Category: Parenting Skills

HELP! I Need Activities for Small Children

I enjoyed the time I taught and mentored mothers and fathers. I was able to share stories, experiences, and resources. I met many parents who wanted to create strong family cultures and tight relationships with their children. The years that I did this work were sincerely fulfilling.

I recall getting an email from a very harried mom with a three-year-old. I laugh about it still because I can relate!

“YIKES!! My three-year-old wants me to help him with everything!! I need some activities and games for small children!”

Not long after, I got an email from a mom who was homeschooling. She loved working with her eight-year-old, but she had two littles who made it difficult to give her older son the attention she wanted to. She needed some diversions for those little ones. She planned for all of them to be in the same room, but she needed her littles to be able to play happily without her help for short periods.

Small children want their mom or dad to be with them. It’s all about “being present” and frankly, their little hands need more help figuring things out so they can keep going. So, what’s a mother to do when she needs to help an older child or wants to keep a little one entertained while she does dishes, folds laundry, or works from home? And then there are times a mother wants to do some learning or reading of her own. We are so good at multitasking that if we can keep the littles happy at our feet, we can do some of our own work and study.

At that time, I put the question to my readers and was amazed at the wonderful answers they gave. If you have littles and need them to learn or play on their own for bites of time, give some of these ideas a try. Most of them came from moms who have mixed ages in their homes, some school at home, and some work from home. They are tried and true. : )

Activities and Games for Small Children

Building blocks activity – my kids LOVED magnetic blocks and my grands still do. Any type of blocks will work.
Lego’s. “Throw a sheet on the floor and dump the whole caboodle in the middle. They can swim in them if they want to so long as they keep them on the sheet. When it’s time to clean up, fold the four corners together and dump the lot back into the container.”
A marble shoot game…”Use tubes that create a tall tower. They drop the marble at the top and watch it go through the tubes down to the bottom.” (Make sure your child has reached the age where they won’t put the marbles in their mouths. : ) You could have an older child create one for the littles. Here is one created by a mom in minutes. If you don’t mind a bit of noise this is fun. You would have to make it lower on a wall and wouldn’t need as many parts.
Play-Doh activity – Provide an old rolling pin and have them play on the floor with a variety of cookie cutters.
Geo-trax. There are so many different versions of this. If you have one, use it.
Try a shoe box for each day of the week. “In each box, there are a variety of toys to play with that day. When you are done, close the box…next day is a new box with new things to discover. (It could be anything…not just toys, but nesting Tupperware, spoons, rocks…anything new can be exciting.)”
A pile of stacking cups and a pile of math manipulatives “(1×1 inch tiles in the same colors as the stacking cups) make a great learning activity for young children. This worked for my two-year-old as long as she could sit in the middle of the kitchen table with them. She did it every single day the whole school year pouring, sorting, and making piles of those little tiles.”
Mr. Potato Head game.
Lacing cards.
Large beads to string.
Painting! “Before you run screaming, let me tell you they can paint quite happily with water. If you give your little ones some colored construction paper, a big paintbrush, and a small cup of water, they can “paint” to their hearts’ content. If they spill anything, it’s just water. Put them on the table with a vinyl cover and put a towel over that.”
Pegboard and big plastic pegs.
Buy a package of paper cups and let your children play with them. They can nest them, stack them, build with them, etc. If they get mashed, no loss. In fact, if you’re like me, you might want to take a few at the end of playtime, place them upside down along the floor, and then jump on them. Kids LOVE this. It is the reward for playing quietly for a while, alone.
Nesting cups.
An indoor sandbox? “When my children were small, we had one of those turtle sandboxes, with the cover, in the house. We put some plain white rice in it, and some appropriate toys: scoops, shovels, containers, etc. They LOVED it! If you don’t want an entire sandbox, you can fill a smaller container with rice, and let them play in that. Place it on a sheet for easier clean up.”
“If you have time to make some materials, you can make fun matching games from posters. Dollar stores often have education posters. Buy two posters, cut up one of them, attach Velcro to the back of the pieces, attach the other part of the Velcro to corresponding areas on the intact poster, and voilà! You have a lovely matching activity for them. Do this with colors, shapes, numbers, letters, or anything that lends itself to matching. Hang the posters on the wall. This is a great learning activity for young children.”
Board books. You can find books that have textures, which are nice for the little ones. You don’t have to buy them new.
A small folding dryer rack, some washcloths, and a few clothespins.
A little spray bottle of water, a sponge, and a table they can “clean.”
Plastic rubbing plates, plain paper, and crayons.
Plastic food is always a hit, especially if you also have plastic plates upon which to serve it.
Stuffed animals and some blankets or baby clothes.
A magnetic dry-erase board and a fun set of magnets.
“If you have room- a train table with bins underneath is great because they can do so much on top of it, and everything stores beneath it.”
Audiobooks – When they were small some of my grands loved this activity.
Simple art supplies: crayons, paper, pencils, clay, etc.
“Deliberately leave things undone–kids at that age love to help with the right encouragement. Whenever you notice that attention fading, send your little one to go ‘do something’. Leave your shoes in a silly place for example. If approached with the right cheerfulness, a 4-year-old will certainly hunt for 30 min. or more for Mother’s sweater, not just because she’s cold but because it is so funny to discover silly mom left it in the soup pot again!”
Make a game of chores: “Folding laundry is one–sure you may have to re-fold it, but it does work. Feeding pets, setting the dinner table (does it matter if you won’t eat for a few hours?), cleaning baseboards (because no one really cares what they look like), making lunch or a snack–a 4-year-old is quite a gracious host if given the responsibility. They can do all kinds of things with fruit and veggies and dip and even make sandwiches.”
“Montessori websites have great suggestions for toys, games, and learning activities for young children. The best book on making your own Montessori materials is Teaching Montessori in the Home: The Pre-School Years by Elizabeth Hainstock.”
Find a workbook for preschoolers.
Cutting, pasting, and tracing.
Mini trampoline.
Plastic balls in a big pot. You can go cheap and fill up a kiddie pool with them if there is space.
Make a fort with sheets or blankets.
You may not believe it, but some little children love to sort socks.
Big cardboard boxes will keep any young child busy for hours. I used this and they played for hours. They really liked decorating them with crayons.

How do you keep your “littles” occupied and happy? Got a GREAT idea.

Share in the comments.

