Category: Personal Growth

Our Perception is Vital to Our Sense of Wellbeing Part 2

One evening, my husband Don was watching Sci-Fi on TV. I was cooking and could hear it. A man said to a woman, “To heal your wounds, you must see the past clearly.”

This woman had been mad at her mother her whole life. Her mother was killed in the jungle while trying to catch a spider known for its miraculous healing properties. Before dying, the mother delivered her child, who lived. The woman believed her mother went because of the wealth the spider would bring. She wondered why her mother had cared so little about her unborn child.

The man sent the woman into the past, to the jungle. She saw her mother’s excitement when they caught the spider. She saw her mother being attacked, then deliver her baby, and die. Those helping the mother used the spider venom on the baby’s tiny body. The woman had not known that her life was in danger, and her mother had gone into the jungle to save her.

When the woman returned to the present, she said to the man, “I didn’t know she was trying to save me. I didn’t have all the information and assumed she didn’t love me enough to keep herself out of harm’s way.” This woman physically returned to the past to get facts and clarity about something she didn’t understand, and it was life-changing.

I have heard all my life that you can’t change the past. You can’t go back. You have to let it go and move on. I no longer accept this counsel. I have experienced that we can change the past, at least in our minds, how it affects our present and future, and you don’t need to go there physically to do it.

The second perception experience was with my 50+ year old son, Seth. He has lived on Jodie’s property, where I live in our four-generation home, for over a year. It’s been nice to have his presence and help. We have all benefited, including Seth. His reason for coming here, from Montana, which he loves, was to take a series of classes to help him do some healing work. You see, no one’s past is trauma-free. It is the bag thing. : )

After Seth finished his classes, he began working as staff/support for others on the same path. That fulfilling way to spend time is what has anchored him here. A few weeks ago, after working at a session, he had the opportunity to share an experience, to illustrate to those in the session that yes, you can change the past. The listeners were moved. Since then, he has been asked to share with others.

I asked Seth to write his experience so I could share it with you.

The Fundamentals of Changing Your Past by Seth Johnson

I am sure many of us, at different points in our lives, have said, “If I could just go back in the past and change that one thing, my life would be so different”. That sentiment is something I have said to myself hundreds of times.

Is it possible to change your past?

Yes, it is. You may be asking yourself, “How is that possible?” Well, it’s possible through rewriting the story and changing your perception of the memory you acquired through that experience. What does that mean?

What are the fundamentals of our past?

The fundamental aspect of our past is not the actual experience but the perception we create in our memory of that experience, which can either be good or bad in relation to how it affects our life. So, by rewriting our perception of the past, we then change our past.

A Real-life Example

“I spent 20 years hating my ex-wife. I told myself that she was a terrible person, that she destroyed my life, and the self-confidence I had, that I would never forgive her for stealing my dog, etc. etc. I have spent the last year and a half going through some personal development training and although what I am speaking of here was not necessarily one of the topics in class, I found this knowledge along the way.

The answer to changing my past was through rewriting the story, thus changing my perception of how I feel about her. I do not hate her anymore, and I never actually did. I truly love her and wish her the best in life. She did not destroy my self-confidence. I chose to be in a situation that created a beautiful learning experience. Not everything was bad; we shared beautiful times, and we loved each other in the way we knew how to love, which was distorted through early experiences in life regarding love. Neither of us knew how to show love healthily.

I chose to carry that hate and hurt for 20 years. It was never about the actual things she did along the way. I wasn’t perfect either and played a part in it all. It was the perceptions I placed into my memories regarding the so-called “bad things” she had done. The moment I re-wrote the story, it changed the perception of the story of my past, thus changing my past.”

Our Perception Does Matter

When something good or bad happens, we perceive others’ intentions and motives. Then we create our story around what we have chosen to believe. That isn’t always bad. But occasionally it’s helpful to rewrite a story and take a second look at an experience, if it is causing us pain, sorrow, grief, or another unhealthy response that negatively affects our life.

This is simple, but like many simple things, it isn’t easy. We can’t magically send ourselves back to an experience and watch it as if it were a movie where we are privy to what we didn’t know or understand. However, we can take our minds back. We can take a second look. We can give others the benefit of the doubt and think the best. We can choose to forgive even if the offender had bad motives or committed a terrible wrong.

And why would we do this instead of just holding the other person accountable? So we can free ourselves, to heal, to move forward, and have a better life

I know from my and Seth’s experience that when we understand the power our perception has, no matter our age, we can change the past, at least how it affects us going forward.

Our story, what we choose to tell ourselves about any circumstance, keeps us in chains or sets us free.

Our Perception is Vital to Our Sense of Wellbeing Part 1

I’ve written many articles on the importance of making sure the story we tell ourselves is helpful to our sense of well-being, healthy relationships, and happiness. How we perceive something matters.

Recently, I had two experiences that cemented what I have learned in over a decade and a half of taking control of how I ‘see’ what is happening in my life, both in the past and present. I’m sharing one experience today and the other next week. They are powerful.

Stress Is a Killer!

When I began caregiving my mom 6 ½ years ago, I did a lot of reading on dementia, so I would know how to care for both of us. There was a lot of useful information. In most of the books and articles I read, I also found this counsel: “Caregiving can be extremely demanding, both physically and emotionally…Studies have shown that family caregivers are at a higher risk of mortality compared to non-caregivers. Approximately 30% of family caregivers die before the person they are caring for.” This information was so prevalent in what I read and heard from other caregivers, that I beleived it was true and it concerned me. I was caregiving three people, in a 4-generation home.

There is also a common belief in the minds of the public that stress, from any situation that is ongoing, is toxic. Stress has been blamed for catching the common cold to creating cardiovascular problems. For example, one article I read said: Stress can have significant physical and physiological effects on the body. Here are some of the key ways that stress can impact your health:

Cardiovascular System:
• Increased heart rate and blood pressure
• Dilated blood vessels
• Increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and hypertension

Endocrine System:
• Release of stress hormones (e.g., cortisol, adrenaline)
• Increased blood sugar levels
• Changes in metabolism and fat distribution
• Increased risk of obesity and type 2 diabetes

The list went on covering other body parts and organs. I wondered how I could manage what I had taken on and remain healthy. I had stress management tools and I used them, but stress is ever present when caregiving, and according to what seemed to be true, I was definitely in harm’s way.

A few years ago, someone reached out who wanted to add a new stress tool to my arsenal to help me have a healthier brain. Here’s the pitch:

S T R E S S
These 6 letters can completely ruin your brain health and create short-term memory loss. Chronic stress, the kind that has you up at night, eats away at the memory sector of your brain, the hippocampus. It causes inflammation, throws your hormones out of balance and there is a big school of medicine that believes most diseases are caused by chronic stress.
•Stress is your brain’s #1 enemy – it is the single largest reason for your memory issues
•Unless you do something to manage your stress on a daily basis your memory, and your brain health will quickly deteriorate.

Here was my response to a question the sender asked: “I am convinced that stress is the cause of my detail memory being so compromised.” I had bought into this belief about stress hook, line, and sinker.

This Was MINDBLOWING!

