anymore, and I never actually did. I truly love her and wish her the best in life. She did not destroy my self-confidence. I chose to be in a situation that created a beautiful learning experience. Not everything was bad; we shared beautiful times, and we loved each other in the way we knew how to love, which was distorted through early experiences in life regarding love. Neither of us knew how to show love healthily.

I chose to carry that hate and hurt for 20 years. It was never about the actual things she did along the way. I wasn’t perfect either and played a part in it all. It was the perceptions I placed into my memories regarding the so-called “bad things” she had done. The moment I re-wrote the story, it changed the perception of the story of my past, thus changing my past.”

Our Perception Does Matter

When something good or bad happens, we perceive others’ intentions and motives. Then we create our story around what we have chosen to believe. That isn’t always bad. But occasionally it’s helpful to rewrite a story and take a second look at an experience, if it is causing us pain, sorrow, grief, or another unhealthy response that negatively affects our life.

This is simple, but like many simple things, it isn’t easy. We can’t magically send ourselves back to an experience and watch it as if it were a movie where we are privy to what we didn’t know or understand. However, we can take our minds back. We can take a second look. We can give others the benefit of the doubt and think the best. We can choose to forgive even if the offender had bad motives or committed a terrible wrong.

And why would we do this instead of just holding the other person accountable? So we can free ourselves, to heal, to move forward, and have a better life

I know from my and Seth’s experience that when we understand the power our perception has, no matter our age, we can change the past, at least how it affects us going forward.

Our story, what we choose to tell ourselves about any circumstance, keeps us in chains or sets us free.

Our Perception is Vital to Our Sense of Wellbeing Part 1

I’ve written many articles on the importance of making sure the story we tell ourselves is helpful to our sense of well-being, healthy relationships, and happiness. How we perceive something matters.

Recently, I had two experiences that cemented what I have learned in over a decade and a half of taking control of how I ‘see’ what is happening in my life, both in the past and present. I’m sharing one experience today and the other next week. They are powerful.

Stress Is a Killer!

When I began caregiving my mom 6 ½ years ago, I did a lot of reading on dementia, so I would know how to care for both of us. There was a lot of useful information. In most of the books and articles I read, I also found this counsel: “Caregiving can be extremely demanding, both physically and emotionally…Studies have shown that family caregivers are at a higher risk of mortality compared to non-caregivers. Approximately 30% of family caregivers die before the person they are caring for.” This information was so prevalent in what I read and heard from other caregivers, that I beleived it was true and it concerned me. I was caregiving three people, in a 4-generation home.

There is also a common belief in the minds of the public that stress, from any situation that is ongoing, is toxic. Stress has been blamed for catching the common cold to creating cardiovascular problems. For example, one article I read said: Stress can have significant physical and physiological effects on the body. Here are some of the key ways that stress can impact your health:

Cardiovascular System:
• Increased heart rate and blood pressure
• Dilated blood vessels
• Increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and hypertension

Endocrine System:
• Release of stress hormones (e.g., cortisol, adrenaline)
• Increased blood sugar levels
• Changes in metabolism and fat distribution
• Increased risk of obesity and type 2 diabetes

The list went on covering other body parts and organs. I wondered how I could manage what I had taken on and remain healthy. I had stress management tools and I used them, but stress is ever present when caregiving, and according to what seemed to be true, I was definitely in harm’s way.

A few years ago, someone reached out who wanted to add a new stress tool to my arsenal to help me have a healthier brain. Here’s the pitch:

S T R E S S
These 6 letters can completely ruin your brain health and create short-term memory loss. Chronic stress, the kind that has you up at night, eats away at the memory sector of your brain, the hippocampus. It causes inflammation, throws your hormones out of balance and there is a big school of medicine that believes most diseases are caused by chronic stress.
•Stress is your brain’s #1 enemy – it is the single largest reason for your memory issues
•Unless you do something to manage your stress on a daily basis your memory, and your brain health will quickly deteriorate.

Here was my response to a question the sender asked: “I am convinced that stress is the cause of my detail memory being so compromised.” I had bought into this belief about stress hook, line, and sinker.

This Was MINDBLOWING!

Last fall I listened to a Ted Talk on stress. It was mind-blowing! The title was How to Make Stress Your Friend by Kelly McGonigal, a psychologist. She told us that for years she had warned her patients about the dangers hidden in stress. But recently, she had been introduced to new research that blew her mind!

It turns out that stress, whether you are caregiving, have a tough job, or are parenting, doesn’t need to take a toll on your health. In fact, it can improve your heart and health. Yes, you heard me correctly!! Her information on how stress is good for your heart was so unexpected and came from reliable research.

McGonigal said: “Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken, and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case.”

One research study showed that people with the same type and amount of stress either died or lived depending on their beliefs about stress. This made me sit up and pay attention. As I researched this new idea, I read this: “With demands on time, energy, emotions, and relationships, caregiving isn’t easy. So, you might think it would take its toll on the physical health of those who care for family members with chronic conditions. But new research offers a positive surprise: Family caregivers may live longer.”

McGonigal urged us to see stress as a positive and understand its value to the body. Also, to know that what you believe about stress impacts how it ultimately affects you. And there it is–our story matters, what we say and how we perceive what is happening brings about the result we get.

Not long after I heard the TED talk, I bought the book The Upside of Stress by Dr. McGonigal. I want to understand how stress can work in my favor. I want this information deep in my soul so that I can do what I have taken on and flourish. The read is fascinating.

Has understanding this changed anything in my day-to-day life? NO. I still clean up plenty of poop. Sitting down without interruptions is rarely an option. There is plenty of frustration and annoyance. My mother’s dementia is progressing, she has had a mini-stroke, and every day is a new normal. Watching someone die is like living on a roller coaster. Don’s surgery brought 6 weeks of extra work and stress. But now, with my new story, when I feel overly stressed, I straighten up and say to myself – “Way to go. This is so good for your heart. You’re going to live to be 100!”

And you know what, I believe it.

P.S. Next week I challenge the idea that we cannot change the past. I will share an example that will show you, you can! You are going to love this!

