I know that resources matter. When I was working to become a better mother there weren’t many. But what I could find, I used, and they made a difference. So, when I find a resource that may help my friends and readers, I share.

I received this email from a friend:

“I recently watched the podcast Follow Him with Hank Smith and John Bytheway…. Their guest presenter…was Dr. Matt Townsend, who is a therapist. Many of the things he was saying reminded me of you and what you have shared about being present and communicating.”

I wasn’t familiar with Dr. Townsend or the podcast, but I took the time to listen because I love Susan and know she cares about me. Dr. Matt Townsend is a relationship coach who has met with thousands of couples over 25 years. It was interesting how what I have taught about connecting with children meshed with what Dr. Townsend shared about relationship health.

I’m no scholar so it was heartwarming and edifying to see how close I have come to what scholars have learned. I learned from hard experience and the tutoring of God, rather than in school. I was also privileged to work with a few hundred families and saw firsthand what I had learned as a mother. It’s amazing what I have gotten right based on what Dr. Townsend shared.

He used a word I was unfamiliar with but found worth sharing – attunement.

To have attunement you must be Present. To be Present you need to turn off your mind enough to connect or commune with another person. If someone smiles, we generally smile back. If they laugh, we laugh. This is attunement.

Dr. Townsend pointed out that when Jesus speaks, he then looks at the multitude. He is attuning and getting in sync with the people he is teaching. He is reading them. I thought this was wonderful. Doesn’t this sound like the being Present I have taught you over the years? I appreciated that my friend Susan saw this in what Dr, Townsend was teaching. It confirmed that we can learn anything, and God will take us where we need to go.

Dr. Townsend talked about how the gift of tech is robbing us of attunement. Why anxiety is going up. I was reminded of the story I shared years ago about four teens sitting together on my apartment steps and texting one another, never looking up or speaking a word.

Dr Townsend said, “If we don’t look around because we’re so attached to our phones, we miss what our kids are feeling and saying.” I’ve written about that too. I learned it the hard way, not as much with tech as with home management, which I allowed to swallow my attention.

Dr. Townsend talked about John Gottman and a statistic he shared. John and his wife developed The Gottman Method, a couple’s therapy approach that uses research-based interventions to help couples improve their relationships. John said, that in 86% of successful partnerships, it’s because one partner will turn to the other when they initiate a conversation – they get in sync or attunement. Now that Don and I are older we intentionally do this. We do not want to become roommates but remain friends and sweethearts. It takes thought and intention. One of my daily affirmations is about this very thing.

As I studied attunement, I learned that when our brain gets in sync with the other person’s brain we connect and can then share similar emotions. This would be very helpful when talking with a teen or young adult who may be reticent to share.

Here is one other tidbit that Dr. Townsend shared that can help us remember how to attune to another person or be present. He created the anacronym REAL.

It stands for:

1. Recognise their emotion
2. Explore their story
3. Attend to their deeper needs
4. Lift them

Caregiving has allowed me to practice and learn more about attunement and being present than I learned even as a mother of seven. I am open to learning more. That is key to growth, being open.

My book Becoming a Present Parent is filled with truth, written in a straightforward and easy-to-understand way. It has stories of my failure to connect and be present or to attune with my children. It also has stories of my successes and shows the path I traveled to get from A to B. If you haven’t read or listened to it, and struggle with family relationships now may be the time. It’s written not as a scholar, but as a mother who has been where you may be and has gone where you want to go.

You can listen to Dr. Townsend on YouTube or check out his site.

Resources are available for those who are open to learning and will do the work. We need to find the resource that works for us. I have a scripture I end all my emails with. It’s a reminder to be Present, to be attuned to those around you. “But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.” Matthew 13:16

Do the work. Change and grow, Bless your family!

In 2011 I wrote an article on what it takes for parents to carve out time to read and study for themselves. There are many adults, my husband included, who do not read. But when children see adults in their lives reading and studying, it sets them up to do the same.

As I read what I had written, I realized that my knowledge base on some things had expanded and I had adjusted my thoughts on others. Interesting.

At any rate, it was worth sharing again. If you homeschool, then this is a must. If you want your children to enjoy reading and learning, regardless of how they are educated, this is a must. If you haven’t been a reader or a learner as an adult, this will help you grow. : ) It is powerful and can be life-changing. Learning can become part of your family culture.

