Category: Life Skills

Lean Into Trust

This is my birthday article. : ) I turn seventy-five today, February 9th. This article was suggested by a dear friend and is, frankly, very vulnerable. I have pondered whether to publish it or not, whether it would be of value to anyone. However, it’s my birthday, and I can do what I want, right; even if it may be somewhat risky. 😊

Three days a week I walk with a couple of friends. We don’t always make it due to kids and school, but we’re very consistent. Two weeks ago, Livia and I walked on Tuesday; Alyshia was busy with kids. : ) We talked about many things. Our walks are always uplifting and lead to learning.

We discussed the interview Livia was doing that morning for her podcast LearnLiveFly. How she got the interview was amazing and no coincidence. She does two a month and is almost booked for 2025. We had an enlightening conversation about how she has managed that.

Towards the end of our walk, she asked me why Don’s surgery, scheduled for that Thursday, had been canceled. I explained and shared how challenging the reschedule was for me. Then the conversation took an interesting turn. Livia said, “You need to write about this.” I was taken aback by the comment. It had never occurred to me to write about where our surgery journey had taken me mentally. Livia added, “Many people find themselves in the same boat and it would be heartening,” or something to that effect.

I have pondered her advice and she may be right. It is an interesting story and what has come out of it for me has been helpful and will be even more useful in years to come, in other circumstances. It may be heartening and useful for you also. So here goes.

Let me begin by saying that death came early in my life and in a very hard way. My baby brother, the last of nine, was killed when a swing set fell on him. He was a little over six months old. I was the oldest and was supposed to be watching him, but I wasn’t there. I had passed him down to a younger sister so I could play tennis. She had passed him down to another younger sister and then that sister had passed him down to an even younger sister. Then the unthinkable happened.

I don’t need to tell you the impact on my seventeen-year-old soul. It was crushing and it was decades before I was able to let the quilt go. However, the trauma lingered. As others I loved died, my grandma, another brother, my father, etc., I decided that death had to be avoided.

But death is part of life and can’t be avoided so the story began to include the idea that it had to be prepared for! After my seventh child was born, I had an amazing spiritual experience with my youngest brother. It was healing and the trauma from that one experience was gone. However, my unrealistic story about death remained.

I had always worried I wouldn’t know how to manage when Don, my husband, passed away. Don was the first truly consistently safe place I ever had. I am sure he will go first, and I have been preparing for the inevitable since we married. You heard that right, since we married because of my story about death.

Over the years I asked dozens of widows how they managed. I wanted to know. I wanted to be prepared. I know this may sound silly to many, but I was determined to be ready. I have learned after losing many of those I loved, including a third brother, that death isn’t something you are ever truly prepared for. Because of this, I have had to rewrite this story about death, and it hasn’t been a simple process. Now, because of the upcoming surgeries, I must practice staying in control of the story daily.

FIRST SURGERY

Don has several surgeries coming up, prostrate, shoulder, hip, and then back. He’s going to be 76 and has numerous health issues. He isn’t the best surgery candidate, but he could live another ten years and some work must be done. The first was a prostrate procedure, very non-invasive, but needful. The one troubling thing was Don doesn’t do anesthesia well. It was scheduled for Dec. 13th. We showed up to surgery, waited five hours, and then were sent home because a machine was not functioning as it should. It was rescheduled for Dec. 26th, not cool, as he had to fast on Christmas Eve. : )

The hardest part about the postponement wasn’t giving up treats, it was having to face my story again for a few more weeks.

SECOND SURGERY

Don had a second surgery scheduled in late January. It was not a simple surgery like the first one. This was a complete reconstruction of his right shoulder. I found myself having the thought of him dying come into my head every day. I suspect this happened, despite the work I had done on my death story because in the last three years, I have watched three friends experience this very thing. Two were my age and one’s husband died unexpectedly in surgery and one in an accident. The other was far younger but with the same result.

When this worrisome thought would appear, I knew it wasn’t my thought. It wasn’t coming from me, so I wouldn’t entertain it. I took control. I decided I wouldn’t worry or stress about what hadn’t happened and might not happen. I knew that God was in charge and regardless of the outcome, he would help me, and I would be OK. I KNOW this from 75 years of experience. I know I can trust my Father in Heaven. So, I would tell the thought to ‘Hit the Road Jack’, words from a long-ago song, and it would recede for a time. Then we would repeat the process. I was able to remain at peace for the weeks leading up to the surgery.

The Sunday before Don’s January 23rd surgery he lost a metal crown. It was old. We knew this would impact surgery, so we made an appointment with the dentist to get a temporary cap, after calling the surgeon’s office for advice. The tooth was too decayed and could not be capped, it would need to be pulled. The dentist didn’t want to disturb anything so we left the tooth. The plan was to have a successful surgery and then pull the tooth two weeks later.

In the hospital the next day the surgeon came early, before they had Don hooked up to IVs, etc. This rarely happens. They usually come just before you’re wheeled into the operating room. He asked about the tooth. When he learned the tooth was decayed, not capped there was consternation. If the tooth had been pulled the day before we could have had surgery. But after a major surgery, you can’t have any work done in your mouth for 4 to 6 weeks. It’s one of the things that can cause the most inflammation and infection. He asked, “Do you think this old, decayed tooth will last that long and not cause you pain?”

It was an excruciating decision for both Don and me after managing the story for weeks. We almost decided to go ahead, but then made the wiser choice. The next day the old tooth came out and Don had two weeks to heal before surgery. I am back to managing my story.

MANAGE YOUR STORY AND LEAN INTO TRUST

Learning to manage our story is vital to living a happy and joy-filled life. I have been taking control of my stories for almost two decades and I am good at it, but it still takes intention and practice. In this case, I am choosing not to worry about what may not happen and trust that I will be guided through what does happen. I feel at peace. I am leaning into trust. I know that I can’t be prepared for everything but I can trust that everything will turn out as it should and I will manage what is. The surgery will be on Tuesday. Can you see how this is impacting me for good?

It takes energy to do this work day after day, and cancelations extend the work. But we must learn to lean into trust. I have experienced over a long lifetime to trust that I will be watched over, cared for, and that no matter the outcome in any given situation, I will have someone to walk through it with me. My job is to manage the story, remain in control of the facts and my thoughts about them, and lean into trust.

In this case, the person walking with me is God. In a different circumstance, it might be my husband or one of my children, a friend, a coach, etc. It could be a counselor, a circumstance, or myself. There are many ways and times that we must intentionally choose to trust that we will be ok when we aren’t sure what is coming or the outcome. Spouses leave. Children stray. Jobs are lost. Illness happens. Moves are forced. Natural disasters occur. Death comes.

I’ve been emptying a box of cards and letters I saved for Don for the 57 years we have known each other. He’s been rereading the beautiful things people have said over the years. This sentence was in a card I gave him years ago, “I am sure that as long as you are with me, in body or spirit, I will be able to breathe and manage my days.” I have grown and healed. I am managing this old story about death, but I see from this comment to my husband that I have been working on this for many decades. We will manage these upcoming surgeries as we lean into trust, no matter the outcome of each one.