Last fall I listened to a Ted Talk on stress.  It was mind-blowing! The title was How to Make Stress Your Friend by Kelly McGonigal, a psychologist. She told us that for years she had warned her patients about the dangers hidden in stress. But recently, she had been introduced to new research that blew her mind!

It turns out that stress, whether you are caregiving, have a tough job, or are parenting, doesn’t need to take a toll on your health. In fact, it can improve your heart and health. Yes, you heard me correctly!! Her information on how stress is good for your heart was so unexpected and came from reliable research.

McGonigal said: “Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken, and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case.”

One research study showed that people with the same type and amount of stress either died or lived depending on their beliefs about stress. This made me sit up and pay attention. As I researched this new idea, I read this: “With demands on time, energy, emotions, and relationships, caregiving isn’t easy. So, you might think it would take its toll on the physical health of those who care for family members with chronic conditions. But new research offers a positive surprise: Family caregivers may live longer.”

McGonigal urged us to see stress as a positive and understand its value to the body. Also, to know that what you believe about stress impacts how it ultimately affects you. And there it is–our story matters, what we say and how we perceive what is happening brings about the result we get.

Not long after I heard the TED talk, I bought the book The Upside of Stress by Dr. McGonigal. I want to understand how stress can work in my favor. I want this information deep in my soul so that I can do what I have taken on and flourish. The read is fascinating.

Has understanding this changed anything in my day-to-day life? NO. I still clean up plenty of poop. Sitting down without interruptions is rarely an option. There is plenty of frustration and annoyance. My mother’s dementia is progressing, she has had a mini-stroke, and every day is a new normal. Watching someone die is like living on a roller coaster. Don’s surgery brought 6 weeks of extra work and stress. But now, with my new story, when I feel overly stressed, I straighten up and say to myself – “Way to go. This is so good for your heart. You’re going to live to be 100!”

And you know what, I believe it.

P.S. Next week I challenge the idea that we cannot change the past. I will share an example that will show you, you can! You are going to love this!

From Sixty-Two to Seventy-Five, This Hasn’t Changed!

From the movie The Kid

The 40-year-old man and the eight-year-old boy sat together in the airport diner, eating fries and burgers. They each thought their own thoughts about life, as it is and as it would be. The man and the boy were the same person, who, through some fluke, was in the same space and time together.

8-year-old: You’re not mad?
40-year-old: About what?
8-year-old: That we didn’t change anything.
40-year-old: No. Are you ok that you’ll have to fight that bully every day for the rest of grade school and go through high school ugly?
8-year-old: But not dumb.
40-year-old: No, not dumb. And that you’ll go through college without a date.
8-year-old: And get to be 40 with no family.

They look at each other and smile. Then, a dog named Chester grabs a fry, and they run out to the tarmac and see the 70-year-old man. He too is them. He has a family and flies a plane.

40-year-old: Are you who I think you are?
70-year-old: Smile and a nod.
40-year-old: How did we do it?
70-year-old: You have 30 years to find out.

And here is what they all three know – We can do this; it will all work out, and dreams do come true.

As the 70-year-old flies away with his family, we hear the 8-year-old and the 40-year-old shout, “We made it! We’re OK! We’re not a loser! We grew up to be a pilot with a family!” Then they do a happy dance.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know, for sure, that despite how now looks and feels, you are going to be OK? Wouldn’t it be nice? The desire to know we are not losers and are OK is inside each of us.

When I was sixty-two, I emailed a very successful, well-known woman and asked her to help me with something in my business. It was as intimidating to me as writing the queen. She responded. shocked that I would think enough of her to ask. Imagine! We shared our hopes, dreams, struggles, and some of our fears. Here’s what I discovered: She is me, and I am her. We are more alike than we are different. I think that’s true of all of us. We worry that what is coming won’t live up to our expectations, that we won’t live up to our expectations.

Here is what I know:

• Today is all there is, so rejoice and be glad in it.
• Everything won’t work out or be easy, but it will be all right in the end.
• You do not carry your load alone, no matter how it feels.
• Time heals all wounds if we let it and seek resources and help.
• Everything changes, and that is a good thing, even though it feels scary at times.
• We are all more alike than we are different.
• We all struggle in one way or another, so be kind to everyone.
• You have more power than you know.

I wrote these words when I was sixty-two, a baby compared to now! I am seventy-five and sharing these thoughts again because not only have they not changed, but they have also become truer in my heart and life. I know they are true!

On the wall in my office/bedroom, I have these thoughts printed:

The Lord has a plan for me, and it will be a GIFT! Mary Ann Johnson

Life is incredibly unfair – in your favor. Jennie Taylor

Whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say, “It is well with my soul.” From the Hymn, It Is Well With My Soul by Horacio Spafford

We want everything to happen for a reason. A better mindset might be to let God make reason of everything that happens. Jennie Taylor

We can feel heartbreak and joy at the same time. Matt Haig

You can’t wait until life stops being hard to be happy. Jane Marczewski – Nightbirde

If you do your best, it will all work out. Mary Ann Johnson

Our dreams can come true. We can live up to our expectations. There is a plan, and we fit perfectly into it. It may not happen in the time frame we want, but if we hold on to hope and believe in ourselves, we will win.

Isn’t that nice to know!

Why & How Body Language Matters When Working With Kids

When I began teaching, mentoring, and writing family-centered articles, I was working with the homeschool community. However, in 2016, as I started writing my book Becoming a Present Parent, I realized my message about connecting with children was beneficial to a wider audience.

I created a new website, maryannjohnsoncoach.com. I had many thoughts and ideas that I began sharing. However, on home-school-coach.com, there were over 600 articles that most families would benefit from. I started updating and republishing these articles on the new site. I’ve been working on this project for over eight years. It’s been a labor of love and is still a work in progress. This is because the ideas, thoughts, and experiences have never stopped flowing, and I am constantly writing new articles.

In 2011, I took a class on body language from 3 Key Elements because I had begun speaking from stage and knew it would be helpful. Then, the company offered a class taught by one of their trainers, Amy Walker, on how body language can assist you in understanding your kids and avoiding conflict.

I loved the class and gained much from it. Since I was working with families and children, I asked Amy if she would write an article on what she had taught the mothers and fathers in her class. She did, and the information was published as a two-part series on my old website in 2012.

I love the information in these two articles, which has proven useful. I’m republishing them in one article today. I am sharing it as Amy Walker wrote it with minor grammatical and punctuation changes. I know you will find value here. You will either say, “Wow, good for me. I already know that,” or “Gosh, I didn’t realize that.” In either case, it will jumpstart your mind, and you will look at how you respond to your children with renewed or new eyes. Enjoy.

Understanding Body Language by Amy Walker

Body Language is an extremely important part of communication. Did you know that 93% of communication is NON-VERBAL? That means your tone and gestures are saying far more than your words! In the last year, I have seen a huge growing interest from schools and parents in using body language to help kids perform better in school. I have personally trained for the Utah State Office of Education, the Department of Workforce Services Teen Program, American Leadership Academy, and other elementary/charter schools. Already for 2012, I am scheduled to teach over 900 teachers about body language. I know I use body language with my four sons daily! It’s a powerful tool to increase communication, trust, understanding, and learning. In this article, I hope to teach you the importance of Body Language and share examples of what to look for with your children.