The Scripture That Triggered the Thought

Back in 2011, I read a verse of scripture that sparked this article. “I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth. . .therefore, First, set in order thy house” Doctrine and Covenants 93:43 On this day, I read it in a new way. I focused on “First, set in order thy house”. It brought to my mind another verse of scripture. “For now we see through a glass darkly”. 1 Cor. 14:12

Seeing through a glass darkly is an apt analogy when we are sharing knowledge with our children. If the windows to our home are dark, we cannot see out of them clearly. Everything we see will be dimmed by our own darkness. We will not be able to give more light to our families than we possess. We must be enlightened first, and then we can share with our children.

It caused me to think of the classics I have read and my spiritual canon. If we are unfamiliar with good literature and that which informs our belief system, then we cannot call them to mind when a quote, verse, or thought might enlighten a child, illuminate a teaching, open a new learning adventure, or ease a soul. These quotes and teachings won’t be in us because our house is empty, and our windows are dark. As parents, we want to do and say the best thing when it is needed, so we can give help, comfort, and knowledge to our children. Having light in our own house, so to speak, is vital.

Reading good books and our spiritual canon or other writings that inform our belief system is like washing our windows and filling our house with light. As we enlighten ourselves, we see more clearly. We see our children and their needs more clearly.

So, how do busy parents find the time for self-education, reading, and reflection?

Here are some ideas that helped me while I raised seven children and continue to assist me now that I live in a four-generation home.

1. Decide that you want to learn and that you want to expand your knowledge base in old and new areas. Make a personal commitment to read, take classes, and learn, so when it is difficult you can and will follow through. And it will be difficult. That is the nature of parenting. There are many demands. However, committing yourself to reading and studying will help you do it when it isn’t easy or comfortable!

2. Have a book available all the time. When I had children, I packed one in the diaper bag. Later, I had a small bag by the front door with a book, pencil, and paper in it. I could grab and go at a moment’s notice.

If needed, have a second book, which you will read more often, available in your home so that when the rare moment occurs, you can read.

Today, I keep a book in a basket in my bathroom. I visit that room at least three times a day and I can read a few paragraphs before I am interrupted. You all know what that is like. LOL Declare your intention to learn and grow by being prepared.

3. Give up perfection. I know that having quiet, focusing on one book fully, and taking notes is the best way to digest information. Your season for that will come but may not be now. And if you are like me, at 74 in a four-generation home, it may come much later than you anticipated. LOL

At this point in my life, I thought I would be going back to college and getting my doctorate in education. In Montana, when I still had most of my children at home, I had a full-ride scholarship for a doctorate. But it wasn’t the season. I had to content myself with learning how to parent better by reading and counseling with those who knew more than I did. It eventually led to a career spanning 13 years, speaking, teaching, and publishing a book.

Now, here I am, back in the traces and I, like you, must be content to read in the bathroom or while waiting in a doctor’s office. Be ok with learning in whatever way you can manage – reading while nursing, cooking, waiting for the washer to fill, snatching a paragraph or two while managing a toddler at the doctor’s office, or grabbing your 30 seconds of private time on the toilet.

Occasionally, I can retreat to my office to study my spiritual canon or read. I take notes. I do research on the computer. However, I know that I will be interrupted repeatedly and that I may only get a few focused minutes. For now, I am letting that be enough. Give up perfection and you will learn, change, and grow. Who knows where it will eventually lead you?

4. Talk about what you are reading at dinner. Throw out a thought and see who responds. Let the conversation flow naturally. You can even do this with a 3-year-old. “Jenny, what would you do if someone wanted you to be mean to someone else.” (Maybe you have been reading Lord of the Flies) You and your spouse can have a discussion which the children may join. If not, they will hear what you are learning.

I do this when my husband and mother of 94 years, sit to eat. Often, I am the only one talking. : ) But it helps me think about what I am reading and Don and Mom don’t seem to mind.

Occasionally at our meals, I read to them. I eat fast and then I read. It doesn’t happen every meal or even every day but occasionally, we read at a meal.

5. Call a friend on the phone and share an aha. They do not have to have read the book. The best way to cement what you are learning is to share what you have discovered while reading. This is why talking at dinner or phoning a friend is useful. : )

6. If you can, give yourself 10 minutes before bed to read a few paragraphs. You may have great thoughts and ideas upon waking.