Know that you can and should take charge of your story
Be intentional
Be willing to work on it as long as it takes or as often as you must
Find someone you trust and can depend on to help you
Believe that even if you don’t know what is going to happen you are not alone
Trust yourself that you can manage and will be OK
Lean into trust

If you are facing something difficult with an uncertain outcome, find a way to lean into trust and you will be OK.

Serving and Receiving – Two Sides of the Same Coin

Let me tell you a moving story about my grandpa. My grandmother had passed away, and my grandfather who was in his late eighties, was living with his daughter and fading. I visited him and he was happy to see me. We talked for a while and then I visited with my Aunt Carol Lynn.

Later, I made a trip down the hall to the bathroom. As I got close to the door of the room where my grandpa slept, I heard him crying. I stepped in, laid on the bed beside him, and asked, “Grandpa, what’s the matter?” He looked at me with tear-filled eyes and replied, “Time goes by so fast, I can’t catch it.” Grandpa told me how grateful he was for his life and family, how much the time with them had meant to him. He talked about those he had served and those who had served him. Hence the tears, it was all going by so fast.

His answer surprised me because I always thought that as you grow older time would slow down. Now, I’m almost 75 and I know the truth of his words. I never suspected this when I was young. You can’t know until you get there! This story of my grandfather reminds me of two great gifts life offers, serving and receiving.

In 2012, because of an experience, I decided to be more open to receiving help from others. Trust me when I say my progress has been slow! I’ve always prided myself on my independence, ingenuity, and ability to do whatever needs to be done. I have always felt confident in “doing it myself.” However, it’s a challenge to do everything by yourself, all the time, and you miss out on the other side of the coin, the value that comes from receiving. I’ve had to learn this the hard way.

My inspiration to work on allowing others to share in my burdens came because of two people in my life that I loved, both with significant special needs. One was my unofficially adopted daughter, Michelle, in her thirties, and my granddaughter, Maggie. They both had cerebral palsy. Here is their story and how it affected me.

Two Girls Who Understood Both Sides of the Coin

For my adopted daughter, Michelle, time, and her condition took their toll. She was in a wheelchair, had lost many of her former abilities, and lived in a nursing home. She needed help with most daily activities. She passed away a few years ago and has been missed. Maggie, my granddaughter, who is eighteen, was six in 2012. Maggie can’t use her legs and using her hands is a challenge. She cannot feed herself and does not speak. My special needs girls could do virtually nothing on their own.

At Christmastime I had the privilege of spending a full day with Michelle, in the nursing home, helping her make her Christmas presents. With help, Michelle frosted and decorated the cookies and cupcakes I had baked. I held the item and turned it slowly while she did the frosting. Then I would hold and turn it while she sprinkled the decorations. We then bagged the items.

She made a couple of pies for special friends. Michelle did her best to roll out the pie dough, but pressure was an issue. So, I helped her press down while she rolled. Then I assisted her in grabbing hold of the circle of dough and plopping it into the pan. I cut off the excess and Michelle crimped the edges. We baked them in the nursing home oven. She painted pictures for others. I got water, handed her brushes, and turned the paper to the correct angle periodically.

When Michelle gave out her presents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day she was pleased. She commented to everyone that she had made them all by herself and was proud. She felt the full joy of having done this project. My helping had not diminished her joy or made her feel less than.

I had observed these same feelings while working with Maggie when she was 6 and now when she is eighteen. It doesn’t seem to matter how much help she needs, when it’s done it belongs to her. She takes complete pride and ownership in a job well done. Both Maggie and Michelle love doing it ‘all by themselves.’

I found myself judging this behavior to some degree, back then. After all, they hadn’t really done it all by themselves. All the while, despite my love for these girls, I was massaging my own pride in my many accomplishments and my ability to be so independent. What I had yet to learn was that help from others doesn’t diminish our part or our success in the result. These two beautiful souls understood both sides of the coin perfectly!

Later, as we entered the new year, 2013, I thought deeply about that holiday season and a scripture came to my mind. “Are we not all beggars”? Mo 4:19 Do we not all need a great deal of help every day to both receive and give good gifts to those around us; serving and receiving – two gifts that go hand in hand. Are we not all beggars? I decided then to practice receiving. As I said, it’s been a journey and not an easy one.

As we enter the new year, it’s valuable to stop and evaluate our lives, the opportunity to raise wonderful families and serve others, neighbors, friends, family, and strangers. But we also need to contemplate the value and necessity of receiving from those same people, our family, neighbors, friends, and sometimes strangers. We can lift, teach, and help, but we can also be taught, served, and have our burdens lightened as long we are open to both gifts – serving and receiving.

For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have…Mo 4:19 Receiving help in any form is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of our humanness and an acknowledgment that serving and receiving are two sides of the same blessed coin.

A Real Life Example

As I finalize this message, it is the last day of January 2025. Yesterday, I came face to face with what I have shared with you today. Since August of 2024, I have had some medical issues. I had an appointment in May, but the situation required help sooner. Next week I will be seeing the specialist. My daughter planned to go with me because I need an advocate, so I am listened to and not seen as just another old lady. However, when we took the only earlier appointment they had, it was a date when Jodie was not available. What to do?

I want you to know this wasn’t the article I planned for today. I had worked on a different article earlier in the week. However, on Thursday, as I sat at the computer and looked at the articles I felt drawn to this piece. I read it and decided to use it. That evening my youngest sister stopped by with two of her grands. They wanted a picture with my mom, the great-grandmother. It came out Jodie couldn’t be with me at my appointment. Nanette said, “Hey, I’ll drive down and go with you. I want that doctor to know you’re a writer, smart, and totally organized!” Then she gave me a big smile.

My immediate reaction was to say, “No, you can’t. You live over an hour away. That’s more than two hours on the road. I’ll be Ok.” My sister replied that she would make a trip out of it. One of her sons and his family live just twenty minutes from me, in fact, in the town where the doctor’s appointment is. I was again going to protest. This was my younger sister and I am fully capable of going alone, asking questions, and advocating for myself. Then I had a thought, “Mary Ann, isn’t it interesting that this is the article you chose to work on for this Sunday?” That took me by surprise. I knew I had been reminded of the goal set back in 2012. Needless to say, Nanette is coming and will be helping me out at this important appointment.

This may be something you need to work on, as I have had to. There’s no glory in doing everything by yourself. There is only a heavier burden and oftentimes, loneliness, as you struggle on. It’s a choice! Learn to receive as well as serve. This is a practice, and you can learn to do it with grace, as did my beautiful girls.

It will bless you, your family, those you serve, and those whom you

allow to serve you.

Peaceful Intensity?

My friend Livia read a book about Neal A. Maxwell. In the book, they used the phrase ‘peaceful intensity’ to describe how he managed his busy life. It’s a way of being that can be cultivated. It involves how we perceive what is happening in the moment. Maxwell said you can be busy but still function from a place of peace. As Livia and I talked I wondered, “How can those two words even go together?” I was intrigued by the idea and this unique phrase.