Body Language is the body’s physical response to what is going on in the subconscious mind. As you study and understand the body’s unique language, you can gain insights into thoughts, learning patterns, emotions, and motivations. If you see the whole picture, you will be more effective as a parent and educator.

The conscious mind can hold onto about 7 thoughts at a time. The subconscious processes billions of things at the same time; every memory, feeling, idea, body function, all the way down to cell reproduction and breathing are taken care of by our subconscious mind. I am constantly fascinated by what I can ‘See’ going on in my children that they don’t even know how to express!

I want to teach you 5 basic gestures you can use TODAY to help increase communication with your children! Remember, Body Language is a LANGUAGE! It takes practice to become fluent! But hopefully, after this article, you will at least know a few “Words and Phrases” to look for! I will also provide a few examples of using this with my children.

Learn to Read Eye Movements

Eye movements are fascinating. As you watch a person’s eyes move, you will see where they go to access information inside of themselves. You can tell if the experience or decision is emotion-driven, influenced by others, or based on past experiences.

Movement 1 – When you see an individual look up and to the right, they are looking into the right side of their brain.

Right-Side Brain Functions:
*Big picture thinking
*Future
*Creativity
*Artistic
*Imagination
*Vision

Movement 2 – When you see someone look up and to the left, they are looking into the left side of their brain.

Left-Side Brain Functions:
*Linear Thinking
*Details
*Logic
*Facts
*Numbers
*Past Experiences

Example 1
My 9-year-old son was upstairs doing his homework. He came downstairs, and I asked, “Did you finish your homework?” He looked up and to the right and then said, “Yep!” So, I clarified and said, “You did? You finished your homework?” He made the same move and answered yes again. I had seen the same move twice and knew I hadn’t imagined it! I had asked him a question that should have caused him to look into his past, into his detail section-left brain.

Instead, he looked into the big picture/ creative section of his brain. I realized clarification was necessary, so I asked, “So what did you do?” This time, he answered, “I did my math” and looked to the left. That answer matched. So, I clarified again, “What else did you need to do?” Looking a little less excited, he looked down and answered, “My spelling.” His body language told me that not only was his work not finished, but also why it wasn’t finished (Stay tuned for what looking down indicates!). Rather than arguing the next day about why homework wasn’t finished when he said it was, we were able to clarify, and I could see that he needed extra help and support.

Movement 3 – When you see someone look side to side (right or left), they are looking towards their ears, listening to outside influences.

Outside Influences Could Include:
*Parents
*Teachers
*Friends
*TV/media references
*Church or Civic Leaders
*Negative thoughts they hear inside their head

This is an EXTEMELY powerful indicator to watch for. If you want to help your child be happier and more successful, watch for how often they listen to others inside their mind. As a culture, we struggle with negative thoughts. Helping your child (and yourself) clear out the other people inside their head will help them feel better about themselves, and they will have more focus in moving towards what they want. I once read that the average person has between 25 and 50,000 thoughts daily. Highly successful athletes are closer to 15,000 thoughts a day. Their ability to focus and clear out the mind chatter helps them be more successful.

Movement 4 – Looking up towards the sky. Let’s not confuse this with the infamous eye roll. They mean very different things! When people look up towards the sky, they are looking to their Higher Power. They are looking for new answers, inspiration, and connection with whatever they believe in that is bigger than them.

A Tip for Parents

If you see your child look up and then give you their answer, please be cautious how you respond. They will feel a strong connection to this answer; it will intuitively feel right to them. We all have experienced a “Dream Crusher” at some point. I never want to be that dream-crusher for my children. It might not be an answer I love and am completely excited about. It also does not mean that is their answer for the rest of their lives. But right now, they are likely to feel very strongly about their thoughts, dreams, or ideas, and as they follow them, they will progress and grow.

Example 2
I taught at a school in front of teachers, parents, and students. I had a volunteer come up on stage. She was 16, and I was helping her adjust her body language so she could be more effective in delivering her message. I asked her what her message was, and she looked to the sides, then said, “I don’t know.” So, I asked again. This time, she responded but looked to the sides again. It still wasn’t her real message. After a few tries, she looked up. When her eyes came down, she spoke of kindness to others, knowing who you really are, and not hiding to make others feel comfortable. It was powerful, and everyone in the room felt its authenticity. Every part of her body language was stronger. Her tone was stronger because this time, she spoke a message that rang true in her heart. I could see from the first answer that she was worried about what other people would think. Because I saw the signs, I was more effective in helping her get to her real message.

Movement 5 – Looking down. When you see someone look down, they are looking into their emotions. They are soul-searching. This answer may take longer to find. It also takes more trust to share. If you see your child look down, it’s essential to stop what you’re doing and adjust your focus to your child. When they find their answer, they will check in with you. If you’re not paying attention, they are not likely to share their thoughts. They will swallow them down and decide that how they feel is not important enough for your time.

Example 3
My 6-year-old was having a very naughty day. He kept pestering his brothers and seemed bent on a course of destruction! I asked him, “What’s going on, buddy?” He immediately looked down. So, I changed my question to “How are you feeling today?” He took a long time to answer. To the untrained eye, it probably would have looked like he was being defiant. But I knew to be patient. I waited, and after what felt like 5 minutes, he gave a quick peek at me. When he saw I was still listening, he looked up again and said, “I feel like I’m invisible.” An experience that could have ended in a time out, with lots of frustration on both sides, ended in a hug.

I LOVE working with teens and kids! They are truly amazing. They are wild and crazy, challenging, inspiring, and powerful all at the same time. As parents and teachers, if we can increase understanding and figure out what makes each of our kiddos tick, we will be much more effective at guiding them.

I invite each one of you to study your children!

 

Amy Walker is a wife, mother, and business owner. She is married and has four sons. She loves to read. She also loves music and has played the cello since childhood. Amy graduated from BYU with a degree in Linguistics and a minor in Teaching English as a Second Language. During college, she lived and taught English in Russia. She also taught ESL in public schools. She loves foreign languages and cultures.

Stillness = Rest and Rejuvenation

My husband was watching the show The Irrational. It’s about a behavioral science professor who solves tough police cases. I was in the kitchen and could hear it. The main character had an appendix surgery. He tried to rise from his bed a few times because there was a case he wanted to get going on. His sister had to nag at him to remain in bed and heal. At one point the professor spoke with a priest, while still in the hospital. The priest said, “St. Stillness has visited you.” Then he smiled and the professor replied, “Oh, stillness. I’m not very good at it.”

This intrigued me because one of my favorite scriptures is “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10, from the Christian Bible. However, I, like the professor, must work to be still.

Recently, I got a call from a friend. We have both had challenging things happen in the last few years and talked about how we’ve managed. At some point in the conversation, I said, “God has put me in Rest and Rejuvenation 101 so I can learn to manage better.” She began laughing, and so did I. She knew exactly what I was talking about.