The Two-edged Sword of Innovation

I like Kerry Patterson. He is a great writer and from my era, so I relate to everything he writes. Back in September 2012, Kerry wrote an article about unplugging from the workplace, the difficulty and the benefits. I saw amazing parallels for a family. In the ensuing eleven years, I have seen what Kerry shared become even more challenging.

Kerry talked about the nuclear tests that America engaged in 1951, and all the craziness that went along with that. Students were sent flying to the floor to cover the backs of their necks in case of a nuclear attack from the Soviet Union. They saw American soldiers in newsreels, dressed in green fatigues, toting rifles, and holding their helmets tight to their heads, walking resolutely into a cloud of nuclear dust as the latest blast rolled across the desert. It was all craziness because in 1951 we all knew about radiation, the danger, and yet the tests went on. Kerry then asked the question “What similarly insane things are we doing today?” What modern inventions have we wholly embraced, which appear to have made our lives better, but are slowly killing us? In short, what “nuclear walk” are we taking today?

Kerry and I agree on one crazy thing that is happening – our inability to unplug! Let me give you an example that I witnessed back in 2012 and still see happening today. When I first moved to Utah, I lived on the second floor of a two-story apartment building. Below us lived a wonderful family with two daughters. In front of their apartment was a large hedge that hid their patio from view. As I came up the walk one day, I saw Lisa and Patrick’s heads above the hedge. I saw no children. I called out to them, “Hey are you guys having a date?” They both looked up and answered “yes”. As I rounded the hedge to the stairway, I saw that they were playing separate games on their individual cell phones but…they were on a date.

I have mentored moms who had a hard time gathering their families together. Reading as a family was out. Watching a movie together was a struggle. Meals together were rare. They struggled to find time to be present and listen to their children. When I had these moms track how they used their time they were amazed at how much of it they spent answering emails, checking Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, and dealing with other social networking sites, as well as online games they played. There were texts to respond to, videos from friends, and a plethora of things to Google. There were podcasts and audiobooks to listen to. None of these activities were bad but the time used led to a sense of dissatisfaction in their performance as mothers. They couldn’t seem to keep up. This applied to the dads I worked with as well. They not only had the social networking issues their wives had, but they also brought work home with them on laptops and cell phones. These good parents then wondered why they couldn’t connect more regularly with their children or avoid becoming angry and frustrated with them.

After our tracking exercise, I would ask “What would happen if you unplugged occasionally? What if you turned the cell phones off just during dinner? What if you didn’t check your email or Facebook until the afternoon? Would disconnecting for even an hour make your life better?” They answered yes, but I could hear the worry in their voices. They didn’t want to be out of the loop and miss something. And frankly, for some, being thus engaged felt better than doing all the jobs that parents face every day. But what would happen if we unplugged for even an hour a day? Would it make a difference in our feelings of satisfaction, in our health, in our ability to focus on the connection we want in our family? The answer is a resounding YES.

Here is a fact that Kerry shared:

Every time you stop your current task to take a text, etc., or deal with an interruption, and then return, you place the original task from short- to long-term memory, put the new job into short-term memory, and then reverse the entire process to get back on task. Completing this conceptual lifting dozens of times a day creates stress, which can lead to distress and all its attendant health problems.

Frequent interruptions can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction. Instead of working continuously for periods of an hour or more on a task that’s challenging and solvable, we purposely interrupt our flow, add stress, and make our job as a parent far less doable or enjoyable. Take listening to a fretting child or trying to soothe an ill youngster for example.

When we use our time to stay digitally connected, we often extend our day beyond healthy limits. Instead of going to bed at 10, we go at midnight because we want to finish those chores that we didn’t get done earlier. This leads to a lack of energy and eventual grouchiness and dissatisfaction with our children and life.

I worked with a mom who played three online games daily and was a prolific Facebook reader and writer. Often her Facebook messages said things like “I just can’t keep up” or “I am too busy, and my kids are so messy!” She had too many tech interruptions and let too much time pass in these activities which left her always feeling rushed and out of sorts. This didn’t help her parent well.

With the release of each innovation, there’s much to think about. As we invent and embrace new devices, we may not know the toll they’re taking on our mental, emotional, and physical health. What can we do?

Take control of how you spend your time.
Take control of your outside interruptions.
Make the use of technology part of your family dialogue.

When will you, your spouse, or the kids be on the computer? How much TV will any of you watch? What family times call for silencing cell phones? How many Wii or other electronic games will you play?

As Kerry suggests, “Talk openly about the two-edged sword of innovation”. Decide how and when you want to be connected and where and when you want to be interrupted. Make it a choice, not the natural extension of embracing what appears to be a helpful tool. And remember, it’s not an all-or-nothing proposition. You’re not required to take a vow of digital celibacy. You don’t have to chuck your devices and neither do your kids; you just need to control them, so they don’t control you.

Have a plan and then work your plan.

I know a mom who realized that checking her computer first thing in the morning was messing up her day. She decided to turn the computer OFF each evening and then NOT turn it on again until after 12 P.M. This one thing made a world of difference. She felt more productive in the A.M. and was able to help her kids get going on their day. When you make decisions about technology you make more time for your family.

Managing technology with children especially youth, can be daunting. There are dozens of books out there on the subject because it is tough. But what if you decided to turn off all phones during one meal each day? What if computers and phones were silenced just one evening a week for one hour while you held a family council on what was coming up that week? Or what if once a month you had a family movie night and phones were not allowed? Challenging I know, but even one small thing that opens space for family conversation is valuable and will make a difference.

What is one small thing you are willing and ready to talk to your family about? What is one small change you will make?

Decide as a family and then do it!

Want to Laugh More, Remain Calmer, and Be Happier?

If you had asked me twenty-five years ago if I had a sense of humor, I would have replied that fun and funny are not on top of my list. I don’t get jokes. I don’t see the humorous first. Getting stuff done is my thing. Being on time matters. Maintaining order is number one. I liked things and people to be a certain way. Because of this, I was easily frustrated or annoyed by situations and people, including my husband and kids.

However, a decade and a half ago, when I began speaking and teaching, I was in for a shock. I made people laugh. I am no comedian, but I said things in a way that was humorous to an audience. People assured me of this all the time. : ) I would never have guessed that there was another side to me.

The Beginning of Change

One day many years ago I was preparing to attend an event with my 11-year-old daughter, Kate. The dress was Sunday best. We were running late and being late was not an option for me! So, the stress was on to get there on time!