This is becuase I’ve been experiencing this place of busy peace in the last few years. It happens when I have this thought, STOP and TURN. In other words, shift how you see what is happening. When I listen and follow the thought I manage better. Even if the pace doesn’t slow down, my heart does. Imagine how life would be if this was our way of being most of the time.

This experience comes and goes in spurts, but it happens. It has felt as if I’m being taught from on high. As I have learned how it feels I can now consciously choose peaceful intensity. In the last year, I have experienced it more than ever before.

Most of you know I shower at night, not because I need to get clean but because it’s my quiet, ‘talk to God’ place. As I step into the shower on a day where nothing went as planned, but I STOPPED and TURNED, I have recognized a flow, a feeling of moving along without rapids in the river. I could honestly tell God I had done my best and felt satisfied that all that was needful had been done. These shower moments are precious because I go to sleep feeling peaceful despite the actual makeup of the day.

Let me share how it felt just two years ago. I sensed that around 3 pm my day shredded apart. I lost the sense of flow and struggled to stay centered. During my shower time, I felt distracted, disorganized, and dissatisfied. I remember watching the clock, racing it to that 3 pm moment while feeling a sense of panic. During my shower, I would plead with God to be shown how to get control. Funny how God answers prayers.

It isn’t about control, lack of distractions, or getting things ticked off the list. It’s about remaining calm with what is, in other words, peaceful intensity.

Do you know that while writing this I realized I haven’t looked at the clock during the day for some time? I haven’t thought about that 3 pm moment. Why? Has any physical thing changed? No, it hasn’t. Caregiving is filled with interruptions, added tasks, irritations, etc. It’s part of the calling. Doctor appointments haven’t gone away. Managing a home and helping with my granddaughter remains. Dementia is still in my life 24/7. All that changed is that I have worked to let go of the 3 p.m. story and have begun experiencing something new in my heart, peaceful intensity. I know it was an answer to my prayer about control. : ) I’ve been shown that control won’t solve the dilemma of overly busy days. However, how we approach those days, can.

TWO EXAMPLES OF PEACEFUL INTENSITY

I work diligently to write during the week. I want the article uploaded, edited, and formatted before Saturday. I need the podcast recorded. I want the newsletter to be ready to go. I want Saturday to be free. By free I don’t mean ‘no work or interruptions’, that never happens, but at least no writing deadlines. : )

However, one week in November I left it all until Sat. I began writing at 10 and didn’t finish until 4 because writing takes time and there were the usual interruptions. As I finished, I sat in awe and couldn’t believe how peaceful I felt and how smoothly it had gone despite all I had to manage along with the writing. This is what I have been experiencing more and more often.

Let me share what happened today. It’s January 4, 2025. I was able to have a few days away from home. My goal was to do lots of writing and move into the new year ahead. However, Don had surgery the day after Christmas and my mom had been ill and in great pain for over half the month. I felt I couldn’t go even though I would only be a mile from home. However, my daughter wouldn’t let me change plans.

Every day, from Monday through Thursday, I drove home to make sure all was well. I also had Don’s incision to care for. Tuesday was New Year’s so I spent most of the day and all that night at home. Wednesday, Mom was still ill and Don’s incision needed attending, so I was home for a few hours. That cut into my writing time. On Thursday Don was better and his incision looked great. Mom was up and dressed, crocheting for the first time in two weeks.

Friday, I didn’t go home. I wrote all day and made great progress. I did the same today until around 3 pm. I had enough posts to last a couple of weeks. I was happy and relieved. I planned to write a few articles during the remainder of the day.

Then out of nowhere, I got scammed. I was posting on one of my business pages and received a notification my site was being suspended. You know the rest of the story. They changed my password, and all three sites went down as if they never existed. I couldn’t access our church site which I post on for my calling. I can’t even open a new account.

I spent an hour trying everything that Facebook said to do. Nothing worked. I called my daughter, and she didn’t know what to do. So there I was, two days of writing and no way to use it. I had a moment where I thought I would go home because what was the use? The whole getaway had been a waste. I felt completely discouraged.

Then I had that feeling, STOP and TURN. I went back to my computer and began this article. I felt at peace. We would work it out or not and I could still write for you. All was not lost. That sense of peace moved in and the sense of desperation and hurry that the situation had stirred up, left. As I have written this I’ve been enveloped in peaceful intensity. The trouble isn’t gone. I don’t know what it will take to repair it if it can be repaired. But I’m OK. I went on to write two more articles.

These are two examples of real-life peaceful intensity. In both situations, I had to allow peace to enter my crazy day intentionally.

I’m a novice in this process, so why am I even writing about it? I hope to encourage you to think about practicing peaceful intensity, regardless of what’s happening. I can only share what I have learned so far. I know there’s more, and I will be taught. Then, I will share more.

WHAT I HAVE DONE

I became aware that there was a new way I could think.
I prayed for guidance and help. It’s always wise to ask someone who knows more than you. : )
I continue to be aware of my stories and control them. I am pretty good at this part. I’ve been practicing for a decade and a half.
I intentionally decided to incorporate peaceful intensity into my way of being.
I am practicing, practicing, practicing.
Finally, I don’t berate myself on those days when I don’t do well. It is counterproductive.

I haven’t read A Disciple’s Life: The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell by Bruce C. Hafen. I may never get to it. But God can and is teaching me about rest and rejuvenation, as it relates to peaceful intensity.

He can teach you too.

If We Have Been Foolish, We Can Then Be Wise. It Is A Choice.

Parenting is a place to learn to grow as a person. Seriously. : ) Even now, when I’m caregiving, rather than parenting, I experience examples of this type of growth. It always takes me off guard because I would like to think that in almost 75 years, I had gotten this growth thing handled. Silly, because learning and personal growth are a lifetime endeavor.

This is one reason that berating ourselves when we do something foolish is not helpful. If we, instead, focus on what we just experienced, learn from it, and make a change, the experience becomes valuable. We also must realize that we may experience the same type of situation over again as we refine ourselves. It can feel discouraging if we let it, or it can feel illuminating. It’s a choice we get to make.

Today I am being vulnerable and sharing one of these growth moments.

I hope it brings a smile to your face and puts you in a thoughtful position about how you teach and communicate with your children.

My mother will be 95 in a few months and has advanced dementia. I have been caring for her for six years and you would think I have it down by now. But, as with parenting, we keep reexperiencing and refining our methods of response and teaching.

Recently, I got upset with my mom for emptying her porta-potty outside on the lawn, in the dark. She didn’t take it to the bathroom because someone was in there. I don’t like her emptying it day or night because she can’t carry it and use her cane. She also must navigate two stairs and the possibility of spillage is ever present. I empty it several times a day and she is usually totally unaware of it. But occasionally, she goes into housekeeping mode. She rearranges photos and nick-knacks in her room and wants to clean the porta-potty. This was one of those days.