From Sixty-Two to Seventy-Five, This Hasn’t Changed!

From the movie The Kid

The 40-year-old man and the eight-year-old boy sat together in the airport diner, eating fries and burgers. They each thought their own thoughts about life, as it is and as it would be. The man and the boy were the same person, who, through some fluke, was in the same space and time together.

8-year-old: You’re not mad?
40-year-old: About what?
8-year-old: That we didn’t change anything.
40-year-old: No. Are you ok that you’ll have to fight that bully every day for the rest of grade school and go through high school ugly?
8-year-old: But not dumb.
40-year-old: No, not dumb. And that you’ll go through college without a date.
8-year-old: And get to be 40 with no family.

They look at each other and smile. Then, a dog named Chester grabs a fry, and they run out to the tarmac and see the 70-year-old man. He too is them. He has a family and flies a plane.

40-year-old: Are you who I think you are?
70-year-old: Smile and a nod.
40-year-old: How did we do it?
70-year-old: You have 30 years to find out.

And here is what they all three know – We can do this; it will all work out, and dreams do come true.

As the 70-year-old flies away with his family, we hear the 8-year-old and the 40-year-old shout, “We made it! We’re OK! We’re not a loser! We grew up to be a pilot with a family!” Then they do a happy dance.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know, for sure, that despite how now looks and feels, you are going to be OK? Wouldn’t it be nice? The desire to know we are not losers and are OK is inside each of us.

When I was sixty-two, I emailed a very successful, well-known woman and asked her to help me with something in my business. It was as intimidating to me as writing the queen. She responded. shocked that I would think enough of her to ask. Imagine! We shared our hopes, dreams, struggles, and some of our fears. Here’s what I discovered: She is me, and I am her. We are more alike than we are different. I think that’s true of all of us. We worry that what is coming won’t live up to our expectations, that we won’t live up to our expectations.

Here is what I know:

• Today is all there is, so rejoice and be glad in it.
• Everything won’t work out or be easy, but it will be all right in the end.
• You do not carry your load alone, no matter how it feels.
• Time heals all wounds if we let it and seek resources and help.
• Everything changes, and that is a good thing, even though it feels scary at times.
• We are all more alike than we are different.
• We all struggle in one way or another, so be kind to everyone.
• You have more power than you know.

I wrote these words when I was sixty-two, a baby compared to now! I am seventy-five and sharing these thoughts again because not only have they not changed, but they have also become truer in my heart and life. I know they are true!

On the wall in my office/bedroom, I have these thoughts printed:

The Lord has a plan for me, and it will be a GIFT! Mary Ann Johnson

Life is incredibly unfair – in your favor. Jennie Taylor

Whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say, “It is well with my soul.” From the Hymn, It Is Well With My Soul by Horacio Spafford

We want everything to happen for a reason. A better mindset might be to let God make reason of everything that happens. Jennie Taylor

We can feel heartbreak and joy at the same time. Matt Haig

You can’t wait until life stops being hard to be happy. Jane Marczewski – Nightbirde

If you do your best, it will all work out. Mary Ann Johnson

Our dreams can come true. We can live up to our expectations. There is a plan, and we fit perfectly into it. It may not happen in the time frame we want, but if we hold on to hope and believe in ourselves, we will win.

Isn’t that nice to know!

Stillness = Rest and Rejuvenation

My husband was watching the show The Irrational. It’s about a behavioral science professor who solves tough police cases. I was in the kitchen and could hear it. The main character had an appendix surgery. He tried to rise from his bed a few times because there was a case he wanted to get going on. His sister had to nag at him to remain in bed and heal. At one point the professor spoke with a priest, while still in the hospital. The priest said, “St. Stillness has visited you.” Then he smiled and the professor replied, “Oh, stillness. I’m not very good at it.”

This intrigued me because one of my favorite scriptures is “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10, from the Christian Bible. However, I, like the professor, must work to be still.

Recently, I got a call from a friend. We have both had challenging things happen in the last few years and talked about how we’ve managed. At some point in the conversation, I said, “God has put me in Rest and Rejuvenation 101 so I can learn to manage better.” She began laughing, and so did I. She knew exactly what I was talking about.

This topic of Stillness, Rest, and Rejuvenation is tied to the article I wrote on Peaceful Intensity. Not only must we manage busy and often chaotic days with a sense of peace and calmness, but we also need to learn to be still so that we find moments of rest and are rejuvenated. As we do, we manage better.

Getting things done is my nature but it isn’t healthy to think, move, and manage stuff all the time. It leads to weariness, grumpiness, and resentment even though we choose to bypass stillness, receive rest, and be rejuvenated. I have been in this class for a few years. Some tests I pass and others I fail. But I keep receiving resources and information, practicing, and growing. I’m doing what I have done dozens of times in the past seventy-five years, I’m working on getting better at a skill that will help me remain healthy and happy.

My current mission is to care for my mother, who has dementia, my husband who has several illnesses, and help my daughter care for her four children, one with severe cerebral palsy. When I stop and think about it, I realize this is not random. I had determined previously, that I needed to learn to live my favorite scripture, be still, and know God. He, being wise and loving, put me in this class by giving me this current assignment.

In the last couple of years, I have begun to see the connection between stillness and the rest it brings leading to rejuvenation. I haven’t always enjoyed the object lessons in this class. They have been trying at times. However, I have begun to pass a few more tests.

Like many of you, I have a lot on my plate. Whether those we care for are old or young it is the same work. So, learning to be still in small increments, so that we rest and rejuvenate multiple times daily, is vital to our health and well-being.

My Commitment/Affirmations for 2025 are beautiful, and when I read them, I’m astonished at how well they hit the mark. It was worth the effort I put into creating them. Some of them focus on stillness, rest, and rejuvenation because I knew going into this year that I needed to make more progress.

Here are a few things that I have in my current stillness arsenal.