This topic of Stillness, Rest, and Rejuvenation is tied to the article I wrote on Peaceful Intensity. Not only must we manage busy and often chaotic days with a sense of peace and calmness, but we also need to learn to be still so that we find moments of rest and are rejuvenated. As we do, we manage better.

Getting things done is my nature but it isn’t healthy to think, move, and manage stuff all the time. It leads to weariness, grumpiness, and resentment even though we choose to bypass stillness, receive rest, and be rejuvenated. I have been in this class for a few years. Some tests I pass and others I fail. But I keep receiving resources and information, practicing, and growing. I’m doing what I have done dozens of times in the past seventy-five years, I’m working on getting better at a skill that will help me remain healthy and happy.

My current mission is to care for my mother, who has dementia, my husband who has several illnesses, and help my daughter care for her four children, one with severe cerebral palsy. When I stop and think about it, I realize this is not random. I had determined previously, that I needed to learn to live my favorite scripture, be still, and know God. He, being wise and loving, put me in this class by giving me this current assignment.

In the last couple of years, I have begun to see the connection between stillness and the rest it brings leading to rejuvenation. I haven’t always enjoyed the object lessons in this class. They have been trying at times. However, I have begun to pass a few more tests.

Like many of you, I have a lot on my plate. Whether those we care for are old or young it is the same work. So, learning to be still in small increments, so that we rest and rejuvenate multiple times daily, is vital to our health and well-being.

My Commitment/Affirmations for 2025 are beautiful, and when I read them, I’m astonished at how well they hit the mark. It was worth the effort I put into creating them. Some of them focus on stillness, rest, and rejuvenation because I knew going into this year that I needed to make more progress.

Here are a few things that I have in my current stillness arsenal.

•I have found a way of meditation that works for me. I have a list of meditations that take 8 minutes or less. To meditate, you must get still and focus. I listen to one most nights before I go to bed. It helps me fall asleep quickly.
•Before I begin praying, I stop and get quiet. I am still for a few minutes before I utter a word whether that prayer is being said in my nightly shower, kneeling at the side of my bed, or while washing a sink full of dishes.
•My husband says when I wake up, I move like a fireman. He’s right. Now I am making myself lie still for just a few minutes and feel the goodness of the day before I allow my feet to touch the ground.
•I’m making a diligent effort to remember to breathe deeply three or four times whenever I feel frustration, annoyance, or irritation coming into my body.
•When I must solve a problem or make a decision, I sit down and remain still for a couple of minutes to clear my mind and prepare myself.
•When I face an old story or a new negative one, rather than feeling bothered, I still my mind and then redirect my thoughts.
•If I find myself unsure because of a setback or a very chaotic day I stop where I am, standing or sitting, and listen. What voice do I hear? One that is harsh and critical or gentle and kind. Then I calmly choose to accept the latter.
•I am continuing my gratitude journal. I have been writing three things each day for several years. Before I write a word, I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and then begin. The whole process takes less than 4 or 5 minutes, and frequently that is all I get before someone needs me. : )

A Simple Example

Let me give you an example of a stillness moment that occurred today, Friday. It had been an overly busy day with errands and caregiving. As I served dinner, I felt a deep need to be done. However, my mom needed help with her teeth. My husband needed help to change clothes and food still needed to be put away. I didn’t want to face dishes in the morning, so despite wanting to be done, I began working on cleaning up.

I don’t know about you but when I’m overly tired even inanimate objects seem determined to cause me trouble. LOL As I washed the silverware a knife slipped from my hand back into the water. I made a face and felt the irritation rise. I began to say, “You dumb knife.” Then I stopped, closed my eyes, and took a few deep breaths. I stood still for maybe 30 seconds. It didn’t remove my tiredness. I still had a few dishes to wash. However, the irritation died out and I felt calm, rested, and rejuvenated. I was able to finish the kitchen and help Mom and my husband with a couple more things before heading to my desk to write.

I know that many would scoff at my list. If you look online the advice is to go to lunch or shopping with friends, take a trip, or get away. These are not practical for my current life. They wouldn’t have worked well when I was raising our seven children. I couldn’t do these things consistently, and surely not every day.  It’s been necessary to find simple ways to add stillness, quiet, and space to my life numerous times a day, right where I am.

Friends, I have learned much and I am wise in many ways. I have lived a long life. I have changed, grown, matured, overcome weaknesses, and have blessed others. I have been in more 101-level classes than I care to admit. But here I am again, in class, Stillness = Rest and Rejuvenation 101, and the resources I need to progress are showing up because I ask for them. I know I can become very good at creating moments of stillness in my busy days that lead to rest and rejuvenation.

Stillness = rest and rejuvenation. I am sure of this, and I am learning to increase all three in my life. I know it will bless me, my family, and all those I connect with.

If you are determined to do what it takes to learn and grow it will bless your life. Be open to those 101 classes!

Lean Into Trust

This is my birthday article. : ) I turn seventy-five today, February 9th. This article was suggested by a dear friend and is, frankly, very vulnerable. I have pondered whether to publish it or not, whether it would be of value to anyone. However, it’s my birthday, and I can do what I want, right; even if it may be somewhat risky. 😊

Three days a week I walk with a couple of friends. We don’t always make it due to kids and school, but we’re very consistent. Two weeks ago, Livia and I walked on Tuesday; Alyshia was busy with kids. : ) We talked about many things. Our walks are always uplifting and lead to learning.

We discussed the interview Livia was doing that morning for her podcast LearnLiveFly. How she got the interview was amazing and no coincidence. She does two a month and is almost booked for 2025. We had an enlightening conversation about how she has managed that.

Towards the end of our walk, she asked me why Don’s surgery, scheduled for that Thursday, had been canceled. I explained and shared how challenging the reschedule was for me. Then the conversation took an interesting turn. Livia said, “You need to write about this.” I was taken aback by the comment. It had never occurred to me to write about where our surgery journey had taken me mentally. Livia added, “Many people find themselves in the same boat and it would be heartening,” or something to that effect.

I have pondered her advice and she may be right. It is an interesting story and what has come out of it for me has been helpful and will be even more useful in years to come, in other circumstances. It may be heartening and useful for you also. So here goes.

Let me begin by saying that death came early in my life and in a very hard way. My baby brother, the last of nine, was killed when a swing set fell on him. He was a little over six months old. I was the oldest and was supposed to be watching him, but I wasn’t there. I had passed him down to a younger sister so I could play tennis. She had passed him down to another younger sister and then that sister had passed him down to an even younger sister. Then the unthinkable happened.

I don’t need to tell you the impact on my seventeen-year-old soul. It was crushing and it was decades before I was able to let the quilt go. However, the trauma lingered. As others I loved died, my grandma, another brother, my father, etc., I decided that death had to be avoided.

But death is part of life and can’t be avoided so the story began to include the idea that it had to be prepared for! After my seventh child was born, I had an amazing spiritual experience with my youngest brother. It was healing and the trauma from that one experience was gone. However, my unrealistic story about death remained.

I had always worried I wouldn’t know how to manage when Don, my husband, passed away. Don was the first truly consistently safe place I ever had. I am sure he will go first, and I have been preparing for the inevitable since we married. You heard that right, since we married because of my story about death.

