Let me tell you a moving story about my grandpa. My grandmother had passed away, and my grandfather who was in his late eighties, was living with his daughter and fading. I visited him and he was happy to see me. We talked for a while and then I visited with my Aunt Carol Lynn.
Later, I made a trip down the hall to the bathroom. As I got close to the door of the room where my grandpa slept, I heard him crying. I stepped in, laid on the bed beside him, and asked, “Grandpa, what’s the matter?” He looked at me with tear-filled eyes and replied, “Time goes by so fast, I can’t catch it.” Grandpa told me how grateful he was for his life and family, how much the time with them had meant to him. He talked about those he had served and those who had served him. Hence the tears, it was all going by so fast.
His answer surprised me because I always thought that as you grow older time would slow down. Now, I’m almost 75 and I know the truth of his words. I never suspected this when I was young. You can’t know until you get there! This story of my grandfather reminds me of two great gifts life offers, serving and receiving.
In 2012, because of an experience, I decided to be more open to receiving help from others. Trust me when I say my progress has been slow! I’ve always prided myself on my independence, ingenuity, and ability to do whatever needs to be done. I have always felt confident in “doing it myself.” However, it’s a challenge to do everything by yourself, all the time, and you miss out on the other side of the coin, the value that comes from receiving. I’ve had to learn this the hard way.
My inspiration to work on allowing others to share in my burdens came because of two people in my life that I loved, both with significant special needs. One was my unofficially adopted daughter, Michelle, in her thirties, and my granddaughter, Maggie. They both had cerebral palsy. Here is their story and how it affected me.
Two Girls Who Understood Both Sides of the Coin
For my adopted daughter, Michelle, time, and her condition took their toll. She was in a wheelchair, had lost many of her former abilities, and lived in a nursing home. She needed help with most daily activities. She passed away a few years ago and has been missed. Maggie, my granddaughter, who is eighteen, was six in 2012. Maggie can’t use her legs and using her hands is a challenge. She cannot feed herself and does not speak. My special needs girls could do virtually nothing on their own.
At Christmastime I had the privilege of spending a full day with Michelle, in the nursing home, helping her make her Christmas presents. With help, Michelle frosted and decorated the cookies and cupcakes I had baked. I held the item and turned it slowly while she did the frosting. Then I would hold and turn it while she sprinkled the decorations. We then bagged the items.
She made a couple of pies for special friends. Michelle did her best to roll out the pie dough, but pressure was an issue. So, I helped her press down while she rolled. Then I assisted her in grabbing hold of the circle of dough and plopping it into the pan. I cut off the excess and Michelle crimped the edges. We baked them in the nursing home oven. She painted pictures for others. I got water, handed her brushes, and turned the paper to the correct angle periodically.
When Michelle gave out her presents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day she was pleased. She commented to everyone that she had made them all by herself and was proud. She felt the full joy of having done this project. My helping had not diminished her joy or made her feel less than.
I had observed these same feelings while working with Maggie when she was 6 and now when she is eighteen. It doesn’t seem to matter how much help she needs, when it’s done it belongs to her. She takes complete pride and ownership in a job well done. Both Maggie and Michelle love doing it ‘all by themselves.’
I found myself judging this behavior to some degree, back then. After all, they hadn’t really done it all by themselves. All the while, despite my love for these girls, I was massaging my own pride in my many accomplishments and my ability to be so independent. What I had yet to learn was that help from others doesn’t diminish our part or our success in the result. These two beautiful souls understood both sides of the coin perfectly!
Later, as we entered the new year, 2013, I thought deeply about that holiday season and a scripture came to my mind. “Are we not all beggars”? Mo 4:19 Do we not all need a great deal of help every day to both receive and give good gifts to those around us; serving and receiving – two gifts that go hand in hand. Are we not all beggars? I decided then to practice receiving. As I said, it’s been a journey and not an easy one.
As we enter the new year, it’s valuable to stop and evaluate our lives, the opportunity to raise wonderful families and serve others, neighbors, friends, family, and strangers. But we also need to contemplate the value and necessity of receiving from those same people, our family, neighbors, friends, and sometimes strangers. We can lift, teach, and help, but we can also be taught, served, and have our burdens lightened as long we are open to both gifts – serving and receiving.
For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have…Mo 4:19 Receiving help in any form is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of our humanness and an acknowledgment that serving and receiving are two sides of the same blessed coin.
A Real Life Example
As I finalize this message, it is the last day of January 2025. Yesterday, I came face to face with what I have shared with you today. Since August of 2024, I have had some medical issues. I had an appointment in May, but the situation required help sooner. Next week I will be seeing the specialist. My daughter planned to go with me because I need an advocate, so I am listened to and not seen as just another old lady. However, when we took the only earlier appointment they had, it was a date when Jodie was not available. What to do?
I want you to know this wasn’t the article I planned for today. I had worked on a different article earlier in the week. However, on Thursday, as I sat at the computer and looked at the articles I felt drawn to this piece. I read it and decided to use it. That evening my youngest sister stopped by with two of her grands. They wanted a picture with my mom, the great-grandmother. It came out Jodie couldn’t be with me at my appointment. Nanette said, “Hey, I’ll drive down and go with you. I want that doctor to know you’re a writer, smart, and totally organized!” Then she gave me a big smile.
My immediate reaction was to say, “No, you can’t. You live over an hour away. That’s more than two hours on the road. I’ll be Ok.” My sister replied that she would make a trip out of it. One of her sons and his family live just twenty minutes from me, in fact, in the town where the doctor’s appointment is. I was again going to protest. This was my younger sister and I am fully capable of going alone, asking questions, and advocating for myself. Then I had a thought, “Mary Ann, isn’t it interesting that this is the article you chose to work on for this Sunday?” That took me by surprise. I knew I had been reminded of the goal set back in 2012. Needless to say, Nanette is coming and will be helping me out at this important appointment.
This may be something you need to work on, as I have had to. There’s no glory in doing everything by yourself. There is only a heavier burden and oftentimes, loneliness, as you struggle on. It’s a choice! Learn to receive as well as serve. This is a practice, and you can learn to do it with grace, as did my beautiful girls.