•I have found a way of meditation that works for me. I have a list of meditations that take 8 minutes or less. To meditate, you must get still and focus. I listen to one most nights before I go to bed. It helps me fall asleep quickly.
•Before I begin praying, I stop and get quiet. I am still for a few minutes before I utter a word whether that prayer is being said in my nightly shower, kneeling at the side of my bed, or while washing a sink full of dishes.
•My husband says when I wake up, I move like a fireman. He’s right. Now I am making myself lie still for just a few minutes and feel the goodness of the day before I allow my feet to touch the ground.
•I’m making a diligent effort to remember to breathe deeply three or four times whenever I feel frustration, annoyance, or irritation coming into my body.
•When I must solve a problem or make a decision, I sit down and remain still for a couple of minutes to clear my mind and prepare myself.
•When I face an old story or a new negative one, rather than feeling bothered, I still my mind and then redirect my thoughts.
•If I find myself unsure because of a setback or a very chaotic day I stop where I am, standing or sitting, and listen. What voice do I hear? One that is harsh and critical or gentle and kind. Then I calmly choose to accept the latter.
•I am continuing my gratitude journal. I have been writing three things each day for several years. Before I write a word, I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and then begin. The whole process takes less than 4 or 5 minutes, and frequently that is all I get before someone needs me. : )

A Simple Example

Let me give you an example of a stillness moment that occurred today, Friday. It had been an overly busy day with errands and caregiving. As I served dinner, I felt a deep need to be done. However, my mom needed help with her teeth. My husband needed help to change clothes and food still needed to be put away. I didn’t want to face dishes in the morning, so despite wanting to be done, I began working on cleaning up.

I don’t know about you but when I’m overly tired even inanimate objects seem determined to cause me trouble. LOL As I washed the silverware a knife slipped from my hand back into the water. I made a face and felt the irritation rise. I began to say, “You dumb knife.” Then I stopped, closed my eyes, and took a few deep breaths. I stood still for maybe 30 seconds. It didn’t remove my tiredness. I still had a few dishes to wash. However, the irritation died out and I felt calm, rested, and rejuvenated. I was able to finish the kitchen and help Mom and my husband with a couple more things before heading to my desk to write.

I know that many would scoff at my list. If you look online the advice is to go to lunch or shopping with friends, take a trip, or get away. These are not practical for my current life. They wouldn’t have worked well when I was raising our seven children. I couldn’t do these things consistently, and surely not every day. It’s been necessary to find simple ways to add stillness, quiet, and space to my life numerous times a day, right where I am.

Friends, I have learned much and I am wise in many ways. I have lived a long life. I have changed, grown, matured, overcome weaknesses, and have blessed others. I have been in more 101-level classes than I care to admit. But here I am again, in class, Stillness = Rest and Rejuvenation 101, and the resources I need to progress are showing up because I ask for them. I know I can become very good at creating moments of stillness in my busy days that lead to rest and rejuvenation.

Stillness = rest and rejuvenation. I am sure of this, and I am learning to increase all three in my life. I know it will bless me, my family, and all those I connect with.

If you are determined to do what it takes to learn and grow it will bless your life. Be open to those 101 classes!

Serving and Receiving – Two Sides of the Same Coin

Let me tell you a moving story about my grandpa. My grandmother had passed away, and my grandfather who was in his late eighties, was living with his daughter and fading. I visited him and he was happy to see me. We talked for a while and then I visited with my Aunt Carol Lynn.

Later, I made a trip down the hall to the bathroom. As I got close to the door of the room where my grandpa slept, I heard him crying. I stepped in, laid on the bed beside him, and asked, “Grandpa, what’s the matter?” He looked at me with tear-filled eyes and replied, “Time goes by so fast, I can’t catch it.” Grandpa told me how grateful he was for his life and family, how much the time with them had meant to him. He talked about those he had served and those who had served him. Hence the tears, it was all going by so fast.

His answer surprised me because I always thought that as you grow older time would slow down. Now, I’m almost 75 and I know the truth of his words. I never suspected this when I was young. You can’t know until you get there! This story of my grandfather reminds me of two great gifts life offers, serving and receiving.

In 2012, because of an experience, I decided to be more open to receiving help from others. Trust me when I say my progress has been slow! I’ve always prided myself on my independence, ingenuity, and ability to do whatever needs to be done. I have always felt confident in “doing it myself.” However, it’s a challenge to do everything by yourself, all the time, and you miss out on the other side of the coin, the value that comes from receiving. I’ve had to learn this the hard way.

My inspiration to work on allowing others to share in my burdens came because of two people in my life that I loved, both with significant special needs. One was my unofficially adopted daughter, Michelle, in her thirties, and my granddaughter, Maggie. They both had cerebral palsy. Here is their story and how it affected me.

Two Girls Who Understood Both Sides of the Coin

For my adopted daughter, Michelle, time, and her condition took their toll. She was in a wheelchair, had lost many of her former abilities, and lived in a nursing home. She needed help with most daily activities. She passed away a few years ago and has been missed. Maggie, my granddaughter, who is eighteen, was six in 2012. Maggie can’t use her legs and using her hands is a challenge. She cannot feed herself and does not speak. My special needs girls could do virtually nothing on their own.

At Christmastime I had the privilege of spending a full day with Michelle, in the nursing home, helping her make her Christmas presents. With help, Michelle frosted and decorated the cookies and cupcakes I had baked. I held the item and turned it slowly while she did the frosting. Then I would hold and turn it while she sprinkled the decorations. We then bagged the items.

She made a couple of pies for special friends. Michelle did her best to roll out the pie dough, but pressure was an issue. So, I helped her press down while she rolled. Then I assisted her in grabbing hold of the circle of dough and plopping it into the pan. I cut off the excess and Michelle crimped the edges. We baked them in the nursing home oven. She painted pictures for others. I got water, handed her brushes, and turned the paper to the correct angle periodically.

When Michelle gave out her presents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day she was pleased. She commented to everyone that she had made them all by herself and was proud. She felt the full joy of having done this project. My helping had not diminished her joy or made her feel less than.

I had observed these same feelings while working with Maggie when she was 6 and now when she is eighteen. It doesn’t seem to matter how much help she needs, when it’s done it belongs to her. She takes complete pride and ownership in a job well done. Both Maggie and Michelle love doing it ‘all by themselves.’