Over the years I asked dozens of widows how they managed. I wanted to know. I wanted to be prepared. I know this may sound silly to many, but I was determined to be ready. I have learned after losing many of those I loved, including a third brother, that death isn’t something you are ever truly prepared for. Because of this, I have had to rewrite this story about death, and it hasn’t been a simple process. Now, because of the upcoming surgeries, I must practice staying in control of the story daily.

FIRST SURGERY

Don has several surgeries coming up, prostrate, shoulder, hip, and then back. He’s going to be 76 and has numerous health issues. He isn’t the best surgery candidate, but he could live another ten years and some work must be done. The first was a prostrate procedure, very non-invasive, but needful. The one troubling thing was Don doesn’t do anesthesia well. It was scheduled for Dec. 13th. We showed up to surgery, waited five hours, and then were sent home because a machine was not functioning as it should. It was rescheduled for Dec. 26th, not cool, as he had to fast on Christmas Eve. : )

The hardest part about the postponement wasn’t giving up treats, it was having to face my story again for a few more weeks.

SECOND SURGERY

Don had a second surgery scheduled in late January. It was not a simple surgery like the first one. This was a complete reconstruction of his right shoulder. I found myself having the thought of him dying come into my head every day. I suspect this happened, despite the work I had done on my death story because in the last three years, I have watched three friends experience this very thing. Two were my age and one’s husband died unexpectedly in surgery and one in an accident. The other was far younger but with the same result.

When this worrisome thought would appear, I knew it wasn’t my thought. It wasn’t coming from me, so I wouldn’t entertain it. I took control. I decided I wouldn’t worry or stress about what hadn’t happened and might not happen. I knew that God was in charge and regardless of the outcome, he would help me, and I would be OK. I KNOW this from 75 years of experience. I know I can trust my Father in Heaven. So, I would tell the thought to ‘Hit the Road Jack’, words from a long-ago song, and it would recede for a time. Then we would repeat the process. I was able to remain at peace for the weeks leading up to the surgery.

The Sunday before Don’s January 23rd surgery he lost a metal crown. It was old. We knew this would impact surgery, so we made an appointment with the dentist to get a temporary cap, after calling the surgeon’s office for advice. The tooth was too decayed and could not be capped, it would need to be pulled. The dentist didn’t want to disturb anything so we left the tooth. The plan was to have a successful surgery and then pull the tooth two weeks later.

In the hospital the next day the surgeon came early, before they had Don hooked up to IVs, etc. This rarely happens. They usually come just before you’re wheeled into the operating room. He asked about the tooth. When he learned the tooth was decayed, not capped there was consternation. If the tooth had been pulled the day before we could have had surgery. But after a major surgery, you can’t have any work done in your mouth for 4 to 6 weeks. It’s one of the things that can cause the most inflammation and infection. He asked, “Do you think this old, decayed tooth will last that long and not cause you pain?”

It was an excruciating decision for both Don and me after managing the story for weeks. We almost decided to go ahead, but then made the wiser choice. The next day the old tooth came out and Don had two weeks to heal before surgery. I am back to managing my story.

MANAGE YOUR STORY AND LEAN INTO TRUST

Learning to manage our story is vital to living a happy and joy-filled life. I have been taking control of my stories for almost two decades and I am good at it, but it still takes intention and practice. In this case, I am choosing not to worry about what may not happen and trust that I will be guided through what does happen. I feel at peace. I am leaning into trust. I know that I can’t be prepared for everything but I can trust that everything will turn out as it should and I will manage what is. The surgery will be on Tuesday. Can you see how this is impacting me for good?

It takes energy to do this work day after day, and cancelations extend the work. But we must learn to lean into trust. I have experienced over a long lifetime to trust that I will be watched over, cared for, and that no matter the outcome in any given situation, I will have someone to walk through it with me. My job is to manage the story, remain in control of the facts and my thoughts about them, and lean into trust.

In this case, the person walking with me is God. In a different circumstance, it might be my husband or one of my children, a friend, a coach, etc. It could be a counselor, a circumstance, or myself. There are many ways and times that we must intentionally choose to trust that we will be ok when we aren’t sure what is coming or the outcome. Spouses leave. Children stray. Jobs are lost. Illness happens. Moves are forced. Natural disasters occur. Death comes.

I’ve been emptying a box of cards and letters I saved for Don for the 57 years we have known each other. He’s been rereading the beautiful things people have said over the years. This sentence was in a card I gave him years ago, “I am sure that as long as you are with me, in body or spirit, I will be able to breathe and manage my days.” I have grown and healed. I am managing this old story about death, but I see from this comment to my husband that I have been working on this for many decades. We will manage these upcoming surgeries as we lean into trust, no matter the outcome of each one.

  • Know that you can and should take charge of your story
  • Be intentional
  • Be willing to work on it as long as it takes or as often as you must
  • Find someone you trust and can depend on to help you
  • Believe that even if you don’t know what is going to happen you are not alone
  • Trust yourself that you can manage and will be OK
  • Lean into trust

If you are facing something difficult with an uncertain outcome, find a way to lean into trust and you will be OK.

Serving and Receiving – Two Sides of the Same Coin

Let me tell you a moving story about my grandpa. My grandmother had passed away, and my grandfather who was in his late eighties, was living with his daughter and fading. I visited him and he was happy to see me. We talked for a while and then I visited with my Aunt Carol Lynn.

Later, I made a trip down the hall to the bathroom. As I got close to the door of the room where my grandpa slept, I heard him crying. I stepped in, laid on the bed beside him, and asked, “Grandpa, what’s the matter?” He looked at me with tear-filled eyes and replied, “Time goes by so fast, I can’t catch it.” Grandpa told me how grateful he was for his life and family, how much the time with them had meant to him. He talked about those he had served and those who had served him. Hence the tears, it was all going by so fast.

His answer surprised me because I always thought that as you grow older time would slow down. Now, I’m almost 75 and I know the truth of his words. I never suspected this when I was young. You can’t know until you get there! This story of my grandfather reminds me of two great gifts life offers, serving and receiving.

In 2012, because of an experience, I decided to be more open to receiving help from others. Trust me when I say my progress has been slow! I’ve always prided myself on my independence, ingenuity, and ability to do whatever needs to be done. I have always felt confident in “doing it myself.” However, it’s a challenge to do everything by yourself, all the time, and you miss out on the other side of the coin, the value that comes from receiving. I’ve had to learn this the hard way.

My inspiration to work on allowing others to share in my burdens came because of two people in my life that I loved, both with significant special needs. One was my unofficially adopted daughter, Michelle, in her thirties, and my granddaughter, Maggie. They both had cerebral palsy. Here is their story and how it affected me.

Two Girls Who Understood Both Sides of the Coin

For my adopted daughter, Michelle, time, and her condition took their toll. She was in a wheelchair, had lost many of her former abilities, and lived in a nursing home. She needed help with most daily activities. She passed away a few years ago and has been missed. Maggie, my granddaughter, who is eighteen, was six in 2012. Maggie can’t use her legs and using her hands is a challenge. She cannot feed herself and does not speak. My special needs girls could do virtually nothing on their own.