7. Have a pad and pen by your bed. When you wake up sit on the edge of the bed, quietly, for a couple of minutes, and ask your brain what it came up with in the night. See what ideas flow and write them down. If the baby is crying, take the pad and pen with you. While changing a diaper or nursing, ask your brain what it has come up with in the night and then write it down.

Currently, I have my pad and pen in the bathroom window. My nightly caregiving, prayer-filled shower is when I have many thoughts and I write them down so I can ponder them before bed.

8. Consider reading with your spouse for 10 or 15 minutes every day. If you set a time and then are as consistent as possible, you will read together more often. Don and I used to read in the evening. He likes Westerns, doesn’t read himself, but enjoys it when I read to him. This worked for many years. Now we have had to adjust. My mom lives with us and so we read at lunch, most days.

Reading as a family is a powerful way to share knowledge and information with your children. Reading as a family allows you to read books with tough ideas because you can talk about them as you read and help your children navigate the difficult decisions they may face as they grow.

If reading to your kids seems too challenging because of a wide range of ages, then here are a couple of articles that can help you navigate it successfully.

Don’t worry if it takes time to finish a book or if you only get a few paragraphs in. It is the reading consistently that matters, whether you are reading to your spouse, your family, or by yourself.

9. Cast out discouragement because you cannot read and study for long periods of dedicated time. Everything has a season. Your current season is parenting. Mine is four-generation grandparenting, with a special needs granddaughter, and full-time caregiving for two older adults.

Keep in mind the old example of how to fit more in a jar. Begin with the rocks. Then add small gravel. Then comes the sand. Finally, add water.

Your family and children are the rocks. This goes in the jar first. Housekeeping, preparing food, work, and all the rest are the small gravel that we sift in after the rocks. Church, community duties, etc. are the sand that follow the gravel. Reading and learning are the water. There is always room for the water when we put the rocks in first.

Remember everything has a season, be content with your season.

This is the last article in the series on cleaning systems. This is the system I use today. Let me give you the back story.

I have tried many cleaning systems, but I always returned to ‘THE LIST.’ I am a list maker. It seemed the most useful and satisfying way to manage my daily work. However, I am also a finisher. This and list-making can be a combination for failure. It isn’t that you fail, but you always feel like a failure because you can never finish the list.

In real life, you never finish the list. Part of the reason for this is, that not everything you have to do in a day is on the list – dishes, meals, laundry, running kids to friends, that extra trip to school when someone is ill, and so forth. This list/finisher combination caused me grief for most of my life. If I am not careful and follow my current system, it still can be. Just being honest. : )

When I found myself in a four-generation home, just as busy as when I was raising seven children, I began praying about the issue. God knows me well, and he likes me how I am. But He also knows there are ways that I can manage my natural way of being/energy better. So that seemed like the best place to go for help.

AM FOR ME, PM FOR ME, & AFTERNOON FOR ME

The sheet I posted in this article is the result of seven years of experimenting and revamping. Yes, it took that long. I would come up with a plan, use it, and then have thoughts on how to change it for the better. I would make the change and begin again.

Here is what that looked like. At first, all the things I did to get my day going well, i.e., prayer, scriptures, gratitude book, etc. were on the to-do list. More things to get done!

Then they were labeled separately as – Morning Routine and Evening Routine. Still, a bunch of stuff to get done. It felt heavy.

One day, as I was looking over my Daily Worksheet, I had the thought to relabel both the night and morning routine items to AM for ME and PM for ME. I am big on paying attention to the story I tell myself. Suddenly, they weren’t just more things that any well-developed and in-charge person would do. With the new label, they went from being more stuff I needed to take care of, to how I nurtured myself. A HUGE change in how they felt. I wanted to do them first and last because I love me, really, I do. I like who I am, and although I have lots of work to do on my way of being, I care about myself as a person and as a daughter of God. AM and PM went from stuff a wise person should do, to what I do to love and care for myself.

The AFTERNOON FOR ME section was added a few years later. I can’t always get to many of these items, but I try because they require me to sit, think, rest, and care for myself for a few minutes. In truth, many of these items get done throughout the day, but having them on the list helps me remember that I need breaks and rest.

Not everything gets done every day in these three sections, but what I do manage is helpful, and I feel satisfied when I can cross one of them off.

APPOINTMENTS/SPECIAL SECTION

I separated appointments and special events from my daily list. At times, this section can override the whole list.