I found myself judging this behavior to some degree, back then. After all, they hadn’t really done it all by themselves. All the while, despite my love for these girls, I was massaging my own pride in my many accomplishments and my ability to be so independent. What I had yet to learn was that help from others doesn’t diminish our part or our success in the result. These two beautiful souls understood both sides of the coin perfectly!

Later, as we entered the new year, 2013, I thought deeply about that holiday season and a scripture came to my mind. “Are we not all beggars”? Mo 4:19 Do we not all need a great deal of help every day to both receive and give good gifts to those around us; serving and receiving – two gifts that go hand in hand. Are we not all beggars? I decided then to practice receiving. As I said, it’s been a journey and not an easy one.

As we enter the new year, it’s valuable to stop and evaluate our lives, the opportunity to raise wonderful families and serve others, neighbors, friends, family, and strangers. But we also need to contemplate the value and necessity of receiving from those same people, our family, neighbors, friends, and sometimes strangers. We can lift, teach, and help, but we can also be taught, served, and have our burdens lightened as long we are open to both gifts – serving and receiving.

For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have…Mo 4:19 Receiving help in any form is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of our humanness and an acknowledgment that serving and receiving are two sides of the same blessed coin.

A Real Life Example

As I finalize this message, it is the last day of January 2025. Yesterday, I came face to face with what I have shared with you today. Since August of 2024, I have had some medical issues. I had an appointment in May, but the situation required help sooner. Next week I will be seeing the specialist. My daughter planned to go with me because I need an advocate, so I am listened to and not seen as just another old lady. However, when we took the only earlier appointment they had, it was a date when Jodie was not available. What to do?

I want you to know this wasn’t the article I planned for today. I had worked on a different article earlier in the week. However, on Thursday, as I sat at the computer and looked at the articles I felt drawn to this piece. I read it and decided to use it. That evening my youngest sister stopped by with two of her grands. They wanted a picture with my mom, the great-grandmother. It came out Jodie couldn’t be with me at my appointment. Nanette said, “Hey, I’ll drive down and go with you. I want that doctor to know you’re a writer, smart, and totally organized!” Then she gave me a big smile.

My immediate reaction was to say, “No, you can’t. You live over an hour away. That’s more than two hours on the road. I’ll be Ok.” My sister replied that she would make a trip out of it. One of her sons and his family live just twenty minutes from me, in fact, in the town where the doctor’s appointment is. I was again going to protest. This was my younger sister and I am fully capable of going alone, asking questions, and advocating for myself. Then I had a thought, “Mary Ann, isn’t it interesting that this is the article you chose to work on for this Sunday?” That took me by surprise. I knew I had been reminded of the goal set back in 2012. Needless to say, Nanette is coming and will be helping me out at this important appointment.

This may be something you need to work on, as I have had to. There’s no glory in doing everything by yourself. There is only a heavier burden and oftentimes, loneliness, as you struggle on. It’s a choice! Learn to receive as well as serve. This is a practice, and you can learn to do it with grace, as did my beautiful girls.

It will bless you, your family, those you serve, and those whom you

allow to serve you.

Peaceful Intensity?

My friend Livia read a book about Neal A. Maxwell. In the book, they used the phrase ‘peaceful intensity’ to describe how he managed his busy life. It’s a way of being that can be cultivated. It involves how we perceive what is happening in the moment. Maxwell said you can be busy but still function from a place of peace. As Livia and I talked I wondered, “How can those two words even go together?” I was intrigued by the idea and this unique phrase.

This is becuase I’ve been experiencing this place of busy peace in the last few years. It happens when I have this thought, STOP and TURN. In other words, shift how you see what is happening. When I listen and follow the thought I manage better. Even if the pace doesn’t slow down, my heart does. Imagine how life would be if this was our way of being most of the time.

This experience comes and goes in spurts, but it happens. It has felt as if I’m being taught from on high. As I have learned how it feels I can now consciously choose peaceful intensity. In the last year, I have experienced it more than ever before.

Most of you know I shower at night, not because I need to get clean but because it’s my quiet, ‘talk to God’ place. As I step into the shower on a day where nothing went as planned, but I STOPPED and TURNED, I have recognized a flow, a feeling of moving along without rapids in the river. I could honestly tell God I had done my best and felt satisfied that all that was needful had been done. These shower moments are precious because I go to sleep feeling peaceful despite the actual makeup of the day.

Let me share how it felt just two years ago. I sensed that around 3 pm my day shredded apart. I lost the sense of flow and struggled to stay centered. During my shower time, I felt distracted, disorganized, and dissatisfied. I remember watching the clock, racing it to that 3 pm moment while feeling a sense of panic. During my shower, I would plead with God to be shown how to get control. Funny how God answers prayers.

It isn’t about control, lack of distractions, or getting things ticked off the list. It’s about remaining calm with what is, in other words, peaceful intensity.

Do you know that while writing this I realized I haven’t looked at the clock during the day for some time? I haven’t thought about that 3 pm moment. Why? Has any physical thing changed? No, it hasn’t. Caregiving is filled with interruptions, added tasks, irritations, etc. It’s part of the calling. Doctor appointments haven’t gone away. Managing a home and helping with my granddaughter remains. Dementia is still in my life 24/7. All that changed is that I have worked to let go of the 3 p.m. story and have begun experiencing something new in my heart, peaceful intensity. I know it was an answer to my prayer about control. : ) I’ve been shown that control won’t solve the dilemma of overly busy days. However, how we approach those days, can.

TWO EXAMPLES OF PEACEFUL INTENSITY

I work diligently to write during the week. I want the article uploaded, edited, and formatted before Saturday. I need the podcast recorded. I want the newsletter to be ready to go. I want Saturday to be free. By free I don’t mean ‘no work or interruptions’, that never happens, but at least no writing deadlines. : )

However, one week in November I left it all until Sat. I began writing at 10 and didn’t finish until 4 because writing takes time and there were the usual interruptions. As I finished, I sat in awe and couldn’t believe how peaceful I felt and how smoothly it had gone despite all I had to manage along with the writing. This is what I have been experiencing more and more often.