As I expressed my unhappiness with her emptying the potty outside, she reminded me that she had lived on a farm. I replied, “Well, this isn’t a farm.” I told Mom she needed to ask for help when doing things like this. This was not a useful comment because for my mother every two minutes life begins again. Seriously, her tracked memory retention is 2 minutes. This was not a conversation she was going to remember. When I told her she needed to ask for help she said, “How do I ask?” I replied, “Say something like, ‘I want to empty the potty. Can I take it outside?’ I will tell you to put it in the toilet. Then we would go up the stairs together and take care of it.”

A useless conversation to be having with someone with dementia and I knew it but didn’t stop myself. As I thought about it later, I knew a better response would have been to let it go. She has never done it before and will probably never do it again. As for emptying the potty in the bathroom, occasionally she will because she can’t recall that she shouldn’t. I carried on with this conversation because I wasn’t being thoughtful about how to manage the situation. I was succumbing to my irritation. You all know what I’m talking about because you have done the same.

A few minutes later Mom came into my bedroom/office where I was working. She said she was ready to go to bed and asked me what she should do. This was a first. She has never needed help at bedtime before and she rarely lets anyone know she is heading to bed. I told her to remove her slacks, and that she usually sleeps in her shirt but does have PJ’s if she wanted them. She said she would take off the slacks and wear the shirt.

As I resumed working, I couldn’t get this odd conversation out of my mind. I assumed it was because I had told her to ask for help. By this point, she would have no recollection of that conversation, but I have learned that feelings remain. So, I went into her room and said, “Mom, you don’t need to ask about getting ready for bed. You’ve been doing fine by yourself for a long time.” Mom looked at me and replied, “It’s like I just woke up and don’t know where I am or what I am supposed to do.” It wasn’t about the porta-potty conversation but the hole that dementia leaves in a person’s life.

Although I knew my mom couldn’t recall the conversation, I wanted her to feel happy and not how being in trouble leaves you feeling. We did a lot of hugging and smiling. I told a joke and got her laughing. I wanted her to feel better. It worked. The joking and smiling helped her sleep well. Dementia is a challenge for those with the disease and those who care for them. Every day is a class in patience, controlling our response, and love.

We Sometimes Error

We sometimes have lame conversations with our kids because they didn’t do something in the way we would do it or in the adult way. Even though we know kids don’t think like adults we can’t seem to stop going on about whatever they did wrong. I did this in my parenting life. Later I would recall the exchange and wonder, “What I was thinking?”

Kids have lots to learn. We need to respond in ways that fit their age and the situation. Sometimes it’s better to let it go if it doesn’t really matter, and we’re just irritated because it wasn’t done in our way. We need to teach at their level and not keep reminding them that they didn’t consider the outcome or consequence, as an adult would.

However, if we occasionally forget to be the adult, there is a remedy, just as there was with my mom. Apologize if needed. Let them talk if they need to. Smile a lot. Give hugs because touch is healing. Leave as friends.

Parenting is not an exact science

Most of us are working with fewer skills than needed and less knowledge and understanding than we would like. But this doesn’t mean that we can’t undo mistakes when we make them. Sometimes they are large mistakes, and the temptation is to feel we have ruined the relationship.

If you feel this now and then as you parent, I invite you to read I HIT MY DAUGHTER. WHAT! I hit my teenage daughter with my fist. I was positive I couldn’t restore that relationship. However, I did, and I share what that looked like in the article. Seriously, sometimes I think I am too transparent but when it comes to other mothers who are learning, I can’t seem to help myself. LOL

I was a good mother. I’m a good daughter. In fact, I’m an amazing person, but I do dumb stuff now and then like the foolish conversation I had with my mom. But I have learned from a lifetime of caring for my family and now my mother, husband, and granddaughter, that when we error, we can also restore.

When you know this truth, you do not fall apart and wallow in grief and fear. You say a prayer, gird up your loins, and do what you can to repair the damage. It usually works.

Be brave as you parent. It isn’t only kids and teens who do foolish things. Sometimes it is us, but we, as adults can then do what is wise.

Time is My Friend. Well, I Am Working On It!

I’ve been journaling for decades. I don’t write every day or even every week. Some years I am more consistent than others. But I have recorded many experiences over the years, that were meaningful and taught me something valuable.

Several years ago, I began reading entries and if things had changed, I didn’t feel the same, or I had learned more, I made notes on a Post-It and stuck it on the journal page. In years to come, when my family reads what I recorded, the Post-It notes will make it even more meaningful.

Recently, I read an entry from Feb. 2023 that contained information I thought would be useful to some of you. It isn’t new. I’ve written on the power of story, the importance of perspective, and the value of controlling our thoughts often. But when you attach powerful ideas to an event, they become more relatable and easier to institute into one’s life.

In February 2023, I was taking an Emotional Resilience class. At the same time, I was endeavoring to come to terms with time because my story wasn’t helpful and I knew it. I wrote an article about my journey in March 2023. Coming to terms with time is something I have been working on for years and I bet some of you are in that boat with me.

After class, at home, I reread the lesson. As I did, I had major insights. I knew they would help me with my negative story about time and I would move closer to becoming friends with time.

Here are some of the thoughts from 2023 that were recorded in my journal.

“I work hard by choice. I like working. It’s satisfying, helps me when I’m stressed, and it often feels restful. I know, it’s weird. But at the end of the day, when I have done more than most 30-year-olds, I feel let down. It doesn’t matter how much I did. You can never get everything on the list done, but if you do as much as you can, if you have prayed about what matters most and have moved through your day in that order, isn’t that enough? Often, not for me.

I’ve had a photo of me and time on my wall for over ten years and I’m smiling. The caption says, “Time is my friend.” I have changed the look a few times but there it is, still on my wall after all this time. Sigh! The lesson in my Emotional Resilience class was ‘Managing Stress and Anxiety’. The foundation principle was – Use time wisely. This lesson was for me! LOL

During the class, I realized I had allowed a negative time story to plague my mind for all of 2022 and into 2023. Here it is – No matter what I do, between noon and two my day shreds apart!” Since the class, I have observed myself. This story isn’t true.

However, I accepted it, and so at noon every day, I began feeling stress and anxiety. It’s true I have much to do, and there are many interruptions. That’s life, but I could see that the day didn’t shred and run away from me if I was paying attention. This one thing made last week much better.

As I moved through the week, this question came into my mind – What are your expectations about time? I had to think and become very honest with myself. The answer was embarrassing because I know better, but I’m human, and life is all about continuing to learn and refine. So here it is – “I should be able to get everything on my list done and there shouldn’t be any big interruptions. If I plan, then it should go the way I plan.” So NOT life!

What to do about that?

As I reread the lesson, I thought of things I could do to rewrite the story. I made some changes to my daily worksheet so that it was simpler to manage and there was less chance of overscheduling myself. I have made other changes to my daily worksheet that have simplified things.

Under the picture of me and time on my wall I added “It is a matter of perception and not time itself!” Then at the top of the items on my wall, I put – “If you do your best, it will all work out.” At any rate, I feel great excitement and hope for change.”

We are coming to the end of 2024.

I have made real progress. I have more days when I accept that I have done my best and am satisfied, than days I feel I didn’t do enough. My worksheet is still busy, but I am clear that all I need to do is carefully ponder what is most important, do them first, and then fit in whatever else I can.