At Christmastime I had the privilege of spending a full day with Michelle, in the nursing home, helping her make her Christmas presents. With help, Michelle frosted and decorated the cookies and cupcakes I had baked. I held the item and turned it slowly while she did the frosting. Then I would hold and turn it while she sprinkled the decorations. We then bagged the items.

She made a couple of pies for special friends. Michelle did her best to roll out the pie dough, but pressure was an issue. So, I helped her press down while she rolled. Then I assisted her in grabbing hold of the circle of dough and plopping it into the pan. I cut off the excess and Michelle crimped the edges. We baked them in the nursing home oven. She painted pictures for others. I got water, handed her brushes, and turned the paper to the correct angle periodically.

When Michelle gave out her presents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day she was pleased. She commented to everyone that she had made them all by herself and was proud. She felt the full joy of having done this project. My helping had not diminished her joy or made her feel less than.

I had observed these same feelings while working with Maggie when she was 6 and now when she is eighteen. It doesn’t seem to matter how much help she needs, when it’s done it belongs to her. She takes complete pride and ownership in a job well done. Both Maggie and Michelle love doing it ‘all by themselves.’

I found myself judging this behavior to some degree, back then. After all, they hadn’t really done it all by themselves. All the while, despite my love for these girls, I was massaging my own pride in my many accomplishments and my ability to be so independent. What I had yet to learn was that help from others doesn’t diminish our part or our success in the result. These two beautiful souls understood both sides of the coin perfectly!

Later, as we entered the new year, 2013, I thought deeply about that holiday season and a scripture came to my mind. “Are we not all beggars”? Mo 4:19 Do we not all need a great deal of help every day to both receive and give good gifts to those around us; serving and receiving – two gifts that go hand in hand. Are we not all beggars? I decided then to practice receiving. As I said, it’s been a journey and not an easy one.

As we enter the new year, it’s valuable to stop and evaluate our lives, the opportunity to raise wonderful families and serve others, neighbors, friends, family, and strangers. But we also need to contemplate the value and necessity of receiving from those same people, our family, neighbors, friends, and sometimes strangers. We can lift, teach, and help, but we can also be taught, served, and have our burdens lightened as long we are open to both gifts – serving and receiving.

For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have…Mo 4:19 Receiving help in any form is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of our humanness and an acknowledgment that serving and receiving are two sides of the same blessed coin.

A Real Life Example

As I finalize this message, it is the last day of January 2025. Yesterday, I came face to face with what I have shared with you today. Since August of 2024, I have had some medical issues. I had an appointment in May, but the situation required help sooner. Next week I will be seeing the specialist. My daughter planned to go with me because I need an advocate, so I am listened to and not seen as just another old lady. However, when we took the only earlier appointment they had, it was a date when Jodie was not available. What to do?

I want you to know this wasn’t the article I planned for today. I had worked on a different article earlier in the week. However, on Thursday, as I sat at the computer and looked at the articles I felt drawn to this piece. I read it and decided to use it. That evening my youngest sister stopped by with two of her grands. They wanted a picture with my mom, the great-grandmother. It came out Jodie couldn’t be with me at my appointment. Nanette said, “Hey, I’ll drive down and go with you. I want that doctor to know you’re a writer, smart, and totally organized!” Then she gave me a big smile.

My immediate reaction was to say, “No, you can’t. You live over an hour away. That’s more than two hours on the road. I’ll be Ok.” My sister replied that she would make a trip out of it. One of her sons and his family live just twenty minutes from me, in fact, in the town where the doctor’s appointment is. I was again going to protest. This was my younger sister and I am fully capable of going alone, asking questions, and advocating for myself. Then I had a thought, “Mary Ann, isn’t it interesting that this is the article you chose to work on for this Sunday?” That took me by surprise. I knew I had been reminded of the goal set back in 2012. Needless to say, Nanette is coming and will be helping me out at this important appointment.

This may be something you need to work on, as I have had to. There’s no glory in doing everything by yourself. There is only a heavier burden and oftentimes, loneliness, as you struggle on. It’s a choice! Learn to receive as well as serve. This is a practice, and you can learn to do it with grace, as did my beautiful girls.

It will bless you, your family, those you serve, and those whom you

allow to serve you.

Peaceful Intensity?

My friend Livia read a book about Neal A. Maxwell. In the book, they used the phrase ‘peaceful intensity’ to describe how he managed his busy life. It’s a way of being that can be cultivated. It involves how we perceive what is happening in the moment. Maxwell said you can be busy but still function from a place of peace. As Livia and I talked I wondered, “How can those two words even go together?” I was intrigued by the idea and this unique phrase.

This is becuase I’ve been experiencing this place of busy peace in the last few years. It happens when I have this thought, STOP and TURN. In other words, shift how you see what is happening. When I listen and follow the thought I manage better. Even if the pace doesn’t slow down, my heart does. Imagine how life would be if this was our way of being most of the time.

This experience comes and goes in spurts, but it happens. It has felt as if I’m being taught from on high. As I have learned how it feels I can now consciously choose peaceful intensity. In the last year, I have experienced it more than ever before.

Most of you know I shower at night, not because I need to get clean but because it’s my quiet, ‘talk to God’ place. As I step into the shower on a day where nothing went as planned, but I STOPPED and TURNED, I have recognized a flow, a feeling of moving along without rapids in the river. I could honestly tell God I had done my best and felt satisfied that all that was needful had been done. These shower moments are precious because I go to sleep feeling peaceful despite the actual makeup of the day.

Let me share how it felt just two years ago. I sensed that around 3 pm my day shredded apart. I lost the sense of flow and struggled to stay centered. During my shower time, I felt distracted, disorganized, and dissatisfied. I remember watching the clock, racing it to that 3 pm moment while feeling a sense of panic. During my shower, I would plead with God to be shown how to get control. Funny how God answers prayers.

It isn’t about control, lack of distractions, or getting things ticked off the list. It’s about remaining calm with what is, in other words, peaceful intensity.

Do you know that while writing this I realized I haven’t looked at the clock during the day for some time? I haven’t thought about that 3 pm moment. Why? Has any physical thing changed? No, it hasn’t. Caregiving is filled with interruptions, added tasks, irritations, etc. It’s part of the calling. Doctor appointments haven’t gone away. Managing a home and helping with my granddaughter remains. Dementia is still in my life 24/7. All that changed is that I have worked to let go of the 3 p.m. story and have begun experiencing something new in my heart, peaceful intensity. I know it was an answer to my prayer about control. : ) I’ve been shown that control won’t solve the dilemma of overly busy days. However, how we approach those days, can.

TWO EXAMPLES OF PEACEFUL INTENSITY

I work diligently to write during the week. I want the article uploaded, edited, and formatted before Saturday. I need the podcast recorded. I want the newsletter to be ready to go. I want Saturday to be free. By free I don’t mean ‘no work or interruptions’, that never happens, but at least no writing deadlines. : )

However, one week in November I left it all until Sat. I began writing at 10 and didn’t finish until 4 because writing takes time and there were the usual interruptions. As I finished, I sat in awe and couldn’t believe how peaceful I felt and how smoothly it had gone despite all I had to manage along with the writing. This is what I have been experiencing more and more often.