Let me share what happened today. It’s January 4, 2025. I was able to have a few days away from home. My goal was to do lots of writing and move into the new year ahead. However, Don had surgery the day after Christmas and my mom had been ill and in great pain for over half the month. I felt I couldn’t go even though I would only be a mile from home. However, my daughter wouldn’t let me change plans.

Every day, from Monday through Thursday, I drove home to make sure all was well. I also had Don’s incision to care for. Tuesday was New Year’s so I spent most of the day and all that night at home. Wednesday, Mom was still ill and Don’s incision needed attending, so I was home for a few hours. That cut into my writing time. On Thursday Don was better and his incision looked great. Mom was up and dressed, crocheting for the first time in two weeks.

Friday, I didn’t go home. I wrote all day and made great progress. I did the same today until around 3 pm. I had enough posts to last a couple of weeks. I was happy and relieved. I planned to write a few articles during the remainder of the day.

Then out of nowhere, I got scammed. I was posting on one of my business pages and received a notification my site was being suspended. You know the rest of the story. They changed my password, and all three sites went down as if they never existed. I couldn’t access our church site which I post on for my calling. I can’t even open a new account.

I spent an hour trying everything that Facebook said to do. Nothing worked. I called my daughter, and she didn’t know what to do. So there I was, two days of writing and no way to use it. I had a moment where I thought I would go home because what was the use? The whole getaway had been a waste. I felt completely discouraged.

Then I had that feeling, STOP and TURN. I went back to my computer and began this article. I felt at peace. We would work it out or not and I could still write for you. All was not lost. That sense of peace moved in and the sense of desperation and hurry that the situation had stirred up, left. As I have written this I’ve been enveloped in peaceful intensity. The trouble isn’t gone. I don’t know what it will take to repair it if it can be repaired. But I’m OK. I went on to write two more articles.

These are two examples of real-life peaceful intensity. In both situations, I had to allow peace to enter my crazy day intentionally.

I’m a novice in this process, so why am I even writing about it? I hope to encourage you to think about practicing peaceful intensity, regardless of what’s happening. I can only share what I have learned so far. I know there’s more, and I will be taught. Then, I will share more.

WHAT I HAVE DONE

I became aware that there was a new way I could think.
I prayed for guidance and help. It’s always wise to ask someone who knows more than you. : )
I continue to be aware of my stories and control them. I am pretty good at this part. I’ve been practicing for a decade and a half.
I intentionally decided to incorporate peaceful intensity into my way of being.
I am practicing, practicing, practicing.
Finally, I don’t berate myself on those days when I don’t do well. It is counterproductive.

I haven’t read A Disciple’s Life: The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell by Bruce C. Hafen. I may never get to it. But God can and is teaching me about rest and rejuvenation, as it relates to peaceful intensity.

He can teach you too.

What Will 2025 Bring? It’s Up To You!

We Have Entered a New Year.

I’ve thought about how I want this year to feel, what I want to accomplish, and how I want to be. I read and reread my daily commitments (affirmations). I pondered what changes I should make. Was there anything I needed to add? The last two years have been challenging, as I have aged. My ability to do has changed, my energy level is different, my physical strength is less, and other changes have occured. It has been stretching and I’ve had to work to keep a positive attitude about building my life while fulfilling my mission of caring for my family.

Here is the truth – you don’t stop building a life because you grow older or get busy; you stop building a life when you stop doing the things required to build a life. I didn’t want to go to that place. Hence, all the pondering and prayer. I could live another thirty years and I must decide what that will look like, as far as I can control. We can’t control all circumstances, but we can control our response to everything.

I found myself a bit stymied. I mean, my commitments for 2024 were very good and I still had lots of work to do to bring them to fruition. That is mainly because they have to do with my way of being, not manifesting things. Changing your way of being usually takes more than a year.

Another issue, I’m weary. It takes a lot of energy to do what I do every day, and it isn’t going to end soon, thank goodness. Maggie’s only 18 and will be here for decades. My Mom and husband, Don, despite illness and dementia, are hanging in and I want them to. I’m not anxious for the work of caring for them to end because I want them by my side.

That, however, caused me to wonder what I could add for myself, things I might want to learn or do. This last year I finally made a recording of me singing. That dream had been on my vision wall for almost two decades. I finished the audiobook of my published work, Becoming A Present Parent – Connecting With Your Children in Five Minutes or Less. These were big goals. But what now? What do I have the energy for? P. S. You can find the audiobook on most audiobook sites. It hasn’t been on Audible yet. They take a long time!

My Articles Held Answers!

I had a few days to myself during the New Year holiday and seriously considered these questions. That led me to my blog. I searched for New Year’s Resolutions because I knew I had written about them and better ways to accomplish goals and dreams. What I read astonished me. What I had forgotten amazed me. What I had learned and shared was helpful to me. : )

I realize we are into the second week of the new year, but I’ll bet many of you have yet to think about how and who you will be in 2025. I’ll bet many of you have yet to think about what you want to accomplish and how to find time to do it. I thought the four articles I wrote and then re-read would help you because they helped me! They were written in 2017, 2022, and 2024. These articles have been pivotal in helping me begin thinking about how to put a few goals and dreams into my busy life. It wasn’t until I read the articles, that I could flush out what goals and dreams I still had hidden inside. As of this writing, I am still working on it. It’s January 3 but I’m confident I will have my 2025 commitments (affirmations) along with the attendant goals and dreams, in place by the time you read this. : )

I hope you find these older articles as enlightening as I did, and that the information helps you create a plan for the coming year.

We can only grow as high as we can see. We need a plan and then steps to move forward. We cannot live haphazardly and expect true growth and satisfaction. So read the articles. Take time to think. Pray for guidance. Then create your commitments (affirmations) for yourself. Set goals and don’t be afraid to add a dream.

We’re all working on growth and accomplishing our deeply held desires. No matter how wise, famous, or important they may be, no one has it all done. Life is ever moving forward. If I am still doing this at seventy-four, then you shouldn’t worry if you are doing the same.