Take yesterday for example. June 11 was my husband’s birthday. We had a temple appointment at 12:30. That would take 2 hours. Then a stop at Costco for his weekly watermelon purchase and gas. Then a trip to his favorite store, Backyard Birds, to spend his birthday money. Then eating out at a Mexican restaurant he was dying to try.

Can you see how this special event would trump whatever else was on my list? I got my AM and PM for ME done. : ) I got a couple of things off the list before we left at noon, and I got a couple done after we got home at six.

Separating appointments and special events from my daily list has helped a ton. If I don’t get much done on the list, I can look at the Appointments/Special Events section and know why. No failure, just a busy family day, lots of outside appointments, or a serving others day.

TO DO TODAY

Next is the to-do list. There weren’t numbers at first. Then there were 12 items. It changed to 10, and now it is 8. What 8 things are the must-dos today, above and beyond the appointments and special events? I must force myself not to add more! It is a challenge, and on some days, I break the rule and write down 10-12 things. I always regret it because I have many people to care for in my 4-generation home, a job in my church, my writing, and neighbors I help. Each time I break the rule I remind myself why it is the way it is. Then I smile, give myself grace, and know I did well today despite not getting everything crossed off.

IF TIME

Of course, every day I have more than eight things I need to do! So do you. This is where they go. It satisfies my need to write down too many things. If I do get the main eight finished, I can see what is in this section. For example, a few days ago, 4 things out of my main eight were calls to doctors and the insurance company. These calls can take up lots of time but needed to be done that day. Fortunately, they went smoothly and didn’t take all day. : ) I was able to look at my IF TIME section and get other important items completed.

Honestly, items in this section, rarely get done that day. But that is ok because it is an ‘if I have time’ item. I can move it to the next day or the next week.

FLOATING GOALS

I love the section. I got the idea from my friend and business guru Janine Bolon.

This little section is a lifesaver. I have big jobs I want to do such as, clean the whole kitchen, sort all the drawers in the bedroom, you know the dumb stuff that finishers love to do. LOL I can write one or two floating goals here. If they get done in a week, awesome. If not, they move to the next week and sometimes I decide it doesn’t matter and they drop off completely.

For example, I began deep cleaning in March. I got the living room done in one week. But the kitchen has floated for a couple of months. I have cleaned cupboards and drawers. I only have the oven and two cupboards left but I haven’t been able to get to them. It doesn’t matter because it is a floating goal and helps me keep track of the ‘extra’ things I am working on. I LOVE this section.

EVENING SECTION

Last year I added the EVENING SECTION. I know I am going to cook dinner, but by this time of day, I am tired! I want to cross it off because it is a small energy lift. LOL The other things are what I want to be reminded to do with my family and for myself at this more tired time of day. This is the little push I need. This section has been very useful, or I would frequently forget my vitamins, hormones, and other health regimes I have. Even if we don’t read until 9 pm I feel happy crossing it off.

TO JOURNAL

A few years into working on my daily worksheet I added two more sections. One is the To Journal section. I don’t journal consistently. I should be better, but it is what it is. That being said, in the last fifty-plus years I have written 17 notebooks of memories and feelings. Nevertheless, I tended to lose memories I wanted to remember and share with those who come after me because I wouldn’t get the writing done, and days would pass, and so would the memory. Now, if something noteworthy happens, I jot it down. It might take me a week or two to get it written but eventually, I do. I need this section to remember the miracles in my everyday life.

MISCELLANEOUS NOTES

I used to carry too much stuff in my brain. So, I created a place to dump before bed or as I moved through my day. I used to use sticky notes, but they got lost or made a mess on the desk! This section helps me remember what is on my mind without carrying it around and ruminating on it.

Here is what is currently in my Miscellaneous section:
•get a date for activity girls to help them with family history
•have Seth show me how to use the food-saver
•go to a class at the family history library
•learn to use the LDS app

These items have been here for many weeks. I don’t see them moving to the IF TIME or TO DO sections anytime soon. However, there were ten other items in this section a couple of weeks ago, and they all moved up and are finished.

This place is useful because it helps me remember what I don’t want to forget but can’t do or think about now.

Although I love writing on paper, sometimes my Miscellaneous list is long. When that happens, I snip it off and tape it to the next day. There have been times that I have moved this taped piece for over a week. LOL It is what it is.

WOW, ARE YOU OVERWHELMED

This system is NOT for everyone. You must like writing things down. You need to enjoy crossing things off. You have to find value in tracking yourself. And you must be ok with moving items from today’s list to tomorrow’s list for as many days as it takes.