Let me share what happened today. It’s January 4, 2025. I was able to have a few days away from home. My goal was to do lots of writing and move into the new year ahead. However, Don had surgery the day after Christmas and my mom had been ill and in great pain for over half the month. I felt I couldn’t go even though I would only be a mile from home. However, my daughter wouldn’t let me change plans.

Every day, from Monday through Thursday, I drove home to make sure all was well. I also had Don’s incision to care for. Tuesday was New Year’s so I spent most of the day and all that night at home. Wednesday, Mom was still ill and Don’s incision needed attending, so I was home for a few hours. That cut into my writing time. On Thursday Don was better and his incision looked great. Mom was up and dressed, crocheting for the first time in two weeks.

Friday, I didn’t go home. I wrote all day and made great progress. I did the same today until around 3 pm. I had enough posts to last a couple of weeks. I was happy and relieved. I planned to write a few articles during the remainder of the day.

Then out of nowhere, I got scammed. I was posting on one of my business pages and received a notification my site was being suspended. You know the rest of the story. They changed my password, and all three sites went down as if they never existed. I couldn’t access our church site which I post on for my calling. I can’t even open a new account.

I spent an hour trying everything that Facebook said to do. Nothing worked. I called my daughter, and she didn’t know what to do. So there I was, two days of writing and no way to use it. I had a moment where I thought I would go home because what was the use? The whole getaway had been a waste. I felt completely discouraged.

Then I had that feeling, STOP and TURN. I went back to my computer and began this article. I felt at peace. We would work it out or not and I could still write for you. All was not lost. That sense of peace moved in and the sense of desperation and hurry that the situation had stirred up, left. As I have written this I’ve been enveloped in peaceful intensity. The trouble isn’t gone. I don’t know what it will take to repair it if it can be repaired. But I’m OK. I went on to write two more articles.

These are two examples of real-life peaceful intensity. In both situations, I had to allow peace to enter my crazy day intentionally.

I’m a novice in this process, so why am I even writing about it? I hope to encourage you to think about practicing peaceful intensity, regardless of what’s happening. I can only share what I have learned so far. I know there’s more, and I will be taught. Then, I will share more.

WHAT I HAVE DONE

  • I became aware that there was a new way I could think.
  • I prayed for guidance and help. It’s always wise to ask someone who knows more than you. : )
  • I continue to be aware of my stories and control them. I am pretty good at this part. I’ve been practicing for a decade and a half.
  • I intentionally decided to incorporate peaceful intensity into my way of being.
  • I am practicing, practicing, practicing.
  • Finally, I don’t berate myself on those days when I don’t do well. It is counterproductive.

I haven’t read A Disciple’s Life: The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell by Bruce C. Hafen. I may never get to it. But God can and is teaching me about rest and rejuvenation, as it relates to peaceful intensity.

He can teach you too.  

What Will 2025 Bring? It’s Up To You!

We Have Entered a New Year.

I’ve thought about how I want this year to feel, what I want to accomplish, and how I want to be. I read and reread my daily commitments (affirmations). I pondered what changes I should make. Was there anything I needed to add? The last two years have been challenging, as I have aged. My ability to do has changed, my energy level is different, my physical strength is less, and other changes have occured. It has been stretching and I’ve had to work to keep a positive attitude about building my life while fulfilling my mission of caring for my family.

Here is the truth – you don’t stop building a life because you grow older or get busy; you stop building a life when you stop doing the things required to build a life. I didn’t want to go to that place. Hence, all the pondering and prayer. I could live another thirty years and I must decide what that will look like, as far as I can control. We can’t control all circumstances, but we can control our response to everything.

I found myself a bit stymied. I mean, my commitments for 2024  were very good and I still had lots of work to do to bring them to fruition. That is mainly because they have to do with my way of being, not manifesting things. Changing your way of being usually takes more than a year.

Another issue, I’m weary. It takes a lot of energy to do what I do every day, and it isn’t going to end soon, thank goodness. Maggie’s only 18 and will be here for decades. My Mom and husband, Don, despite illness and dementia, are hanging in and I want them to. I’m not anxious for the work of caring for them to end because I want them by my side.

That, however, caused me to wonder what I could add for myself, things I might want to learn or do. This last year I finally made a recording of me singing.  That dream had been on my vision wall for almost two decades. I finished the audiobook of my published work, Becoming A Present Parent – Connecting With Your Children in Five Minutes or Less. These were big goals. But what now? What do I have the energy for? P. S. You can find the audiobook on most audiobook sites. It hasn’t been on Audible yet. They take a long time!

My Articles Held Answers!

I had a few days to myself during the New Year holiday and seriously considered these questions. That led me to my blog. I searched for New Year’s Resolutions because I knew I had written about them and better ways to accomplish goals and dreams. What I read astonished me. What I had forgotten amazed me. What I had learned and shared was helpful to me. : )

I realize we are into the second week of the new year, but I’ll bet many of you have yet to think about how and who you will be in 2025. I’ll bet many of you have yet to think about what you want to accomplish and how to find time to do it. I thought the four articles I wrote and then re-read would help you because they helped me! They were written in 2017, 2022, and 2024. These articles have been pivotal in helping me begin thinking about how to put a few goals and dreams into my busy life. It wasn’t until I read the articles, that I could flush out what goals and dreams I still had hidden inside. As of this writing, I am still working on it. It’s January 3 but I’m confident I will have my 2025 commitments (affirmations) along with the attendant goals and dreams, in place by the time you read this. : )

I hope you find these older articles as enlightening as I did, and that the information helps you create a plan for the coming year.

We can only grow as high as we can see. We need a plan and then steps to move forward. We cannot live haphazardly and expect true growth and satisfaction. So read the articles. Take time to think. Pray for guidance. Then create your commitments (affirmations) for yourself. Set goals and don’t be afraid to add a dream.

We’re all working on growth and accomplishing our deeply held desires. No matter how wise, famous, or important they may be, no one has it all done. Life is ever moving forward. If I am still doing this at seventy-four, then you shouldn’t worry if you are doing the same.

1. Say NO to New Year’s Resolutions!! Tools to Make Next Year Better – Dec. 17, 2017
2. Your Goals are Inside You – Jan. 30, 2022
3. Do You Have An Indicator For Your Life? – Aug. 21, 2022
4. Are You Prepared for the New Year? I am NOT talking New Year’s Resolutions! – Jan. 14, 2024

I would love to hear about the progress you make.

Really, I would!

A Simple and Peaceful Holiday Celebration

In 2011 I wrote a three-part series of articles about a principle that helps families manage better. I must confess it’s a principle I still work on because it isn’t easy to keep. I know the stories and the principle are worth repeating because principles never change and when lived, they impact us for good. I’m compiling the three-part series into one article. That will keep it simple for you. LOL

A Simple and Peaceful Holiday Celebration

I believe that intentionally keeping things simple is a principle that leads to peace. I want to share how my husband, Don, and I used this principle in 2011 to have that peace. We decided we weren’t going to spend any money. You heard right, no money (except for shipping.) We would have to give it some thought to bring it about. Also, we were going to be picky about what events we joined in.