But here is the crux of this journal entry.

I had a story about time that wasn’t based on fact. It was based on a perception, and I wasn’t taking responsibility for my days. I was blaming others or circumstances for the choices I was making. I can’t control everything. There are many interruptions. Some things come up that aren’t on my list because I care for two people full-time, my special needs granddaughter, and three other teens, part-time. Life can become jumbled. Ultimately, I must make choices about where to spend my time and it isn’t always what I had in mind or on my worksheet. How my day feels are based on accepting my choices and not blaming others or circumstances. I have the power to choose.

If I choose to drive kids to school, to a friend, or to the gas station I make that choice. If I cook a more challenging meal, I choose to expend that time. If I work in the garden, sit, and write, or help a neighbor, these are choices. If I put my writing on the back burner and then find myself doing it all on Saturday, that is also a choice. I can say no, but If I choose to say yes, it’s a choice. No one is to blame but me and how I decided to use my time.

When it comes to the stories, we tell ourselves I like this thought from Buddha – All that we are is the result of what we have thought. For me, the challenges of 2022 and into 2023 came from a thought I held on to that was incorrect.

Taking responsibility for the choices I make, regarding how I choose to use my time, has changed my perception of time. There is time to do what matters even with interruptions and unplanned events if I am clear about what matters most today. It’s OK if everything doesn’t get done if the things that impact my relationships do.

I have made HUGE progress in my relationship with time. It’s all about perception and not time itself.

An Enlightening Response to ‘Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books?’

On March 3, 2024, I published an article titled Are You Afraid to Read Hard Books? While preparing today’s article I reread it and thought, “How did you write this.” Go ahead and laugh. It happens all the time. But when you feel passionate about something, thoughts and words come. It is an amazing thing.

This is one reason I encourage people to journal. I have reread things in my journal that blew my mind. Not only because they may have been well written, but the things that have happened in my life have been astonishing, when looked at later. But I digress. LOL

After that article was published, I got a wonderful email from one of my readers, who is also a dear friend. We have counseled together in the past and I appreciate her so much.

I get emails regularly telling me how good an article was or how helpful it was to the reader. This email contained some of that. What struck me though was another thing that happens now and then. Someone takes what I have written, and they build upon it! This is massively motivating for me.

I asked Joy if I could share her thoughts with you because what she has done with family reading is magnificent. I think that some of you will want to follow suit, in some fashion.

I have written several articles on the value of family reading. I read to my children, but I lacked consistency back then. Nevertheless, one of my adult daughters said one of her fondest memories was of me reading to our family.

What I love about Joy’s take on family reading, it encourages everyone to read, not just listen.

Here is her email:

Mary Ann, thanks for emphasizing the importance and power of communicating with others about what you’re reading. We discuss this all the time in Leadership Education circles–the importance of discussion and good mentoring for great literature, like the kind you were talking about. This is demonstrated in your examples of how discussing those books with other people changed your experience.

Another great way to gain more from what we read is to process it through writing. (You demonstrate this principle very well too!) As you mentioned, we can write notes and underline in our books, but we can also journal and write essays or blog posts that we can share with others. It’s another way of processing and internalizing the principles and lessons we learn in the books we read. This tool applies to reading scriptures as well. When we process and record our thoughts, questions, and insights through writing, we learn more and internalize and remember it better!

Audrey Rindlisbacher has a great podcast about the power of book clubs, or discussion groups, like the one Benjamin Franklin organized. I shared it with my grown children, and it inspired many of them to join me in starting an online family book club where we discuss a book about once a month. Our first book was the Screwtape Letters, and our discussion was great and I’m excited to see how well we can keep it up. I can’t think of many things better than discussing great books with my family! Joy Petty

It never occurred to me to have a family book club. I mean, that is an outstanding idea. At first, I thought, “Oh man, our family would never do that.” Then I chastised myself for jumping to that conclusion and reached out to my children to see if there was any interest. I probably won’t have many responses before this article is published, but we will see.

Maybe you, like me, dismiss the whole idea. But don’t. If you have teens or grown children, ask them if they would like to read a book individually or as a family and discuss it. At the very least begin reading together, even if you do the reading.

Depending on the ages of your children, you can read to them or each person in your family can take a turn reading. At the end of each session ask for input. I didn’t do that, and I know now that it would have made the reading I did with my children even more powerful.

If you have older teens and adult children why not explore the option of a family book club? Who knows, it may be a big hit. Even if it only lasts through one or two books, and that could happen, the whole experience will bond you even more as a family.

And by the way, when you read and study yourself, you will be a powerful example for your family. It will have an impact. If not now, then in the future.

Now for the postscript:

After I asked Joy if I could share this email and she consented, we talked some more. I replied to Joy and shared my concerns about a book club and why I read to my husband and Mom rather than us all reading.

“This was so awesome. Can I share it in a newsletter? Great thoughts and I love that you have begun a family book club. I wish that were possible in my family. Lots of kids who do not read, mostly boys and my husband. I read to him, but it can’t be too deep, or he sleeps. LOL Anyway, I would love to share your thoughts.”

Joy replied with this, and it was so heartening. I suspect that is one reason I contacted my family to see what they think. : )

“I have several kids who don’t (or won’t) read either :-). We’re encouraging them to listen to the audiobook so they can participate. The book club is totally voluntary, and fewer than half of my 10 kids participated in our first discussion, but that’s okay. It’s a start, right? :-)”

Joy is correct, it is a start. Even if it doesn’t last for months or years, it will bless her family. If we make the effort to read in our family, in some fashion, it will bless our families too. I have seen this happen in my choppy, inconsistent past in my family.

I know it is true. : )

Why Take a Technology Break and Is It Even Possible?

In our world, we’re so used to having technology always with us that it’s challenging to be without it for even a short time. Technology, as wonderful as it is, can be a two-edged sword.

I have written several articles on using, abusing, and letting go of technology. I have experimented with this myself. A recent email I received has me thinking about it again.

Before I share the email, I want to share some of my experiences with technology, managing it, and not being managed by it. This has required that I commit to taking technology breaks.

When I suggest technology breaks, I realize the difficulty I am asking. The younger you are, the more difficult it seems, because you grew up with it. It came to me later in life. Nevertheless, it hasn’t been easy to learn to manage technology and take breaks. But because of my own experience and witnessing that of others, I know that when people take technology breaks, they feel more in control and rested. They remain more attentive to their children. They are less prone to angry responses. Parenting, running a business, or caregiving for others all require focus and presence. We need to pay attention and technology can distract us from what matters most.

I dislike getting behind, so daily I check and clean my email. I quickly go through my Instagram and Facebook messages when I make my daily post. I don’t scroll unless I am waiting in a doctor’s office, I don’t have the time. But I, like all of you, must manage myself very carefully. It’s easy to get caught up in scrolling, game-playing, texting, etc. Taking an occasional break from my phone, the computer, television, etc. helps me not give up too much time to technology, especially social media.