If these are things you feel good about or that speak to your way of being, then give my system a try. Over time adjust it. As I said, I have made adjustments for over seven years. In fact, I just made a mini-adjustment last week. I added several health items to my AM FOR ME section because I kept forgetting them. : ) It is an ongoing process that changes with me and my circumstances.

POSTSCRIPT

This system has forced me to learn a few things. One is to take smaller bites. Instead of putting CLEAN KITCHEN as one of the 8 items, I put clean out one drawer or one cupboard. Instead of clean off desk, I put take care of one or two papers on the desk. This is a challenge for a finisher. I just want to do the whole thing now! But being put into a position to have to learn how to break things down into manageable bites and then consistently move forward has been valuable. I have lived my belief that small steps, done consistently, get big projects accomplished. The operative word is consistency.

Also, the slash marks at the top of the worksheet help me track how much water I have consumed during the day. My goal is 6-16 oz. glasses. I have never made six yet, but I have reached five. : )

You can download a copy of the worksheet at HERE.

I hope this series on Cleaning Systems has been of value to you. My goal was to give you a place to begin and for you to experiment until you find what works for you. : )

I read an article my friend Donna Goff wrote called Trade in Your To-Do List. A few weeks ago, I shared a cleaning system she currently uses that helps her stay on top of things. The article was called Donna Goff – Cleaning – A System for Staying on Top. 

The article I read, resonated with me because my daily worksheet can feel overwhelming. The problem is, I rarely get each item on the list finished, even if I am running circles all day long, Donna had experienced the same thing. And no matter how much you accomplish in a day, if there are unchecked items left on your list it can leave you with a sense of not having done enough. It shouldn’t. I know better. You probably know better. Donna knows better. But occasionally it does.

A Paper on the Fridge

In the article, Donna did a cool thing for fun. She stuck a paper on her fridge and tracked each thing she did that day. Her goal was to list things after she did them and not have a prewritten list to work from. The list on her fridge grew longer and longer. Here is an example from her article:

• Sorted Laundry
• Started a white load
• Ground Wheat
• Mixed Bread
• Put Two loaves in pans to rise
• Put four formed non-risen loaves in the freezer for my next baking day
• Loaded and started the dishwasher
• Put a white load in the dryer
• Started a dark load in the washing machine
• Wiped Counters
• Baked bread
• Swept kitchen floor
• Dusted living room blinds
• Folded and Hung up whites
• Put whites away
• Put darks in the dryer
• Started a towel load in the washer
• Buttered bread loaf tops
• I read aloud with my daughter
• We took a walk

Does that list look anything like your list would look? Mine wouldn’t have bread baking on it. In place of bread baking, there would be making no sugar/flour crackers, pancakes, or cookies. LOL My list would also include things like:

• Read to Mom and Don
• Said morning prayer
• Took my vitamins
• Did my stretches
• Watered the garden
• Helped my neighbor with her yard

I decided to experiment with this idea, and it was FUN!!! You can’t imagine how many small and large tasks were done that wouldn’t have been on my daily worksheet. Of course, you probably can imagine. LOL  A child calls and needs a ride. Your son brings you the dirty shirt he needs for a special event. You chase the dog because someone left the gate open. You decide to take a walk with a neighbor and so forth.

The Result

I engaged in this activity for three days. Each night as I showered and said my prayer, I felt good because I had done so much and many of those items had to do with relationships and loving service, not just family management.

Here is the difference between Donna and me. She was able to toss her to-do list. As fun as the experiment was, I realized I could not give up my daily worksheet. I will tell you all about that and how my worksheet came to be next week.

I still use a daily worksheet. It can feel overwhelming, but now I write down stuff I do that isn’t on the list and cross it off. Then just before my shower, I look at my worksheet. I can see why my list got done or why it didn’t. It is never about me not doing enough. It is always about me doing some management and a lot of the more important things. This is the reward I give myself for all the unplanned activities I do that weren’t on my worksheet, the feeling of having done enough!!

If you are overwhelmed trying to find a system that will work for you, to help you stay on top of your work and family and still do the most important things, then why not take a break? At least for three days. Stick a piece of paper to your fridge and write down each thing you do that day. I bet you will find it fun like I did. It will give your mind a break and you may be able to revamp your current system or try a new one.

At any rate, you will see how well you are really doing.