We did well at keeping our decision. We did spend a little over $20 on three children, bought some cookie-making ingredients, and Don cheated and bought me a book. He knows I love books. LOL

How This Decision to Simplify Brought Us Peace

We only went shopping once, for forty minutes. Not shopping was an amazing experience. It gave us more time to be together. We spent time each evening curled up on our sofa reading Christmas stories and drinking hot cocoa. It was wonderful. We didn’t have to fight traffic, or crowds, or worry about accumulating debt. That was very freeing.

We sent our grown children books, which we selected out of our personal library. We choose what would be meaningful to them, would help them in some way, or that they would love reading. Our sons, like their dad, are not readers, but Don loves coffee table books, and we knew the boys would too. We also sent mementos of the past that we felt would bring joy and touch the hearts of our children.

What Happened For Two of Our Sons

We sent Seth a karate gee he wore when he was nine. He told me how fun it was to receive because it still fit. He said, “The legs and sleeves are short, but it fits.” He was in his 30’s at the time. He was glad to know that the gee still existed, and he now had it. He loved the gift.

We sent Andrew a Christmas plaque that had hung in our home since the year he was born. I made it and it was a homely little thing. His sister, Jenny, who roomed with him at the time, said when he opened his gift, his eyes got tearful. He said it was a ‘cool’ present and he thought Jenny was a tad jealous. : )

How Did We Do with the Grands

I worried about how our grandchildren would feel about their gifts. To one family, with four children, we sent ten envelopes, each containing a picture or story and six small pieces of candy. Each story or picture had something to do with the Christmas season and its purpose. It was just paper and a few bits of candy. Yet when I asked Marie what the children thought she replied, “They were so excited.” Aubrey, who was eleven said, “We have the best grandma and grandpa in the whole world”. This from an almost teenager!

The grands all loved whatever they got. It didn’t matter if it was large or small. Not one was disappointed that money hadn’t been spent.

Going the Extra Mile and Not Going

For the 21 years we lived in Laurel, MT. my best friend, Linda Brannon, would bring us a HUGE platter of assorted cookies. Because we had seven children, she didn’t bring a token plate, she brought a platter. It was the highlight of the season for our kids, even though I was a baker. LOL For Linda it was a labor of love, and our children knew she loved our family.

About a week before Christmas in 2011, Jodie, my oldest daughter, mentioned she felt nostalgic about those cookies. I decided I would recreate the experience for her as a special gift. I took one Saturday and baked up a storm. Then Don and I gifted the cookies to her.

Later she told me this story. Her husband had been feeling a bit down. He didn’t have the Christmas spirit. Both of Doug’s parents are deceased. Jodie said that when the cookies came into their home his entire countenance changed. He became animated, happy, and full of joy. I think it reminded him of his mother and home.

I decided to have another baking day to give more cookies to other families. In the moment of that thought I had a clear impression, “LET IT GO, it isn’t necessary.” I followed that thought and spent the day loving and being present with my family instead.

And What About Mom?

I wanted to do something special for my mom, she was 80 and lived alone. She had everything she needed as far as worldly possessions. Here is what she didn’t have, the sure knowledge that she has done a good job as a parent even though it ought to be obvious to her. But mothers do this, they worry about what they didn’t do and undervalue what they do.

I pondered what to give her. I had an idea I am sure was from God. It was to write her a letter. I even had thoughts about what to say. I sat down and wrote a nice letter. When I prepared to mail it, I felt, “No, it isn’t done.” I STOPPED and thought about it some more. Then I spent the next five hours rewriting the letter. It took a lot longer than I had anticipated. I dug through old papers and found the poems she had written to accompany her gifts to us.  For example, one year she sent a HUGE box of homemade caramel corn with this poem. 

A Kernel of Love

Sometimes all you can do is not very much

For reasons hard to define.

Yet you’d like to do “oh so many things”

To make everything “just fine”.

This package is all I have to offer

To show how much we care.

But every kernel is a bit of love

And the sweet is the love we share.

May you remember the things we’ve done,

With fondness, with each tasty bite.

And maybe somehow, we can join our souls,

And everything “Will Be Alright”!   

by NaVon Cazier

This was one of our children’s favorite gifts that year. I ended the letter with this:

“All the years of my growing up you demonstrated to me how to live gracefully and abundantly no matter what was happening. I think this has been an amazing gift and has made it possible for me to do the same. All I can give you this year Mom, is my love and gratitude for a mother who lived fully despite lots of kids, no money, no car, and you being alone a lot of the time. It has made all the difference in my life. I love you so much. Merry Christmas.”

One Final Story from Our Christmas of Peace Experiment

My father was an educator. He developed a testing device to find learning disabilities in children and spent many years working with them. However, in his heart of hearts, he was a restaurateur. We always had a drive-in or restaurant of some kind.

He was also a preparer, preparing for what might happen in life. He loved storing food, blankets, water, you name it. When he passed away, we had a basement of ‘stuff’ to sift through. One of the things we found was a box of bagged nutmeg. We are talking pounds of nutmeg! After my five sisters took what they wanted I came home with about 40 pounds of the spice.

As we contemplated what we could do to show our friends, neighbors, and church members our appreciation for their friendship over the years we had an idea. We bagged the nutmeg into ¼ pound bags and tied them to four delicious and delightful nutmeg cookie recipes.

As Kate, our one remaining child at home, and I bagged nutmeg, I felt my father was with us, was happy we hadn’t thrown the nutmeg away, and happy that we were putting it to good use. When we had made over 100 gift bags to share, I had about 6 pounds left. Then I had this distinct impression: “Save the rest. You can barter it.” Good grief, that was so my dad. : )

What About the Parties?

We decided not to attend everything that came along. We were going to be picky about where and when we celebrated. We attended Don’s work party, and one church party, went to Temple Square with my youngest daughter’s future in-laws, and spent time in the homes of family. That was it.

I really do believe that keeping things simple brings peace whether we’re talking about family schedules, how we prepare our homes or yards, birthdays, our work, or the gifts we give at Christmas. It’s paramount to remember what is important. Keeping it Simple, is vital to peace of mind, doing what is needed, and making way for good things to come into our lives.

What I am not saying is that we shouldn’t shop, buy gifts, attend parties, or cook for a week, if that is what we are moved to do. What I am saying is that it’s important to avoid unrealistic expectations from ourselves and others. It’s important to avoid needless busyness. It’s important to determine what is most needful and let the rest go.

Because Don and I made an intentional pact To Keep It Simple, we got what we needed and gave our family what they needed. It was a remarkable season. The sense of peace and joy came from doing less and not from doing it all. The whole point of the decision that Don and I made in 2011 was to live the principle of keeping it simple and peaceful. Our intentional efforts paid dividends.

May each of you have a simpler and more peaceful holiday season. I plan to do the same.

Intentionally keeping things simple will help us feel and be more successful.