1. Say NO to New Year’s Resolutions!! Tools to Make Next Year Better – Dec. 17, 2017
2. Your Goals are Inside You – Jan. 30, 2022
3. Do You Have An Indicator For Your Life? – Aug. 21, 2022
4. Are You Prepared for the New Year? I am NOT talking New Year’s Resolutions! – Jan. 14, 2024

I would love to hear about the progress you make.

Really, I would!

Switiching From Windows 10 to Windows 11. My Take Away!

I Don’t Like Change.

This has caused me some consternation as I have moved along life’s highway. Do you realize how much has changed since I was born in 1950!! It wasn’t such a big issue until I became an adult and technology exploded.

I can still recall our first computer. I was in my forties. It practically filled the small desk we had. I helped a friend with a project and sometimes I would sit in my chair so stumped I wanted to cry.

Now I am seventy-four and technology has taken wings. One thing that bugs me more than I can say is when I finally learn how to use a program or platform it changes. I know they do this for marketing and to stay relevant, but it throws me for a loop every time.

Even when using technology I’m reasonably familiar with, I occasionally have to stop and do some research. I google how to do this or that. Then I work to follow the directions which are often in Greek. I am not kidding here; it seems like Greek. Often I can work it out and feel a sense of relief and pride that I didn’t give up and can move forward with my project.

Sometimes I need to find someone who knows how to do what I don’t know how to do. Rarely, do I go to a store and get help. More often, I reach out to someone in my circle of friends or acquaintances that I know is good with tech. Almost always they can show me what I am missing and guide me to success. I’m always grateful.

Occasionally, no matter how diligently I try to follow directions or figure something out by myself I need to stop and pray because no matter how I have tried it isn’t clear to me. “God, what am I not seeing because I have clicked every button there is and it still isn’t working,” or something to that effect. Guess what. Almost always I have a thought to do this or that which resolves the problem. Sometimes I don’t know what I did and couldn’t repeat the process. LOL I need this help from outside of myself and it is a relief to know I am not on my own all the time.

A few weeks ago, I was forced to switch from Windows 10 to Windows 11. I know, you can’t believe I was still using Windows 10. I wasn’t willing to change because I didn’t want to have to figure out a new system. I was content with what I knew. But Windows 10 wasn’t going to be supported after a certain date. I had to move! I wasn’t happy about it. Weren’t things going just fine as they were? The whole idea freaked me out.

After the change, I did have problems. Some pages looked different. Menus were not the same. A couple of things required that I get my daughter involved and once a grandson. : ) But after a week I noticed how well I had adjusted and it felt as comfortable as the old 10 did. There were perks I didn’t know I was missing. I’m glad I made that scary change. Sometimes we have to be forced into that place. : )

This is how it is in parenting and life. We have to learn new ways as we go along, and it can feel hard and scary. But if we don’t panic or refuse to grow, we can do it. It is better to choose to make progress than to be forced into progress. : )

You can’t work with an eight-year-old as you did when they were two. It takes a new set of skills to talk to and direct an eleven-year-old than it does a sixteen-year-old. How you manage chores often stops working and you need to experiment with something new. Awesome relationships may suddenly be strained, and you aren’t sure what happened, when did the train go off the rails? We lose jobs and must find new ones. Maybe our current skill set needs a reboot. Possibly one of our children has taken a different path than we have designed for our family. Now what?

Sometimes our past surfaces and we find ourselves triggered, but we don’t know what triggered us or what to do about it. Has a child turned their back on you or the family? Are they suddenly distant? As our children grow, we might find we are unable to maintain our position with them. How do you work that out? Maybe a family member begins to show signs of anxiety or mental health issues. What, I am not prepared for that!

Life and parenting are not a straight and smooth road. I have walked both for decades always thinking it would get easier. It hasn’t. I returned to school when I was in my forties, with a seventh baby. My husband changed his profession a couple of times. I’m always called on to make personal changes, improve my way of being, and take responsibility for my responses. I must keep reevaluating relationships as my children grow and become parents and now, grandparents. No, the road never became straight or smooth, but by using what I learned as I went along, I didn’t just manage but thrived.

You can do the same. It will require work, purpose, and intention.

Here are a few things that have helped me along the way.

1. When you recognize that something isn’t working know it will require change and possibly information/resources you don’t yet have. Don’t panic.

2. You will need to take responsibility for your part of whatever the issue is and lay blame aside. Blame is usually an indicator that our perspective is off, or our story is incorrect.

3. When something has been working in your life or family and suddenly isn’t working, STOP. Be willing to look carefully at what has changed and experiment with something new. Ask yourself good questions and give yourself honest answers. It can feel aggravating, but nothing stays the same, things change. This will happen even if what was working was wonderful. Let your aggravation go and move forward.

4. Even when things are still working, you may need a reboot, so it continues to work well. If it feels like something is off, it probably is. Seek information and adjust.

5. Be open to whatever resources/information are required. I cannot tell you how many classes and books I have taken/read in the last forty years. It took me ten years to realize that I needed to grow and change how I viewed the world, children, and relationships, but once I jumped that hurdle, I ran down the track. I have used what I learned. I have grown as a person. I have become better. I have adjusted my way of being. It has all mattered!

I reached out to women and a few men when I needed guidance. I picked people who were where I felt I needed to be, whether how they managed chores or a relationship, how they worked through disappointment or grief, or how they upgraded their skills or managed their money.

Be willing to accept mentoring or counseling if needed. Last year I had to work on something in my relationship with Don. We had been married 52 years! I visited with a counselor three times. She helped me consider questions I hadn’t thought to ask myself. It made all the difference.

As you know I am a praying woman. This is not my last resort. I begin and end with it and use it often in the middle. Frankly, this has been the most reliable and useful tool in my ‘life’ toolbox, and I recommend it to you when you don’t know where else to turn or what else to do. It has never failed me.

If you are looking for help/resources, you will find them.