On my wall, I have pictures of things I want to accomplish in my life. One is of me happily hugging a clock. Why? Because I have had a rocky relationship with time. However, I want to have a better relationship with time.

I know this is possible because I used to have a terrible relationship with money. After cleaning up my money stories, using tools, and lots of practice, I finally became friends with money. We still have moments when we fall out of our friendship, but those moments are rare and don’t last long.

After years of work, I was able to take the photo of me hugging a dollar bill off my wall and put it in the book that contains all the important and beautiful things I have accomplished.

I must confess that this photo of me with time has been on my wall for over a decade. Yikes. I have had access to fewer resources than I had with my money issues. So, although I have practiced what I know, I have made less progress. I have prayed a lot!

Over a six or seven-year period, with God’s help, I created a daily worksheet that is very helpful for me. However, it hasn’t completely resolved my rocky relationship with time, although it has helped. I have continued to pray because I am certain that time and I are destined to be friends!!! Recently, I had an experience that was very moving and which, in time, led to a most enlightening thought.

Let’s begin with the experience.

In my church, we have a class called Finding Strength in the Lord: Emotional Resilience. I decided to take it. My husband said he would take it with me. Many of the chapters covered things I have already worked out in over 30 years of self-healing.

But Chapter 4 – Managing Stress and Anxiety was not one of them. Here is why. This chapter is built on the foundation principle – Use Time Wisely. There it was, my nemesis, time. As we read through the material, I saw myself, but I wasn’t seeing answers. Nothing new. Nothing I hadn’t tried.

Then we watched a video of a beautiful woman in Africa. She was sharing with a young man how she used her time, how she determined what to do with her time, and how she was able to do what she did each day and still serve others. I could relate with her instantly because those are the challenges of my life, knowing what order to do things in and how to serve better so that I feel my day was well used. Her counsel to the young man was life-changing for me from the moment I heard it. You can watch this short and moving video HERE.

I wrote down what she said in a small notebook which I keep with me as I pray each morning, so I don’t forget the important things. First, I ask God to consecrate my efforts that day. I did some research to make sure I knew what this meant. It means to make or declare sacred or to dedicate for a sacred purpose. Imagine folding laundry, checking on a neighbor, or cooking breakfast as a sacred purpose.

Then I commit to doing my very best. If I do my best, then God can make my effort sacred. That was so uplifting to me.

Then I ask God to do what I can’t. At the end of each day there are so many things I didn’t get finished and others that I did, but not as well as I hoped. Knowing that He can make up the difference in my less-than-perfect efforts felt relieving.

Then I ask who I can serve. Of course, I am already serving in my 4-generation home but now and then someone will come to my mind. Text so and so. Call so and so. So and so needs help with _______. Recently I had this thought, “Drive to so and so’s house and give her a hug. She needs one.” It is never convenient, but I am learning to listen and respond better. The goal is to do what matters most even if a myriad of other things don’t get done!

In fact, learning to listen is pivotal in managing time. Notice I have handwritten that word on the list. : ) I must be honest that this is an ongoing process for me. I want to rush to the next thing but if I will stop and listen, I really do manage better.

Then I ask God to help me order my tasks for the day. I can feel the direction I get. Sometimes I go through an entire day and get none of my ‘stuff’ done because I was busy doing His stuff. I am learning to be OK with that. Again, it is not easy for me. LOL

The video of this sweet African woman was the experience that led to the amazing thought. Can I say here that none of the information in the video was completely new to me, but it pierced my heart in a new way? And the thought that came a few weeks later wasn’t new either, but as it came, I saw in my mind’s eye, what I already knew, differently.

The Thought!

Here it is – “Being a friend to time doesn’t mean getting it all done each day. It means getting all the best things done! It is a matter of perception and priority.” I added that to my self-portrait with time because I know it is something I must understand better.

Has life turned around? No. Do I still struggle with all there is to do on some days? Yes. Do I have to make myself put the best first? Yes. Am I successful with this regularly? Not yet! There is no magic here. But I can feel change occurring in my way of being. Here is what that looks like.

Notice on my list, under night prayer – REPORT and ask questions. Many of you know that one of my most consistent and longest-running self-care items has been to take a shower each night. After I read the book Sabbath, a fabulous non-denominational book, I began praying for someone as I showered. It felt lifting after a long day to care about someone else’s need enough to pray for them. Now, when I am done praying for someone else, I report how the day went. Some days I tell God that it sucked. I am blunt with Him, and he is blunt with me. It works. : ) I let Him know the days when I feel less than because of what I didn’t do or hear. I celebrate with Him the days that shine when I feel on top of the world.