As we walked out to the car, I stepped off the curb into a pool of water up to my ankle. I was instantly mad!!! My foot was wet, my shoe was full of water and there wasn’t time to change. My thoughts were filled with anger and frustration. I turned those thoughts into angry, frustrated words.

As I drove down the road I complained about the water in the gutter and the inconsideration of some people who let their sprinklers run all over the place. I fussed about the foolishness of having the event at this time of day and not later, and on and on……. You can hear it, can’t you?

When we were about 6 blocks from home, for some reason I visualized myself stepping off the curb and into that gutter. I saw my shoe fill up with water and the shocked look on my face. It was such a funny picture that I began to laugh.

My poor daughter who had sat silently through the so recent tirade just stared. Then she began to laugh. When I got control of myself, I said, “That was so funny!” In her sweet voice, she replied, “Mom, I wish you had known it was funny when it happened.” That wise statement from my youngest daughter sent me on an adventure of change. I wanted to see the funny side of life more often. I wanted to be frustrated and annoyed less. I wanted to stop complaining when things weren’t as I thought they should be.

I decided all those years ago to get a grip on frustration and anger, but my resources and my knowledge were lacking, so for quite a while I made very slow progress. But I did make progress.

Twenty-One Years Later

Mary and Jack, both under five, were taking a bath. They were in the tub alone for less than 5 minutes while their dad took their clothes to the laundry. When he came back into the bathroom everything in the room which wasn’t nailed down was in the tub: scale, towels, dirty diapers, toothbrushes, soap, shampoo bottles, everything.

As Doug began fishing all the stuff out of the tub while trying to control his temper this is what he heard, “Hey dad you’re ruining my island.” How’s that for learning? How’s that for funny? I laughed and laughed. Even Doug had to laugh.

This Summer

In our garden, we have left a large patch of dirt. This is where Ben and his friends play. They are all 10 and 11. They dig huge holes and fill them with water. They make tons of mud. They bury stuff. They have a ball.

Recently the boys purloined a few eggs from the hen house and decided to put them into small holes in the ground and cover them. They wanted the covers to be light and not crush the eggs so that they could retrieve them later. Guess what they found to use?

Well, right next to this unplanted area are raised garden beds with my rhubarb and a huge pumpkin. The leaves were perfect. So, the boys picked a bunch and sniped off a few shoots. Hmmmm They turned some of the rhubarb into trees standing over the leaf-covered cavities holding the eggs. One side of the rhubarb was picked bare. Good thing it is a huge plant, as is the pumpkin. LOL

When I went out and saw their ‘work’ I did not get mad. I wasn’t frustrated. I didn’t laugh but I couldn’t help smiling at the craziness of kids. Later, Ben and I had a talk about playing but asking for Grandma’s help if leaves or other living items were needed.

This ability to remain calm and see more disasters as funny hasn’t been easy to master. I will truthfully tell you that it is a battle I still fight every day and that little 11-year-old, Kate, well she is 34. Ten years ago, I recommitted to this calmer, sillier, more fun side of myself. I had learned a great deal in the ensuing decade and a half. I was willing and able to do more to be happier; to control my responses; to manage my thoughts and stories better.

It takes work and practice to change your way of thinking and being. I still have my wet shoe days, but they are fewer than when I began this process of change all those years ago. I am not discouraged because I have taken so long to get where I am, which isn’t as far as I need to go. I am not discouraged, because I am so much better than when Kate was 11. I have made progress and I will continue to make progress.

What is required to make this type of inner change, a personality shift, if you will?

Deciding you will change
Knowing ‘how’ you want to be
Working on it consistently
Learning what you don’t yet understand
Not beating yourself up when you behave in the old way, just starting again
Staying the course until you get there, never becoming so discouraged that you give up

I know that if you can laugh rather than yell, feel frustrated, or cry when kids do stuff that bugs you, causes messes, or seems frankly, naughty, life will feel and look better. Learning to laugh will relieve more stress than taking a long vacation.

This work is worth the years and effort it takes because

Duality Matters in Parenting!

Here is how the conversation with my daughter Kate on pride vs. pridefulness ended. If you are out of the loop, refer to the Sept. 10th and Sept. 17th articles at https://www.maryannjohnsoncoach.com.

Duality in Life and Parenting

I told Kate, “I’m proud of myself that I figured this out as I became an adult. Thank you for telling me. I never would have thought of such a thing. I always felt like such a fearful person. That is what your siblings saw. But by the time I was forty, I had worked out a lot of garbage. So, this is like a confirmation that the work I did was valuable. It wasn’t easy. There were no classes, no internet, no place to go for help except to friends. I had to figure it out by being honest with myself, and by pondering and praying a lot. It took me years. I am amazed that I figured it out. That I healed and grew. Thank you. I love you.”

I was sorry that my older children had grown up with a frightened, fearful woman, who did not value herself. I told Kate that. She replied, “You know Mom, just because it took you time to learn and grow doesn’t negate the great mom you were and this important message you gave me.”

Then Kate mentioned the word duality. It was new to me. I know dual means two, but I hadn’t heard much about duality. Here she was telling me that in parenting it matters.

What is duality? Well, two things can be true at once even if they are contradictory. You could be fearful at 40 and still exhibit confidence that you didn’t even realize. This can be helpful in relationships with others and with us.

Some Examples

In my 40s’ I thought – I either have it all together or I don’t. I either show confidence in everything or nothing.” I felt this was true. But the truth was this – I had fears and insecurities in many areas of my life but great confidence in others.

Sharing the message of duality is important in parenting because it can help us keep our story about how we are doing on a more positive plane, and it goes a long way to assisting us in speaking kinder and more truthfully to ourselves.

Instead of, “I am such a terrible mom. I just can’t keep my cool.” we might say, “I struggle to keep my cool, but I am working on it, and I am great at nighttime talks. It will even out If I just keep working on it.”

Instead of, “I am so lame. I still have so much to work on,” we could tell ourselves “I have so much to work on, but my kids can depend on me being at their events. They can trust me.”

The Onion Principle

In 2022 I sought counseling for myself for the first time in my life. Not mentoring, I have done a ton of that but honest-to-goodness counseling. I am 73. I should have it all worked out right? But the reality is that we are like an onion. You work on a layer at a time. That is why duality exists. You took off a layer but there may be another layer to work on.

If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there’s a duality. Peace and war, love and hate, up and down, and black and white are dualities. Duality is experienced every day.