Another thing that can be hard when taking technology breaks is the feeling that you’ll miss something or be out of the loop. This isn’t as hard for me now as when I was teaching and speaking before my caregiving days. Whew, it was tough. What if someone wanted me to come and speak? What if a mentee reached out? What if a question was asked about an article I had published? I didn’t want to miss anything. But I made myself do the hard thing and took breaks.

Some years ago, after beginning the caregiving phase of my life, I put technology away on Sunday, except for studying the scriptures, journaling, writing letters, and checking in with family and friends. No budgeting, writing articles or posts, no posting, no Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. No googling for information that would help with doctors’ appointments, etc.

Caregiving is challenging, and frankly, I needed rest, and technology for all its promises doesn’t give you that. It is only a distraction that stops you from nurturing yourself and others in ways that matter. I chose Sunday because it was a day where there wouldn’t be constant interruptions, appointments, driving kids to school, shopping, and so forth. I would be home most of the time without appointments and commitments. It seemed to be a fairly easy day to lay my technology down.

Honestly, I confess I have fallen off that wagon a bit. I still don’t post, write articles, or google for information on this one day, but I have worked on my budget. I have determined to return to my original decision and only participate in technology that helps me keep the Sabbath as a rest and service day. On Sundays when I break my commitment it isn’t as restful and peaceful.

When you have been on both sides of a fence you can make informed decisions because you know what it feels like on either side. I know that my Sundays are more restful, peaceful, and enjoyable when I keep my commitment and put my technology away.

I mentored a family that took a month off from all technology, even the parents, once a year. Courtney told me, “It isn’t the kids who struggle the most, it’s the parents. They really do have to commit.” She said the hard part for her was at lunch. She usually had lunch when the big kids were at school and her little one was napping. She liked to read Facebook, watch a show, catch up on the news, whatever, as she ate lunch. It was a challenge to read or call a friend instead.

It was also challenging for her and her husband when everyone was in bed. They usually vegged out in front of the TV, just the two of them but it’s their screen-free month. She told me they have learned to play games together or read to each other. It’s become fun.

The one adult caveat she shared was, that they occasionally check email, pay bills online, or prepare church lessons. Just no screens (phone, computer, TV) for entertainment purposes.

I was mentoring a mom challenged to stay on top of her home and spend time with her children. As we talked it became clear that technology – phone, social media, gaming, computer, television – was an issue. I invited her to track her tech use for one week.

On our next call, she was appalled at the results. She hadn’t realized how much time she spent on her phone or saying to her children, “Wait a minute.” because she was in the middle of a game.

It wasn’t easy but she began working on parameters for herself and her family. Over time it made a BIG difference in her ability to manage all a mother must juggle.

As I said earlier, I am revisiting this topic because of an email I received from my sister. She lost her phone and was phoneless for a week. Imagine. No surfing. No talking to anyone. No ring tones. No disruptions with notification pings. Oh man, how would you do in that situation? Would this make you afraid? LOL

I will let her email speak for itself.

“Still off the grid. Good morning, MaryAnn. My Phone should be ready for pickup, today. It has been a glorious week of no unnecessary obligations, and definite adjustments, both emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.

Being ‘forced off the grid,’ opened a plethora of unrealized options for the use of my Time:

Enjoying early, early Mornings
Rethinking Priorities

Addressing Relationships of all types:

Myself
Food
Money
Jesus
Daryl (her husband)
Scripture Study
Research
Journaling
Quiet
Nature

It has been delicious but required adjusting my Mindset.”

A technology break can be as simple as putting all phones on mute during dinner. It can be as challenging as taking off a day a week or a month a year. Wherever you are, pick a place and begin. Do a test run and see how it feels.

When you are brave enough to set limits for your tech use, however much or little you commit to, I am sure you will find what I have learned, what my mentee found, what Courtney experienced, and what my sister discovered. There are benefits to taking control of when and how you use technology.

Being an example to your kids of how to manage technology and not be managed by it sets them up for the future when they need a break.

Take control of your technology use. Take breaks. Give yourself a rest.

You and your family will be glad you did.

Sometimes You Get Blind!

Early this spring Jodie was taking a short trip. She hauled the suitcase out of the garage so she could pack. Later, she asked me if I had seen it. No, I hadn’t but I went upstairs to help her look. We searched everywhere and then lo and behold we saw it! It was leaning up against the wall by the front door, in direct sight. It wasn’t hidden by anything. We weren’t looking for the obvious, I guess.

Later, I dropped a package of bread I was getting out of the freezer. I finished getting what I needed and then looked for the bread. It wasn’t on top of the chest freezer or the workbench, which is next to the stand-up freezer. I looked high and low. It couldn’t be high, but I couldn’t find it and was trying to cover all the bases. I went out to the freezer a few hours later to get something and there was the loaf of bread. It had been behind me the whole time! Sometimes you get blind!

I’ve talked about this in the past, concerning weeding, a simple thing that can cause so much personal frustration. There you are, on your hands and knees or walking down a row with the hoe. You are positive you got every weed. But as you walk back to where you began you see a stray weed here and there. What! How does that happen? Sometimes you get blind!

This type of blindness happens when we’re working on relationships, teaching our children, managing our home, figuring out how to use time more wisely, getting better systems in place so life flows more smoothly, using money wisely, healing ourselves, etc.

Experience has taught me that no matter how invested we are, we can’t always see what is right in front of us. Sometimes we are blind. There are reasons for this: preconceived ideas, weariness, our bucket is empty, feeling that the issue is too big, maybe we aren’t smart enough, we lack helpful resources, and others.

I have also learned that if we stay calm, and don’t get upset with ourselves because we can’t always see the solution, we will have a better outcome as we troubleshoot. The temptation is to be frustrated or angry with ourselves or others.

A more effective way to approach whatever is causing an issue is to make it a matter of careful thought and prayer, and then seek needed information for greater understanding. When we choose to remain calm, give ourselves grace, and move forward one step at a time, we can usually begin to see what we couldn’t see before. But blessed are your eyes, for they see…Matthew 13: 16

When we have a challenge with a child, a relationship, our home management, ourselves, etc., and are looking for a solution there are things we can do to see more clearly, to get more focus and greater light. Begin by being aware of what keeps you blind, making it difficult to see solutions.

Here are 8 tips for greater daily awareness to see more clearly.

1. Be in a good place yourself. How does a busy parent do that? Here are ways I keep myself in a good place so that when faced with a challenge I can think more clearly and find solutions.

a. Set an intention for the day – What helps me to be in a better place when I wake up each morning is to have a plan, an intention, for why I am getting up. How will I begin the day? Do you have a morning routine? I do and it helps.
b. Eat right – Don’t eat the crust of your child’s sandwich because you are on the run. Sit down. Put your food on a plate. Rest as you chew. This is something I have had to force myself to do but it pays dividends. Think carefully about what you want to fuel your body with. I know from experience that when we take control of how, when, and what we eat, we manage better.
c. Sleep – I have had so much experience with this one thing! When I took control of how and when I slept, my world changed forever. If sleep is a problem, please read how I learned to take control. It will change your life.
d. Practice self-care – I have had people tell me that a shower is a necessity not self-care, but I know it can be self-care This has kept me going for over five decades. Find what works for you, that can be done daily, right where you are.
e. Seek what you need – We don’t know everything. We can’t, so there will be issues we’re not prepared to resolve. However, if you take the time to look for resources: people, classes, books, etc. you can find what will give you the first step you need. Then you look for the second step. Seek what you need, a step at a time, and don’t fret that you don’t know how to fix everything now.