Making changes can be challenging just like using new technology, but if you trust yourself and avoid panic or blame, if you ask honest questions and give honest answers, stay the course, and seek reliable resources and information, you will get the help you need. You will be able to travel this road of life and parenting with greater success even if you are imperfect, and you are.

Remember that it took me ten years after I began living as an adult and parent to realize I needed to grow and change. Despite my slow start and the years it took to change, I did. My family suffered bumps and bruises, while I grew and became better. However, my children took my less-than-stellar example and have moved forward. They are growing and becoming better and have done it faster than I did. We are still here.

So, embrace change. Be willing to accept that you need to learn and grow. Manage the frustration that comes with change. Seek the help you need.

Don’t stay stuck in Windows 10 when you could have the perks of Windows 11! And don’t remain stuck in life or parenting. Be unafraid and willing to do the work to move forward.

Be A Pathmaker For Your Children

Seven years ago, Jodie and her family moved from Kearns, UT. to West Point, UT. We were living with them, helping with Maggie and the other children. Living in a home with kids was assisting Don with his health challenges. It was a win-win situation.

Eventually, we needed a home that was more handicap accessible. Don found the house in West Point and when Jodie looked at it, she could see how good it would be for us. However, many things needed to be upgraded. That was daunting to think about.

We all Live in Imperfect Homes

On the south side of the house, behind the garage, was a family room, a huge storage room, a small bathroom with a shower, and two bedrooms. This was to become our part of the home. We had to tear down the storage room for a kitchen. That meant purchasing, staining, and installing floors, cupboards, counters, the works. Whew, that took a few months to complete. We couldn’t have done it alone, but we were fortunate to receive help from our church, neighbors, and friends.

Jodie’s home needed new flooring as what was currently in the house, tile and grout, wasn’t wheelchair friendly. She had a ton of painting to do. We spent much time pondering what needed to be done, getting the materials together, calling for reinforcements, and then doing the work.

We have been in this home for seven years now. We haven’t finished everything. Why? Because of time, resources, energy, and desire. I am confident that in time, we will finish everything but for now, what isn’t done doesn’t seem vital to our enjoyment of the home.

In my part of the house, we have yet to finish the transition molding in the doorways of each room. It will require a tool and some skills we don’t have yet. We will need help.

The wall behind my sink and stove is still only painted sheetrock. I need to put in a backsplash. I think about it now and then and may take the time to do it next summer. This summer I have a couple of other big projects that seem more vital.

Jodie’s home is, for the most part, finished. However, two summers ago we realized she had to revamp the entire bathroom to accommodate a growing daughter with a larger wheelchair. We needed an unconventional shower that would accommodate regular feet and legs, as well as a wheelchair. We also needed a lift to get Maggie into and out of the tub safely if she wanted a bath.

Despite spending so much time renovating when we first moved in, we found ourselves in that place again, for over a year. All eight of us were using one small bathroom with its tiny shower. With graciousness we made it work.

We all live in imperfect homes. When we have unfinished business in our homes, we don’t stop enjoying and valuing them. When we discover that we need to make another renovation we don’t despair and beat ourselves up because we should have thought of that up front. Instead, we ponder what needs to be done, plan, and then do the work. If we need help, we call in reinforcements.

Our Inner Home is Never Done

It is the same with our inner house. There is always work to do. Things are marred, chipped, unfinished. There may be a hole here or there, but we shouldn’t stop enjoying ourselves and celebrating what is good about us because all our refinement isn’t done. We should instead do what we do in our homes. We fix and mend as we can. We ask for help. We do the work and down the road we might need to do more. This is how we heal, a bit here and a bit there as we remember, find resources, get help, and are willing to do the work.

I came into my parenting life with a boatload of stuff! In my forties, I remembered my childhood sexual abuse. That was devastating and took some years to unravel and heal, but I did it. I had been given numerous stories from my parents, who lived through the depression, that didn’t serve me in my life. It took a few decades to ferret them out and rewrite them. My parents came from a time when children were seen and not heard. You did what you were told, no complaints. I parented in this fashion for years. But eventually, I saw the holes in my walls and did the work to repair that part of my inner house.

Our Bag of Stuff Has Value!

Did my children suffer because my inner home needed significant renovation? YES! But remember what I have said in the past: I believe each person brings to their parenting a large bag of stuff they’ve accumulated along the road to becoming an adult – fears, prejudices, stories, and ideas inherited from the adults in their lives. I believe we have our bag of stuff because, like it or not, it’s the act of emptying it out that helps us become who we were meant to be.

I have spent the last few decades watching my children do what I did, remodel and clean their inner houses. They are doing a good job. I know they suffered while I did my renovation, but because I did renovate, that example has helped them do the same.

I Could Because You Did It First

One day when I was in my 60’s I was talking with one of my daughters. Because I couldn’t remember my sexual abuse but needed to remain safe from it, I wasn’t able to see red flags. She and several of her siblings suffered the same fate. She was in the final stage of healing and was sharing it with me. She was only in her thirties. I didn’t even know there was an issue until I was in my late forties.

I said, “I am so amazed that you have been able to work this out so early. I wish I had been like you and maybe you wouldn’t have suffered.” I was weeping. She responded with, “Mom, I was able to come to this so early because you had already done it. Your example made it possible.” I felt relief. She was right. I had shown my children a lifetime of growth, inner house renovation, not shying away from what was hard, and never giving up on dreams.

A Repairer of the Breach, a Restorer of Paths to Dwell In

An article I read to Don and my mother, reminded me that life is about opposition, and as we make choices, both good and bad, we grow. This isn’t always easy or pleasant, but whether we are coming back from a bad decision or making a good one, we are learning. They are two sides of the same coin.

Years ago, while still living in MT., with a bag of stuff and few resources, I read a verse of scripture from the Christian Bible. It spoke to my heart, and I knew this was my mission. This verse written millennia ago was written for me. It set me on the path I have lived since then, to be like a watered garden, to repair the breach, and create a path to dwell in.

11 And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.
12 And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in. Isaiah 58: 11-12

So, take heart. Your children’s success as human beings isn’t dependent on baggage-free, perfect parenting. It is dependent on your example of fearless growth as you remodel your inner house. They will do the same.