In every case, I end my shower feeling OK because I am assured in my heart that no matter how the day looked or felt, I did my best as I promised I would. And I know that He has made up the difference and that whatever I have been able to do has been made sacred.

This has begun to change my relationship with time. Is the picture still on the wall? Yes. I have many miles to go before I can put this to sleep. I am just scratching the surface of this relationship, but I am learning, and I am changing. I am satisfied for now.

I wanted to share because I know that many of you also struggle in your relationship with time.

Begin to think differently about time.
________________________________

P.S. I am writing this some weeks after I wrote the rough draft of this article.

I feel compelled to be honest. For the first few months, I did so much better. Then last week I hit a snag. By Saturday I had decided that I would not go to church. I needed a day with NO responsibilities or appointments. I was feeling a great weariness. I knew I was standing on a cliff edge and needed a break. I felt that time had treated me poorly. 

But the next morning when I woke up Don had awakened just a few minutes before me, and we were both wide awake. That never happens on Sunday. We decided to go to church. Because of the decision to go to church, I was able to bless three lives in very different ways. Maggie, my granddaughter, was able to go to Primary which she loves. Her aide, Tracy was able to attend a family gathering, and Jodie was able to go to a different church building with a friend.

That was wonderful but when I got home, the feelings from the night before caught up with me and I came completely undone. There was an issue that I couldn’t resolve, and I had no reserve to tide me over while I worked on it. I was so undone that my sweet husband came into the room, put his hand on my shoulder, and said, “I am going to say a prayer for you.” I had been praying in my mind continually since I had begun falling apart and I was crying, a thing I rarely do. But Don’s prayer was the needed extra and I was able to resolve the problem a short time later.

When We Really Are Doing Our Best to Manage Time Well, God Will Bless Us!

I have been trying to give myself a day off for Mother’s Day. Every Mother’s Day for over fifty years I have asked for a day off – no cooking, no serving, time to myself, you know. : ) I have never been given that gift. I get cards, flowers, breakfast in bed, the traditional gifts. 

This year I decided to give it to myself. However, we had a couple of large, unexpected medical bills and a few other unexpected expenses. It is also our anniversary month. Our daughter gifted us a couple of days at a BnB, but I needed to make sure we had funds to eat out, etc.

When I realized that I would need to forgo giving myself a day and night off for Mother’s Day my brain went to work. I asked Jodie if she would be using the office on Friday and Saturday. She said it was free. I thought about how I could go to the office write and do the things I hoped to do on my Mother’s Day off. There were questions – could Don cook six meals and bring food out to me without needing help? Could he manage Mom and her needs? Would the grands be able to forgo asking me to cut a shirt, fix a button, glue a broken item, or take them somewhere?

This morning Jodie asked me if I was still going to use the office and how could she help make it work. We had a long conversation. Later that day I received a message from my sister offering me her home for the Mother’s Day weekend. She and her husband would be gone. WHAT!

As poorly as the last week and a half have gone, as challenged as I have been to keep my time perspective in order, and even though I had a meltdown, God was blessing me for my efforts because I really had been doing my best to manage my time despite how it looked. He was consecrating my efforts as poor as they may have been. He was making up the difference!!

Why am I sharing this and not leaving this article on that hopeful note above?

Because this is real life we are talking about. A change of heart and a changed mindset take time. And even as the changes begin to happen things can and do go south. Then we must pick ourselves up, throw away the whip we want to beat ourselves with, take a breath, smile, and begin again.

The next day, last Monday, I was back on track, feeling powerful and in control, and making progress. I was smiling at time, and we were glad to be working together. Tuesday we were still on friendly terms. : ) As I have said so many times – Growth is up and down but if we don’t quit, we will win!! Time and I are destined to be friends!

As I put the final touches on this week’s article, I am doing it from my Mother’s Day Retreat; it is Friday. I am alone. It is quiet. I have space to breathe and rest. I hope that your Mother’s Day, despite any ups and downs you have had in the last week, will be blessed.

I loved the video and the counsel. Despite the occasional down day, week, month, or even year, I am making progress. Time and I smile more at one another than we frown. : )

When the rough draft was written this wasn’t a Mother’s Day post. Funny how that worked out. LOL

Happy Mother’s Day