You will succeed in some ways and fail in others. You will have one thing worked out and be a hot mess somewhere else. It’s OK. You can be both. We shouldn’t focus only on where we are not yet strong. It is wise to acknowledge both our strengths and weaknesses. As we do, we send a powerful message to our children that they can do the same. This will hold them in good stead as they become adults and work out their baggage. Good parenting isn’t about being perfect, knowing it all, and having all our junk cleaned up. It is instead, doing the best we can, growing and changing, and sending the message to our children that they also have strengths and weaknesses, and it’s OK. It is about allowing ourselves and them to feel pride in hard work and accomplishment even if there are things that are not yet in order.

So, as I have said many times – Be kind to yourself. Trust yourself. Hang in there and keep growing despite your missteps. It will be enough.

Growing and Increasing in Wisdom One Thing at a Time

I am so glad to be back. I have missed you all. I loved the break, but I missed sharing my thoughts and ideas. : ) Here is something that happened to me during my vacation from writing.

My Vacation Experience

In 2022 I read a book titled Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller. I posted a review of it on Facebook on June 6, 2022. Before sharing my experience, I want to tell you about the book. It wasn’t written by a person from my spiritual persuasion. He presented the Sabbath and all its parts from the perspective of many religions, some not even Christian. It was fascinating how many spiritual cultures recognize the need for space, thought, and rest. So don’t be afraid to read the book even if you are not religious or don’t profess any relationship to God. Read it with the perspective that you are going to learn something new about rest, slowing down, and making space. It wasn’t written to convert but to enlighten.

I didn’t need to read another book about the Sabbath. My spiritual culture teaches a lot about the Sabbath, and I have grown up knowing or thinking I knew about rest. However, this book taught the principles of the Sabbath in a way that was insightful and somewhat new to me. His take on rest was far different than I had ever thought of. I loved it when he said that if you sweep the floor, it will need to be swept again the next day, so not sweeping it for a day is OK. I know that, but do you have things you feel compelled to do? I do.

Here is what I loved about this book – it wasn’t just about a day of worship. It was about how to manage a busy life. It was about renewal, gratitude, and rest. It was different and very helpful in changing my perspective.

Now for the honest part. After reading the book, I created a worksheet on how I could use all the beautiful concepts I learned. I picked one thing which I implemented and still do every day. Each night when I take my self-care shower, which I have been doing since I was sixteen, I light a candle. I pray for someone. Then I talk to God about my day. I have been doing this for almost a year, and it has been SO HELPFUL. It ends my day on a high note, no matter how the day has gone. But the list, with all the other great ideas, was stashed on my desk and forgotten.

Recently, while cleaning my desk, I ran across my notes from the book, the list. I was astounded because the ideas were so good! I couldn’t believe that I had only intentionally implemented one thing. But then I, like you, get busy, and things fall by the wayside even when I don’t want them to.

Here is my plan and I don’t know why I didn’t do it before. On the walls of my room, I have a plethora of fabulous quotes and instructions to myself that I look at often. By my bed are things I want to accomplish and some longer pieces of knowledge that I never want to forget. Some mornings and evenings I sit on the side of my bed and review this wonderful, faith-building, soul-lifting information. This page of notes should have had a home there, and now it does.

My list contains such helpful information that I decided to share my list with you just as I wrote it out after reading the book. Maybe it will encourage you to read Sabbath for yourself. Possibly you will implement some of these great ideas. Either way, I hope what moved me will be of value to you.

The List

REST

• Light a candle and pray- let the hurry of the world fall away.
• Pick one technology to not use on Sunday. Use the computer or phone only for Sunday
study.
• At your Sunday meal, take time to pray, plan, eat slowly, and enjoy.
• Take three mindful breaths whenever you move from one activity to another.
• Each day pray for the people around you.
• Choose a time to be still- don’t speak.

RHYTHM

•Take a slow 30-minute walk, an amble. Linger at flowers, rocks, etc., and enjoy the
air and beauty. This is not about exercising.
•Meditate with your breathing, find the rhythm of your breath.
•Spend some time in silence, outdoors, when possible. Slow down.
•Pray in your heart multiple times a day – it is a portable Sabbath.

TIME

•Set aside time to play with Don.
•Say my affirmations, what I value, and the precepts that guide my life.
•Stand at the altar in our temple and pray with others.
•Seek out those you love when you lose your way.
•Be a Sabbath for another who is struggling.

HAPPINESS

•Focus on gratefulness.
•On the Sabbath morning, lie in bed and look at my vision wall.
•Do something simple and playful daily – walk, put flowers on the table, color, do a
puzzle, sing.
•Walk barefoot, slowly, on this holy ground. (Meaning our home)

WISDOM

•Trust God to help you in crisis.
•Watch for the help you receive. See it.
•Find time to sit, walk, meditate, pray, read, etc. in nature, the temple, at home, or
church.
•Let go of something. Choose one thing each week. Lessen your stuff.
•Shower with a candle, music, and perfume. (Remember, as a caretaker I only have 15 min. for
a shower. : ) You busy moms can do this.)

CONSECRATION

•Before Sunday, choose a quiet place. Pray. Say what you need to say out loud.
•On Sunday, don’t seek, let what is be enough, and then pray in gratitude.
•Give something you love away to someone else who will love it.

ON SUNDAY

•Journal first thing in the morning, then pray and dress.
•Write letters of love.
•Connect with people.

TO END THE DAY

•At dinner, share the best part of the day and what you look forward to on the coming day or in the coming week. Burn a scented candle at dinner.

The sections came from the book. What to do came from me.

I pondered how I could make what the author taught in each section, work for me. For example, he suggested an altar, light a candle, and pray. In my spiritual culture, we do not use alters in our church buildings or our homes. But as I thought, I came up with the idea of lighting a candle during my nightly shower and praying for others and myself. It has worked wonderfully, no matter how out of the ordinary it may seem.

As I reread my list, I was surprised at how many things I have put in place unintentionally. I only implemented one thing with intention, the addition of a candle and prayer to my shower time, but so many others have become part of my days.
•Each day, I pray for the people around me.
•I say my affirmations daily.
•I pray with others in our temple.
•I am frequently a Sabbath for others who are struggling.
•I write in my gratitude journal daily.
•I walk barefoot in my home daily. Now I need to slow the pace. : )
•I trust God implicitly.
•I am watchful and grateful for the help that I see come.
•I shower with a perfumed candle. I sing after I pray while still in the shower.
•I write letters of love on Sunday.
•I have been connecting with people more than ever before. I set up calls ahead of time with
friends every few months and communicate via video, so connection really happens. I have to
plan ahead and schedule this connection because it isn’t part of my natural energy. : )

I Have A Plan

This list is impressive to me, but as you can see there is more that needs to become part of what I do, part of me so that it happens as naturally as the list above. That can’t happen in a day or a week. So, I have a plan.