Be a pathmaker for your children. Bravely face yourself, ponder how your way of being could be better, and then change what needs to be changed. Make a plan and begin with one step. Find the resources you need. Ask for help and then do the work.

If I can do it, you can too!

My SSS Formula – Simple Systems = Solutions

I have learned from lived experience that simple systems are usually the solution to difficult problems in time and life management. This was not an easy lesson to learn, and I occasionally still ignore this truth, but when I do, I suffer.

A few years ago, I was praying because I needed help with time management so I could do the necessary chores and still serve others and care for my family. I also needed to find space to serve and care for myself. This is an ongoing prayer I repeat regularly because time & life can be a beast to manage. LOL

During this season of prayer and pondering, I had a task on my daily list that I needed to accomplish by a certain time, and it was clear in my mind. As I went to sleep, I reminded myself I had this task to do first thing in the morning. When I woke up the project came immediately to mind, and I got right up. It was a favor for my sister, Cindy. She wanted an item that was in short supply that year, that she hadn’t been able to find in her area. I needed to be at the store at 7 am to see if I could find it for her. I was on time and my quest was successful.

The next day I woke up just before my alarm went off, as I had the day before. I had the same type of list for the day. I lay in bed for a couple of minutes and then the alarm went off. I thought, “My body is so amazing. It knows just what to do. It always wakes up a few minutes before the alarm.” Then I dropped back to sleep. I didn’t wake up again until 7:30 and was bugged because my body had done its job waking me up, and I hadn’t done my part and gotten up.

As I said my morning prayer it came clearly to my mind that I manage to rise in the morning better when I have chosen a specific thing I need to get up for. It gives me a reason to get up, other than just managing another busy day. They are all busy!! Since then, I have filled out my daily worksheet and picked the one item I am getting up for. That has worked wonders in assisting me, even when I would rather sleep longer. I know this experience was an answer to my prayers. It gave me the knowledge I needed about myself and a system to solve the issue. I love how God answers prayers. : )

A few months into this experiment I didn’t get to bed until 10 which is late for me in the winter, and this learning took place in the winter. I try to be in bed between 9 and 9:30. This is because winter and the lack of sun make life more challenging. So, good sleep matters.

I had chosen a specific project I needed to have done before 9 am and it would take a couple of hours to finish. This was what I would get up for. However, I didn’t hear my alarm. Fortunately, Don did and put his hand on my shoulder, waking me up. Before he could say a word, I remembered what I needed to do, and I was out of bed and going in seconds.

It reminds me of when I was writing my book Becoming A Present Parent, and it wasn’t going well. As I prayed about the futility of the project, I had the thought to get up at 4 and write until I had to get ready for work at 7. What a terrible idea!! But because I had a specific task, I made it work six days a week, for over 6 months! It wasn’t easy, but the task at hand made it doable.

I have gotten very good at using this system to assist me in getting up when I would rather sleep. It isn’t perfect. I have days when I forget to tell myself the night before why I am getting up the next morning. Then chances are, I won’t. There are also days when I choose to ignore why I’m getting up. I always regret it! LOL

This idea of simple systems has carried over in other ways.

I wasn’t getting my scriptures read or my prayers said on some days. This matters to me, so I needed to figure it out. If I left the bathroom in the morning without doing these two things, I would become distracted and wouldn’t get them done. As I prayed and pondered the situation, I began having interesting ideas.

I put my scriptures in a basket in the bathroom. I hung my clothes for the next day on a hook. After dressing, brushing my teeth, and combing my hair I would read a few verses, and pray. I am sure God isn’t offended that I pray in the bathroom. He understands the lives of his daughters. : )

While experimenting with this routine, I ran into another problem. My glasses would be on the kitchen table and if I went to get them, then distractions happened. Now I put my glasses on my desk, which is in the bedroom. Walking past the desk in the morning, I grab the glasses. It’s working like a charm; another piece of a very simple system.

If I wanted to use my phone to read, rather than a hard copy, it would be an easy adjustment. I plug my phone in at my desk in the bedroom. When I get my glasses, I could also grab the phone.

Hanging my clothes in the bathroom, having my scriptures in a basket, and my glasses on the desk in the bedroom is a simple system.

My morning routine is another system. After leaving the bathroom I write in my gratitude journal, say my daily affirmation, and if possible, take my morning walk and do my hip exercises. Somedays there are too many interruptions, but on many days, it flows, because I have a system. I know exactly what to do after I leave the bathroom.

Filling out my daily worksheet the night before and determining what is first is another system.

Seriously, systems work. They help solve problems like mine, how to make myself get up, how to manage time better, and how to fit in the things that normally get buried under home and family management.

Here is one more random example.

Six months ago, I got a CPAP machine. After an evaluation, I discovered that I stopped breathing many times a night. This is detrimental to brain function and not a good way to get the needed rest to manage a home and family.

An app tracks how many hours a night the machine is used. At my follow-up appointment last week, I was on the border of not qualifying to have insurance continue paying for my machine. I was only using it 70% of the time. Talking with my doctor I realized the problem. I wake up a few times at night and hit the bathroom. I do not have trouble going back to sleep as I have trained my body, so I often fall asleep quickly and don’t get the mask on. I knew I needed a simple system.

I decided that when I awoke and took off the mask I would place it in the middle of my pillow, instead of at the back of the pillow. Super simple and it has worked wonders. I’ll bet I have upped my score to over 85%. That is good for insurance purposes, but even better for good sleep and a healthy brain.

I want you to see that simple systems can be very effective. I also want you to understand what a system looks like. I didn’t for many years. I thought they were complicated ways of managing big stuff. Systems in corporations, businesses, or medicine can be complex, and most of us view the term ‘system’ in this light. I want to expand your view of what a system is. It is nothing more than figuring out a consistent way to get something accomplished, dishes, laundry, getting kids up on a school morning, making time for yourself, getting to bed on time, getting your personal study done, etc. They all require planned and not default systems. When you create a plan and consistently use it you will have systems that work.