2. Take responsibility for your part. Seth, my son in his fifties, and I had a falling out the other day. Ugh. I thought about it and determined to discover my part in the problem. I mean it was easy to see where he goofed. : ) After some thought it was clear. Then I pondered how best to move forward. We cleared the air a short time later. I apologized for my part, and we carried on.

Blame is always a problem and should be avoided at all costs. It prevents clear vision, eyes that see!

3. Define the issue. Get clear on what you are trying to do, improve, or fix. Keep asking “Why?” until you get to the root. Then you will be better able to make a plan to move forward.

4. Brainstorm potential solutions. I pray and ponder. What comes readily to mind? Where could you begin? What are other possibilities? Don’t make the sucker’s choice and pick what seems the only solution but feels wrong. There is always a third, fourth, or fifth possibility. I have put this to the test! Here is a video I made about avoiding the sucker’s choice and finding workable solutions.

5. Have empathy for others and yourself. Here is the definition of empathy – ‘the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.’ Empathy is the capacity to take another perspective, but more than that, it is truly caring about the person and how they feel. When you show empathy, your feelings soften and solutions come more readily.

6. Have a plan to move forward. What is the first step? In my situation with my son Seth, the first step was to go inside myself and find my part. Because he is a private person, my second step was to find a way to say I was sorry. The third step was to pray and ask for the best possible moment. It was provided when I went outside and he was working by my shed. I calmly walked up, put my hand on his shoulder, and said, “I’m sorry.” He smiled and replied, “Me too.” That was it. It was done.

7. Evaluate as you go. Not everything is as simple as resolving the situation with my son. Some things take time. As you move forward it is helpful to ask yourself questions. Is the direction working? Do I need to rethink and begin again? Am I making progress, even a small amount? If I need to change course what is another option?

8. Allow time. It takes what it takes. When I first began learning to resolve my anger issues it took ten years. I had to allow that time and not become discouraged with myself. It wasn’t always easy, but because I persevered, I made it! Now I find myself in a similar situation. As a caregiver, with lots of stress, my tone needs work. Ugh. Seven years and I am still working on it. Am I making any progress? A little and I hold out hope for even greater progress.

We all get blind. Life is filled with situations we do not know how to resolve but we can learn, grow, gain understanding, and find success, as we care for ourselves and others enough to do the work.

NEVER QUIT. There is always a solution that works.
I can promise this from experience!

Be A Pathmaker For Your Children

Seven years ago, Jodie and her family moved from Kearns, UT. to West Point, UT. We were living with them, helping with Maggie and the other children. Living in a home with kids was assisting Don with his health challenges. It was a win-win situation.

Eventually, we needed a home that was more handicap accessible. Don found the house in West Point and when Jodie looked at it, she could see how good it would be for us. However, many things needed to be upgraded. That was daunting to think about.

We all Live in Imperfect Homes

On the south side of the house, behind the garage, was a family room, a huge storage room, a small bathroom with a shower, and two bedrooms. This was to become our part of the home. We had to tear down the storage room for a kitchen. That meant purchasing, staining, and installing floors, cupboards, counters, the works. Whew, that took a few months to complete. We couldn’t have done it alone, but we were fortunate to receive help from our church, neighbors, and friends.

Jodie’s home needed new flooring as what was currently in the house, tile and grout, wasn’t wheelchair friendly. She had a ton of painting to do. We spent much time pondering what needed to be done, getting the materials together, calling for reinforcements, and then doing the work.

We have been in this home for seven years now. We haven’t finished everything. Why? Because of time, resources, energy, and desire. I am confident that in time, we will finish everything but for now, what isn’t done doesn’t seem vital to our enjoyment of the home.

In my part of the house, we have yet to finish the transition molding in the doorways of each room. It will require a tool and some skills we don’t have yet. We will need help.

The wall behind my sink and stove is still only painted sheetrock. I need to put in a backsplash. I think about it now and then and may take the time to do it next summer. This summer I have a couple of other big projects that seem more vital.

Jodie’s home is, for the most part, finished. However, two summers ago we realized she had to revamp the entire bathroom to accommodate a growing daughter with a larger wheelchair. We needed an unconventional shower that would accommodate regular feet and legs, as well as a wheelchair. We also needed a lift to get Maggie into and out of the tub safely if she wanted a bath.

Despite spending so much time renovating when we first moved in, we found ourselves in that place again, for over a year. All eight of us were using one small bathroom with its tiny shower. With graciousness we made it work.

We all live in imperfect homes. When we have unfinished business in our homes, we don’t stop enjoying and valuing them. When we discover that we need to make another renovation we don’t despair and beat ourselves up because we should have thought of that up front. Instead, we ponder what needs to be done, plan, and then do the work. If we need help, we call in reinforcements.

Our Inner Home is Never Done

It is the same with our inner house. There is always work to do. Things are marred, chipped, unfinished. There may be a hole here or there, but we shouldn’t stop enjoying ourselves and celebrating what is good about us because all our refinement isn’t done. We should instead do what we do in our homes. We fix and mend as we can. We ask for help. We do the work and down the road we might need to do more. This is how we heal, a bit here and a bit there as we remember, find resources, get help, and are willing to do the work.

I came into my parenting life with a boatload of stuff! In my forties, I remembered my childhood sexual abuse. That was devastating and took some years to unravel and heal, but I did it. I had been given numerous stories from my parents, who lived through the depression, that didn’t serve me in my life. It took a few decades to ferret them out and rewrite them. My parents came from a time when children were seen and not heard. You did what you were told, no complaints. I parented in this fashion for years. But eventually, I saw the holes in my walls and did the work to repair that part of my inner house.

Our Bag of Stuff Has Value!

Did my children suffer because my inner home needed significant renovation? YES! But remember what I have said in the past: I believe each person brings to their parenting a large bag of stuff they’ve accumulated along the road to becoming an adult – fears, prejudices, stories, and ideas inherited from the adults in their lives. I believe we have our bag of stuff because, like it or not, it’s the act of emptying it out that helps us become who we were meant to be.

I have spent the last few decades watching my children do what I did, remodel and clean their inner houses. They are doing a good job. I know they suffered while I did my renovation, but because I did renovate, that example has helped them do the same.

I Could Because You Did It First

One day when I was in my 60’s I was talking with one of my daughters. Because I couldn’t remember my sexual abuse but needed to remain safe from it, I wasn’t able to see red flags. She and several of her siblings suffered the same fate. She was in the final stage of healing and was sharing it with me. She was only in her thirties. I didn’t even know there was an issue until I was in my late forties.