I am going to pick one thing that I am not doing yet and do it daily or on Sunday, as the case may be, for one month. By then, it should be part of my system, and I won’t need to think about it. It will just happen because it is part of what I do, like my nightly shower. : ) Then I will pick another thing. At this pace, it will take me a few years to make everything part of my life, but I am OK with that. I have learned that the time it takes to grow and increase in wisdom isn’t important. Growing and increasing in wisdom is.

I hope that all of you will pick one thing. Maybe it will be to read the book and make your own list. It may be to adopt my list or part of it and begin implementing what matters to you. Just begin.

A Little Here and a Little There, with Consistency, Conquers!

Four years ago, I wrote an article detailing how I cleared a field by myself in a nine-month period with a hoe and a rake. It was arduous, sort of like growing a baby. : ) The purpose of the article, was to demonstrate that we can accomplish very challenging things if we understand the principle of taking small steps with consistency. I also shared what I learned in those nine months.

My life seems filled with opportunities to prove to myself, repeatedly, that consistency in small things really can accomplish BIG things, things we thought we couldn’t do.

Last year, I thought I should help some neighbors with their yard. Really! Don’t I have enough to do? But it was a clear thought, so I decided to give it a go. My friends have serious health challenges, and they need help. So, I began.

Not long after I began weeding the flower beds, a member of my church congregation walked by. He shared that over the years, groups had come from the church to help, and he and his wife had helped. Then he said, “It will look the same in a month.” But I knew that I had made a commitment and that I had a plan to help me get this work done and keep it done. I smiled and replied, “Not this year.”

I knew I could clear these flower beds and put the yard in order because two years before I had cleared the field. This wasn’t going to be nearly as hard. I also knew that because I understand the principle that small things done consistently really can make a difference, I would be able to do the job. This applies to clearing a field by hand, keeping a neighbor or your own yard in order, keeping your home in order, relationships, growing a baby, anything.

This Year Feels Intimidating!

I want to do some cleaning and organizing projects this year, but it feels intimidating. I want to do my regular spring cleaning, you know, cleaning out cupboards, under beds, oven, refrigerator, drawers, and bookshelves. I have made a list of all the projects. Then there are the outside projects. I want to sort my stuff and minimize it. I need to reorder the garage and clean out my shed. I have a garden and flower beds.

Add to this the fact, that I am helping my daughter and her family and caring for Don and my mom. I also write a post every day and publish one article a week. Yeah, it is a lot of stuff, and with that stuff, I need to find time for myself to think, read, and rest. You can see why it might feel intimidating. But I want to do these things. They will make me happy. Yup, work and organizing makes me happy. LOL

Last year I experimented with small steps and consistency when it came to all the projects I needed and wanted to do. Of course, when you begin a large project, it can take extra time. The field, in the beginning, took 3-4 hours a day, six days a week. But once it was in order, the time went down significantly. I give it 30 min a day in the early spring, but by mid-June, I am down to 15 minutes every other day. My neighbor’s yard takes 30 minutes a day until mid-June, then it is 15 minutes every other day. In fact, just this week, I decided to go once a week, work on the garden, and then visit for half an hour. Just once a week. That is still consistent and will be enough. Can you see how consistency can pare a thing down over time and make it manageable?

Spring cleaning last year was a challenge. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do the whole kitchen in a day. This is how I used to manage. I had the energy and put other important things, like kids and events, on hold. I don’t do that anymore. I know that if I break a job into smaller bites and am willing to consistently give time to those small bites, then whatever it is will get done without sacrificing family or self.

This is something I have had to learn the hard way. I am a finisher by nature, and I want to finish. No small bites for me. Just get it done! BUT I know from experience that finishing works better, in a busy life, if we break the thing into small steps and then give consistent effort. Do I still struggle to live this? Absolutely! After all, I am a finisher, and that hasn’t changed, but I have grown wiser. This wisdom helps me get just as much done, over time, without sacrificing important things like self and family.

How It Looks Now

Back to last year’s spring cleaning. Let’s look at the kitchen. I would assign myself 1-3 cupboards in the kitchen, depending on the day. Another day would be the oven or two shelves in the fridge, etc. It took me two months to finish the kitchen. As I said, in the old days I would have knocked it all out in one eight-to-ten-hour day.

Then I moved on to the bookshelves, the bathroom, the bedrooms, etc. Over the summer, I got it all done. I can’t call it spring cleaning anymore. Hmmm, a better term would be Maintaining Order Over the Long Haul. LOL

Here is what this week looked like as I began my Maintain Order regime:
Monday – Clean one bottom cupboard the on west wall in the kitchen.
Tuesday – Clean the turnstile and lime away the shower.
Wednesday – One kitchen drawer and one bedroom drawer.

You get the drift. Does this feel irritatingly bothersome and slow? I get it. But along with these simple steps, I fix three meals, manage another person’s meds, bathe another person twice a week, help with Maggie and my other grands when Jodie is working, do laundry, sweep, and vacuum, water the garden, deadhead the flowers, get the mail, buy groceries…you get it because this is what a moms life looks like. So, when we have a big project, we must find a way to fit it in and still do all the other things that are required.

It’s Not Just About Spring Cleaning

Spring cleaning isn’t the only thing I am talking about. What if your relationship with one of your kids is strained? What are the small daily steps you can take while still doing all the other things moms do?

What about a mini conversation as you drive them to track practice? Your child may only mumble a few words, but over the summer, it will count. Maybe you decide to give a random touch three times a day. What about sitting at a meal together regularly despite everyone’s busy-ness?

There is work to do to keep relationships in order, be a PTA president, teach a class at church, maintain a friendship, or any of the other ‘things’ that come along while still maintaining home and family relationships. To add something we want to do, like spring cleaning or training for a marathon, LOL and not inadvertently subtracting the things that matter most, such as relationships and self-care, it is vital to understand:
•Breaking big projects, of whatever kind, into small bites or steps helps them get done without sacrificing anything important.
•Consistency in doing the steps or bites we have determined will and does make ALL the difference.

When we break important projects into small steps and then commit to being consistent, we can accomplish miracles.

Necklaces on the Mirror or Charity 101

I like things my way.

It’s true. It has taken intention for me to learn to be flexible and generous with others’ differences. It hasn’t been an easy ride, but I really wanted to make this change so, I prayed about it. Be careful what you pray for.

Over ten years ago, I began praying for charity. As I studied, I learned that charity isn’t what we do it is how we are – a way of being made up of many traits. Hmmm Here are two that cause me trouble – long-suffering and not easily offended. They relate to flexibility and generosity with others’ weaknesses or the differences in how they manage life from how we manage life.

Yikes. How was God going to help me go from being inflexible and frequently annoyed and frustrated with others’ imperfections and differences to long-suffering and not easily offended? Well, He did what He does, He sent me to school, so to speak, Charity 101. He put me into a four-generation home. Trust me, it requires long-suffering, generosity, flexibility, and not being offended to make this work.

An Example of Long-suffering and Not Easily Offended

I had an experience last week that is a perfect example of how important flexibility or charity is in a family. As I look back on my parenting, it is glaringly clear that my lack of charity i.e., long-suffering, not easily offended, and being flexible or generous with other’s differences, caused us trouble. Oh well, we can only get there when we can get there. It is good that Christ makes up the difference in our weaknesses until they become strengths. : )

I am a very ordered person. I have a morning routine and a night routine. I am well practiced in making commitments to myself and others and then keeping them no matter what. I have practiced these skills for a long time. I like things to be where they belong! In my personal world, there are systems and order.

One morning, when I entered the bathroom that all nine of us share, while my daughter’s bathroom is being remodeled to make it more handicap accessible, I noticed that Mary’s necklaces were hung on the mirror. When we built our part of the home, I chose an out-of-the-ordinary mirror for my bathroom. It has birds and vines on it. It is supposed to be a decorative hall mirror but I like it and so it is in my bathroom. I enjoy those birds when I am brushing my teeth. : )

However, it is NOT a jewelry holder! As I sat and looked at the necklaces, I felt annoyance creeping in, but then, by choice, I stamped it out! After all, it didn’t look terrible, wasn’t in my way, and was causing no problems. I left the bathroom in one emotional piece.

Later that day, I told Don that Mary was hanging her necklaces on the mirror. He replied that he hung the necklaces there because he didn’t want them getting knotted up. The kids, both Jack and Mary, bring me their chains to be unknotted. I am good at getting the knots out. LOL

When I saw Mary, I told her what her grandpa had done. She smiled but didn’t say anything. That night when I went into the bathroom to shower, there on the mirror were three necklaces. I sat down and stared at them. I realized that even though I had never hung jewelry on the tiny birds, it looked quite nice. I also realized that when the remodel is done and my bathroom becomes my bathroom again it will look a little plainer without them. : )

This is what happens in a family when we choose to be flexible, long-suffering, and not easily offended when someone does something differently than we would. We can maintain peace within ourselves and with them. We may even find, in time, that we have grown fond of their way.

Have Greater Peace in Your Family

Recently in a conversation with my sisters on this topic, one of them said, “I caused my kids a lot of discomfort because I was so ridged in my ways.”

Then recently, a friend, in a class remarked that she realized she was making everyone miserable by forcing them to tow her line, and it was making her miserable too. She has decided to step back, in other words, become more flexible, generous, long-suffering, and less easily offended.

I love how God works. He requires us to do what we can to grow. I don’t always enjoy the process, but the results can be magical and a gift. Becoming more charitable i.e. long-suffering and not easily offended, is simple, but simple definitely doesn’t mean easy. This change requires intention and practice. But if I can make progress, and I have, then so can you.

Let’s work on flexibility, long-suffering, and not being offended (annoyed and frustrated) when things aren’t exactly as we hoped, planned, or thought they should be. It will bring greater peace to our hearts and to our families.

For me, this is a work in progress. It may be for you too, but when we can let go of frustration and annoyance and embrace flexibility, our family will be blessed, and so will we.

Children Learn Best When They Are Interested!

In the next four weeks, I am going to be sharing articles I wrote over ten years ago. Why? Because they were fun, contained great information and when I reread them, I fell in love with my family all over again. I will have a current introduction to each article, but I‘m not going to adjust the information to make it appear that it is in the now. You will see people and situations as they were over a decade ago.

You know, I have been in the parenting trench for a long time. I raised my own seven and then I moved into a three-generation home. I didn’t have that 24/7 responsibility but I was still surrounded by children and the challenges, joys, and learning that come with that territory.

Now, I am in a four-generation home. It just goes on and on. LOL I think I was made for this and although sometimes I would like to be in a home with just me, Don, and quiet, well, I would miss out on much, and I would learn far less. So, enjoy these lessons from the past and the cute kids who taught them to me.

Children Learn Best When They Are Interested

Benny is two, and he loves knowing how things work! Yesterday, as I came upstairs, I saw him working with a screwdriver on the wall heat vent. He was trying to put the blade of the screwdriver into the slot on the screw head.

Of course, his motor skills aren’t developed enough for him to manage it. Then there is the issue of being strong enough to turn the screwdriver. Benny didn’t seem perturbed or discouraged about what he couldn’t do. He was totally immersed in learning at his level.

I said, “Benny, what are you doing?” He replied, “Take off.” When his motor skills catch up with his desire to work with tools, we had all better look out!!!

I am thinking about Benny today because of what happened this morning. I have been tied to my computer for a few days working on a project with a deadline.

This morning Benny climbed onto my lap and watched for a short time. Then he said, “What this” while pointing to the cord that connects my computer to the source of electricity. I responded that this cord brought electricity to the computer and that a computer had to have electricity to work. He repeated, “Electricity”.

He then pointed to the printer cord and said, “What that?” “It is a cord to the printer, Benny. It lets the computer tell the printer to go to work”. I pointed out the cursor on the screen and then hit the printer icon. Then we watched the page print.

Next, he pointed to the cord that connects the mouse to the computer. “What that?” “That is the mouse, Benny. See, when I move the mouse this little cursor moves on the screen and lets me pick what I want.” He repeated, “Cursor.” He was fascinated.

Then he pointed to the thumb drive I was using for my project. “What that?” I told him it was a thumb drive that contained pictures of family. He said, “Thumb drive”.