I said, “I am so amazed that you have been able to work this out so early. I wish I had been like you and maybe you wouldn’t have suffered.” I was weeping. She responded with, “Mom, I was able to come to this so early because you had already done it. Your example made it possible.” I felt relief. She was right. I had shown my children a lifetime of growth, inner house renovation, not shying away from what was hard, and never giving up on dreams.

A Repairer of the Breach, a Restorer of Paths to Dwell In

An article I read to Don and my mother, reminded me that life is about opposition, and as we make choices, both good and bad, we grow. This isn’t always easy or pleasant, but whether we are coming back from a bad decision or making a good one, we are learning. They are two sides of the same coin.

Years ago, while still living in MT., with a bag of stuff and few resources, I read a verse of scripture from the Christian Bible. It spoke to my heart, and I knew this was my mission. This verse written millennia ago was written for me. It set me on the path I have lived since then, to be like a watered garden, to repair the breach, and create a path to dwell in.

11 And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.
12 And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in. Isaiah 58: 11-12

So, take heart. Your children’s success as human beings isn’t dependent on baggage-free, perfect parenting. It is dependent on your example of fearless growth as you remodel your inner house. They will do the same.

Be a pathmaker for your children. Bravely face yourself, ponder how your way of being could be better, and then change what needs to be changed. Make a plan and begin with one step. Find the resources you need. Ask for help and then do the work.

If I can do it, you can too!

My SSS Formula – Simple Systems = Solutions

I have learned from lived experience that simple systems are usually the solution to difficult problems in time and life management. This was not an easy lesson to learn, and I occasionally still ignore this truth, but when I do, I suffer.

A few years ago, I was praying because I needed help with time management so I could do the necessary chores and still serve others and care for my family. I also needed to find space to serve and care for myself. This is an ongoing prayer I repeat regularly because time & life can be a beast to manage. LOL

During this season of prayer and pondering, I had a task on my daily list that I needed to accomplish by a certain time, and it was clear in my mind. As I went to sleep, I reminded myself I had this task to do first thing in the morning. When I woke up the project came immediately to mind, and I got right up. It was a favor for my sister, Cindy. She wanted an item that was in short supply that year, that she hadn’t been able to find in her area. I needed to be at the store at 7 am to see if I could find it for her. I was on time and my quest was successful.

The next day I woke up just before my alarm went off, as I had the day before. I had the same type of list for the day. I lay in bed for a couple of minutes and then the alarm went off. I thought, “My body is so amazing. It knows just what to do. It always wakes up a few minutes before the alarm.” Then I dropped back to sleep. I didn’t wake up again until 7:30 and was bugged because my body had done its job waking me up, and I hadn’t done my part and gotten up.

As I said my morning prayer it came clearly to my mind that I manage to rise in the morning better when I have chosen a specific thing I need to get up for. It gives me a reason to get up, other than just managing another busy day. They are all busy!! Since then, I have filled out my daily worksheet and picked the one item I am getting up for. That has worked wonders in assisting me, even when I would rather sleep longer. I know this experience was an answer to my prayers. It gave me the knowledge I needed about myself and a system to solve the issue. I love how God answers prayers. : )

A few months into this experiment I didn’t get to bed until 10 which is late for me in the winter, and this learning took place in the winter. I try to be in bed between 9 and 9:30. This is because winter and the lack of sun make life more challenging. So, good sleep matters.

I had chosen a specific project I needed to have done before 9 am and it would take a couple of hours to finish. This was what I would get up for. However, I didn’t hear my alarm. Fortunately, Don did and put his hand on my shoulder, waking me up. Before he could say a word, I remembered what I needed to do, and I was out of bed and going in seconds.

It reminds me of when I was writing my book Becoming A Present Parent, and it wasn’t going well. As I prayed about the futility of the project, I had the thought to get up at 4 and write until I had to get ready for work at 7. What a terrible idea!! But because I had a specific task, I made it work six days a week, for over 6 months! It wasn’t easy, but the task at hand made it doable.

I have gotten very good at using this system to assist me in getting up when I would rather sleep. It isn’t perfect. I have days when I forget to tell myself the night before why I am getting up the next morning. Then chances are, I won’t. There are also days when I choose to ignore why I’m getting up. I always regret it! LOL

This idea of simple systems has carried over in other ways.

I wasn’t getting my scriptures read or my prayers said on some days. This matters to me, so I needed to figure it out. If I left the bathroom in the morning without doing these two things, I would become distracted and wouldn’t get them done. As I prayed and pondered the situation, I began having interesting ideas.

I put my scriptures in a basket in the bathroom. I hung my clothes for the next day on a hook. After dressing, brushing my teeth, and combing my hair I would read a few verses, and pray. I am sure God isn’t offended that I pray in the bathroom. He understands the lives of his daughters. : )

While experimenting with this routine, I ran into another problem. My glasses would be on the kitchen table and if I went to get them, then distractions happened. Now I put my glasses on my desk, which is in the bedroom. Walking past the desk in the morning, I grab the glasses. It’s working like a charm; another piece of a very simple system.

If I wanted to use my phone to read, rather than a hard copy, it would be an easy adjustment. I plug my phone in at my desk in the bedroom. When I get my glasses, I could also grab the phone.

Hanging my clothes in the bathroom, having my scriptures in a basket, and my glasses on the desk in the bedroom is a simple system.

My morning routine is another system. After leaving the bathroom I write in my gratitude journal, say my daily affirmation, and if possible, take my morning walk and do my hip exercises. Somedays there are too many interruptions, but on many days, it flows, because I have a system. I know exactly what to do after I leave the bathroom.

Filling out my daily worksheet the night before and determining what is first is another system.

Seriously, systems work. They help solve problems like mine, how to make myself get up, how to manage time better, and how to fit in the things that normally get buried under home and family management.

Here is one more random example.

Six months ago, I got a CPAP machine. After an evaluation, I discovered that I stopped breathing many times a night. This is detrimental to brain function and not a good way to get the needed rest to manage a home and family.

An app tracks how many hours a night the machine is used. At my follow-up appointment last week, I was on the border of not qualifying to have insurance continue paying for my machine. I was only using it 70% of the time. Talking with my doctor I realized the problem. I wake up a few times at night and hit the bathroom. I do not have trouble going back to sleep as I have trained my body, so I often fall asleep quickly and don’t get the mask on. I knew I needed a simple system.

I decided that when I awoke and took off the mask I would place it in the middle of my pillow, instead of at the back of the pillow. Super simple and it has worked wonders. I’ll bet I have upped my score to over 85%. That is good for insurance purposes, but even better for good sleep and a healthy brain.

I want you to see that simple systems can be very effective. I also want you to understand what a system looks like. I didn’t for many years. I thought they were complicated ways of managing big stuff. Systems in corporations, businesses, or medicine can be complex, and most of us view the term ‘system’ in this light. I want to expand your view of what a system is. It is nothing more than figuring out a consistent way to get something accomplished, dishes, laundry, getting kids up on a school morning, making time for yourself, getting to bed on time, getting your personal study done, etc. They all require planned and not default systems. When you create a plan and consistently use it you will have systems that work.