I moved the mouse, pointed out the cursor on the screen, and he watched while I opened the device and then the file. We took a moment or two and scrolled through the pictures while he named off the people. When we were finished looking at the pictures, he pointed to the thumb drive and wanted to start over again! Children learn best when they are interested!

Why Taking the Time to Hear Matters!

This is a perfect example of what happens when we make time to listen to children and respond to what they are currently interested in. I was listening, I heard his interest, and I responded. Then we had what I call a mini-conversation. It was tempting to say, “Benny, I can’t play right now, I am working.” But who knows when he will come again to ask about the computer.

And since when does a 2-year-old sit still and learn about something way over his head for almost 5 minutes? Anytime they are really interested.

That is the key to real learning. When a child is interested in something, they want to know more. So, it is important to resist the temptation to put off what we could do now, until later, when it feels more convenient.

The Rewards of Making Space to ‘HEAR’

We can’t always respond right now, but we should respond whenever we can; the younger the child, the more fleeting the interest and the teaching moments.

Benny won’t remember the terms he heard today. He still has no idea how any of it really works. But here is what he will remember:

Grandma loves him and is interested in what he is interested in.
Learning is fun.
He is never too young to ask questions about what interests him.
Asking questions is a good thing. Not knowing yet, is OK.

When Listening to Kids:

We can scale down any topic to fit the child’s age as I did with Benny.
We need to listen to and hear their interest
Watch for Sparks, your child is telling you what they want to know NOW
If you can’t respond now, do so as soon as you can. With children, time matters.

I enjoyed helping Benny learn more about the computer today, and it went a long way in helping us connect and share love. Remember,

Children learn best when they are interested!

Make Learning Safe!

Over the last twenty years, I have run across wonderful resources. Today I want to share an article that I read back in 2013. It was by Kerry Patterson. I enjoy reading his stuff because it is always fun and illuminating. In this article Kerry outlines the parent or teacher’s job of establishing an environment where their charges can learn and grow (even experiment) without fear of being in trouble. Whether you school your children at home or they attend public or private school, we all are teachers to our kids every day! You are going to love this!

“It Is Rocket Science”

by Kerry Patterson

When I woke up that bright and sunny morning, I never suspected that I’d burn down my bedroom. But some days just don’t go as planned.

It was a Sunday morning, and this meant that later that evening the entire Patterson clan would plop down in front of their fifteen-inch black-and-white DuMont TV and worship at the altar of the Ed Sullivan Theater. For those of us living at the far edge of the U.S.—and at the far corner of Puget Sound to boot—Ed Sullivan provided a lifeline to the bigger world of hip happenings and top-notch entertainment. Who knew what menagerie of singers, dancers, acrobats, and comedians Mr. Sullivan would bring us! Would it be Elvis or even the Beatles? Surely the ventriloquist Señor Wences or the puppet Topo Gigio would grace the stage. It was Sunday, it was sunny, and all was well.

And then came the bomb. Mom sat me down and explained that she and Dad would be attending a volunteer meeting that evening and that I’d have to chaperone in their stead. Chaperone? I was a fourteen-year-old kid. Whom was I supposed to chaperone?

It turns out that a friend’s daughter, who was attending the local college, wanted to buy her first life insurance policy, and Mom had volunteered our living room for the sales presentation. Unfortunately, since Mom and Dad would be gone, I’d have to hang around. Without my dampening presence, who knows what lecherous shenanigans the insurance agent might attempt? And, as if listening to an insurance salesman wasn’t going to be bad enough, the meeting was to take place during the sacred time slot of the Ed Sullivan show!

When the appointed hour finally rolled around, I squirmed impatiently while the insurance fellow yammered on about “contingencies” and “risk aversion” until I could take it no longer. With one swift move, I slipped unnoticed into my bedroom adjacent to the living room. This put me out of range of the insurance talk but left me with nothing to do. After carefully studying the skin on my elbow for a couple of minutes, it hit me. Under my desk was a large bowl of rocket fuel I had recently concocted and set aside. Now would be the perfect time to turn it from a dry powder into a solid mass by melting it down and then letting it solidify.

I had never performed this operation before, nor did I have the necessary equipment on hand, but I had heard that transforming the powdered fuel into a solid block gave it more stability. I quickly fashioned a Bunsen burner out of materials I found in the bathroom. A Vaseline lid, a wad of cotton, and a couple of jiggers of my dad’s aftershave lotion—and voila! I was ready to cook. Next, I poured a generous portion of the fuel into a Pioneer chemical container that consisted of a cardboard tube with a flat metal bottom and a pop-out metal top. The cardboard would provide me with a safe place to grip the container, while the metal bottom would take the flame and melt the fuel.

Within minutes, I gingerly held the jury-rigged beaker above the Aqua Velva flame and was merrily melting the powder. Sure, I’d be missing Ed Sullivan’s guest star, Richard Burton, as he performed a number from Camelot, but I was advancing science. What could be more important?

Then, with no warning whatsoever, the powder hit its ignition point and burst into a frightening torrent of smoke and flames, scorching the wallpaper above my desk, and burning a hole in the ten-foot ceiling. I couldn’t drop the blazing tube, or it would have careened around the room and set the drapes and other flammables on fire. So, I gritted my teeth and held the flame-spitting cylinder firmly through its entire burn. For a full minute, the fiery tube charred the wall and ceiling while dropping blazing bits of debris on my arms and legs—burning holes in my shirt and pants and leaving behind pea-sized scars.

The rest is a blur. When it was finally safe to set the container down, I bolted from my bedroom and threw open the front door to vent the house. A fire truck loaded with highly animated firefighters rolled into our driveway and it wasn’t long until several of them were screaming at me for being so stupid as to—well, cook rocket fuel in my bedroom. Apparently, not being able to swing their axes or shoot a single drop of water into our home had really ticked them off. One angrily threw open the parlor windows when I asked him what I could do to get rid of the smoke. Another glumly stared at my bedroom and shook his head while muttering, “Boy, are you going to get it when your folks come home!”

And then my folks came home. As the fire crew backed out of our driveway and the insurance salesman and frightened college girl bolted from the scene, Mom and Dad slowly approached. Watching a fire crew pull away from your home is never a good sign when you’re the parent of a teenage boy; however, it did give my folks a hint as to what lay ahead. As the two walked stoically into my bedroom and surveyed the damage, Mom stated, “You realize, of course, that you’re going to have to set this right.” I did. I paid for the repairs out of my college savings.

And then, Mom said something that was so quintessential “Mom” that I’ve never forgotten it: “What did you learn from this adventure?” Most parents, when faced with the smoldering shell of a bedroom would have grounded their careless son through social security. Or maybe they would have hurled threats, pulled out their hair, or perhaps guilt-tripped their soon-to-be-jailed juvenile delinquent into years of therapy. But Mom simply wanted to know what I had learned from the incident. It wasn’t a trick on her part; it was how Mom treated debacles. For her, every calamity was a learning opportunity, every mishap a chance to glean one more morsel of truth from the infinitely instructive universe.

So, I talked to Mom and Dad about ignition points, research design, precautions, and adult supervision. I meant most of what I said. I even followed my own advice and avoided catching any more rooms on fire. In fact, save for one minor screw-up a few months later during a routine rocket test where I accidentally blew off my eyebrows (leading to an embarrassing few days where I was forced to darken my remaining forehead hairs with eyebrow pencil—not cool for a guy in high school), I averted further disasters of all types.

But what I didn’t avert was the bigger message. Mom wanted me and my brother to be full-time learners—ambulant scholars if you like. It was her central mission in life to turn us into responsible adults who learned at every turn. While the masses might bump into the world, take the occasional licking, and then endlessly complain, she wanted us to bounce back with the question: What does this teach us? While others carped about effects, she wanted us to find the causes. Our classroom was to extend beyond the halls of academia and down any path our journey took us—even into the occasional charred bedroom.

The implication of this message to parents and leaders alike is profound. It’s the adult’s or leader’s job to establish an environment where their charges can learn and grow (even experiment) without fear of being grounded through social security. This isn’t to suggest that either the home or the corporate learning environment should allow individuals to run about willy-nilly—heating up rocket fuel without a single thought as to what might go wrong. I had been irresponsible, and I was held accountable. But I had also been experimenting with rocket science, and Mom didn’t want to stifle this part of me. She wanted me to experiment, and this called for calculated risks. She saw it as her job to teach me how to make the calculations, not to set aside my test tubes and chemicals.

So, let’s take our lead from the ambulant scholar. Should our best-laid plans run afoul, may we have the wisdom to pause, take a deep breath, and ask: What did we learn from this?

Thank you Kerry, so beautifully said! : )

P.S. Kerry Patterson has written some wonderful books which I have read. They are worth your time. Here are a few –

Better Word Choice – Better Outcome

Understanding truth changes lives

Many years ago, I read Remember the Ice and Other Paradigm Shifts by Bob Nicoll. It was life-changing, or I could say it was communication-changing. : ) All these years later, when I engage in a conversation, I can hear Bob say, “Remember the ice!”

I attended an event that Bob spoke at and then I bought the book. I learned later that he was a friend of one of my clients. What a lovely coincidence or it would be if I believed in coincidences. We had a number of opportunities to visit together. Later, I was also privileged to be on stage with Bob, teaching parents together.

Bob had a passion for linguistics and empowering language choices. He focused his energies on studying the power of word choice: the Psychophysiology of Words, as he said. Now, that is a big word. : )

Bob had been a counseling psychologist, a business owner/consultant, a motivational speaker, a sales trainer, a restaurant owner, a financial planner, and a top sales manager. He knew the importance of all kinds of relationships and the power that words had in those relationships. He had a passion for helping people shift their paradigms with respect to empowering word choices. And that is how the book Remember the Ice came to be. So, what was in his book that was life-changing for me?

Let me share one story from the book and you will see.

In Bob’s words – Imagine being able to create a simple message. You know in your mind what you would like to convey. You get ready to share it with one of your precious children. You open your mouth, speak your mind, and then realize you have attracted the opposite of what you want.
Huh??? What’s that you say?

All you said to your precious 6-year-old was, “Don’t touch that vase.” Seconds later, you hear the sound of broken glass and your favorite, imported, crystal vase is on the floor in a myriad of pieces.

So why would he touch it after you specifically said, “DON’T touch that vase?” Before I share the answer, let me share a quick story.

It all began on July 23, 1991 — at 10:07 AM PDT

In a convenience store on Northern Avenue in Phoenix, AZ, the manager had placed a couple of signs above his cash registers. His intention was to encourage his patrons to buy more ice during the hot desert summer.

I lived across the street from this store and came to know him. Rick was working one day as I made a purchase. This time I paused and asked him how his ice sales were going because I am intrigued by word choice and the resulting behavioral outcomes. You see, the signs above the cash registers read: DON’T FORGET THE ICE

I asked Rick how sales were going. His reply was less than favorable. I paused and asked if I could make a suggestion. I mean, after all, this was Phoenix—in the desert—in the middle of the summer. (110+ degrees in the shade)

“Rick, do you have a couple of pieces of paper and a magic marker?” I inquired. He gave me the items and I quickly made two new signs for him. REMEMBER THE ICE

I left with a knowing smile and purposely stayed away for about a month. When I went back to the store, I spoke with Rick about his recent ice sales. “What did you do? My sales are up over 500% in the last 30 days!!”

I smiled and asked him a simple question: “If I say to you: Don’t think of the color blue. What color are you thinking of?” “Why blue of course” he replied. “Of course.” Now if I say, “don’t forget the ice”, what will you forget? “Hmmm… the ice.” “Right.”

Wasn’t that story awesome and haven’t you experienced something like this? I have with my own children, my husband, and friends. Words matter. What we say and how we say it impacts not only us but those we are talking to. Don’t is a word I rarely use because I hear Bob in my head.

Do you see how the innocent and commonly used message of “DON’T results in the opposite of what we want? Our mind has no conception of the word NOT (Bob explains more about that in his book), and we proceed to DO what follows the word Not (Do not or Don’t). So, the end result is, 6-year-old Tommy is compelled to touch the vase BECAUSE you told him to.

Words mean things. Word choice has behavioral consequences.

If mom had said, “leave the vase alone”, or “no touching the vase,” the end result is, you would have a beautiful piece of crystal to showcase your flowers. And this is the crux of the book.

How can you think differently about the words you use? How can you have better outcomes? How can words assist you in getting your kids, spouse, and others to respond positively more often?

I recommend Remember the Ice and Other Paradigm Shifts.

It is available on Amazon. You will be a better parent for having read it. Bob taught people that, “There is Power in the Clarity of your Articulation.” Another way of saying that is: “Word Choice has behavioral consequences.”

Here is how I say it –
Words mean things. Learn how to use them well.

Want more direction on having meaningful conversations with your kids: